Hot and Cold Boyfriends!GRR!

LegacyUser

I'm fed up listening to my friend in college give out about her hot and cold boyfriend! One minute he's buying her presents, taking her on weekend breaks and giving her all the complimants you could ever imagine. I've seen them together and they look so happy. They really click.

Then he won't call her for a whole week or leeves a really long period of time before he calls or texts her, or thinks it is ok to meet up only once a week. If she brings the problem up he blames work and that he is busy. My friend misses her man and is always dying to see him more but there is no reliability with him whatsoever. Its like a feast or a famine. My friend is getting really upset about all of this carry on and feels like she has been over the issue with him a hundred times before but the message ain't gettin' through. He thinks he has her wrapped around his little finger. She is also reluctant to give out since they are only seeing eachother about 5 months and she doesn't want to freak him out by being pushy.

Any tips for playing hard to get for my friend who is about to dump the guy, although she is mad about him and thinks they have something really good. Typical guys are so dents they wont relise what thy have til its gone!

tman

she sounds like a high maintainence attention whore.
and you sound like an interfering busybody...

that's just my take on the situation though

Zombienosh

tman wrote:

she sounds like a high maintainence attention whore.
and you sound like an interfering busybody...

that's just my take on the situation though

lmao, tell it like it is:v:

the Guru

:eek:

Cake Fiend

bud of the year wrote:

He thinks he has her wrapped around his little finger.

Sounds like he does actually, no 'thinks' about it. If this has been going on for 5 months, I doubt it's going to change any time soon. If it bothers her enough to dump him, she should go ahead. She'll only end up even more frustrated otherwise.

bud of the year wrote:

Any tips for playing hard to get for my friend

Playing head games is not the answer, one of them needs to be the mature one.

Gandhi

bud of the year wrote:

Typical guys are so dents they wont relise what thy have til its gone!

Nothing quite like being called "dense" by someone who can't spell it.

muckwarrior

I think your "friend" needs to realise that he's got a life of his own and doesn't exist soley to entertain her every minute of every day. Jeez give the guy some space.
tman nail head

Chicken(",)

My bf has been like that for the past month I'd say and I was always getting onto him to come see me etc. but eventually I just got sick of him telling me he was on the way and then something really important comes up (What a coincedence) and turns out that he was too afraid to break up with me cause he didn't want to break my heart (the break up is over mutual complications regarding families and friends) and we've just had a big long chat and are heading our separate ways after a very long relationship.

How long has your friend been going out with this guy? He could have a secret life (married with 3 kids), he could be in the same situation as my ex or he could just be fcuking her around. Either way it's unacceptable behavior imo...

LegacyUser

thanks to whoever pointed out the OP meant dense when she said dents... I thought I'd totally missed out on a new insult, never before did I feel so 'out of the loop'. But now I'm back in, and it feels dirty.

Mr.Nice Guy

tman wrote:

she sounds like a high maintainence attention whore.
and you sound like an interfering busybody...

that's just my take on the situation though

Give that man a medal.

Well said.

Zulu

tman wrote:

she sounds like a high maintainence attention whore.
and you sound like an interfering busybody...

Hear, hear.

Sangre

Maybe its hot and cold because he wants to make up for not being around enough....ya know because hes busy? with work? maybe?

BeardyGit

Chicken(",) wrote:

How long has your friend been going out with this guy? He could have a secret life (married with 3 kids), he could be in the same situation as my ex or he could just be fcuking her around. Either way it's unacceptable behavior imo...

Yeah, he could. I could be santa clause. You could be the flippin' tooth fairy. I know all your saying is that there's a possibility that there's something amiss with this guys behaviour. I'm saying there's a possibility that there's nothing at all wrong with the way he behaves.

Without wishing to divert this thread away from it's natural direction, why is it that so many women assume the worst from a guy who's not at their beck and call? Five months FFS.

So, how about I speculate a little more then as this appears to be the order of the day:

This guy could be busy with work and busy maintaining healthy friendships with good friends. Normal stuff for any bloke with even a little bit of experience starting into a fairly new relationship. You see, lads in general know that their friends should remain high on their list of priorities. I'm sorry if this offends but girls/younger women just don't seem to get that. I've seen both ex's and female friends drop their mates in favour of chasing after their new beau. Just plain stupid carry-on......

So, during the week he works. He might do his own thing at home, relax, call round to his pals. Spend a bit of time with the family. You know, the sort of things that *NORMAL* people want to do. During this time, his thoughts may occasionally turn to the new lass, he might smile or even go have a pedal in her honour. But life for this bloke goes on as normal. Priorities remain much as they were.

Of course, he'll be around over the weekend when he's on top form for a great day, night out, whatever. She's getting all the good most likely with very little of the bad that's made up his week. All rose-petals and romance. Great, she loves it. He does too - But it's just a part of what he does and who he is.

Of course, he *could* be taking his wife shopping and his kids to footy practice or whatever. But that's just looking for the worst in people to try and excuse the obsessive crap that many go on with when there's a new love interest. Think I'm wrong? Maybe I am. I don't know. But neither do you - You're only hearing what your friend gushes about this guy. One sided ranting and raving. Now, here's something else to think about of course.....

Maybe he's just having a bit of fun, which is of course quite acceptable. Maybe he's come out of a long term relationship and although he's still remaining open minded wants to avoid rushing into another serious relationship. Maybe he's made this quite clear to her. Maybe this doesn't sit so well with her and maybe, just maybe she's pushing too much and thinks a dumping is on the cards for her. Maybe you're the kind of friend who'll lap it all up. Maybe you're loving all of this quasi-drama that you get to play a part in.......Or maybe you're genuinely concerned.

Either way it doesn't matter. You actually know just as much as we do from the sounds of things. And the way you've portrayed the situation leaves us with little that anyone with experience would take as a warning sign that this guy is bad news. What would I do? l'd give him the benefit of the doubt and advise you do the same. I'd either start acting like a real friend and just listen without thinking I was in a position to give balanced input about a situation where it was impossible for me to have all of the facts before passing judgement.

Gil

Chicken(",)

Look gil I'm trying to give the op a few suggestions, poor fcuk got ripped apart! Well her friend got ripped apart for being a high maintanence attention whore- some people should have a slight bit of compassion because in most gf/bf relationships there is communication at least every other day- so you're busy in work, so take out your phone when you're on the toilet taking a dump and send her a text message indicating that you're busy and you'll give her a call later when you get a chance. Is that so hard? I don't mean to come across as a man hater or anything but there is no such thing as "I had no time to text you", sorry but that is downright pathetic.

BeardyGit

I actually refuse to text people. My friends know they'll not get a response. And it's not that I'm a tight wanker, I just refuse to use text messaging. Likewise with email - I'll NEVER communicate with a partner via email. The medium is not suitable. I use it all day for work so I know the inherent risk of misinterpretation.

I take your point though. For me, I'd prefer to just drop by on the way home from work for a quick cuppa and a chat but obviously that'll only work if they're close by. Nice to see a pretty face with a smile for you, even if you have things to do later on.

It's understandable that both men and women will have some suspicions about the opposite sex based on their own experience. The latter part of my post was directed at the OP, not you!

Chicken(",)

It's good that you haven't been sucked into the whole text job like the rest of us sheep and personally I would prefer if my boyfriend called in for 5 minutes rather than texting all day giving false hopes and then not turn up. Fair play to you and apologies for taking the wrong end of the stick (bla bla bad experiences etc.) and Happy New Year!

DAEDULUS

THE REAL QUESTION HERE IS........

is she missing the presents and compliments or HIM!?

LegacyUser

Sounds a bit like me. lmao.

I'm genuinely busy with college, study, work and sport. I play at a competitive level and have to put in the training. Something which my girlfriend can't comprehend. I try to devote as much time as I can to her and include her in the things I do but she take a hissy fit. There's nothing worse that your girlfriends interfering friends.

OP, going by your name (bud - what girls uses the word bud?) and last paragraph it sounds like you're a bloke who is trying to pounce on this girl if she dumps her boyfriend, am I right? If I am you're not really concerned about the impact her current relationship is having on her, just how you turn it to your advantage so you can get with her.