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When to start after bereavement

  • 18-01-2006 12:10pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am a widower (50) having lost my wife 2 & half years ago. I havent had a relationship in that time and spent my time taking care of my family. However I do wish for female company and companionship and its become clear that this is missing in my life. How long after my wifes death should I wait before making a embarking on a relationship? is 2 and half years sufficient? I know a lady who I would like to ask out but am unsure if its too soon to be going out with someone


Comments

  • #2
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Max101 wrote:
    is 2 and half years sufficient?

    only you can answer that question, there is no time limit and if you feel ready then you are ready

    I know a lady who I would like to ask out but am unsure if its too soon to be going out with someone

    it's not too soon,
    life is short, go for it!


  • #3
    Archeron
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,337 ✭✭✭Archeron


    Thats really your down to you to decide, everyone grieves differently. If you feel like you could move on with your life, then go for it.
    Not to presume to know anything about your situation, but I'm sure your wife would not want you to be lonely. 2 and a half years is a long time, but take it at your own pace.
    best of luck either way


  • #4
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    Beruthiel wrote:
    only you can answer that question, there is no time limit and if you feel ready then you are ready

    I know a lady who I would like to ask out but am unsure if its too soon to be going out with someone

    it's not too soon,
    life is short, go for it!

    If you're worried about what neighbours etc will say, then don't be. 2.5 years is a good amount of time to wait, probably most people replying will say that.

    Please, ask her out. Ber. is right, life is too short, and sure all yer doing is asking her out, not asking her to marry you!! Hope it works out. And sure if it doesn't, what of it?

    G'luck
    C


  • #5
    Zillah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    It will proabably feel wierd at first no matter how long its been since your wife passed away. There's plenty of very understandable reasons you might feel its not right, but in the end you deserve to be happy, your wife would want that at least. Go for it. If you end up feeling like its too soon then you can always explain that and wait some more.

    My usual advice to people on this forum is that you'll always regret the things you didn't try far more than you'll regret the things you did.


  • #6
    fade2black
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,937 ✭✭✭fade2black


    If your wife was the one left on her own, would you wish for her happiness in her remaining years?

    If you can answer that you know what to do.


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Indeed thank you all for your replies. I`m not sure if I can get her to go out with me but it will feel strange just asking someone out, even stranger actually being out on a date if it happens. I think I might feel that everyone is watching (I know, I know what the hell,I should not care what they think) and feel awkward with the situation. I know I have a certain lack of confidence in beginning what is I suppose a new phase in my life. I feel myself 2 1/2 years is sufficient for me but would my inlaws (her sisters & brothers) think its enough time. If i`m successful in asking her out should I tell them or let them find out for themselves. Whats the etiquette here in telling one family?


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