Is he interested?

lazydaisy

Yes,AB- I see your point. And I agree with you to a certain extent. But as Im sure you know, fear and desire are on the opposite side of the same coin.

So you're saying if women would just stop with these stupid games of withholding and had sex with who they felt like having sex with then men wouldnt have to resort to trickery and deceit? Ha ha. I love it. I wish.

AB have you not noticed - we are HIGH MAINTENANCE, girlfriends, mothers, sisters, daughters, just accept it. We need attention.

There are times when I think we are the hornier sex and someone has tricked us into thinking its the men so we dont sleep around.:D

OP - some people hate texting. Im one of them. If you want to talk to him. Ring. If he doesnt ring you back, he doesnt want to talk to you. In the end people do what they want. Its simple.

toffeapple

I think half the problem nowadays is women analise stuff too much....trust your instincts..no one else can really know...i know advice can be helpful but if you dont trust yourself to make good judgements you cant trust someone else in a relationship......humans have highly developed social skills and instincts for choosing partners...most of which happens subconciously. if you have doubts now you know what you need to do

AngryBadger

This whole discussion is huge, so I'm going to try and address what i think are the most relevant parts of it. But before that, I'd like to say I'm well impressed with your candor on the subject LazyDaisy.

lazydaisy wrote:

So you're saying if women would just stop with these stupid games of withholding and had sex with who they felt like having sex with then men wouldnt have to resort to trickery and deceit? Ha ha. I love it. I wish.

I'm actually not even talking about sex. I can only speak for myself, and from my own experience.

I'm talking about how women respond to men before sex is even on the cards. Granted everyones initial response to anyone is totally physical, but once I get past that and decide to strike up a conversation, I expect that person to afford me basic courtesy and respect. Now when that isn't forthcoming, I just lose interest, because i assume they're not interested, and that I've mis-read the situation.

However, i often find that women who do this, they continue to seek my attention. When that starts happening I assume it means she wants me to be over there trying it on, but she doesn't want to let on that's what she wants, which means one of two things

1) She lacks in confidence, and therefore will not make any moves, (bearing in mind at this stage I've already tried to get the ball rolling), so I decide I'm not interestd because I'm not looking for a project

2) She's just looking for attention, which is fine, I have no issue with that, but, I'm not the guy to hang around and toot someone else's horn....no way to avoid that pun

These are the conclusons I reach because you can't expect someone else to respect you unless you respect yourself.

As regards the sex. If someone wants sex, it's there to be had. there's no great mystery to achieving it. The problem is, not all people are interested in a "loose" sex life. There are degrees, some people would like to have a small number of discrete sexual partners, some would like to be ****ing everyone and their dog. The problem is LCD sex is easy to find, just get langers and molest the nearest person, (be ye man, woman, or beast), and a lay is guaranteed. But a lot of people, (like me), aren't into that, and the alternatives are not as easy to find. Which leads to people racking their brains out trying to figure out how they can get it, and in the process over-complicating the issue waaaayyyy to much.

lazydaisy wrote:

AB have you not noticed - we are HIGH MAINTENANCE, girlfriends, mothers, sisters, daughters, just accept it. We need attention.

I have no problem with maintainence. I have a problem with women trying to turn me into their "bitch". Sorry. The last serious girlfriend i had was bowled over at the level of affection I doled out. Thing is, in the first place she had the gumption to step out and let me know that she was interested, and once I knew that, all bets were off.

Anyway, this is turning into a bit of a ramble. What I'm trying to get at is, all these games don't actually make things that much harder for us guys. Ultimately the only people who suffer for this aproach if you, the women, and for the life of me I can't figure out why that is.

lazydaisy

Its fear. Thats what it comes down to. Putting r hand out to be slapped etc etc. Or of scarring the **** out of someone and therby coming on too strong and them running out of your life screaming.

I know women, and Ive seen it, who will fancy a guy, and who will be short toned and bordering on hostile, simply out of shyness. Now to me, this seems crazy, but I think the fear of exposure is so strong that this weird defensive thing kicks in. Or follow these stupid procedures like for every two phone calls he makes to you, you can make one. Who has time for this nonsense?

Notably, this is especially true with younger women, in their 20s. Its "should I, shouldn't I, hemming and hawing, consulting eight balls, boring your friends to tears with your indecisiveness and hesitancies,whereas women who are a bit older [over 27] are more in the vibe of "you, here, now".

The problem is LCD sex is easy to find, just get langers and molest the nearest person, (be ye man, woman, or beast), and a lay is guaranteed. But a lot of people, (like me), aren't into that, and the alternatives are not as easy to find. Which leads to people racking their brains out trying to figure out how they can get it, and in the process over-complicating the issue waaaayyyy to much.

Right on AB. Im totally there with you. The thing is that sex sets up expectations and often people are not singing from the same hymn sheet. And I think this is what people worry about in addition to any unplanned attachments they may form.

I think women lose out too when the guy turns into their bitch. Who finds a castrated wimp attractive? Sorry. Im a bit old fashioned in that way. I like men to be men. That way I feel more feminine I know thats not fashionable but I dont care. Its what turns me on.

AngryBadger

lazydaisy wrote:

I think women lose out too when the guy turns into their bitch. Who finds a castrated wimp attractive? Sorry. Im a bit old fashioned in that way. I like men to be men. That way I feel more feminine I know thats not fashionable but I dont care. Its what turns me on.

And I have absolutely no problem with that. I think a woman can be tactile, love kittens, and all things pink, and still be the equal of any guy.

In the same vein I think guys should be able to pour their hearts out when they're down, and still wrestle bears before breakfast.

So, coffee at your place?

Stabshauptmann

IsHeInterested? wrote:

I have started seeing this guy. So have been seeing him for about 3/4 weeks now.

I dont know if Im over reacting, but he rarely txts or calls or anything. i dont want to sound like an ejit-i havent been in the dating game for a few years and am not sure what this means. Does it mean he isnt interested? I dont want to be doing all the chasing. Am trying to keep it as casual and non-pressure as possible. I actually find chasing men a turn off.

I mean, I text him last night and he replied and everything. But today nothing.

Is this the way it goes? Am confused. He says that he likes me (and chased me so to speak to get together).

Some ppl find txting weird, others like WWM veiw it as pointless.
Arrange to meet up again and judging by how it goes decide if hes still interested

lazydaisy

AngryBadger wrote:

And I have absolutely no problem with that. I think a woman can be tactile, love kittens, and all things pink, and still be the equal of any guy.

In the same vein I think guys should be able to pour their hearts out when they're down, and still wrestle bears before breakfast.

So, coffee at your place?

Do you take cream and sugar?

constitutionus

lazydaisy wrote:

constitutionus- why did she want you beaten up. The work thing hardly seem able to justify violence:eek:

i know, and it was TWO YEARS later, i told ya i just attract nutters:D im telling ya this one put me off girls for about a year:D (well ok six monts:) )

AngryBadger wrote:

And I have absolutely no problem with that. I think a woman can be tactile, love kittens, and all things pink, and still be the equal of any guy.

In the same vein I think guys should be able to pour their hearts out when they're down, and still wrestle bears before breakfast.

DITTO , i like my women to be feminine, stylish and girly with an ability to emphasise and actually have compassion. i dont know about you but every time i run into a supposedly "strong confident liberated woman" they usually end up bawlling their eyes out on my shoulder saying how they dont want to be such a bitch but its the only way to get the job done.
theres two problem here 1) no you dont, just be competant at your job. most people are scared ****less of responsibility, be they male OR female. so theyll follow ANYONE who looks like they know what they're doing . and 2) WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DELIBERATLY LIVING A LIFE THAT MAKES YOU MISERABLE
in terms of character i consider myself a nice guy, but i KNOW what ill do to protect someone i love and its pretty cold . the fact this type of thing is mostly absent in women is what i LOVE about them. IMHO i think the reason a LOT of women are single is because they act like blokes:rolleyes: , honnestly if we wanted to shag men we'd be gay:)

I dont want to seem like im comming down on the girls, its great to actually have an insightful honest conversation on this stuff. but i agree with AB, ALL these head games seem to be comming from the girls.
for gods sake if you want us MAKE IT PLAIN . as a man, despite what you MAY have heard, I DONT LIKE THE HUNT:mad: . if i wanna hunt ill pick up a bow and arrow and head for the mountains, if i want a woman i'll chat her up and expect her to reciprocate if shes interested. NOT act all cool and end up at the end of the night standing right next to me (despite being no where NEAR me originally) chatting up blokes while rubbing her arse in my direction(and im talking about a seperation between us of SIX INCHES boys and girls:eek: )
as a self confessed control freak, the very IDEA of a woman manipulating me is anathema to my being. i want a partner, NOT a master (although i have to confess there ARE guys who seem to get off on being ordered about by their girlfriends, but then again i suppose even the mentally ill deserve to get laid ) so this line of seduction wont work.

AngryBadger

lazydaisy wrote:

Do you take cream and sugar?

Just sugar will be fine, have to watch my girlish figure

lazydaisy

consitutionus - Take the OPs dilemna. He says he wants to see her on sunday, sunday rolls around, and she hears nothing from him. To me that means he found something better he wants to do and was too cowardly to let her know. Isnt that common courtesy? Dont you think he should be upfront about what his deal is? If someone says that they are into you but then doesnt act like it, I cant blame OP for being confused.

The scenario you describe of acting all cool the whole night and then standing next to you at the end - just seems silly. That would seriously bore me. If I saw a man do that, I would just assume that he was interested in talking to whoever he was talking to and that I was irrelevant to it, and seriously his ass should not be in my personal space.

I think a lot of it is we just take meaning differently. For example, I was rightly impressed that this guy I went to school with but hadnt seen in many years, remembered my birthday. Not only that, but we werent ever that close. When I tell women that, they are blown away. When I tell men that, they look at me and then say, so what- that doesnt mean anything.

And well, constitutionus, most of us are cry babies, sorry cant be helped. Myself included.

AB-Im seriously holding back from about 25 possible responses to your last post.

AngryBadger

lazydaisy wrote:

AB-Im seriously holding back from about 25 possible responses to your last post.

Don't ever hold back on my account!!! :rolleyes:

WhiteWashMan

Kaptain Redeye wrote:

Some ppl find txting weird, others like WWM veiw it as pointless.
Arrange to meet up again and judging by how it goes decide if hes still interested

i dont find texting pointless.
it has a point.

but if you want to know something, and you feel youre not getting answers, why come on here and ask us, people who no nothing about the situation, if someone likes someone else?

the easiest thing in the world is to pick up the phone and meet up.

people are just so afraid of being rejected.
sometimes i wonder who the population manages to grow at all. its like the entire txt generation cannot communicate if they dont put a number in the word and use a smiley to indicate how they feel.

texting is good for information.
where are you?
pub at 7?
whats the story?

constitutionus

lazydaisy wrote:

consitutionus - Take the OPs dilemna. He says he wants to see her on sunday, sunday rolls around, and she hears nothing from him. To me that means he found something better he wants to do and was too cowardly to let her know. Isnt that common courtesy? Dont you think he should be upfront about what his deal is? If someone says that they are into you but then doesnt act like it, I cant blame OP for being confused.

I agree compleatly, if you make plans you should stick to it. its incredibly disrespectful not to get in contact and let the other person know. hell its almost implying that they dont have anything else to do so its not worth telling em. this is what confuses me, texting is a very easy way of telling someone bad news I.E "cant make it sunday, cat died" and then turn phone off. Cowardly true, but at least you know the dates off, and your not left dangling. I 'D actually go so far to say hes not interested, but HE did the original arangement so i dont know, i mean hell something serious COULD have come up and he just doesnt want to talk about it

lazydaisy wrote:

The scenario you describe of acting all cool the whole night and then standing next to you at the end - just seems silly. That would seriously bore me. If I saw a man do that, I would just assume that he was interested in talking to whoever he was talking to and that I was irrelevant to it, and seriously his ass should not be in my personal space.

Ya see this is what confuses me, its the dichotomy. on the one hand shes worked her way over to where i am from the othe side of the club (with her best friend, shes not that sad:D ) and is literally in ass grabbing reach. but then shes chatting up other guys, right next to me .
if she just had her back to me (nice view by the way ) and pretended not to notice me while talking to her friend i'd see it as a fairly obvious sign and chat her up. but when other guys enter the equation it throws me. i brought it up with her once and she told me the guys where old work buddies of hers, but ive NO way of knowing this in a club situation and i dont wanna be one of those guys that gets in a girls face if she really IS interested in another guy
( i mean think about it, how would you feel if your on a date and some bombshell walks up and starts chatting up your man, totally uninvited:mad: it'd be high heels at dawn )

lazydaisy wrote:

And well, constitutionus, most of us are cry babies, sorry cant be helped. Myself included.

And hey, i love consoling the ladies, hell its been half my sex life ,to be honest im quiet proud girls think they can confide in me. christ knows what vibe i give off that does it but im glad they feel they can trust me i just worry sometimes that people, both male AND female are beating themselves into something that society or politicians or preasure groups are TELLING them they should be instead of just trusting their instincts and doing what makes them happy.
look at the ex president Mary Robinson, she basically came out a couple of weeks back and said if you were a college or university educated woman and you got married and chucked the job in to have kids and raise a family that your a selfish irresponsible bitch whos letting the side down and your not a sucess or a real woman:eek: i mean WTF:eek: :eek:
i tell ya nowadays the worlds more about living to work, than working to live:rolleyes:

lazydaisy

constitutionus wrote:

on the one hand shes worked her way over to where i am from the othe side of the club (with her best friend, shes not that sad:D ) and is literally in ass grabbing reach. but then shes chatting up other guys, right next to me .

She thinks if she makes you jealous it will spur you into action to start chatting her up. Shes not really interested in them shes using them as a barometer to measure your interest in her. Or she was just talking to them thats all. If someone starts chatting up my guy its HIS response i'd be keeping an eye on. It has happened before as Ive been blessed/cursed with some very hot yet nuts men.

constitutionus wrote:

i just worry sometimes that people, both male AND female are beating themselves into something that society or politicians or preasure groups are TELLING them they should be instead of just trusting their instincts and doing what makes them happy.

Well this sums up how we girls are raised. Its slapped into us-literally "boys are bad. boys are bad. boys are bad." And then one day out of the blue so, when you are getting married? We are expected to romance and live with these creatures weve been raised not to trust. And you wonder why we're crazy.

As for the OPs dilemna, Ive stopped listenin to what men say and asses a situation based on their actions. Example, i keep getting texts from this guy who keeps saying he wants to see me but cant make plans yet. As far as Im concerned if he wanted to see me he would have by now. It shouldnt take two months to meet someone for a drink. I mean come on. I sent him a text asking WHAT HAS YOU SO BUSY? PRISON? All he said back was SOON. WTF?

dell6680

AngryBadger wrote:

As regards the sex. If someone wants sex, it's there to be had. there's no great mystery to achieving it. The problem is, not all people are interested in a "loose" sex life. There are degrees, some people would like to have a small number of discrete sexual partners, some would like to be ****ing everyone and their dog. The problem is LCD sex is easy to find, just get langers and molest the nearest person, (be ye man, woman, or beast), and a lay is guaranteed. But a lot of people, (like me), aren't into that, and the alternatives are not as easy to find. Which leads to people racking their brains out trying to figure out how they can get it, and in the process over-complicating the issue waaaayyyy to much.



I have no problem with maintainence. I have a problem with women trying to turn me into their "bitch". Sorry. The last serious girlfriend i had was bowled over at the level of affection I doled out. Thing is, in the first place she had the gumption to step out and let me know that she was interested, and once I knew that, all bets were off.

Anyway, this is turning into a bit of a ramble. What I'm trying to get at is, all these games don't actually make things that much harder for us guys. Ultimately the only people who suffer for this aproach if you, the women, and for the life of me I can't figure out why that is.

from what I can see from your posts, you have a difficulty attracting women. You say that sex is easy to find and a lay is guaranteed but only with langers. This isn't true at all. Sex is easy to find, once you know what you are doing. You're not a natural with women, so sex isn't easy to find for you. I can tell this from your posts 100%. I think you are saying that you're not into casual sex because you are not the kind of person that can go out and meet a nice girl. This is common. Lot's of guys can't meet women for lots of reasons and they convince themselves that they aren't interested in "casual sex" because they don't want to face the fact that they have a problem attracting and obtaining women of quality. This would imply many bad things about them. They don't realise that you can meet women of quality every day of the week. There are beautiful girls that are very nice out there every night. Almost every girl goes to a bar/club at some stage of the week. It's possible to meet them and attract them and have relationships with them. You just have to know what to do.

AngryBadger

dell6680 wrote:

from what I can see from your posts, you have a difficulty attracting women... I can tell this from your posts 100%. I think you are saying that you're not into casual sex because you are not the kind of person that can go out and meet a nice girl....You just have to know what to do.

Actually i have two dates this weekend, with different women, natch! So maybe y'all oughta be listenin' when the badger be talkin'

Oh and for the record, I'm all about casual sex!

ZING!!!

lazydaisy

Angry badger -you big slut!:D

AngryBadger

lazydaisy wrote:

Angry badger -you big slut!:D

Of course

AngryBadger

dell6680 wrote:

This is common. Lot's of guys can't meet women for lots of reasons and they convince themselves that they aren't interested in "casual sex" because they don't want to face the fact that they have a problem attracting and obtaining women of quality...They don't realise that you can meet women of quality every day of the week...Almost every girl goes to a bar/club at some stage of the week...It's possible to meet them and attract them and have relationships with them.

You know this is kind of like a david attenburrough special

constitutionus

david- "and here, in the dank undergrowth of the sub urban night club we see the irish male. trying despartely to attract a mate by grinding his crotch into her backside while issueing forth his distinctive mating cry. we move closer to observe this remarkable sight"

local lad- "OI, get that ****ing camera out of my face ya pervert"

LegacyUser

Well, get this!

Right, so, I eventually met up with him (no-I wasnt all desperate "oh yes Ill meet you right now" kinda thing) during the week, and he asked me if I would like to officially go out with him.

So I was a bit stunned. I hummed and haa'ed a bit. But said a casual ok.

Roll on mid week. I get sick. He texts to meet up, I say Ill meet you saturday. Why dont you come to my place to watch a dvd. He says yes Id be delighted. Saturday comes, am having lunch with a friend, when he starts texting to see how I am. He then asks "we still on for tonight? Hope youre not going to cancel!!!" I reply yes im still on.

Saturday night, I get a miss call on my phone. Try to ring him back. Phone is off. No word from him all night. Am stood up! This morning, get a missed call from him. I txt him asking what happened, and as per usual, get no reply......

I am seriously weary of this. Think this deserves a telling off. Am right pissed off. Feel like a fooking fool. What is going on with this guy? Hot/cold. Why o why do I still like him?

constitutionus

IsHeInterested? wrote:

Well, get this!

Right, so, I eventually met up with him (no-I wasnt all desperate "oh yes Ill meet you right now" kinda thing) during the week, and he asked me if I would like to officially go out with him.

So I was a bit stunned. I hummed and haa'ed a bit. But said a casual ok.

Roll on mid week. I get sick. He texts to meet up, I say Ill meet you saturday. Why dont you come to my place to watch a dvd. He says yes Id be delighted. Saturday comes, am having lunch with a friend, when he starts texting to see how I am. He then asks "we still on for tonight? Hope youre not going to cancel!!!" I reply yes im still on.

Saturday night, I get a miss call on my phone. Try to ring him back. Phone is off. No word from him all night. Am stood up! This morning, get a missed call from him. I txt him asking what happened, and as per usual, get no reply......

I am seriously weary of this. Think this deserves a telling off. Am right pissed off. Feel like a fooking fool. What is going on with this guy? Hot/cold. Why o why do I still like him?

DUMP HIS ASS . sorry to be blunt but while he had an excuse to begin with this smacks of ****ing with your head and you dont need the grief.

you sound like a descent girl so you shouldnt have any problem meeting some one else. i know because hes in your head it'll be hard but honestly if he ask to officially go out with you and arranges a date, texts to confirm it and THEN stands you up hes not worth it, there are plenty of guys who'd appreciate your more direct method so give them a chance.

honnestly to ONLY excuse he possibly could have is that the battery in his phone died but even then theres NOTHING to stop him using a public phone. his treatment here is inexuseable:mad:

AngryBadger

I'm with Constituionus on this. Dump his sorry ass.

constitutionus

AngryBadger wrote:

I'm with Constituionus on this. Dump his sorry ass.

you know man ,after reading all this im starting to understand why the girl i like been acting so weird. if shes gone through half of whats happening to the OP its no wonder girls wont just come up to us and take a chance like you want.
next oppertunity im just gonna ask her out, no matter HOW strange she acts and see what happens:)

AngryBadger

constitutionus wrote:

you know man ,after reading all this im starting to understand why the girl i like been acting so weird. if shes gone through half of whats happening to the OP its no wonder girls wont just come up to us and take a chance like you want.
next oppertunity im just gonna ask her out, no matter HOW strange she acts and see what happens:)

I wholeheartedly endorse that policy Con. After all, what's the worst that can happen right? (ask me at the next boards beers)

That said, but I've gotten some serious **** of women, and I kinda feel it's a two-way street as regards making the effort, and not ****ing people around. But in this case, the OP should definitely dump his sorry ass

lazydaisy

Constitutionus - I have yet to meet a girl who hasnt been through this - more than once.

OP - your being played. Hes a headwrecker. Dump him. And be committed to your dumping!! Because you like him it will be easy for him to draw you in again.

edanto

Hey OP - I've only read this page of your thread, so forgive me if someone has already advised you to do this - but why don't you just give him a bit of grief.

He's pissing you off and it doesn't seem like you've let rip at him at all - in fact he thinks things are cruisy and just asked you out. Take your own advice, tell him off - see what he says in the heat of the moment when you pressure him about the way he's treating you.

tonyinuae

Yep, what shocking bad manners and unfeeling attitude - imagine going out with a headwrecker like that - just imagine it for a few minutes! Dump the eejit!

The_Minister

For reference I'm male.
Don't be scared to ask guy out some read signs wrong or don't know how to go about it.
To the first post. He may simply have forgotten (I always do) or he may see no need to keep in contact. Some people do not feel particularly pushed to talk everyday. He may not be aware that there is a problem.

LegacyUser

I'm a lad,

I would text the girl every so often and really let them know I like them But i wouldn't txt everyday because I would be paranoid about freaking them out by having them think im obsessed..
Thats probably how your man feels aswell..

OP-- Your a girl, so can I have a bit of advice pls.? I met this girld at the weekend and we have been getting on great since then I txt her the next day and she put xxx and the end of the messages and all that..Then last night we kissed for ages.. seems like she is interested but she doesn't really txt me to see what im upto and it seems like I have to do all the chasing..are some girls just like this. Or do you think she is not interested even though we kissed on 2 different ocassions and she initiated it the second time..? I'm probably reading into it too much but Im really confused beacuse I like her so much

Thanks..