Parental Seperation

LegacyUser

Wondering if there is anyone out there who has been through something similar in their lives.
My Father has recently left my mother for another woman. My mother is distraught as a result and has been in a very deep form of depression for the last couple of months. My Siblings and I have been there to support my mother as much as we can but she does not seem to be able to get herself out of the stage of denial. She still has the mindframe that he will come back but I cannot see that happening. Any advice would be helpful....

cheekyass

offer your mother as much support that you can give, but maybe if it she falls deeper into depression seeking professional help might be a good option

Hippo

She must get some form of therapy, you can help in every way you can but a professional would get much faster and better results. It WILL work, don't despair even if it seems impossible right now. Ask your gp or else you'll find a directory of phsychotherapists in most bookshops.

toffeapple

i came back from travelling to find my father had left for another woman and they never told me...my siblings and me are proabbly older but still a shock...my ma was devasted but we talked her in to going to therapy( 6 months later) and it really helped....dont suggest it yet but give her time to work it out...my ma is flying now she is real indepent and travelles all the time and runs a succesful if small business.
things will work out if you stay strong you need to be positive in your house and take more on responsibilty this will show your mum she has support...

Nevyn

http://www.aimfamilyservices.ie/aim.htm

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There is a whole emotional process that your Mam has to go through there are several stages from denial to anger, rejection, grief and sadness.
Find her some one she can talk to about all of this.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice all. My siblings and I have long left the nest and we are in our late twenties and early thirties. At least one positive is that we are all old enough to understand whats going on and offer some sort of support. It is difficult at times because we are all in different towns and cities throughout the isle and cannot be there 24/7. She has been to councelling and her GP but seems to think that she does not need the councelling for the time being. The next step is probably trying to pursuade her to visit the councellor once again and do this on a regular basis for a set period of time.

Hippo

Don't mind your gp, counselling is a lengthy process but the time invested will be greatly repaid, you don't cure anything with a little therapy!

LegacyUser

Maybe invite her to stay at one of your houses for a couple of weeks. I'm sure being by herself isn't doing much to console her, after living with your father and siblings for 30 years.

deisemum

My husband and I separated for 6 months at my request a number of years ago. Even though I wanted the separation it is still a very difficult, painful thing to go through.

I'd ignore the GPs advice regarding counselling, leave the writing of perscriptions and referral letters to GP. I went to counselling and have nothing but praise for it, especially if you get a good counsellor. Counsellors are used to dealing with this sort of thing and it's much easier to open up to them than friends or family as it is all confidential so the risk of having a friend or family divulging anything is eliminated. They do not judge either.

We got back together after 6 months, fortunately there hadn't been an affair on either side. If you need the name of a counsellor in the south east just pm me.

bounty_hunter

Edit: I didn't read your last few posts, sorry. This may be irrelevant then.

My family has been through the very same situation as yours is going through now, and I just want to say that no matter how bad things seem at the moment, they will get better. Time is the only thing that really heals such trauma, and even with time the pain may still never completely go away. That's not to say that you shouldn't seek some form of outside help, but just don't expect any miracles at such an early stage.

It's sounds like you're doing a very good job of recognising your mother's pain, even though you are undoubtedly hurting too, and you should be proud of yourself for that. Just keep remembering what she is going through, it's very important that she has your support right now, however much she seems not to respond to it. The very fact that you and your siblings are there for her will mean the world.

As a few other people have mentioned, it might be a nice idea to invite her to stay with you for a few days, or for you to go and stay with her (although it would be of benefit to her to get out of the house for a while). She will be feeling indescribably lonely, and your company will probably be of great comfort to her. It might also be nice to think about the little things she really enjoys and maybe plan days out or short breaks for her based on the things that make her happy. Even little things like visiting and cooking dinner for her and other small gestures might make a difference.

But like I mentioned before, don't expect any sudden improvement, it will take a long time for her to start feeling better about herself again. In the meantime, just make sure you stick by her to the very best of your ability, along with any other form of help you might seek. If she is clinically depressed it is important that she sees her GP to arrange treatment. Maybe you could arrange an appointment for her if she doesn't have the confidence to take the first step herself.

You don't seem to have mentioned how you yourself are feeling about the whole situation. I assume it has affected you in some way, as it is very distressing for anyone to see their parents separated. If you need somebody to talk to who will understand what you're going through, you're more than welcome to PM me, I'll be only too happy to listen. Good luck

AngryBadger

All of the aove is god, the big thing I'd throw my weight behind is support, support, support. Obviously if your mother feels you guys are al backing her up, then it will make it easier for her to come to terms, because ultimately what people tend to need, (and invariably can't get), is teh time, and space to sort themselves out, especially with something as big as this. But in fairness, it sounds like you're all doing everything you can, so I'd say fair dews, and hang in there.