Funny Quotes!

liamskater · 16-01-2006 10:25pm #1

"Treat me like an angel and I'll be your lil' devil."

Crazy is a relative term in my family!

Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

Procrastinate now, don't put it off

Boys make good pets!

Princess in training!

At least I can still smoke in my car

Caution, Blind Man Driving.

"Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make."

All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!

"To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail."-Michael Jordan

"No BLOOD no foul."

"Life's an Ocean, Sail It"

"We are going to rip off your testicles.......and slash your tires." - Nip

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

The problem with the Gene pool is there arn't any lifeguards (hillbillies)

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The only reason I am always listening to music is to drownd out the sound of your voice!~

Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.

"Careful with that light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train coming."

"don't drink and drive you might spill your beer"

If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough

Love is like a rose in winter, only the strong survive

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs.

I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life.

"Where there's a will, there's a way. And where there's a way, then there's usually a stop sign somewhere along the road."

I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because everytime i fall in love.....it never seems to last

Silence is silver, but music is gold...

Lifes Tough, get a helmet!

loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, yet wanted by plenty!

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

Constipated People Don't Give A crap.

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

The Earth Is Full - Go Home.

So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Illiterate? Write For Help

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit.

You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

Ax Me About Ebonics.

Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.

Boldly Going Nowhere.

Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.

Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?

GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A BLONDE.

All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.

"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"

"i'm not tailgating, i'm keeping up with the pace car"

Roadhead cures Roadrage...

Tell your girlfriend I said thanks

" WARNING: in case of rapture, this car will be driverless. "

normal people worry me

you say physco like it's a bad thing

those who think they know everything, annoy those of us that do

This delinquent is having sex with your honor student.

Save the environment...plant a Bush back in Texas.

"Your faith in yourself is all you will ever have. Don't let anyone take it away from you ever." ~ Holly Marie Combs

don't regret doing things, regret getting caught

None of us are virgins, life has screwed us all

"my tears for you are like dark chocolate- bitter sweet and probably no good for me."

"it takes a player to shoot a shot.. but it takes a team to win a game " - penny anae

everyone in life has a purpose, even if its to serve as a BAD EXAMPLE

Anger is one letter short of danger.

One death is one too many.

Life's not all bad. Look into somebody's eyes, you'll see that they're a person just like you, they also have good and bad feelings, hopes and dreams.

If you love somebody, they shouldn't make you cry, they should be worth crying over.

Lots of things change...lots of them don't...but the fact that I love you...that will always stay the same.

"I'm going to live life or die trying"

im sugar and spice and everything nice if u wanna mess with me u better think twice

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams."

"We didn’t lose.....we just ran out of time"~unknown

"Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license."

"You will be aroused by a shampoo comercial."--Homer J. Simpson

If you die, I'll kill you!"

There are some days when I just don't feel like talking.. Today is that day.

Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away.

The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

"Find a guy that adores you and not one that you adore!!" MOM

Learn from the mistakes of others, because you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Trust your instincts and listen to your friends, because they may be right when you don't want them to be

"Birdie, birdie, in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like sugar, tastes like sap. OMG! IT'S BIRDIE CRAP!"

"Inside this body lies that of a skinny lady. But I can usually shut her up with chocolate.".

They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?.

"When you pee in a toilet, you wipe the seat; when you pee in the woods, you wipe your feet!".
Men are like pennies: two-faced and worthless.

Love is like heaven but hurts like hell.

" Look up for inspiration, down for concentration but don’t look side to side for information".

You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try. - Homer J. Simpson.

"Is tuna really Chicken?" - Jessica Simpson, after reading "Tuna, Chicken of the sea"

"I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down." –Anonymous

"Dying is just natures way of saying 'Hey! Your not alive anymore!'"

Roses are red, violets are blue, please flush the toilet, after you.

"Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle."

"When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't no how to spell anonymous" -unknown

"I'll kill you until you die!!"

"They misunderestimated me!" -George W. Bush"

"I'm not scared of dying, I just don't want to!"

"Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."

"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"

"The whole world is going to hell and I'm driving the bus"

"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"

"Don't criticize my mess unless you'd like to become part of it."

"I have a mind like a steel trap; it is rusty and illegal in 47 states"

"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation"

"It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility"!

I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight

If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie!!

"There's nothing wrong with being a loser, it just depends on how good you are at it."

If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!

Thank-you for visiting reality, come again........... Now entering your life, welcome

The entire world's a stage; I didn't get cast!

Consciousness- that annoying time between naps

Suburbia - where they cut down trees and name streets after them

"Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her ass"

I love him, O yes I do,
He's for me, not for you,
And if by chance you take my place,
I'll take my fist and smash your face!

Wir_Sind_Helden · 16-01-2006 10:36pm

You're the joke.

liamskater · 16-01-2006 10:38pm

Huh?

The Free Man · 16-01-2006 10:40pm

yeah, they're poo.

liamskater · 16-01-2006 10:44pm

ah now some are brill-

'I once tried to sniff Coke but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose' Legend!

Also look at the rules Kharn made

Fuzzy_Dunlop · 16-01-2006 10:47pm

to be honest i havent been bothered to read them to see if theyre any use but ill add my own. sorry if its there

"if god was a woman sperm would taste like chocolate"

oh and i think my signature is genius from futurama

Wir_Sind_Helden · 16-01-2006 10:59pm

Sorry. Didn't like them. At all. Not even a little bit. To say the least.

liamskater · 16-01-2006 11:03pm

hehe you gona get banned man permanently read teh rules and edit all your posts or stand like a fool

I do not want to see abuse because you didn't like their joke or it's been posted before. Even if this is the worst joke you've ever heard, please don't make a post saying "That's crap!" or whatever. Instead, please use the rating system build into the boards software (you'll see it at the top of a thread - choose from 1 to 5 stars of a rating).