I'm about to top myself

LegacyUser

I'm 21. In college. Not working anywhere. I'm a registered user here, but obviously I'm not sure if I could let anyone know how I feel irl.

I've broken up with my girlfriend recently, and I found it very hard to get through the holidays without her. I love her a lot; we went out for four years, and I really miss her.

I have nightmares about her going out/sleeping with other men and it's something I think about almost all of the time. She hasn't yet, and it's only a matter of time (and who am I to stop it), but it's the one thing that would drive me over the edge if she did.

Now, of course I haven't told her, that would be extremely unfair, but she's aware that I'm not dealing with the break-up as gracefully as she is.

Apart from that, there are other issues too. I feel like a complete loser these days. I went home for Christmas to the town my parents live in (and I lived there for 5 years) and I tried to enjoy my Christmas. No-one was in the slight bit interested in coming out with me at all. At all.

Also, when I came back up to Dublin, I tried to organise a night out with my friends. One person (apart from the guy I live with) showed up.

I blame all of this on the fact that I'm such a shy person. I'm very quiet and only talk to people I'm sure of, even though that doesn't always appear to be the case. I can't talk to girls at all. I find it hard to make friends. I feel like a lost cause.

So to summarise, I will kill myself (by hanging) if I don't start to gain some respite from these feelings.

Ps. Most people will categorise me as a psychopath. I am not a psychopath. I'm just like you.

Sleepy

No you're not a psychopath, a psychopath wouldn't post here as they wouldn't feel the need to try and attract sympathy for themselves.

Frankly, you need to give yourself a kick in the arse and deal with the breakup. The very fact you're contemplating suicide because you broke up with a girl show's that she's doing you a favour: you're clearly not mature enough to be in a relationship.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with your life.

LegacyUser

i was in pretty much the same way as u when i broke up with my girl, confidence gone, felt useless, etc. the idea of my ex even kissing someone else hurt like hell. as time went on it got easier and now i dont think bout it anymore. I just do things to occupy my mind and not wallow in self-pity. I know its a cliche but times a great healer. u'll look back on this in a few years and go 'what was i thinking?'

and by the way, post xmas/new year is a bloody miserable time for the majority of people no matter what their circumstances. it'll pass.

SexeeAussie

Sleepy, that reply was NOT helpful at all. This person is obviously suffering a HELL of a lot and it's people's attitude like yours that could push this person over the edge.

Pls DO NOT KILL YOURSELF!!!! I have worked with families of people who have commited suicide and I can tell you that it is 'the' most selfish thing you could ever do.

Nothing is EVER that bad that you cannot overcome it...unless of course you were terminally ill. Please stop and think about this. Breaking up with your gf must have had a HUGE impact on you, this is understandable but YOU CAN GET OVER IT....... You may be shy, but that is NOT a death sentence. These are issues that you can rise above if you CHOOSE to.

You really need to go and see your GP about how you are feeling. There are things that you can take and do that may help you deal with some of these negative feelings.

Please take a step back and have a good hard look things......get out of the house........go and see your GP or at least call a counsellor (do you have phone counselling over there?)

Please remember that you DO have so much to offer in this life.......don't waste it!!

Hagar

I don't want this to sound flippant but nobody here can stop you killing yourself. You are the only one who can do that. All we can do is offer a friendly ear and a shoulder to cry on. There is no point criticising you or your outlook on life. It's not going to sway you one way or the other. Sometimes all we need to get through a tough time is to let it all out followed by a hug and someone to tell us everything is going to be all right. I can't hug you but I'm telling you that it will get better. It will take time.

Just decide not to end your life today. Then tomorrow make the same decision. And the day after...

TCP/IP

mate ring the smarthons and talk to them as has been said time is a great healer but it heals quicker if you talk to somebody that will not judge you and will just listen

temp_boards

I was in the exact same situation myself a few years ago, same age and everything. I had been dealing with suicidal thoughts for years, hoping they would pass. When I met the girl, things got better, well I relied on her more, she was a crutch. Things went tits up at the end and I went down fast. I didnt eat for weeks, I lost three stone in two weeks, which a doctor told me is near to impossible, but the thought of her with someone made me so ill I would throw up, I couldnt eat, I could barely drink, I couldnt sleep etc. I never thought I would get better. I was so close to killing myself. My brother then gave me advice that I didnt want to hear at the time but it did make a difference. He said tomorrow you will wake up and it will be a little bit better, you may not notice it but it will feel a little better.

Each day you wake up it will be a little better and in a few days or weeks you will make it to lunch time before you realise, hey I havent thought about it yet today. Eventually you will go the whole day without thinking about it, before you know it you will be over it. Damaged emotions are just as painful if not more than physical injury. Like all wounds it needs time to heal.

By contemplating suicide you are looking for a way to end the pain, by either taking sympathy from others or as an act of sheer desperation to make her realise she loves you and come back to you. This wont happen, pity wont make someone love you, its just pity.

I agree with sleepy, you need to suck it up, stand up, push your shoulders back and focus on today. Get through today, and tomorrow you will be a little stronger. In a few years you could be giving advice to someone in your position, and you will think of how you saw no way out, but you fought through and came out on the other side with a nasty scar, but stronger and prouder.

Get through it man, sympathy will just make you feel weaker and worse. Think strenth, you may not feel it right now but focus, and you will get through it. You are not alone in this, but you will get through it.

boardy

Hey Bud,
I've been around the block a few times so here is my 2 cents:

There are a lot of people in your predicament. I have a friend who thought about committing suicide and was amazed when I showed him posts on the Internet from people who felt the same way. He thought that he was the only person in the world who felt like this. He was totally devastated after the breakup with his girlfriend and even after a year could not get out of the slump.

One magic word for you: Options.

There are always options. For example, my friend is emigrating. It may not solve the problem, but at least it is an option that he is trying.

You are only 21 and you have many options. Why not go on one of those 'round the world trips’? They are very enlightening and I met a lot of shy people doing it. If you do not have the money, then work like a lunatic for 6 months to a year. It is great fun just planning the trip - it will probably take your mind off your other problems. It can be life-altering and you are guaranteed to meet some fabulous people on your trip. If you had the option of either snorkeling off the shallow waters of Tahiti or being worm meat (a bit crass, I know), guess which option you should take?

I’ve had too many friends die on me. The reality of it is that they don’t come back.
This is a ‘trying’ time of the year with seasonal depression and dark evenings, but it is only temporary ………………. your decision is permanent.

I am sure that you are smart enough to know that they are support groups out there who can provide assistance by just being available for a chat. Why not contact them just to see if they are any good?

Karma

As you said that you are in college, please go talk to a counsellor in your college. Suicde is not a option, life can and will better. It is up to you to take the first step or 2. no one said it would be easy(think we all found that) Life is tough but that is what can make it great. To overcome these situations. I am off now to drive my ex to the airport- she is moving to Cario. got dumped because of it but not the end of the world(did feel like it for a while, but over that and things are looking up) Take the time to yourself as to be used. don't stay indoors, go do something you like- cinema, sports etc. but I am no professional and maybe one of those steps is to talk to someone about it. Sometimes its very difficult to talk to friends about such things. hope you change your mind. there is never a easy way to go so please don't.
regards and best wishes.
Brian.

Sleepy "The Opinionated One" Join Date: May 2003 Location: in bed.
Posts: 4,878 Blog | Friends No
you're not a psychopath, a psychopath wouldn't post here as they wouldn't feel the need to try and attract sympathy for themselves.
Frankly, you need to give yourself a kick in the arse and deal with the breakup. The very fact you're contemplating suicide because you broke up with a girl show's that she's doing you a favour: you're clearly not mature enough to be in a relationship.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with your life.
Sleepy's Law

HARSH. dont think much of you sleepy.

Sleepy

SexeeAussie wrote:

Sleepy, that reply was NOT helpful at all. This person is obviously suffering a HELL of a lot and it's people's attitude like yours that could push this person over the edge.

Maybe it's not helpful in your opinion but tbh I could say the same thing about your simpering reply. The OP needs to have some respect for himself and lets be honest, the people that actually commit suicide are almost without fail, never the one's who've been talking about it.

Karma wrote:

HARSH. dont think much of you sleepy.

Sometimes harsh is what's needed. I think some blunt truths will do the OP more good than platitudes or pleading. If the OP can face up to the truth about himself and his life, he's more likely to turn it into something that he'd like it to be. You can't build a straight wall if you can't see the bricks straight. If I was being harsh out of meanness, I wouldn't think much of my post either but in fairness you'd want to be a pretty sad person to come on here and attack someone just for the sake of it.

Temp_Boards wrote:

By contemplating suicide you are looking for a way to end the pain, by either taking sympathy from others or as an act of sheer desperation to make her realise she loves you and come back to you. This wont happen, pity wont make someone love you, its just pity.

I agree with sleepy, you need to suck it up, stand up, push your shoulders back and focus on today. Get through today, and tomorrow you will be a little stronger. In a few years you could be giving advice to someone in your position, and you will think of how you saw no way out, but you fought through and came out on the other side with a nasty scar, but stronger and prouder.

Couldn't agree with this more...

fade2black

Sleepy wrote:

Couldn't agree with this more...

Just because he agrees with you. Your post was unnecessarily harsh.

OP, the best advice is to keep yourself busy, and do as much as you can to stop thinking about her. Get talking to other women in whatever way you can. In the future, the only way that the thoughts of her with someone else won't bother you so much is to (a) don't even think about it and (b) get yourself with someone else too.

Suicide is what most people contemplate when they just want an end to their current problem. Believe me, as soon as you find at least one friend who will help you through this, busy yourself with work or a personal hobby or objective, and meet new people, this will begin to become just a bad memory.

Good luck anyway

Gilgamesh

I completely agree with sleepy.
first of all, why did you guys break up? by the way you are reacting I believe she did the breaking part of it.

and also the following,

did you consider that you mates simply didn't have time to go out with you over christmas?
I mean it is a family thing.

suicide ist one of the single most selfish things a person can do, and even considering it shows how little respect he/she have towrds other peoples feelings, ever considered that? how your mother or family or friends would react and feel? I bet not. one of my best friends killed herself when I was 15 and I went to the funeral and wasn't sad but furious, AT MYSELF, wondering if I had overseen the signs, doubting my judgement, and wondering if I had done somethign wrong, or why wouldn't she have come to me for advise or a shoulder to cry on?

everybody breaks up with somone in their life.
I broke up with the mother of my daughter and of course I suffered bigtime afterwards, especially after she moved to new zealand, making it harder for me to see my daughter, but I got over it, and it took some time but I am loving my life at the moment and wouldn't want to change anything.

I think about this and if you are still going to kill yourself, then you don't have any respect from me.

Amen

Linoge

Sleepy is 100% right. Sexee Aussie, you're giving this fool exactly what he's looking for, but what he needs is a slap over the head.

Unregd_&_proud wrote:

So to summarise, I will kill myself (by hanging) if I don't start to gain some respite from these feelings.

God, nothing really screams "lavish attention on me" more than this. He's probably won't post again so we can think "Oh ****e, Sleepy has killed him!" Yeah... that'll show them.

And with a title "I'm about to top myself"?? WTF? Looking for maximum effect and attention. Anyone else who has ever mentioned suicide in here mentions it briefly at the end and not in the feckin title.

Unregd_&_proud, its unethical to use suicide as a way of getting attention to say the least, not to mention sad.

Iago

suicide, a permanent solution to a temporary problem...

how can you have nothing to live for when you haven't even started living yet? Finish college, take a year out and travel the world, experience different cultures, meet new people. Have a think about what you might possibly consider doing for a living when you get back.

Spend 5-10 years building your career, meet a woman, fall in love, get married, have some kids, then watch your kids grow into adults you're proud of. Go to their weddings, spend time, love and money on your grandkids, watch them grow to be adults.

If after you've done all this you then feel there's nothing left to live for, fair enough. Until you've experienced these things you can't say you've nothing to live for.

Even without any of these things at present, you're better off than 90% of the worlds population at a minimum, simply because you have your health, family and friends, clothes on your back, food in your stomach, a roof over your head, you can read and write, you have access to education and with it employment in the future. Try focusing on the positives rather than the negatives.

boardy

Linoge: I think that you are 100% wrong.

What, in the off-chance, that this is a real life or death issue. Isn't it better to err on the side of caution?

And what is wrong with someone looking for attention? It's no skin off your nose and I don't mind offering my 2 cents.

Unregd_&_proud: Focus on the positive sentiments and advice that you may get in this thread. It’s only human nature for some people to be skeptical about what you are going through at the moment.

hepcat

However his post comes across, the OP must be feeling pretty low. All break-ups are hard, and if you feel rejected by your friends on top of this, it can set you on a downward spiral. OP I think you should ignore the dismissive comments on this thread, but try and remember that stating that you will commit suicide "(by hanging)" is bound to bring out strong reactions in people. If you are feeling depressed you really should go and see a counsellor / doctor, you'd be amazed how much better you can feel. Also, I get the impression from your post that no-one knows how bad you are feeling - you should at least talk to someone, rather than being down on yourself for not delaing with your hurt "gracefully".

jimmycrackcorm

I've broken up with my girlfriend recently, and I found it very hard to get through the holidays without her. I love her a lot; we went out for four years, and I really miss her.

I have nightmares about her going out/sleeping with other men and it's something I think about almost all of the time. She hasn't yet, and it's only a matter of time (and who am I to stop it), but it's the one thing that would drive me over the edge if she did.

Do you believe that you seriously will never meet anyone again that will mean as much if not more to you than your ex? and If you really truely loved your ex then you would be happy for her to be with other men. If not then you are feeling selfish and should simply recognise that. Say that to yourself each time it bothers you.

Apart from that, there are other issues too. I feel like a complete loser these days. I went home for Christmas to the town my parents live in (and I lived there for 5 years) and I tried to enjoy my Christmas. No-one was in the slight bit interested in coming out with me at all. At all.

Happens to us all as we move on - its unfortunate as we expect that christmas should be more than it is - a break at home not too unlike other times during the year.

Also, when I came back up to Dublin, I tried to organise a night out with my friends. One person (apart from the guy I live with) showed up.

I blame all of this on the fact that I'm such a shy person. I'm very quiet and only talk to people I'm sure of, even though that doesn't always appear to be the case. I can't talk to girls at all. I find it hard to make friends. I feel like a lost cause.

How did you manage to get a girlfriend in the first place. Don't you think that you are going through a period of readjustment to single life and that you should have some patience to get through it. Do you feel a sudden demand to talk to girls to get a girlfried PDQ to feel wanted and worthwhile?

So to summarise, I will kill myself (by hanging) if I don't start to gain some respite from these feelings.

Youth has no patience. I think we all go through stages like this. Do you not think for a second even that this might be temporary and have some patience to get through it.

The Corinthian

Unregd_&_proud wrote:

So to summarise, I will kill myself (by hanging) if I don't start to gain some respite from these feelings.

Ps. Most people will categorise me as a psychopath. I am not a psychopath. I'm just like you.

I doubt you are though - a little narcissistic perhaps, seeking attention certainly, but not a psychopath.

Psychopaths typically don’t commit suicide - so if you were, I would safely say you won’t. They also tend not to be shy, as they don’t feel the same inadequacies or embarrassments as others, which come with normal socialization. A four-year relationship would also generally be unlikely with a psychopath, as they tend to be too impulsive and promiscuous for long term monogamy. You also wouldn’t be terribly bothered about telling her of your fears, regardless of it being ‘unfair’.

Of course ‘most people’ may categorise you as a psychopath, as you claim, but then again ‘most people’ don’t have a clue what they’re talking about.

As for having a true intention of killing yourself - I doubt it. People don’t go online and announce to a Web site that they intend hanging themselves because they intend doing so. People go online and announce to a Web site that they intend hanging themselves because they are seeking attention, validation, affirmation of self and, very occasionally, genuine advice.

Which would you prefer?

Dragan

I think thats the best post in this thread so far.

And just one more note on why you are not a psychopath. Psychopaths have sever difficult in telling the difference between right and wrong.

You have clearly shown that you do. My advice. Deal with your issues. However you need to.

LegacyUser

OP, your post has generated no sympathy in me. i am a regular poster too.

there are plenty of guys here in you position, in their 20s in college, such as myself. the difference between you and me is i've never had a love to lose. and i see no prospect for one in my future as i suffer from a complete lack of confidence and the necassary interpersonal skills. i have been deeply depressed for about 4 years. you would not believe what goes on inside my head. i have contimplated suicide but i' too chicken - i fear death. and so i remain. i have good friends but no true connection to another living soul.

everyone here knows your not gonna kill yourself. your body is suffering the shock of no longer having the company of someone it was so used to. be glad you had someone you loved and move one to the next one.

and whats with the "Ps. Most people will categorise me as a psychopath. I am not a psychopath. I'm just like you." comment? who are you kidding?

hepcat

:rolleyes: This really is not the place to come with a personal issue, by the looks of it. Ok, so the OP obviously hasn't articulated his problems in the way other posters would like, but that is still no excuse for the arrogant "if you really were suicidal you wouldn't say x or y" attitude that is coming across. Are you qualified in telling a persons real feelings from the way they post? Because they make a silly comment, are you justified in dismissing them? I don't think you are. Put it this way; if the "cynics" are wrong - and that is possible -they will only have made the OP feel worse. Why post on such a serious issue unless you are 100% correct? Why not refrain altogether - the worst that can happen is that someone gets a bit of attention.

The Corinthian

Dragan wrote:

Psychopaths have sever difficult in telling the difference between right and wrong.

Not entirely correct. Psychopaths are not stupid - or at least no more stupid than anyone else - and will intellectually know what is right or wrong, but not instinctively. The main problem with regard to the psychopath and anti-social behaviour is not so much that they cannot differentiate between right and wrong, but that they tend to be impulsive and without the instinctive element will act independent of morality.

hepcat wrote:

Are you qualified in telling a persons real feelings from the way they post?

More than qualified for a free Web site. You get what you pay for, after all.

Why post on such a serious issue unless you are 100% correct?

By that logic then this thread should have been closed the moment it began. I doubt any response, cynical or not, would be “100% correct”.

Why not refrain altogether - the worst that can happen is that someone gets a bit of attention.

So he gets a bit of attention. Maybe wallows in it.

Whatever problem is there remains and festers, seeing as he’s not dealing with it.

Maybe then he really will get suicidal. No harm done?

Nalz

purepupil wrote:

OP, your post has generated no sympathy in me. i am a regular poster too.

there are plenty of guys here in you position, in their 20s in college, such as myself. the difference between you and me is i've never had a love to lose. and i see no prospect for one in my future as i suffer from a complete lack of confidence and the necassary interpersonal skills. i have been deeply depressed for about 4 years. you would not believe what goes on inside my head. i have contimplated suicide but i' too chicken - i fear death. and so i remain. i have good friends but no true connection to another living soul.

everyone here knows your not gonna kill yourself. your body is suffering the shock of no longer having the company of someone it was so used to. be glad you had someone you loved and move one to the next one.

and whats with the "Ps. Most people will categorise me as a psychopath. I am not a psychopath. I'm just like you." comment? who are you kidding?

Look People, whether or not his intentions are to kill himself or not, the fact of the matter is he came here on this site to talk about his issues. I know how he feels to a certain point(years ago had similar experience). Some people say its better to have loved once than at all, Im not completely sure about that. The guy is in trouble, a little bit of self pity goin on (ive been there) but all you guys out there with your big words and big responses - could you not put yourself into his shoes for one minute?

Its a scary (and somewhat selfish) thing to consider. But even mentioning it means he needs help/support in someway. To the OP Id suggest to stay calm and hang in there, your only 21 for cryin out loud. Be the man you want to be - life can begin again for you anytime you want to. You just got to choose when and how. Killing yourself is not the answer (imagine how unfair it would be if you did it - do you want to wreck other peoples lives?). The answer is no - you dont. Please, stop considerin it. We all go through it, I have sympothy for ya cas Ive been there. Chin up mate seriously. PM if you want to talk more

Dragan

The Corinthian wrote:

Not entirely correct. Psychopaths are not stupid - or at least no more stupid than anyone else - and will intellectually know what is right or wrong, but not instinctively. The main problem with regard to the psychopath and anti-social behaviour is not so much that they cannot differentiate between right and wrong, but that they tend to be impulsive and without the instinctive element will act independent of morality.

Ah ha, thank you kindly. I was just basing my argument off the psychopath/sociopath difference, so thanks for that! I had not meant to imply that they were stupid, just the line between right and wrong does not really exist to them. And action is just and action, regardless of the consequence or the normal moral dilema some of the more extreme actions would bring out in "normal" people.

hepcat

[QUOTE=
By that logic then this thread should have been closed the moment it began. I doubt any response, cynical or not, would be “100% correct”.

So he gets a bit of attention. Maybe wallows in it.

Whatever problem is there remains and festers, seeing as he’s not dealing with it.

Maybe then he really will get suicidal. No harm done?[/QUOTE]

No I meant why post in such a dismissive manner unless you are really sure that the OP is not actually suicidal and depressed, not that your reponse is 100% correct, apols for the bad wording

Nalz

The Corinthian wrote:

Not entirely correct. Psychopaths are not stupid - or at least no more stupid than anyone else - and will intellectually know what is right or wrong, but not instinctively. The main problem with regard to the psychopath and anti-social behaviour is not so much that they cannot differentiate between right and wrong, but that they tend to be impulsive and without the instinctive element will act independent of morality.

More than qualified for a free Web site. You get what you pay for, after all.

By that logic then this thread should have been closed the moment it began. I doubt any response, cynical or not, would be “100% correct”.

So he gets a bit of attention. Maybe wallows in it.

Whatever problem is there remains and festers, seeing as he’s not dealing with it.

Maybe then he really will get suicidal. No harm done?

Is it really necessary to talk about whether he's a Psychopath or not? Is there any point? Think its a little off the issue

Dragan

Not really, as the OP mentioned it. He seems to slightly warm to the title. Why?

Becuase he's depressed. I fear the OP may have more issues than he is letting on. He needs to work on these himself, with the right help. Thats not a web site plain and simple. As per my previous points though, the only person who can help him is himself.

ferdi

i think the Psychopath issue is relevant. when i read that part of his post, i laughed. i know what he is up to.

The Corinthian

Dragan wrote:

Ah ha, thank you kindly. I was just basing my argument off the psychopath/sociopath difference, so thanks for that! I had not meant to imply that they were stupid, just the line between right and wrong does not really exist to them.

AFAIK, both the terms psychopath and sociopath are essentially the same thing, but have different (and erroneous) definitions in popular culture.

Anyhow, primarily I was being a pedantic ass

hepcat wrote:

No I meant why post in such a dismissive manner unless you are really sure that the OP is not actually suicidal and depressed, not that your reponse is 100% correct, apols for the bad wording

Even professionals are not 100% sure of being correct - that’s the nature of the social sciences.

Nonetheless, this is a free Web site; as such you and the OP have to accept that not all advice will be well (or at all) informed - indeed, browse some of the recent threads here and you’d soon be convinced that natural selection is on strike. As I said, you get what you pay for.

Trilla wrote:

Is it really necessary to talk about whether he's a Psychopath or not? Is there any point? Think its a little off the issue

Not really, as has been mentioned the OP both brought it up and warmed to the notion. The first question is why? Does the idea appeal to him? Is the idea of being a misunderstood and ‘dangerous’ loner helpful to the self-image of someone who is allegedly shy?

Secondly, if he is not a psychopath but creates and fosters a fantasy of being one, where might that lead?

Feel free to join the dots.

Sleepy

Trilla wrote:

The guy is in trouble, a little bit of self pity goin on (ive been there) but all you guys out there with your big words and big responses - could you not put yourself into his shoes for one minute?

What you gall a "little bit of self pity", I'd call wallowing up to his tonsils in it. And yeah, I've been in his shoes before, most people have and none of us were genuine when we contemplated suicide either. A kick in the arse is what I need when I'm feeling sorry for myself (though I can't ever remember wallowing quite so deeply in self-pity) and it's plainly evident that the OP's in need of a good kick in the arse as well...

BANZAI_RUNNER

There was a time when I felt the same way , my girlfriend was killed in a car crash , my world came crashing down around me , there was nothing left to live for , I came close to ending it all , I had everything ready , no one had the slightest idea what I was planning , some how I hesitated , that was 7 years ago , today I'm married , our first child is due in march . There is not a day that goes by that I dont think of her , and of what I nearly did , but I thank god that i hesitated , no one can really help you , we can listen and offer advice , but only you can help yourself , I hope this makes YOU hesitate , and hopefully we will hear from you again

Amazotheamazing

OP,
Hard and all as it is to believe, you need to grow up, no girlfriend is worth killing yourself over, and if you think she is, I suggest you go and work in Africa or South America to see how bad life can really be for some people. After all, it seems you have nothing you value enough here to stay alive for, why not book flights and go?
Failing that, do activities that build your confidence, whether it's sports, or joining a club, volunteering for charity, anyhing really. BTW talk to people, so what if you can't think of something funny or intelligent to say, no-one expects you to be Oscar Wilde, dropping epigrams into conversation.

Miss Fluff

To the OP, it really does help to just talk about your problems sometimes and it's easy to feel bogged down when you look at problems collectively. Why don't you give the Samaritans a call and at least have a chat about what's bothering you, 1850 60 90 90

LegacyUser

Hey there. I understand how you feelm I always found it hard to get along with people. I just dont fit in with the rest of the screws. So i gotta find ones that fit.
Sound like a sad fooker already but sur ive thought about killing myself. loadz of times. planned it and then lost interest. i came from an abusive controlling home. and i never wanted to end up like my father but i can sometimes be as horrible as him even though inside all i want is acceptance. i was a loner in school and a very troublesome youngster, not delinquint!!
I sometimes dunno how to fit in. Relationships are crap for me too mate. But you know what, if you hang in there, you'll meet the right group of friends, and the right girlfriend. They are supposed to meet you but maybe not now?
I feel the same way as you so if you hang in there i will too. Dont mind the nicey nicey crap im puttin on. Just hang in there. You havent met the rigth poeple yet. And college is full of slappers and yuppies. Meet people like YOU!! Where they speak your language and where You fit in. You probably trying to get along with people too unlike you! You are living a lie and when you feel left behind you feel so different to them you wanna die, that's how you feel when you try and keep up with people who are different just to make yourself seen.

As usual i make no sense but reconsider! if you dont love you no1 else will!

boardy

midleanowhere wrote:

Hey there. I understand how you feelm I always found it hard to get along with people. I just dont fit in with the rest of the screws. So i gotta find ones that fit.
Sound like a sad fooker already but sur ive thought about killing myself. loadz of times. planned it and then lost interest. i came from an abusive controlling home. and i never wanted to end up like my father but i can sometimes be as horrible as him even though inside all i want is acceptance. i was a loner in school and a very troublesome youngster, not delinquint!!
I sometimes dunno how to fit in. Relationships are crap for me too mate. But you know what, if you hang in there, you'll meet the right group of friends, and the right girlfriend. They are supposed to meet you but maybe not now?
I feel the same way as you so if you hang in there i will too. Dont mind the nicey nicey crap im puttin on. Just hang in there. You havent met the rigth poeple yet. And college is full of slappers and yuppies. Meet people like YOU!! Where they speak your language and where You fit in. You probably trying to get along with people too unlike you! You are living a lie and when you feel left behind you feel so different to them you wanna die, that's how you feel when you try and keep up with people who are different just to make yourself seen.

As usual i make no sense but reconsider! if you dont love you no1 else will!

Makes sense to me.

panda100

midleanowhere wrote:

Hey there. I understand how you feelm I always found it hard to get along with people. I just dont fit in with the rest of the screws. So i gotta find ones that fit.

I sometimes dunno how to fit in. Relationships are crap for me too mate. But you know what, if you hang in there, you'll meet the right group of friends, and the right girlfriend. They are supposed to meet you but maybe not now?
I feel the same way as you so if you hang in there i will too. Dont mind the nicey nicey crap im puttin on. Just hang in there. You havent met the rigth poeple yet. And college is full of slappers and yuppies. Meet people like YOU!! Where they speak your language and where You fit in. You probably trying to get along with people too unlike you! You are living a lie and when you feel left behind you feel so different to them you wanna die, that's how you feel when you try and keep up with people who are different just to make yourself seen.

you see OP you are far from alone.
Dont kill yourself it causes so much pain for those you leave behind. I know you probably want that at the moment for them to feel pain maybe. But its really not fair-i lost a friend to suicide and to be honest i have never really recovered from it-so by destroying your life your are destroying so many lives too.Tell people how you are feeling-if i had the chance to go back and save my mate from killing himself i would do anything.I dont know what college you are in but go in and see your welfare officer-it might help talking to someone your own age

DawnMc

I know this is cliche but please realise that things could be far worse. I had the most difficult year imaginable this year. It often crossed my mind to 'do away' with myself but I realise how incredibly selfish that would be.
Think of your parents, how would they feel losing a much loved son?
What about your ex? Imagine the guilt she would feel?
It would be fine for you, you'd be gone but imagine how the people left behind would feel?
It is the most selfish act in my honest opinion

mysterious

Well this thread is getting a lot of attention:( , and why is it not, when someone posts I 'm about to top myself.

I agree with a lot of the responses above,

WE ALL have bein in a simular situation at some stage or another, we might not all admit it. But ask yourself what is your motive here, are you displaying such as sinful act, there are more logical things i'd like to say but its to harsh innapropriate so say it here.

But for god sake's coming out with that heading is'nt going to improve your life front either if you honestly think you want life to improve. So sorry to say no one, should kick you up the arse you should do that yourself. like everyone said pity me syndrome

If anyone's being harsh here its you so that's why there's is obviously a reaction..


The true thing is commiting sucicde is getting attention in a very selfish way but hey life goes on, it is as simple as that, the sun will still rise and we all half to move on, but loved ones suffer as a result. can you ask yourself how your family and friends would feel if they saw your post, think of that, very selfish? it's not like your the only one who is going through it always remeber there is always someone who has or is suffering more and commiting sucicide is not the answer

Also:
Just thinking of your reaction to all responses don't take it harsh, as pitying is not going to give you any favours, so deal with your issues, whatever it may be, and take advice.

This is an example not in a personal sense,
A relative had commited sucide a few years ago, and suffered a year in hospital to discover she could not change time and fix it annoyes me when someone wishes to do it, so be careful what you wish for as it might just come true. everyone knows someone that has committed sucicide at some stage or another and I'm sure you do too,how does that feel to you, and if I was to see something like this in here displaying with these words i'd go mad. I would not give any sympathy, because that is what you seem to want judging by your post.

With your responses people will give you an reaction, simple

FrankGrimes

To the OP - start talking to people about this, its surprising how much it can make a difference, it really really is. and people are right to advise you not to do it cos of the effect it will have on your loved ones, and even though you dont realise it, you do have loved ones. But I say don't do it, for you yourself not for anyone else. There'll be ups and downs, but if you even have only one more positive experience in the 60 years you have left then its worth it cos you'd have missed that if you were dead.

My mate was murdered when we were 17. stabbed on his own doorstep cos this pyscho's girlfriend told him she fancied my mate. thats the lowest ive ever felt and never thought it would get better. i made a pact that day that I would try to make the most of my life and every situation I come across, cos I know that if my mate were here that would be his approach, so I feel like I kinda owe it to people like him who haven't had the chances I've had.

Theres been some major lows on the way, including when my mates mam topped herself cos she couldnt take the pain of the legal proceedings any longer, and also the major insecurity I've suffered from along the way, but I've always repeated the mantra in my head that if I let it all get to me I'm betraying people like my mate. Overall, things are going great these days, and I think that with time you can rise out of the pain that is dragging you down right now.

Get as far away from your girlfriend as you can - that way you'll never know when she's with someone. and dont compare other girls to her if you can. i did that for a long time, but then a girl came out of the blue and caught me off guard and I'm delighted. i dont care if you have to do something drastic to sort yourself out: leave college, devote yourself to charity work, try do that one thing you've always wanted to try but have always been too sensible to drop everything and give it a go, leg it off to a foreign country, or travel the world on your own if you have to - yeh there may be a stigma attached to it but I guarantee you'll come across one thing, sight, person (especially if you go to africa) that will make you smile without you even realising it. that one thing is worth living for, so go do something that might make YOU happy and screw everyone else and what they might think. your life is for living, not for seeking other's approval. hang in there pal.

gandalf

Whatever everyones opinion on this there is only one thing I can say.

OP please go to your doctor or seek counselling as soon as possible. You probably feel you are in the worse place you have ever experienced so you need someone qualified outside your circle to guide you out of this place.

bug

Eh...has the OP come back on this thread?

Hope he's reading all this.

I think the OP might have perhaps meant "nutter" as opposed to the actual dictionary meaning of psychopath. As in perhaps... you might think Im a nutter for thinking like this...but Im just like you...

When some people are that depressed, you know to talk sensitively to them. Others, you know to give them a slap back to reality and say "cop-on", it depends on who is dishing out the advice and who is taking it really.

Is easier to assess someone you know and can talk to directly, rather than decipher their feelings from one post on the web.

My take on it is that college is really hard, and can carry huge emotional burden in the social sense. It shocked the fuk out of me.

The turmoil of breaking up with someone is close to hell, and almost everyone in this thread and in life has been there. Its been expressed very well here.
You *do* get over it. That’s a hard thing to accept when you are in the situation, but like all experiences you have to have the faith that you will feel it for yourself someday and the cloud will lift where you don’t think about her so much anymore. That is life. It happens... to everyone.

Everyone feels lonely at some stage, and everyone has been in the position where they are f**ked and there is no one to call.
Don't take it personally, after all your flat mate and one of your friends turned up at least when you came back to Dublin. Be grateful for that. The rest of them probably don’t know what you’re going through. Or like yourself not understanding that things will ease your mind with time - have never experienced a break-up and can’t understand what you’re going through at all. It’s probably a bit alien to them and a little frightening.

So Im going to give you a mixture of a slap and a bit of sensitivity
Get up and pick yourself up. Everyone goes through this. In that, you are not alone. If you pick yourself up you'll be proud of yourself and that might take away that insecurity you're feeling. Best of luck mate. Dont do anything stupid that will devastate the people who *do* care about you.

Victor

gandalf wrote:

OP please go to your doctor or seek counselling as soon as possible. You probably feel you are in the worse place you have ever experienced so you need someone qualified outside your circle to guide you out of this place.

I concur with this, go talk with someone. Whether its tea and sympathy or the Samaritans or your GP, please do talk to someone.

sillysquid

I know what it's like, OP.

Sometimes people hit rock bottom and by the sounds of it you are there right now. All the sympathy and "I've been there" comments may be heartfelt and honest but they don't always make enough of a difference.

You've just got to get through it, man. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in feeling the way you do. Being lonely and heartbroken is a terrible thing, but the reality is that feelings don't last forever. I cannot stress how much I relate to how you are feeling, but you just have to accept the fact that there is more to life. Take a few chances and put yourself out there. What have you got to lose? If you feel like killing yourself, you owe it to yourself and the people who love you to make a valiant effort to turn things around.

Take up new interests, meet new people, be more outgoing. You'll be amazed how much the slightest gesture can lead on to much better things.

Madge

Sleepy wrote:

No you're not a psychopath, a psychopath wouldn't post here as they wouldn't feel the need to try and attract sympathy for themselves.

Frankly, you need to give yourself a kick in the arse and deal with the breakup. The very fact you're contemplating suicide because you broke up with a girl show's that she's doing you a favour: you're clearly not mature enough to be in a relationship.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with your life.

This is one of the worst replys to a PI I've read on this forum :mad:
Your advice is to "deal with it". Yep, that's helpful.
Further more the pointless banter of what constitutes a "psychopath", is unhelpful and off topic.

The Corinthian

gandalf wrote:

OP please go to your doctor or seek counselling as soon as possible. You probably feel you are in the worse place you have ever experienced so you need someone qualified outside your circle to guide you out of this place.

If one were to be ‘better safe than sorry’, I’d agree. But I genuinely do think that the OP was simply looking for some attention and little else.

Madge wrote:

Further more the pointless banter of what constitutes a "psychopath", is unhelpful and off topic.

Further more? It's been explained how that sub-topic was relevant to the discussion. Feel free to reject those explanations, stating logically why, or spare us any further vacuous opinions.

Rozie

This is the kind of thing people do kill themselves over, so don't be asses about it.

You don't really know how this person feels or everything that's going on in their life. In my experience "girl troubles" are usually only the tip of the Iceberg and the bit that people feel comfortable enough to let out.

democrates

Ignore the posts from muppets, let alone would they never get a job in the samaritans, if I were in your family and saw this thread I'd pursue them through the courts.

Anyway, your situation. You have to get a strong hold of the truth that there are totally happy days in your future if you want. Hard to see that now, but it's true. Read on.

The feelings you have for your ex actually prove it, because they prove you have the innate capacity to love someone that much, whoever that someone is. The ex has moved on, sure, but "there are plenty more birds in the ocean" as my brother once mis-quoted. (one of his other greats was 'the watched clock never boils').

At the moment you're fixated on the ex, but think about it, there was a time before you got into her, and then you went through a process of attraction. Mark this well, you can do that again with someone else.

So what if you're shy? Lot's of girls are shy too, and that says nothing of how great they can be as girlfriends/wives/mothers to your children. Might as well team up with one who suits your temperament, a fast and loose type could be destructive to you at this time.

At the moment you're suffering 'seperation anxiety', grieving at the loss of the life you were expecting. Nothing has changed in that future you anticipated except the timing and identity of your girlfriend, turns out she was the false part of that happy picture in your mind. The very real feelings you had were not transmitted to you by your ex, they were something of value inside you, not in her, you generated them, they show how good you can feel and how giving you can be in a relationship, how valuable you will be to your future girlfriends. She was just a temporary anomaly.

Your jealousy - (day)dreams of her with someone else etc - stems from low self esteem. Were you like that before or did this relationship cause it? At best it hasn't helped. Do you know the old trick to make your partner dependant? You put them on the back foot using the 'hot and cold' treatment. Happy and affectionate one moment, angry and distant the next. Soon they won't know which way is up and feel worthless, they crave your attention and do anything to avoid your displeasure.

But even if your ex was super nice the whole way through and then split, it still ends up being one giant hot to cold step for you. How would you rate this sequence of events from the point of view of your wellbeing? How valuable to your life has this relationship been really? In truth it has jeopardised your life. If the first time you met her you got a vision of how you felt when you split would you have pursued her? NO! Overall that relationship was no bargain. Thanks but no thanks my dear. NEXT!

So don't let yourself get in a mess, if she sleeps with someone else it doesn't prove you are worthless or anything bad, the opposite if you think about your feelings, your huge gift for romantic attachment is a good thing, it is of colossal value to women, they totally want you to love them, and you can give them that love in spades, you've got four aces to play in the game of love, so you can look forward to enjoying a great genuine relationship with a top woman who returns your love and makes you feel fantastic.

How good a match were you two really, given that she doesn't get what you're going through now? Don't just blame yourself for not telling her, either she wasn't tuned in at all to predict how breaking up would affect you, or she knew but didn't care. Wasn't that close or caring a deal was it? Now she's off looking after herself while you've hit your greatest hour of need, it's not like your best interests are her big priority, you've got to see that she can't be the one for you. Being pretty and pleasant company is light years away from being your soul mate, your number one supporter in life. The one for you will satisfy your needs and make you feel truly good about yourself.

Why cherish someone so insensitive (whether deliberate or not) to your needs? Has she really earned your devotion? Does she deserve it? I would think not, in truth she has spectacularly failed to meet your most important emotional requirements and been potentially lethal. Doesn't mean she's in the wrong or you should be angry at her, you two simply didn't click, you weren't a good match, can you see now that there was never a great future for either of you in it?

At least you have some pleasant memories from the good times, and hopefully from the bad times learned some of the traps to avoid, and needs that you should require to be met from future relationships.

Now, your next girlfriend is out there. What's her name? Chloe? Sarah? Joanne? Mrs. Robinson:eek:? What does she look like? What's she doing right this second? Have you met her already? Has she pink or brown nipples under that lacy black bra she'll insist on sticking in your face? I know that's crass but the point is to look forward to the good things in your future, the best thing for getting over your ex one is the next one.

Best of luck.

SexeeAussie

Wow, Democrates, great post. Restores my faith in these boards and humanity in general. (Minus the nipple 'point' (for lack of a better word!!) I see where you are coming from though!

OP are you around??

jay-me

I wonder why O.P didn't answer any posts............:eek:

solas

suicide..read this first.
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/index.html

So to summarise, I will kill myself (by hanging) if I don't start to gain some respite from these feelings.

my nephews friend tried this after he broke up with his girlfriend, (both 17) except he decided to overdose on his meds. I can't say she was in any way impressed by his actions, and he didn't much like having his stomach pumped. and no they didn't get back together.

I suggest if your feeling depressed go see your doc, or just find someone to talk to.

Zombrex

I am going to have to go with Sleepy on this one.

The threat of suicide by the OP seems to be an attempt to validate that the feelings he has are very extreme and worth of making a huge deal over the event of his girlfriend leaving him.

Sleepy's advice may have sounded harsh but, speaking as someone who has had my fair share of depressive periods, and see it in others around me, the worst thing someone can do is wollow in self pitty and make your problems out to be much worse than they actually are. It is self indulgence, and it is actually very unhealthy mentally. It makes the problem a lot worse, not better. And the worst thing people around them can do is indulge this or encourage it. If you went to a counsilor and said "My girlfriend left me and now my life is ruined and I want to die" that would be the very first thing the counsilor starts to work on, not the actually break up itself, but why the person is unable to cope with the break up.

The OP is going to have to learn to deal with issues. I mean his girlfriend broke up with him, I am very sorry about that, but that is a life skill (coping with rejection) that the OP is going to have to learn. The reason he is having trouble isn't because it was some massive trama to him, the reason he is having trouble and is so depressed is because he doesn't possess this skill yet to deal with it.

To the OP, you need to talk to a professional counsilor, they can help you deal with your issues, and see events for what they really are.