A secret not told yet - it's burning my mind

HomunQlus

OK guys, I'm in a very unusual situation here, at least I think it is.

There's no one I can talk to about this as this has to do with the inside of my family. I know, things with the family should be discussed within the family. But in this case, I fear the very worst happening to me...

Here's the deal. My father and mother seperated shortly after I was born, so I have never seen them living together. Some legal fights were carried out and eventually my mother got the legal right to raise me.

Then my father married another woman, whom he had two more children with. Some years ago, I had a very bad fight with my mother and left her, I have never talked to her ever since. I moved in to my father, and that's where it began....

The wife my father married, is really beautiful, she's cool and all..... and I think now you can imagine where this is going.

After some time, I have started to have feelings for her. But: She's about 20 years older than me....

However, these feelings have built up in the past years, and like two or three years ago I started to have some..........let's say intense dreams in which she was in. I won't reveal any details about those dreams but I'm pretty sure you know what I mean

Now, she is in, you can say, a crisis, because my father seems to be the dominating one in the house, he has taken away all her freedoms, she is frightened to do things, hell, even to go out on the streets or go somewhere like the cinema or something.

I have told her that I would like to help her out of this thing. She appreciates that very much.

But the thing is, that I am very very much afraid of telling her what I feel, as everything might come down, everything could end, I'm afraid she doesn't want to talk to me anymore or something, that she may tell others.

I do feel a lot for her, and these things haunt my mind.

It's also a "What if?" thing. If I don't tell her, the question "What if?" would be on my mind for the rest of my days.... but I'm also afraid of what might happen if I go ahead and tell her.

It's like that it is quite impossible to tell if she feel similar or the same, but I think, that she has opened up and let me help her in this crisis of hers gives away that she feels something more she hasn't told me yet.

I have made only one attempt to tell her, but she was asleep by that time. I'm counting on the sub-conscious of the human brain, that listens also when one is asleep. I hope that this somehow worked... but that's pure lottery.

So you see, I'm in quite some strange situation, and I don't have anywhere else to go and talk about this, so I hope you can help me out a little.

I have prepared an eMail to her already but not sent it yet......

So........what's the best thing to do? Let sleeping dogs lie? Or go ahead and tell her and see what happens?

Thanks guys
and happy new year to all of you

The Gnome

HomunQlus wrote:

Let sleeping dogs lie?

I'd go for this, definatly. You could and most likely will ruin the relationship with her.

pinkybrain

You mean you didnt jump her bones?? I read all that for nothing!!
It really sounds like you have too much time on your hands, and thinking about this too much.
If you are relying on whispering in her ear while she is asleep, then you really are an optimist.
Get a life man.

homeOwner

I am going to assume you are not taking the p1ss for laughs. (The only reason I say this is because your post seems so incredible to me).

Anyway, my advice is to not say or do anything.

I doubt very much if your stepmother looks upon you as anything other than a step son. She is married to your father and has children with him.

Also you are being incredible disloyal and disrespectful to your father and even if she were interested in you in that way it would destroy your relationship with him and probably break his heart (from loosing you even if he doesnt care about her anymore). In fact it would be a double whammy for him to loose his wife and his son in one go. You have already fallen out with your mother, do you want to loose your father too?

Your step mother sems to be in a vulnerable situation at the moment as your father is quite controlling of her. This is between them. Of course offer your help to her and it is natural of her to be appreciative of that. But dont confuse that with her being interested in you sexually and it sounds like taking advantage to me, especially since she is in a very precarious situation.

I dont know how old you are but if this is a piss-take then shame on you.

If you are serious, I think you should try to find someone your own age and stop transferring sexual desires onto a mother-type figure. If you are old enough to move out of the house, then do, if for not any other reason than respect for your father. I presume he isnt a monster.

BossArky

What age are you? - not that it matters.

I recommend:

1) Don't say a thing to her
2) Get a girl friend (that is not taken my one of your own family members)

oblian

pinkybrain wrote:

Get a life man.

i always find it real sad when someone with an actual problem gets abuse here but it only shows the ignorance and mental impotence of others. on your problem dude i would leave it.say you did say something and lets even say she felt the same(which by the sounds of things is a real long shot) what would happen?you would end up losin your dad.can you imagine if your son did this to you how you would feel?however look at the most likely outcome of you sayin something.you tell her everything,she doesnt feel the same way at all,things get really weird and awkward and there is a slight chance she might even say something to your dad.so then not only would you not have her but it would nearly be the same outcome with your dad as if she felt the same

imho dude it really is the best idea to let sleeping dogs lie

you will find someone more attainable to take your "distractions" man

HomunQlus

homeOwner wrote:

I am going to assume you are not taking the p1ss for laughs. (The only reason I say this is because your post seems so incredible to me).

But dont confuse that with her being interested in you sexually and it sounds like taking advantage to me, especially since she is in a very precarious situation.

I dont know how old you are but if this is a piss-take then shame on you.

If you are serious, I think you should try to find someone your own age and stop transferring sexual desires onto a mother-type figure.

I knew that something like this was coming. Very encouraging. Thanks.

megameaty

I don't think its a good idea to tell her to be honest, I mean you've already stopped contact with your mum you don't want to lose contact with your dad too...cause no matter what you say, if things do happen between you and her your dad will definitely find out, and I'm sure he'll be pretty pissed off. Anyway crushes pass, and generally they're aren't as great as how you imagine them to be in your head/dreams. Also the fact they have kids together makes it all the more complicated. I mean if she's any kind of mother she wouldn't dare act on her feelings for you (if she even has any!). How messed up would her kids be??? Their dad's son is going out with their mum...........There's actually no good reason ive found to tell her besides satisfying your selfish pleasure. Don't mean to sound harsh cause I've been in situations where my friends have gone out with people i fancy and who I had a feeling might fancy me and I've wanted to act on it but looking back, i know its best i didn't cause I still have my friends and my feelings for the person soon faded. It's not worth it.

HomunQlus

pinkybrain wrote:

You mean you didnt jump her bones?? I read all that for nothing!!
It really sounds like you have too much time on your hands, and thinking about this too much.
If you are relying on whispering in her ear while she is asleep, then you really are an optimist.
Get a life man.

I'm an optimist, and I'm getting a life right now.

HomunQlus

megameaty wrote:

I don't think its a good idea to tell her to be honest, I mean you've already stopped contact with your mum you don't want to lose contact with your dad too...cause no matter what you say, if things do happen between you and her your dad will definitely find out, and I'm sure he'll be pretty pissed off. Anyway crushes pass, and generally they're aren't as great as how you imagine them to be in your head/dreams. Also the fact they have kids together makes it all the more complicated. I mean if she's any kind of mother she wouldn't dare act on her feelings for you (if she even has any!). How messed up would her kids be??? Their dad's son is going out with their mum...........There's actually no good reason ive found to tell her besides satisfying your selfish pleasure. Don't mean to sound harsh cause I've been in situations where my friends have gone out with people i fancy and who I had a feeling might fancy me and I've wanted to act on it but looking back, i know its best i didn't cause I still have my friends and my feelings for the person soon faded. It's not worth it.

OK, thanks guys, topic can be closed, I'm not saying anything to her.

pinkybrain

Since when is "get a life" considered abuse??

Pack of sensitive fekkers!!

HomunQlus

pinkybrain wrote:

Since when is "get a life" considered abuse??

Pack of sensitive fekkers!!

Well, I'd say, THAT's an abuse.

Look, I was just looking for an opinion alright. That does not make me an sensitive pack of !£"$%&.

pinkybrain

Oh Lordy, dont say I hurt your feelings, did I?
I was only really poking fun at you and other poster at your impression of an abuse, when in fact it was only a wake up call to you, that you are living in a dreamworld, hoping for love to develop at extremely remote chances, spending endless hours writing on forums, and E-mails to intended forbidden lover, while all the while risking breaking up your family, and breaking your dads heart.

No really, your life is totally normal, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.

Nevyn

Read the charter which are the rules for posting here pinkybrain
and abided by them or be banned.


[edit] stuff that your banned.

Oh and thread locked as per request.

eeyore's mate

HomunQlus wrote:

Look, I was just looking for an opinion alright.

You don't seem to want to take anyone else's opinions though so why bother spilling your guts out?
Whoever it was that said go find someone you own age is right!!

No matter what age you are, you don't go after a married woman (especially not your step mother)

This is just my tuppence worth, please don't let me hurt your feelings or abuse you in anyway by my words above!