Best Friends

crazy days

Hi everyone,


How important is it to have a really close friend ie. best friend?

simu

Well, do you think you could become friends with your former bf again? If not, it might be hard/impossible to find a best friend you share childhood memories with but you could try for a new friend you share good times with now.

crazy days

simu wrote:

Well, do you think you could become friends with your former bf again? If not, it might be hard/impossible to find a best friend you share childhood memories with but you could try for a new friend you share good times with now.

Na, that would be impossible, even though i tried, it was thrown back in my face, was kinda hurtfull actually.
So definately no on that one.
I dunno i find it hard to meet new guy mates.

AngryBadger

Certainly guys need other guys as friends as well. We all need/want a "better half", but we still need different kinds of interaction that our better halves can't always provide. This isn't a slight against them in any way, but some kinds of interaction you just don't/won't have with your partner.

Some of what you're looking for, the shared history, growing up as kids stuff, i don't know if that can be "replaced". I'd suggest rather than viewing those times, and memories as something you've lose, and can never go back to, look on it as something that you enjoyed, but that you wouldn't enjoy now. We all look at the past throught rose-tinted glasses, but when you think about it, why would you want to re-live parts of your life? It wouldn't be the same, it would be totally different because you'd be experienceing it with an adult's perspective.

But I digress. Obviously you're not getting something that you need from your partner. There must be some social outlet to your lives, friends you do go drinking with, maybe try to arrange some "guy" stuff with them. A few matches, drinks, paintball (that's a GREAT one), or whatever.

I'd also ask, has anything changed in your relationship with your partner? Are kids looming, have they just arrived, a house, any stuff like that. seems that can often make us more acutely aware of how things were, often as a kind of mental "comfort zone" against new pressures we encounter as we grow.

....man, do i ever love to hear myself talk...whcih is why i'm talking as i type this

[Jackass]

crazy days wrote:

Hi everyone,


How important is it to have a really close friend ie. bf.? I'm 28 now and would say grew apart from my bf about 5 years ago and since then i think there's been a void.
Although i consider my wife as my best friend, i think i need that bond with a guy ...you know when you grow up with someone and there's a shared history.i.e holidays, parties mad stuff you did when you were kids.
What do you do? Can that ever be replaced?

Wha?

muckwarrior

DubGuy wrote:

Wha?

I was confused at first too. bf = best friend not boyfriend

crazy days

Reading that agian I can understand how some people could make that mistake, although the title does say 'best friends', I really didn't mean that close.

constitutionus

crazy days wrote:

Hi everyone,


How important is it to have a really close friend ie. best friend?

immensely so, trust me when you consider all the crap that life WILL throw at ya you need a support base to depend on. not knocking your wife but women just dont understand us blokes enough to be able to relate to some of our fears. also, and i dont mean to tempt fate here, but what happen if god forbid something happens to your wife who will you turn to to talk about it when you dont want to be a burden to her.
you dont need to have known someone since childhood, one of my best mates ive met in work only a couple of years ago (compared to most of my friend which ive known since i was four) and lets be honest at your age it hard to keep in touch with anyone because we're all settling down which in ireland means you have to move out of the county:D . so even the odd phone call or session every once in a while is usually enough to keep a friendship going and believe me you WILL need it

[Jackass]

Sorry I misunderstood

To add to the above post..who are you gonna turn to when the problem IS your wife!! Ahhh, not takin the piss, everyone has fights.

I don't think there has to be life long bond to have a close bloke mate to hang out with and chat with..just a mate you'd have a beer with most weekends...that's the real test of a lads friendship!!

And that could be anyone...even Larry from accounts in work.

AngryBadger

DubGuy wrote:

And that could be anyone...even Larry from accounts in work.

I dunno man, larry's kind of a **** I hear he has to kill a dog before he can have an orgasm :v:

constitutionus

AngryBadger wrote:

I dunno man, larry's kind of a **** I hear he has to kill a dog before he can have an orgasm :v:

not fluffy:eek: :eek:

crazy days

constitutionus wrote:

immensely so, trust me when you consider all the crap that life WILL throw at ya you need a support base to depend on. not knocking your wife but women just dont understand us blokes enough to be able to relate to some of our fears. also, and i dont mean to tempt fate here, but what happen if god forbid something happens to your wife who will you turn to to talk about it when you dont want to be a burden to her.
you dont need to have known someone since childhood, one of my best mates ive met in work only a couple of years ago (compared to most of my friend which ive known since i was four) and lets be honest at your age it hard to keep in touch with anyone because we're all settling down which in ireland means you have to move out of the county:D . so even the odd phone call or session every once in a while is usually enough to keep a friendship going and believe me you WILL need it

touch wood, wasn't even thinking of that but if something did happen my wife not having a best friend would be the least of my worries.

yea but your right about one thing and i think you hit the nail on the head, it is hard to keep in touch with ppl as they've settled down, married moved over the opposite side of the city, country or even world!

everones too busy to be a best friend, I suppose i'm probabally guilty of that too and may have to make more of an effort.

crazy days

DubGuy wrote:

Sorry I misunderstood

To add to the above post..who are you gonna turn to when the problem IS your wife!! Ahhh, not takin the piss, everyone has fights.

I don't think there has to be life long bond to have a close bloke mate to hang out with and chat with..just a mate you'd have a beer with most weekends...that's the real test of a lads friendship!!

And that could be anyone...even Larry from accounts in work.

Ha Ha good point ....although i've learn't that it's probabally best to keep any relationship problems between the couple as the're normally sorted and forgotten about very quickly.

yea your right....there doesn't have to be a long life bond...only problem is....where do i find this beer drinking buddie???

crazy days

AngryBadger wrote:

Certainly guys need other guys as friends as well. We all need/want a "better half", but we still need different kinds of interaction that our better halves can't always provide. This isn't a slight against them in any way, but some kinds of interaction you just don't/won't have with your partner.

Some of what you're looking for, the shared history, growing up as kids stuff, i don't know if that can be "replaced". I'd suggest rather than viewing those times, and memories as something you've lose, and can never go back to, look on it as something that you enjoyed, but that you wouldn't enjoy now. We all look at the past throught rose-tinted glasses, but when you think about it, why would you want to re-live parts of your life? It wouldn't be the same, it would be totally different because you'd be experienceing it with an adult's perspective.

But I digress. Obviously you're not getting something that you need from your partner. There must be some social outlet to your lives, friends you do go drinking with, maybe try to arrange some "guy" stuff with them. A few matches, drinks, paintball (that's a GREAT one), or whatever.

I'd also ask, has anything changed in your relationship with your partner? Are kids looming, have they just arrived, a house, any stuff like that. seems that can often make us more acutely aware of how things were, often as a kind of mental "comfort zone" against new pressures we encounter as we grow.

....man, do i ever love to hear myself talk...whcih is why i'm talking as i type this

no nothings changed ...probabally the problem is i need a change...yea your right there is a large social circle around me however i always feel i'm on the outside looking in, and never really connect with any one individual as best friends would with each other.
it's all laughs and jokes and beer and fun.... sounds great....however if i wanted to ring one of them now and have a chat ...i don't think we'd really have much to say, as i was saying ina earlier post maybe i should make more of an effort to get to know these ppl outside of the pubs as they're a good bunch.

dundalk cailin

i had a group of friends in sec school, and i broke contact with them through the first few years of college. i actually dont speak to two of them, we had big fight last year. the other girl i dont see often but keep in touch via email. i made friends with a new group of girls and am much happier than i was with the two former friends. i feel part of the group now whereas before i felt a bit left out. i dont have a particular 'best friend' i like have a small group of close frineds. i would sometimes like to have friends that id grown up with, and had loads of stories to recount, but even in the year or two that we've been friends, we've had some great times. i grew up a lot in the last year or so and i feel so lucky to have these girls as friends, they supported me through my move to france. obviuosly i cant call them up and chat like i used to, or text etc, but its made me appreciate them. i see their good and bad points, and my own and i feel ive matured in that sence too.

AngryBadger

crazy days wrote:

maybe i should make more of an effort to get to know these ppl outside of the pubs as they're a good bunch.

Sounds like a plan to me

deedee lepoopoo

It depends on what type of person you are. I like being around people and I think it is important to share certain things with them. I am friends with my bestfriend since I was 13 and now even though we are still friends, I know we have different outlooks on life. Even though we are seen as 'best friends' other people I have met and become friends with over the years feel closer to me.

I have a number of close female & male friends who have different functions in terms of my relationship with them. Usually in Ireland daughters confide in their mothers (Not me!), perhaps it's the same for lads and fathers?

I think it is Good to share stuff with someone (or someones) and it's nice when someone 'gets' you.

With functions friends have, I mean there are some people who are party friends, coffee friends, art gallery friends or whatever and friends who are a hybrid of all.

The only way of finding out if 'Al in accounts' is trustworthy is to take a chance with him and confide. Life is all about taking chances.:)