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One night stands

  • 04-01-2006 10:44pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30


    Ok so heres my problem, I only ever seem to get with fellas who want 1 night stands.I just dont see the point of them anymore. Why dont fellas want relationships, do they not realise they would be guaranteed more sex if they were actually in a relationship, they wudnt have to go out hunting 4 girls. I would love to hear a lads view on this topic


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Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭C_Breeze


    half of the fun is the chase!
    I see your point though , it does get boring after a while ( and also sleazy)

    so you free for coffee anytime soon?;)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,879 ✭✭✭The_B_Man


    well u can hardly have a meaningful convo in a club, can u? but the reason they do it is coz that wat fellas do to try prove they're macho or whatever. every fella does it. the problem is, the girls they get eventually get reputations and lose respect and no fella will go near them etc etc and blah blah blah. I'm not even gonna start on all that other crap. u get the idea tho.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30 barbie girl


    I dunno it just wrecks my head, Its made me loose alot of self confidence in myself cause dats de only type of bloke I can get.Makes me wonder y I cant get a relationship
    Yeah how does 2moro sound 4 de coffee lol Ur place or mine


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30 barbie girl


    well just 4 de record I dont think ive got a reputation 4 myself


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 806 ✭✭✭Atrocity


    but the reason they do it is coz that wat fellas do to try prove they're macho or whatever. every fella does it.

    I don't know about that, men just like sex. Sometimes they concentrate on getting the sex and not searching for a potential girlfriend. So when they get the sex that's it for them.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 307 ✭✭SexeeAussie


    Looking like Barbie wouldn't help the situation..... ;) Just kidding!!

    Maybe you are giving guys the wrong impression in the first instance? Depends on where you are meeting these guys as well. I am sure that if you met some guy at the library and he asks you out for coffee, he is not expecting to take you home with him for the night????

    What I am trying to say is that you will "probably" NOT find too many young men interested in anything long term out at a club at 3am on a Saturday morning.

    There are always exceptions to the rule though......

    Goodluck with it though.....I admire you for wanting more than just a one nighter....... if you want something long term, you may have to look a bit harder for something decent!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,144 ✭✭✭LundiMardi


    try looking elsewhere than a club/nightclub/bar.. because no man you see in these places are looking for a long and meaningful relationship.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 820 ✭✭✭qBot


    The_B_Man wrote:
    well u can hardly have a meaningful convo in a club, can u?

    For me thats pretty much it. Before i'd consider a relationship i'd have to know the girl a bit more. Make sure she's not pschyco... :D I've never had a relationship with someone ive had a one night stand with (not that i've had many)...You have to have a crush on someone first and you most definitely have to be on the same level (sense of humour/personality). Don't think you can get there in just one night. And a relationship is not something you look for after you've just had one.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30 barbie girl


    Where else do u find a fella, not tryin to be stupid or anythin but the majority of times there the most likely places ur gonna get talkin to a fella


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 820 ✭✭✭qBot


    Good point...but it doesn't have to end up with sex. Maybe just decide to meet up the following day/weekend in the pub. Maybe take the initiative and call him. I'm not much of a womaniser so I can't really talk. But if it stopped at the door and I was asked to meet up during the week. I'm sure it could go a lot further in the relationship department. Not trying to insult you but handing it out on the first night just gives out the wrong impression.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,347 ✭✭✭daiixi


    I'm an Aussie and I find dating a whole different ball game in Ireland than it is in Australia.. There seem to be soooo many rules about how long you have to wait to call/text someone; how long before you sleep with someone and how long you have to be seeing someone before you're actually in a relationship!! In Oz we're pretty much upfront and what you see is what you get but it seems that guys find that kind of thing scary over here.
    Unfortunately the OP doesn't say how old she or the guys she's ending up with are but I have to say youngsters these days are in it for all they can get! As my Ma would say, why buy the dairy farm when you're getting the milk for free?!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,380 ✭✭✭daRobot


    >Barbie

    Two things about one-night stands and guys.

    *If a girl rides you after a few hours of meeting you, you're bloody happy about it but you know in the back of your mind that if you do end up going out with her and she's out with her mates on the piss, it's not gonna take a lot of effort for another bloke to get her in the sack.

    *Loads of guys will shag girls on a one night stand that they'd never go near for a relationship.Basically, they fancy them enough on the night after a few, but not enough for a repeat performance and deffo not enough for a relationship.


    Best way,ideally, is to hold out and give them your number and wait till the first or second 'date'. But when you're pissed and horny, all plans tend to go out the window :p


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 73,478 ✭✭✭✭colm_mcm


    I dunno, this might be a bit of a cliche, but I don't know - if you go out looking for a potential boyfriend you probably won't find one.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,347 ✭✭✭daiixi


    daRobot wrote:
    >
    *If a girl rides you after a few hours of meeting you, you're bloody happy about it but you know in the back of your mind that if you do end up going out with her and she's out with her mates on the piss, it's not gonna take a lot of effort for another bloke to get her in the sack.

    Woooaaahhhh there bigboy! Just coz a girl is comfortable enough with herself to have sex when she wants to, it does NOT mean she's a cheat.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,658 ✭✭✭✭The Sweeper


    **Newsflash**

    Being sexually promiscuous can be proactive, not reactive.

    This means if I want to get laid, I will get laid. If I do not want to get laid, no amount of effort will get me in the sack.

    QED if I don't know your name and I'm shagging you, it doesn't mean I'm going to do the same thing to your friend.

    ...unless you're one of the Proclaimers. Because then I'm obviously blind and highly likely to also have sex with your brother.


  • Registered Users Posts: 816 ✭✭✭Jesper


    Ok Barbie girl heres how it works.
    If we met in a club I'd go home with you. I'd be happy out to be getting sex. While it might/mightn't be what every guy wants I would defo take you up on it. The chase would have to be fun, that is half of the fun as mentioned. If you were an out an out tramp I'd definetly think again. Having one night stands doesn't automatically make you a tramp but puts you close to it. I wouldn't chase a tramp.
    Would I meet you again? probably not. Why? because I don't want the girl I'm meeting to be a slut. How well can we have got to know each other, not very well. And I know its AMAZINGLY hipocratic but I wouldn't like that in a girl I wanted to go out with.
    If you invite a guy home don't give him the number at your door. He will have thought he was getting sex and will be annoyed. If you are giving numbers at all give it earlyier in the night. Don't mention bringing the person home.
    The fact is that if he is someone you actually want to go out with he'll be happy with the number and contact you.
    This is just the opinion of a guy like you asked for.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 531 ✭✭✭Sarah**


    Ok, just a quick one, i also agree with the OP but i have to say what happens when you meet someone sleep with them on the first night and they have ur number then they text you and you meet up another two times and sleep together on one of the times but r still texting....then one night you ask where he is that your out and he tell you look im not looking for a girlfriend i just like doing my own thing and having a laugh....

    Sorry i just dont get that!! why bother taking my number or texting me.........

    Ahh i give up on men altogether...Seriously....girlfriends dont bite....unless asked and they dont make you stay in every night and ban you from seeing your mates!!! uuuuggghhh!! so annoyed!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 73,478 ✭✭✭✭colm_mcm


    Sarah** wrote:
    they dont make you stay in every night and ban you from seeing your mates!!!

    but there's always the danger they might!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30 barbie girl


    Y is the girl automatically called a slut and tramp,De fella is just as bad 4 havin the 1 night stand as the girl


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,048 ✭✭✭Amazotheamazing


    Some things aren't fair.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 531 ✭✭✭Sarah**


    But i wouldnt!! And yeah i agree that fellas are more the slut then then the girl because its the girl who waits to hear from the fella and then they go and say i just like haveing a laugh and doing my own thing......so that says it all they are into their one night stands and the lot!!

    Some people will never learn though!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,879 ✭✭✭The_B_Man


    theres been countless debates about that one. its better just to accept it and not question it! lol


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭C_Breeze


    Y is the girl automatically called a slut and tramp,De fella is just as bad 4 havin the 1 night stand as the girl

    coz thats just the way it is!
    why is it that guys always are horny for sex and chase the girls , and not the other way around? ...IT JUST IS , leave it at that


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 531 ✭✭✭Sarah**


    But i also dont think that sleeping with a guy on the first night means ur a tramp!! Girls get urges for sex just as much as men do so why not sleep with them! if in fact sex is all they are looking for and your looking for your pleasures too why is it so wrong??

    How can they say girls have no respect for themselves if they sleep with them on the first night.....In all honesty when have you ever heard a guy say look im really sorry but id prefer we wait till the 2nd or 3rd time we meet up.....hmm NEVER!! so where is the fellas respect for themselves and the bird??

    im asking this in all honesty though!! Not trying to be smart but seriously why is there so many one night stands rather then people having a wild night of sex then thinking yeah i could do this all the time with the same person because i enjoyed it the first time and id rather go out on a night out and not have to worry about pulling....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 307 ✭✭SexeeAussie


    C_Breeze wrote:
    coz thats just the way it is!
    why is it that guys always are horny for sex and chase the girls , and not the other way around? ...IT JUST IS , leave it at that

    Not unless you live in Australia....lol


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 73,478 ✭✭✭✭colm_mcm


    C_Breeze wrote:
    why is it that guys always are horny for sex and chase the girls , and not the other way around? ...IT JUST IS , leave it at that

    what a wonderful world it would be...............


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,087 ✭✭✭muckwarrior


    Looking like Barbie wouldn't help the situation..... ;) Just kidding!!
    You may be just kidding but it's true! If the OP is anything like her online profile suggests then this could be the problem. Most guys dont want one of these bottle blonde, fake tanned, mini skirt wearing girls as their girlfriend.

    As for the whole "why is it OK for guys to sleep around but girls cant" debate, IMO it's because the guy is traditionally the hunter and the girl is the prey. The hunter has no respect for prey that doesn't put up a fight. Shagging a bird that you just met is like shooting fish in a barrel.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    Sarah** wrote:
    Ok, just a quick one, i also agree with the OP but i have to say what happens when you meet someone sleep with them on the first night and they have ur number then they text you and you meet up another two times and sleep together on one of the times but r still texting....then one night you ask where he is that your out and he tell you look im not looking for a girlfriend i just like doing my own thing and having a laugh....

    Sorry i just dont get that!! why bother taking my number or texting me.........

    Ahh i give up on men altogether...Seriously....girlfriends dont bite....unless asked and they dont make you stay in every night and ban you from seeing your mates!!! uuuuggghhh!! so annoyed!


    hahaha, oh lord.

    He took your number so when he got desperate he could just ring you up for a shag, knowing you would be easy, which he did.

    THe chances of getting a relationship from a one night stand are very very slim. Basically fellas think girls who have a one-night stand are sluts.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,179 ✭✭✭White Knight


    ok 2 scenarios ..

    1. (a) guy and girl meet in nightclub ... they have few drinks, both fancy each other end up kissing on dancefloor and exchanging numbers (b) meet up following week or whatever .. get to know each other .. end up not getting in to relationship

    2. (a) guy and girl meet in nightclub ... they have few drinks, both fancy each other end up kissing on dancefloor and going to bed together (b) meet up following week or whatever .. get to know each other .. end up getting in to relationship

    physical attraction on a random night especially when drink involved is different than what physical and emotional needs people crave afterwards. 1(a) can be mixed with 2(b) in the same way ...

    im a guy .. and i dont go out to look for relationship or even a one night stand ... what im trying to say these are things that happen naturally .. either way


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,324 ✭✭✭OfflerCrocGod


    Y is the girl automatically called a slut and tramp,De fella is just as bad 4 havin the 1 night stand as the girl
    It's an unfortunate hinderance of our patriarchal society; even in our post-feminist society our ancient decorum still holds sway. You must factor into account that unlike other Western states female sexual liberation did not occur in Ireland during the '60s as our retrograde state was still held very strongly in the Church's tentacles and in trawl to its retrogressive, sexually austere policy of "Hate thyself and thy body's sinful, wanton libidinousness". Manifest this in the sentiment expressed by the two, no doubt, pulchritudinous Australian interlocutors parallel their enlightened sentiment to a commonplace Irish judgement.
    C_Breeze wrote:
    coz thats just the way it is!
    why is it that guys always are horny for sex and chase the girls , and not the other way around? ...IT JUST IS , leave it at that
    Erudite and laconic, as only the Irish could ever hope to be. To aggregate my argument:









    Esay women ar sluts - every one kn0ws that.

    I deem SexeeAussie*'s scintillating intimation to be a capital proposal. Are you planning on going to Ozzie soon?



    *Truly captivating name, are you free......of a boyfriend? Any chance of a shag? Drink maybe?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 738 ✭✭✭TheVan


    Ok there's way too many intricacies involved in the whole situation for there to be a definitive answer but being a guy ill try to give it as i see it!
    1. If you meet a guy in a club and sleep with him that night, he's probably going to assume you just want a 1 night stand.
    2. If you meet in a club and swap numbers but dont go back to the house, he'll probably think you'd like to meet up again.
    3. Guys don't necessarily just want one night stands, me I prefer relationships.
    4. Its all so much more complicated than above!

    Basically in the end it all comes down to your signals, whether they be in your actions, words or whatever. Obviously you could sleep with a guy first time and get a relationship out of it but to change his assumption from him thinking you just wanted a once-off to ye meeting up again, you will have to be proactive and shift that paradigm (to use bs business speak!).
    Course maybe I'm wrong but thats how I've seen it!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 307 ✭✭SexeeAussie



    I deem SexeeAussie*'s scintillating intimation to be a capital proposal. Are you planning on going to Ozzie soon?



    *Truly captivating name, are you free......of a boyfriend? Any chance of a shag? Drink maybe?


    OfflerCrocGod, you make me laugh.....great name too BTW.... ;)

    My comment was not insinuating that 'I' am like that, but I have been told (and from my experience) that Australian women are not backward in coming forward! If we want a bloke, we will pursue them. It is not always the man doing the chasing, there are plenty of women out 'on the pull' as you say over there. :)

    My opinion is if you want something, go out and get it!! If it's casual sex you want, in theory it should be a piece of piss to find....if you want a relationship, then refrain from being a skank and you are in with a chance!!!


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    ye most lads get the impression that their life is over once they have a girlfriend but in fairness I have witnessed some of my mates ways with their fell eg,whipping them into shape and bragging about just exactly how much power they can exert over their fell:confused::confused:
    I myself love independence in a relationship but most blokes love independence altogether
    they don't want to feel obligated because that in itself if not fulfilled leads to hurt feelings fights and tension in relationships all of which to go through is not fun:(
    so I can understand to a certain degree when they say I just like doing my own thing and having a laugh....:p :p:p
    because I'm basically the same.
    just to clarify im not against relationships I love it when im with someone but I can see the point with fellas and their one night stands ive been known to succumb every now and then but im not into them myself totally ;)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Okidokey, I reckon having a few one night stands throughout the course of your life is not really a bad thing, infact it could be seen as a good thing. A bit of no strings fun and all that jazz! However, when I say 'a few' I am talking maybe less then 10.

    Its when you make a habit of one night stands, when they become the norm, the way to end a night on the tiles, that I think they become a problem. (IN MY EYES)

    Its not just girls who get a bad name either, I wouldn't go out with a guy who had a reputation for sleeping around.

    I was seeing this guy for a while, we never slept together or anything, but we would hook up every now and then, anyhows, someone asked me if I would ever go out with this guy on a full time basis, and my answer was no.

    This guy had shagged his way around Ireland, he had slept with 4 of the girls I worked with (including the boss and one of my mates) and 7 of the girls I went to college with, thats not including all the random women that I didn't know, and I had no interested in being another notch on that bedpost.

    Its the same for guys, a girl who sleeps around is worth shagging, but not worth getting serious with.

    That might seem harsh, and I probabaly could have sugar coated it a bit, but the jist would have been the same.

    I wouldn't want a boyfriend who had slept with half the women in Ireland, I dont want to have to bump into his ex shagging partners, and most lads wont want a girlfriend who is known as 'up for it' or 'easy'


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    daiixi wrote:
    I'm an Aussie and I find dating a whole different ball game in Ireland than it is in Australia.. There seem to be soooo many rules about how long you have to wait to call/text someone; how long before you sleep with someone and how long you have to be seeing someone before you're actually in a relationship!! In Oz we're pretty much upfront and what you see is what you get but it seems that guys find that kind of thing scary over here.
    Unfortunately the OP doesn't say how old she or the guys she's ending up with are but I have to say youngsters these days are in it for all they can get! As my Ma would say, why buy the dairy farm when you're getting the milk for free?!

    Dam right!! WHat's with all these stupid *&^"ing rules people keep quuoting me?? I wasn't at the conference where we drew up that article.
    daiixi wrote:
    In Oz we're pretty much upfront and what you see is what you get but it seems that guys find that kind of thing scary over here.

    I'd kill to meet a woman who had the wherewithall to be that upfront. I can't seem to get away form these stupid head games irish women insist on playing. Motivation seems to be a pretty even split between exercising a twisted kind of control, and just seeing how much **** they can dole out before u send 'em packing.

    That said, and to avoid the inevitable vitriolic accusations of sexism, I realise guys are the same in their own right, sex, sex, sex and all that. but IMO the overall problem is a cmmunication,a to to the op I have to say if you're giving it out for free, what kind of guys do you think you're going to attract?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    I was seeing this guy for a while, we never slept together or anything, but we would hook up every now and then, anyhows, someone asked me if I would ever go out with this guy on a full time basis, and my answer was no.

    This guy had shagged his way around Ireland, he had slept with 4 of the girls I worked with (including the boss and one of my mates) and 7 of the girls I went to college with, thats not including all the random women that I didn't know, and I had no interested in being another notch on that bedpost.

    Its the same for guys, a girl who sleeps around is worth shagging, but not worth getting serious with.

    That might seem harsh, and I probabaly could have sugar coated it a bit, but the jist would have been the same.

    That's pretty upfront, coffee? :p


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    That's pretty upfront, coffee? :p
    Ha ha ha :D;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 89 ✭✭alfa147


    ive learned alot in the last few years. sure ive had a good few one night stands but who care's im still young i guess. its either relationship(which i don't want) or get married(which i don't want).

    Girls if u want some advice don't sleep with a guy on the first night, give him ur no. and wait for him to text. meet him a couple of times and then sleep with him, its human nature.

    also if u do sleep with a bloke on the first night, don't tell ur GIRLmates as there the ones who spread ur name to other girls calling u sluts. girls can be so bitchy about things like that, i know myself i couldnt give a toss.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 531 ✭✭✭Sarah**


    ok youve put this into a whole new perspective and im not even the OP...New year New ways and all that!!

    But in all fairness...guys go looking for one night stands and then say oh they'd never settle with someone who had a one night stand with them.....so who do they settle with.....When you say look im not going back to the session in your house but here's my number give me a call sometime.....your forgotten about just as soon as he hits save which the next day e wont even remember taking the number or even who u r....

    Anyway im done on this topic as its just a topic that could be endlessly debated and still no sure answer can be given. D'ya get me?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 217 ✭✭Gaillimhtaibhse


    I dunno it just wrecks my head, Its made me loose alot of self confidence in myself cause dats de only type of bloke I can get.Makes me wonder y I cant get a relationship
    Yeah how does 2moro sound 4 de coffee lol Ur place or mine

    Are you for real?;) Naaaaaa.:rolleyes: Amusing thread.:D You got a good response.:v:


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 454 ✭✭toffeapple


    there are no f**king rules or generalizations..every person/situation is different...women get caught up in all this b*ll*x cos they read those stupid f**kin articles in womens magazines" 20 ways to tell if your boyfriend is cheating...etc etc.." all complete ar$e..written by women who don't have a clue cos there women!!! and the men they survey for opinion are usually there gay buddies....we love the chase its an ego thing..i dont think any bloke goes to a night club with the intention of picking up his future wife!!!
    why are some women so painfully dumb....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    If I might suggest a different perspective from this “girls who sleep on a first date are sluts” idiocy - the reality is quite possibly that you were scoring outside of your league.

    It is a truth, in particular for guys but also often also for gals, that we might end up in a one night stand with someone we would not actually be seen dead with in public. As Brendan Behan once said, “I’ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman, but - by God - I’ve woken up with a few”. I’m sure that were you to reverse the genders, it would still be true to many here.

    Of course, this does not mean you’re ugly, it just means that you’re not their type and while you’ll do for the night, once his beer goggles have worn off and his testicles are blessedly empty, you’re no longer of interest to him.

    If you want a relationship, ask a sober guy out. It’s not difficult... well maybe in Ireland it is, but you should still try. You can still shag him sideways on the first date, if you want, and your chances of seeing him again will be a lot greater as he went out to spend time with you rather than picking up some random sperm receptacle in a nightclub. It still might not work out, but that’s just relationships for you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,892 ✭✭✭Kersh


    hmm, you wont find bf material in a nightclub. If you are in the habit of picking guys up for a shag, then Im afraid you are not gf material either. Even if I met you at a party say, and got going with you, when the subject of sexual history comes up, and you say, for example, 8 one night stands, and 5 bfs in 6 years of shagging, ill get my coat and walk out. *8 ONE NIGHTERS * - i (imo!!) would not consider that good ... at all........ even 2 one nighters would be bad, as imo they scream of a girl looking for attention from boys, and sure , shes hardly gonna stop when i start going out with her.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,638 ✭✭✭Iago


    qBot wrote:
    Not trying to insult you but handing it out on the first night just gives out the wrong impression.
    THe chances of getting a relationship from a one night stand are very very slim. Basically fellas think girls who have a one-night stand are sluts.
    Darobot wrote:
    *If a girl rides you after a few hours of meeting you, you're bloody happy about it but you know in the back of your mind that if you do end up going out with her and she's out with her mates on the piss, it's not gonna take a lot of effort for another bloke to get her in the sack.

    Seriously, these attitudes always make me laugh. Who really thinks this way, honestly. Well I've a theory on that, I reckon that the majority of guys who do think this way are one of or a combination of 3 things.

    1. Very young and immature, and therefore unable to deal with the realities of an adult situation

    2. Very insecure in themselves and their abilities/merits, and believe that the only reason this girl has agreed to this is because they would have done so with anybody who asked and therefore is untrustworthy. Of course the irony that their standards are so low that they would be with someone like this is completely lost on them.

    3. Unable to get a girl/woman themselevs, and when faced with these situations choose to ridicule people who are involved in them. (this last one may be a bit harsh, but I think there are a subset of people who fall into this one)

    I'm a guy and I've had opportunities to have one night stands, more often than not they don't end up as one night stands because if I like the girl enough to go home/bring her home at the end of the night then I like her enough to meet up for dinner/drinks afterwards. There have been situations where this hasn't happened, but they've been few and far between and always because a dual decision was made that it was better not to pursue it.

    I have an equal amount of respect for a girl who does sleep with me on the first night as I have for one who doesn't providing she is doing it because she wants to rather than feels that she has to, or it's expected, or any other nonsense that people get into their heads. If I get the impression that the scenario involves any of the above then I tend to walk away anyway.

    and maybe I'm just arrogant but if a girl decides to sleep with me, I tend to believe it's because of attraction between us and my natural charm ;) rather than think "oh well, she obviously does this with everybody, do I really want to be involved with someone like that?" I like sex, generally speaking I think (hope) my partners have liked sex with me, it's refreshing to meet girls who are liberated enough to decide that they want to have sex when they want it, not when society dictates they should.

    What I find funniest about these threads is that generally speaking the guys who are talking about girls being sluts/easy/not relationship material are the very guys who will either drop a girl because she doesn't sleep with them, or be with other girls in the meantime because the "relationship" isn't real until you've slept together. They are also the guys (which is the majority of guys really) who have no problem with sleeping with someone within hours of meeting them and seeing that as perfectly acceptable behaviour. Where they differ from mature, well-balanced, confident and decent men is their rose-tinted approach that what's good for the gander isn't good for the goose...a mentality I will never understand.


    /off-topic

    On-Topic

    I don't know the OPs age but generally guys in their late teens to mid twenties don't want to get too bogged down in serious relationships right from the off. they will however do their best to try and get any girl they find attractive into bed. we can't help it, it's built into us, the whole procreate subconcious reaction is something that we can't (and mostly don't want to) control.

    If you want to meet guys for relationships, then you should try joining clubs where you have an interest, hanging out in quiet bars where a conversation is possible rather than loud bars where you can't even hear yourself think. You will meet guys in pubs and clubs that want relationships, it's just harder to seperate the wheat from the chaff there :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 454 ✭✭toffeapple


    Kersh wrote:
    hmm, you wont find bf material in a nightclub. If you are in the habit of picking guys up for a shag, then Im afraid you are not gf material either. Even if I met you at a party say, and got going with you, when the subject of sexual history comes up, and you say, for example, 8 one night stands, and 5 bfs in 6 years of shagging, ill get my coat and walk out. *8 ONE NIGHTERS * - i (imo!!) would not consider that good ... at all........ even 2 one nighters would be bad, as imo they scream of a girl looking for attention from boys, and sure , shes hardly gonna stop when i start going out with her.

    so you would prefer her to lie.........you must be living in a bubble...if blokes are having one night stands who are they having them with?? the same few women? i dont think so somehow.......what do you care how many she has slept with the reality is that everyone has skeletons in there closet just that women keep them hidden better...my buddy slept with at least 15 different women last year...you are very naive if ya think 8 one night stands in a lifetime is a lot


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,892 ✭✭✭Kersh


    Read my post, 8 in 6 years, and yes to me , thats too many. and not gf material. Im guessing star6t riding at 16, shes now 22 or so.... if she slept with 8 in that time either she cant hold down a relationship, or she slept with them all in 2 years, and had a 4 year relationship. The reason I care how many she slept with is that I wouldn want to go out with an attention seeker/slut/easy girl.... and the best way to judge is see how easy she is by seeing how many lads she hopped on for one nighters. I dont really know, but like i said, IMO...........
    Would you date a girl who screwed 23 different men in one year... hands up who would.......... Go on. Your mates either a liar, or he lies to any future gfs, cos I dont know many girls who would like their fella to have had at least 15 girls in one year...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 454 ✭✭toffeapple


    Kersh wrote:
    Read my post, 8 in 6 years, and yes to me , thats too many. and not gf material. Im guessing star6t riding at 16, shes now 22 or so.... if she slept with 8 in that time either she cant hold down a relationship, or she slept with them all in 2 years, and had a 4 year relationship. The reason I care how many she slept with is that I wouldn want to go out with an attention seeker/slut/easy girl.... and the best way to judge is see how easy she is by seeing how many lads she hopped on for one nighters. I dont really know, but like i said, IMO...........
    Would you date a girl who screwed 23 different men in one year... hands up who would.......... Go on. Your mates either a liar, or he lies to any future gfs, cos I dont know many girls who would like their fella to have had at least 15 girls in one year...

    eh yeah ovibously we lie....my mate already has a girlfriend so its always on the downlow...in my experience 8 one night stands is not a lot..we went on a knacker holiday a couple of years ago and none of the lads got less than 3 rides..one got 6...i got 3 and im an ugly c*nt...in one week! there plenty of ridin going on i dont think 8 in six years is bad at all


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,269 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Some women like men to be experienced Kersh ;)

    OP, what strikes me most about your post is the "txtspk" language in which it's posted and the "barbie girl" username. Neither inspire much confidence tbh, from the off you give the impression that education is something to be scorned and that you want to be the typical pneumatic Californian blonde. The first will put off any educated man, the second any with taste.

    No man (that's not having a mid-life crisis) wants to go out with/marry a bimbo. You're probably not one, but the impression you give in your posts here is that you are. If that's the same impression you give off IRL, I'm guessing that's why the guys are gone in the morning.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Kersh wrote:
    The reason I care how many she slept with is that I wouldn want to go out with an attention seeker/slut/easy girl....
    And you would be able to brand a girl all this based upon her sexual history?

    Concepts such as ‘slut’ or ‘easy girl’ are actually purely invented by Society, and as such change with the Society in question. A ‘slut’ in Ireland in 1950 was quite a different creature to one today - all assuming the concept is not obsolete to begin with.

    Of course why do you shy away from ‘sluts’? I can understand the danger of STI’s, but assuming that both parties are tested and get the all clear, what then? Is it, as you’ve suggested, that you would not believe them to be capable of monogamy? Perhaps, but it’s a jump in logic to assume this.

    TBH, I sounds like you would feel insecure and uncomfortable in such a relationship - they’re more experienced than you and so you may not be up to scratch, compared to their past experiences - which is fair enough, but please don’t blame someone else for your own inadequacies.

    However the ‘attention seeker’ label though, is a bit misogynistic though.
    Would you date a girl who screwed 23 different men in one year... hands up who would.......... Go on. Your mates either a liar, or he lies to any future gfs, cos I dont know many girls who would like their fella to have had at least 15 girls in one year...
    TBH, 23 different men in one year is extreme by most standards, so it would probably have to be qualified. Whether someone sleeps with one or 50 per year really depends upon their motivation and how responsible they are. Based on this, I wouldn’t have a problem with a woman who’d been promiscuous, as long as it wasn’t for all the wrong reasons and without taking care.

    To the latter there are quite a few women that would not mind if their man had been with at least 15 girls in one year (but not during the relationship, naturally). The older you get, the more you will find this as people become more comfortable with sex in general and less insecure of their partner’s sexual history.

    So if you have a preference or prejudice for some type of partner, then you’re welcome to that. However, you should be able to logically articulate why - other than it simply being an unsubstantiated opinion - otherwise all you’re doing is regurgitating traditional prejudices without really knowing why.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,029 ✭✭✭um7y1h83ge06nx


    Sleepy wrote:
    OP, what strikes me most about your post is the "txtspk" language in which it's posted and the "barbie girl" username. Neither inspire much confidence tbh, from the off you give the impression that education is something to be scorned and that you want to be the typical pneumatic Californian blonde. The first will put off any educated man, the second any with taste.

    The "txtspk" and "barbie girl" username may suggest that the OP is young, and may be she is getting in a bit too deep for her age. I dunno

    Anyway, first off, i'm a 22 year old male. I think it's a load of bullsh!t that a person can't meet a gf/bf in a nightclub. It maybe more difficult than a quiet bar or other social setting, but it can be done. If u meet a girl in a nightclub and you think she's nice, get her number, and arrange to meet again, this time maybe in a quiet pub, find a table in a quiet corner, so u can have a good conversation, and get to know each other. All in all, a nightclub can be a good place to initially meet a girl, but if you want to see if a relationship can develop, you should try and meet up under a different setting.

    Getting a bit more on topic now. If a girl is offering the opportunity of having sex after just meeting her, I take up the offer. If you refuse you'll get nothing and she might not want to meet up again. If you accept, well at least you'll get sex :) , and who knows, maybe the possibility of meeting up again, and starting a possible relationship, if you want.


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