Would you be hurt?

Stabshauptmann

Women are great :rolleyes:

It was meant as a compliment, I totally understand what he meant, but also immediatly guessed how you were going to react before I read it.

Chrissy

Kaptain Redeye wrote:

Women are great :rolleyes:

It was meant as a compliment, I totally understand what he meant, but also immediatly guessed how you were going to react before I read it.

Ah, I know it was meant as a compliment, that's why I didn't react in front of him & just laughed it off.
No point making a fella (who's already not that confident at giving compliments) feel bad about messing his words.

That's why the only place I've said how I really felt by it was here, to see if my reaction was to be expected. As far as he knows, I was complimentsed, & in a way, I was, but like I said:
I could have lived with being told that she was class but the friend chose me over her.
That'd have been a really nice compliment.
He didn't have to DRIVE home the point by saying much better looking than you, that's all. I'd have preferred to believe which ever I was happier with on that part

stovelid

Hi Chrissy

Perhaps he meant "good looking", as in everyone's definition of what defines great looks.

Most people here would agree that there are loads of definitions of good looks and sexiness. Some people are considered very "good looking", that is, they look a certain way that is guranteed to appeal to the largest number of people than most.

However, nobody can say for sure what is attractive and what is not. Where do you start...she's pretty but she's prettier, theres something about her...etc etc..

How many times have you not really been attracted to people at the start (whether they are good looking or not) and then fallen completely for them. Its not always about looks.

What makes you pick a particular girl to be attracted to in a college/office/city of good looking girls for example?

I'm not just saying this to tie in with your post but i would consider my fiance to be more "good looking" than me on a certain level. This is based on what people say, what i observe when we are out but what does that mean? She finds me attractive so why start worrying about what i look like in relation to others? Likewise, maybe a public poll would find angelina jolie more attractive than her but so what. Each to their own.

Anyway, thats the extreme case, you sound like you get lots of attention from guys when you are out and are obviously attractive so why worry about the ex? Obviously your bf sounds like he's really into you..

i basically think he tried to say something truthful in a clumsy way, thats all.

Vangelis

Chrissy wrote:

Thanks Vangelis.

No problem!

Yes, he definitely DOES show that I'm his girl through his actions. I know he loves me, I know he loves spending time with me, I know he enjoys being intimate with me (it's just since he said that, I can't help but think that we would've got more turned on by being intimate with "Betty")

At least that's good, I think.

To me it seems like you're not being completely honest with yourself. If he is with you and doesn't adore you above all other women, then what kind of guy is he? Many women would find that situation quite inacceptable and uncomfortable. What a burden it must be to think about this all the time. And to know that he isn't as physically attracted to you as he could be with a far "prettier" girl.

You surely are tolerant. All I can say is: Watch out so you don't tolerate too much. You'd end up in an evil circle of self-deceit and letting yourself be belittled by your boyfriend. If you allow yourself to live with this, it might end up like a blister that will never heal. And it may come between you. Hesitation and insecurity. You have probably allready tasted those feelings.

If he isn't satisfied with you... he's not a good boyfriend.

You deserve someone who is fully committed to you, someone to whom you are the most beautiful woman in the world. That's all I can say to you. And I hope you it will end well for you!

illicit007

Vangelis wrote:

And to know that he isn't as physically attracted to you as he could be with a far "prettier" girl.

You surely are tolerant. All I can say is: Watch out so you don't tolerate too much. You'd end up in an evil circle of self-deceit and letting yourself be belittled by your boyfriend. If you allow yourself to live with this, it might end up like a blister that will never heal. And it may come between you. Hesitation and insecurity. You have probably allready tasted those feelings.

If he isn't satisfied with you... he's not a good boyfriend.

You deserve someone who is fully committed to you, someone to whom you are the most beautiful woman in the world. That's all I can say to you. And I hope you it will end well for you!

Sorry Vang, I don't agree... at all.

Beauty is made up of many things, NOT just physical attractiveness. Just because your bf may think betsy or jane or angelina are physically more attractive to most other guys (as in more blokes would pick her over you for one no ties night of sex) it doesn't mean that in 6 months or 6 years down the track they are still going to want to be with her does it! I mean what if this "prettier" girl doesn't treat you nearly half as nice, isn't as fun to be around and is more selfish in bed anyway. Who would want to be around her for long? No me. And probably not Chrissy's boyfriend either. Sounds to me like Chrissy's bf is the type of guy who can get a girl easily if he wants to and I know a guy like that wouldn't settle for someone who would't be satisfied settling for.

Facts are facts. I KNOW that my girlfriend went out with a guy who was actually a model and even I say he was better looking than me. But the thing is we went out for new years and she told all my mates that I was the sexiest guy in the room. So she feels the same way as you do.

And I've been out with a model too. She was taller, possibly had a prettier face and bigger boobs. BUT I like my gf waaay better. and we have GREAT sex. And I think i'm falling in love with her. From what i heard, sounds like the same way your bf feels about you Chrissy.

Sure I'd like to have been the most good looking guy my gf has EVER been with and yes it does kinda suck that life is not fair... BUT THATS A GOOD THING, it means that I get to have her instead of some preppy model boy.

See?

Really I think you should let it go. Obviously everyone knows he wasn't eloquent and everyone including yourself, know he was trying to make a really good point. But he could have said it better. But we are men and we've only 50% the brain power when it comes to speech. So give him a break.

I don't really see why you are acting all hurt? Maybe it's a girl thing. A lack of insecurity or something, is that it?

Chrissy

I'm sorry to bring this back to the top of the pile but I just thought I'd update you & thank you for all your responses.

While out at the weekend we were in a pub with screens up around the place playing music videos & so the usual scantly clad hot chicks dancing around the screen type stuff. I was joking with my bf about the eye candy or something & he said something like he had his own eye candy & didn't need to look at that.

I took the compliment but he sensed I wasn't really believing him so he asked me if he had said something wrong & when I said no, he said had he said something wrong the previous weekend, so I told him it had gotten to me a bit.
He said knew right away when he said it that he'd said the wrong thing & that he was SO sorry & he felt like such a dickhead & he never wants me to feel like that again, .........................
He said noone could even come close to me, & he could never feel the same about anyone else as he does for me.

Oh, I've actually membered a little bit why the conversation got started:-
he'd been down at my house the night before. When he arrived I was just out of the shower, no makeup, hair just naturally dry, no styling etc, just in ordinary clothes etc, & he noted to himself how gorgeous I looked & that I didn't need anything to enhance it.
He told me this in the pub which then sparked off the rest of the nights conversation.

I do know that he still thinks she's prettier than me, but I don't care about that.
I guess I was afraid that he just didn't think I was pretty or attractive, but I now know that's definitely NOT the case.

Once said & done, that's it over & finished with. I know how he feels about me & I'll never drag anything like that up again.

He's everything I could ever have hoped for & more, & I now know he thinks the same about me & is not 'settling' for me, so I'm very very happy!

irlrobins

Good for you. Glad things sorted out for the best.

You're a lucky lady and he's an even luckier guy!

Hopeless

Your boyfriend sounds like a decent guy!
Just to point out another thing, people mentioning that their boyfriends don't call them 'hot' etc.
I get a lot more annoyed when my guy tells me how sexy and good looking I am than when he tells me how cool I am to talk to.
In a silly girly way when he tells me I'm hot I can't help but think 'he's only with me to get some' while when he honestly compliments my personality it sort of brings out the true reason he's with you and not anyone else.

Talliesin

Hopeless wrote:

I get a lot more annoyed when my guy tells me how sexy and good looking I am than when he tells me how cool I am to talk to.
In a silly girly way when he tells me I'm hot I can't help but think 'he's only with me to get some' while when he honestly compliments my personality it sort of brings out the true reason he's with you and not anyone else.

Life's too short to bother much with someone whose company doesn't stimulate you in both these ways.

constitutionus

im glad things have worked out, to be honest i was more worried about the fact you think a guy could have passionate regular sex with a women he wasnt attracted to. trust me, no man EVER, anywhere, slept regularly with a woman he doesnt find attractive so stop putting yourself down.
i can relate to what he was trying to say. the girl im after and her best friend go to my local and when i first met them i was immediatly attracted to her best friend, simply because she filled the criteria of what i go for physically. but as time went by i found her less and less attractive and its solely due to her personality. conversely the girl im interested in is the EXACT opposite to everything i usually go for yet ive fallen for her big time.if he feels the same then no matter what anyone else thinks he'll ALWAYS see her as ugly now

you know you might have missed something in what he said as well. as stated his ex is a stunner and he dumped her because of her personality. but his shock was that his mates seen this comming, presuming of course that they saw only the stunner and not what a pain she was. he might feel like a bad judge of character that mates of his that didnt even go out with betty knew he was better off with you and that he had to go through the relationship to figure it out.

as to the lack of compliments , some guys just feel like idiots doing that. i mean when do you do it, how often , to what length . i mean i consider myself fairly articulate and every time i see the girl im after i want to tell her that she's the most breathtaking vision of loveliness ive ever beheld but i know theres no way i can say it without it sounding like i want to get down her knickers, which by the way is true, but i mean the compliment as well its just a matter of finding the appropriate time,after all if someone keeps telling you your beautiful all the time soon enough you'll just think hes saying it and doesnt really mean it . he may just be saving the compliments up for when he really wants to impress on you how he feels:D

. also a lot of guys tend to think that if theyre still with a girl it should tell you something that words cant. the ACT of being with you is in our eyes testement to what we think of your attractiveness

Vangelis

Just to say that I'm glad it's okay and you got things sorted out.

See ya, Chrissy!