Web cam addict

peter11111

Before I start this is really long and I dont blame anyone for not bothering to read it through.
Its hard to put this in words or even where to begin. I've deleted about 20
lines already and could write a book on trying to get this accross right.

Basically for far too long i have been addicted to cyber sex really from the age of 15/16. Its gotten deeper/weirder and more twisted to the point at the 28/12/05 at the age of 20, after having not done anything on cam for 3 months (thats actually good for me beleive it or not) I allowed a 45 year old man to get me to do whatever in the hell he wanted.

Why? I'm not gay. Not a chance. So why? I have no great answer really only hunches. Its a pattern of behaviour thats gotten unconrollably out of hand as time has gone by. I've never been with a girl and I cant deal with it, never felt desired so I ve gone on cam to get some sense to feel what its like to feel wanted or attractive.. To feel like someone out there no matter what their gender or what orientation they are says in type even if they are talking bull how attractive or hot or whatever I am. That sounds so ridiuclous but I think thats part of it. I do it becasue I enjoy it for 5 minutes. Even some of the weird stuff and afterwards I feel like a total freak or odd ball. So I swear to God, or my mams life or to whatever new comes in to my head that I'll never do it again. I am genuine about it. I hate myself for having done it.

2 weeks later I do it again. The circle starts all over again and has done so for too long.


I want more than anything to have a girlfriend then later on a wife and kids. Nothing special thats my ambition. Thats my dream. I want that more than anything. I really do. I look at young couples all around me and I think what the hell are you playing at, look at what you could be apart of. And then I do this stuff a week later. Its sick and I'm sick, no sane girl would want any guy like this.

I thought this time I had done it. 3 months was a long time for me but I've done it again. I could nt stop the urge. Ive no more to say, I was gonna ask for advice but I know I need more than that but going to another human being even if they are a professional and telling them this story that is so twisted is somthing I'd find hard to do and for them to understand. I have such a good family and to think of what I'm tunring into is just, I dunno. My only defence is I'm only hurting one person and thats me. Im destryoing any chance of having a good life.

I want to change. I flipping need to change. I don't want to do this when I'm 30/40/50/60. I dont want to do it anymore. But in a weeks time or two weeks time something will trigger in my head and I'll connect the cam to the pc with no thought about my future or what I'm creating in my life and Ill humiliate myself on cam again. I dont know what anyone can say but here goes

the Guru

Throw your webcam in the bin or put your PC in an open area so you are not private,

eirebhoy

First things first, get rid of the web cam.

Cabaal

the Guru wrote:

Throw your webcam in the bin or put your PC in an open area so you are not private,

Simple but it should be very affective!

projectmayhem

the Guru wrote:

Throw your webcam in the bin or put your PC in an open area so you are not private,

boom. problem solved.

if you take away the ability to do that stuff, then you're sorted. cold turkey. get some mates and go to the pub every now-and-then. that'll extend your "ring of friends" as it were (you talk to anything when drunk). eventually a litty lady'll cross your path and you'll forget what a webcam even is

Nevyn

Getting off by being told what to do is not that uncommon and the gender of the person in 'control' does not matter so it does not make you gay.
It sounds like you are using the webcam as a way of meeting your submissive needs.
But it is clearly having a negative effect on you.
I suggest you go and do some research on this, there are dicussion groups and listening groups out there.