Good God NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

madrab

*sits in the corner rocking back & forth*

http://www.computerandvideogames.com/news/news_story.php?id=132228

c&vg wrote:

UWE SET TO BOLLS UP METAL GEAR SOLID MOVIE?

BloodRayne, House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark movie director apparently approached with script for the MGS movie adaptation

12:38 If word on the street (well, the 'net actually - but that's not the point) is anything to go by, then Uwe Boll's managed to do it again with the North American release of his BloodRayne movie. Of course, by "do it again" we mean "crimp off another spectacular piece of cinematic turd". It seems that not even the spectacle of Meatloaf frollicking around with naked nymphos whores could save the buxom videogame vampire from Boll's anti-Midas touch. So, brace yourself when we reluctantly impart the news that everyone's favourite auteur could be helming the Metal Gear Solid movie.
Speaking to horror website Bloody-disgusting.com at the premiere for BloodRayne, Boll explained that "people are coming to me with Metal Gear Solid. They wrote a script, and Konami basically paid these people to write it. And I hope that Metal Gear Solid will be working."

Either Boll's just toying with our delicate emotions in the name of rampant hilarity or he's speaking the truth. Our brains already fear the prospect of being subjected to a three-hour Boll opus where Hideo Kojima's legendary videogame property is devalued to the price of a fruit pastel.
Unsurprisingly, the director looks set to leap into the chair of the MGS movie if the franchise comes his way: "Yea, absolutely. And especially with the Doom situation. I think we could do it a lot better...its one of the top five of all time." Incidentally, we're not even going to pretend we know what Doom's got to do with it - although that was crap too, so we can sort of see a potential link there.

Anyway, given Hideo Kojima's love of Western culture - particularly movies - we're hoping that the MGS franchise will be kept close to its creator's chest until a more worthy candidate steps up to take on the challenge of celluloid Snake.

Vokes

Ahhh no. This makes me sad.

super_furry

Look on the bright side and least the film script has a chance of making more sense than the game scripts.

The Patriots invented the pyramids!

Retr0gamer

I doubt Hideo Kojima will agree to it. He sent the Wachowski's packing when they went to discuss a MGS movie. I doubt Uwe Boll will change his mind.

Dont be at yourself

I'd imagine Kojima would be the first name on the list to direct it, given his love of movies, and seeing as it's pretty much his series.

Peteee

Dear god!!!!

I too hope Hideo Kojima directs. His cut scenes are fantasticly directed

BloodBath

Kojima has directed a couple of anime films before has he not? He's got the talent to direct it himself. I don't see why he'd let anyone else do it.

Vokes

How does Uwe Boll keep getting to make videogame movies?

Profit is the most important thing for the movie execs. right? And yet, according to boxofficemojo.com, none of Uwe Boll's previous videogame films have made a profit. In fact, Bloodrayne out this weekend has only made under $2mil and cost $45mil to make/market.

The mind boggles.

Crucifix

Let's be honest, we all know the way to make the perfect Metal Gear Solid film, and that's record the game being played from start to finish.

Ciaran500

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/

Who the fuck is stupid enough to give this guy work? His best rated film got a 5/10 with all the rest getting 2/10. He must be one heck of a sales man.

madrab

Ciaran500 wrote:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/

Who the fuck is stupid enough to give this guy work? His best rated film got a 5/10 with all the rest getting 2/10. He must be one heck of a sales man.

alot of those movies were to do with getting tax breaks in germany for a flopped movie (ie they perposely{sp} got him to make the movies so that it would be bad)

LoLth

the producers?

Pugsley

BloodBath wrote:

Kojima has directed a couple of anime films before has he not? He's got the talent to direct it himself. I don't see why he'd let anyone else do it.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0463620/

madrab

oh god alone in the dark was painfully horrible, i dont mind Christian Slater but Tara Reid should be taken out back & beaten with an empty jd bottle

damn german tax laws letting him able to make these atrocities

http://www.slate.com/id/2117309

_CreeD_

Apparently the Huns ahve closed that loophole and Mr.Bol will soon be without a paddle in his own river of ****. I don't blame him as much as the game companies that sell him the licenses - he's just a fool trying (And succeeding) at getting by without any talent, the exec.s selling him the licenses know better at this stage but are happy to whore out their game series regardless.

Cake Fiend

I want to know what it was that the videogaming community did to Uwe Boll to cause him to release his unrelenting torrent of sh1te on us Whatever it was, surely his merciless retaliation goes against the Geneva convention??

Atomic Pineapple

Cant be as painfull as the Metal Gear Solid: sons of liberty experience

Lemlin

madrab wrote:

oh god alone in the dark was painfully horrible, i dont mind Christian Slater but Tara Reid should be taken out back & beaten with an empty jd bottle

damn german tax laws letting him able to make these atrocities

http://www.slate.com/id/2117309

Never knew there was an Alone In The Dark film. When was it released? What's it like?

Ciaran500

The whole thread is about how bad Boll's films are o_O

Its safe to say AitD is ****.

Retr0gamer

Well at least Bloodrayne isn't entirely without merit. It's supposed to contain pointless nudity. Other than that the reviews haven't anything decent to say.

madrab

yeah he didnt have time to hire actors for the nudy vampires so he went out & hired a load of whores for the movie, good work Mr Boll

yeah alone in the dark is on of the most painful movie experiences i have ever had, good god tara reaid should be horribly murdered

Crucifix

Sorry to drag this back up....wait no, ecstatic to drag this back up:
Linky

koneko

Hideo Kojima 1 - 0 Uwe Boll

projectmayhem

yeah kojima's a big movie fan. he writes a column in a local newspaper over there about movies, and reviews some too. he knows his stuff, so he's not likely to let some tit like uwe boll direct mgs.

ridley scott ftw!

Retr0gamer

Hideo Kojima has bad taste in movies though. He likes his movies to be full of action and style and doesn't really care about story. Still he wouldn't be stupid enough to let Uwe Boll near an MGS project. Kojima would probably want to direct it himself anyway. He isn't a bad director either. The movies in Policenauts are great (pity it isn't in english) and he can certainly direct action scenes, much better than that muppet did with MGS: Twin Snakes which were laughably over the top (over the top did however work for the ninja scenes).

eyerer

i've never played a metal gear solid game

might get twin snakes for the cube in future though