Is friendship ruined?

LegacyUser

Ok I had sex with a good friend of mine last week. It was sort of planned, well we had been talking and joking about being sex buddies for a few weeks leading up to this, ended up having a few drinks last week and it happened. It was great, no weirdness etc and the next morning was the same. But then after having sex again the next morning he seemed sort of eager to get home. That was fine with me. I said jokingly to him 'same again next week?' and he laughed and said you never know, kissed me and left. I wasn't sure how to take that but just left it.

Had the usual new years text and things got flirty. New Years day I sent a message saying I was dying etc and how was he- he usually answers me straight away and has never ignored a text. But I've still had nothing from him. I've never gave any impression I wanted anything from him and the text I sent Sunday wasn't out of the ordinary.

Now I'm confused and have all sorts of questions floating about my head- Did he only text ny eve cause he was pissed? Does he not want to know me now? Is our friendship ruined? Or am I being female and completely over reacting? I can't really ask him can I because that would look like I'm wanting more or becoming obsessed? ok which maybe I am over thinking it but he doesn't have to know that! I just don't want to lose a good friend but maybe men don't think like that? Should I read anything into his reaction the next morning when I asked same again next week?

Basically do you think all I can do is wait? Or is it sounding bad?

Beruthiel

you don't say what age you are,
but surely you know that once you change a friendship to a sexual one, everything changes, including how you behave towards each other.
If you had wished to keep him as a friend then you should not have had sex with him.
Perhaps he will call if he can get his head around it.

Kiera

Kinda same thing happened to me and my best mate. We were best friends since we were 4 and lived next door to each other. We were very very close. Anyway we never ever even kissed till about 3 years ago and we ended up in bed together. I woke up the next morning with his arms around me and it totally freaked me out. Made my excuses to leave and didn’t ring or answer his texts for months.

I txt him one day and asked him to log onto msn for a chat and told him how freak out I was by the whole thing. Lucky for me he went to Oz for 2 years and only came home a couple of months ago. It totally ruined everything as far as I’m concerned.

I met up with him a few weeks ago for a catch up and still felt a bit weird. He did his best to make me feel ok about it all but I’m never going to look at him the same way and it really sucks. I know this might not help much but just letting you know that it can go down hill from here if the two of you don’t sort it out asap.

LegacyUser

It's true, everything changes...you need to take a look at yoruself as well though.

"Now I'm confused and have all sorts of questions floating about my head- Did he only text ny eve cause he was pissed? Does he not want to know me now? Is our friendship ruined? Or am I being female and completely over reacting? I can't really ask him can I because that would look like I'm wanting more or becoming obsessed? ok which maybe I am over thinking it but he doesn't have to know that! I just don't want to lose a good friend but maybe men don't think like that? Should I read anything into his reaction the next morning when I asked same again next week?"


They don't sound like the questions of a friend, they soundmore like an obsessive ex and exactly what hes probably trying to avoid. It sounds to be like it was just a lay, he proabbly sees you as a freind but doesn't want to give you the wrong impression. You are obsessing way, way, way too much. You wanted casual sex, you got it.

Miss Fluff

Confused 89 :I said jokingly to him 'same again next week?' and he laughed and said you never know, kissed me and left. I wasn't sure how to take that but just left it.....

Sorry, but I have to agree with Advice Man here, sounds like it wasn't just a casual sh*g to you (and it's rarely that simple when you're with a mate btw), sounds like you are already obsessing about him imo....try and be honest with yourself

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. You are all right, I am obsessing. I'm going to try and stop turning everything over and over in my head, learn from my mistakes and just leave it be. If he contacts me again he does.

Little-Devil

The same thing happened to me over 3 years ago. We only know each other a year but we were both close and always talked and texted each other. We were both single and are friends both tried to set us up, but we both agreed to that staying friends was the best thing as we had such a great laugh together. We were all out one night and the idea of a (**** buddy ) was brought up. I wasn't keen on the idea as and she wasn't either, but a few weeks later she came to mine to wath a dvd and have a few drinks. We started talking and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex.

I regret that moment to this day as i lost my best friend. We were ok for the first couple of weeks, but when we started seeing other people jealousy started on both sides. This happened over 3 years ago and we haven't spoken since. We do see each other now and again and say hello, but its a mistake i won't forget.

What i would suggest is that you ring your friend and talk about (serious) otherwise you will lose a friend forever. I only thing that may be bothering them is that they actually having feeling for you?? But that was never the case with me.

I know it sounds like a great idea, but friendship never stays the same. I look back on that as a BIG regret in my life. The best advice i could offer is to sort it out ASAP.

[Jackass]

omg...maybe he has no credit...it's only the 3rd anyway! Friendship Ruined!!? A bit melodramatic me thinks...

Don't freak out and just keep it casual! You're on a one way street to messing it up by making it weird..if you want casual sex you've got to forget about it as soon as it's over and not think about it again untill it's happening...

They say it's a myth, but i believe it's fact! I've seen it first hand...girls can't seperate sex and emotion, whaich is why you should never have a **** buddy who's a friend! TRUST ME!

daiixi

DubGuy wrote:

They say it's a myth, but i believe it's fact! I've seen it first hand...girls can't seperate sex and emotion, whaich is why you should never have a **** buddy who's a friend! TRUST ME!

Sure they can! Casual sex with a good mate is always better than a one night stand I reckon the guy in question is just stepping back for a moment or two to make sure he can't be accused of leading her on.

OP.. just chill out for a bit. He'll contact you when he's ready.

LegacyUser

I know its melodramtic, the logical side of my brain is telling me that. To be honest I just think I'm more freaked out than I thought about the whole thing and had a bit of a panic earlier. I'm just going to wait and see what happens and stop going over and over it in my head.

TerrorFirmer

You can stay friends. Obviously, I don't know you and your friend, but maybe what he really needs, is validation from you that it was just fun and that your still great friends - maybe he feels edgey thinking he's gone over the boundary, and now has some sort of bizarre commitment.

If he really is your friend, you need to openly discuss this with him instead of beating around the bush and trying to flesh things out discreetly and making people potentially more confused.

I'm sure all he needs is to know for definate you don't expect anything from him, you're still friends and thats the start and finish of the matter, and what happened still remain solely within the description of friends.

As I said before, we don't know you. How valid what I said very much depends wholly on the nature and strength of the friendship. I'm just assuming he is a very good friend. One thing - as mentioned previous it must not happen again if you wish to remain friends. However staunch you can be on the ethics of such a relationship to someone, for pure sex, things are going to go pear shaped eventually.

Either way, good luck.