jealous of girlfriends past

jesus smith

ok heres my problem, i recently met a girl and we started goin out etc. wer pretty perfect for each other and fell in love really quickly, maybe to quickly. anyway thats not really the problem the problem is her past, shes slept with an awful lot more people then me and its kinda starting to get to me, i mean im not intimidated by a more experienced woman or anything its more the fact that she had so much meaningless sex with these guys that im finding it hard to take her feelings for me seriously, im paranoid that she was like this with everyone even though she told me shes not and yes, im jealous to, more so cos she means the world to me and the thought of other guys thinking of her as just some chick they ****ed pisses me off.
and my other problem is that id only just gotten out of a looooooong relationship the year before and was enjoying my singleness when i met her, and i know we're gonna wind up being a serious long term couple. plus some of the girls i was seeing before we got together are still contacting me, i dont flirt and i always make sure they know how i feel about my girlfriend but its getting to me.
im not gonna cheat on her but i am getting freaked out and considering leaving her to be single again. but i know it'l be a long time till i meet anyone like her again

(please only reply with advice not criticism thanks)

Saruman

to be honest (and this may in fact be critical) it sounds like you have the problem here, not her. It sounds like you are not ready to settle down and are making excuses.. so the advice would be i suppose either sort out your feelings etc or dump her and be single but loose her forever.

Beruthiel

jesus smith wrote:

fact that she had so much meaningless sex with these guys that im finding it hard to take her feelings for me seriously

are you telling me that you've never ever had meaningless sex with someone?
because most of us have and that doesn't mean we can't have a meaningful relationship with the right someone.
I suggest you get over this girls past, forget about it and move on.
It's in the past
leave it there.

AngryBadger

Yeah. Sounds like you're just not ready to settle down. understandable, but c'mon dude, get over it. You ****ed other people before this girl, the door swings both ways, you can't get thick because she had a sex life before you came along.....lol *came*

and as to the other women texting you, why is that even relevant? You're either with this girl or you're not.

End transmission

BoozyBabe

TBH, it sounds more like your jealous that she's had meaningless sex & you haven't.
You feel you've missed out because you've been stuck in a long term relationship, & now she's trapping you into another one, so you're not going to get you chance now either.

If it's that big of a deal to you, then you need to dump her & get the 1 night stands out of your system.
I personally don't think they're all they're cracked up to be, but only you know if your desire for them is more than your desire for your gf.

If your constantly feeling like you're missing out, then your relationship with your gf is not going to work anyway, & also, have enough respect for her not to cheat on her.

Or, get over your feelings & enjoy a happy future with your gf.

The choice is yours & yours alone to make

jesus smith

yeah i spose your right, i know its my problem totally never said it wasnt, i do kinda feel i missed out on alot having been in a long relationship,
cheers!

Lux23

Trust me you havent missed out on much. You have to grab happiness when you can and if you are happy with this girl then go for it.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

are you telling me that you've never ever had meaningless sex with someone?

Ehhh.... What a lovely assumption to make! Am I the only one who hasn't so?

unregistered.

lazydaisy

Do you feel it makes you less special because she "gave it away". - this is not uncommon among men.

My friend has slept with over 100 men. I advised her to keep that fact from the guy she is currently seeing. But now Im thinking, why should she protect him from that?

Face it - there probably are guys who thought of her as some girl they f*****. So what? She may think the same about them. It doesnt matter. She is with you now. Sex isnt the only expression of love anyway. Its how someone treats you outside of the bedroom that counts as much or maybe more. And loving someone means not judging them and being able to trust them. I would question your ability to love at this point. What you are showing is possessiveness not love. I know its hard, but love aint easy. No one said it is.

Whats so hard about beleiving someone cares for you? Thats why it called FAITHFUL. You need to believe in it. Theres no evidence for love.

Kersh

My friend has slept with over 100 men.

And you say this then...

Sex isnt the only expression of love anyway

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

your friend should defo keep that info to herself

@jesus, all you gotta think is that you are the one in her life now..they are all rejects of her past life.

akw_old

lazydaisy wrote:

My friend has slept with over 100 men.

captain syphilis

Beruthiel

akw wrote:

captain syphilis

could you kindly read the charter before you get yourself banned?
unhelpful comments are not welcome in this forum
B

Wibbs

lazydaisy wrote:

Do you feel it makes you less special because she "gave it away". - this is not uncommon among men.

Very true. Biological reasons and all that.

My friend has slept with over 100 men. I advised her to keep that fact from the guy she is currently seeing. But now Im thinking, why should she protect him from that?

Honesty is lovely, but I would advise your friend to keep shtum on that one. She may be lucky, blokewise, but as you point out in your first sentence, a bad reaction to such news is not uncommon amoing men. The numbers would be a factor too, depending on age. Silly I know, but where 10-20 might sound OK to most men, the idea of 100+ just sounds dodgy. It would be dodgy for a man too, but the fact is, womens sexual behaviour does suffer from the double standard(mostly due to the differing biology) and numbers that high smack of psychological problems at the very least.

Face it - there probably are guys who thought of her as some girl they f*****. So what? She may think the same about them. It doesnt matter. She is with you now.

True enough.

And loving someone means not judging them and being able to trust them.

Maybe in happyland, but in the real world people make judgements all the time. For both right and wrong reasons. Maybe a good sign in a relationship is where you judge them yet still trust them.

I would question your ability to love at this point.

I hardly think it's in your remit or mine to question the chaps ability to love, do you?

What you are showing is possessiveness not love.

Everybody to a lesser or greater extent is possessive in a relationship. It's in the nature of it. It's also a question of degree. If you're not, it's back to the free love movement and we know how that goes.

Whats so hard about beleiving someone cares for you? Thats why it called FAITHFUL. You need to believe in it. Theres no evidence for love.

Ehhh, yea there is. I quote yourself "Its how someone treats you outside of the bedroom that counts as much or maybe more.". Pretty good evidence I'd say.

chump

To the OP, I'd say what you're feeling is normal enough for a young-enuf lad. TBH tho, it is your own problem, so just try to bury those thoughts and eventually they'll disappear and you'll probably even laugh at yourself one day for caring so much about something like this... There's been plenty of posts on here before with bloke saying they wouldn't want to go out with a slapper and all this sort of stuff, but someone does have to go out with them.

ven0m

jesus smith wrote:

ok heres my problem, i recently met a girl and we started goin out etc. wer pretty perfect for each other and fell in love really quickly, maybe to quickly. anyway thats not really the problem the problem is her past, shes slept with an awful lot more people then me and its kinda starting to get to me, i mean im not intimidated by a more experienced woman or anything its more the fact that she had so much meaningless sex with these guys that im finding it hard to take her feelings for me seriously, im paranoid that she was like this with everyone even though she told me shes not and yes, im jealous to, more so cos she means the world to me and the thought of other guys thinking of her as just some chick they ****ed pisses me off.
and my other problem is that id only just gotten out of a looooooong relationship the year before and was enjoying my singleness when i met her, and i know we're gonna wind up being a serious long term couple. plus some of the girls i was seeing before we got together are still contacting me, i dont flirt and i always make sure they know how i feel about my girlfriend but its getting to me.
im not gonna cheat on her but i am getting freaked out and considering leaving her to be single again. but i know it'l be a long time till i meet anyone like her again

(please only reply with advice not criticism thanks)

This was a problem in my relationship with my fiance except the other way around. The fact I'd slept with so many women had freaked her out. Thing is man - while her past is a part of her, she's with you. She loves you. There's no time limit on when you fall in love with someone. She can't change her past - even if she wanted to. Are you really going to hold her own life against her? You can't - it's not fair on you to do so & it is most definitely not fair on her. Let it go - for your own sake before you drive her away & are left wondering where it all went wrong.... & yes, it WOULD be all your fault then...


::: ven0mous :::

WhiteWashMan

jesus smith wrote:

ok heres my problem, i recently met a girl and we started goin out etc. wer pretty perfect for each other and fell in love really quickly, maybe to quickly. anyway thats not really the problem the problem is her past, shes slept with an awful lot more people then me and its kinda starting to get to me, i mean im not intimidated by a more experienced woman or anything its more the fact that she had so much meaningless sex with these guys that im finding it hard to take her feelings for me seriously, im paranoid that she was like this with everyone even though she told me shes not and yes, im jealous to, more so cos she means the world to me and the thought of other guys thinking of her as just some chick they ****ed pisses me off.
and my other problem is that id only just gotten out of a looooooong relationship the year before and was enjoying my singleness when i met her, and i know we're gonna wind up being a serious long term couple. plus some of the girls i was seeing before we got together are still contacting me, i dont flirt and i always make sure they know how i feel about my girlfriend but its getting to me.
im not gonna cheat on her but i am getting freaked out and considering leaving her to be single again. but i know it'l be a long time till i meet anyone like her again

(please only reply with advice not criticism thanks)

if you are not prepared to be in a long term relationship, then i suggest you dont enter one.

if you cant be grown up enough to accept someone elses past, then i suggest you find someone who has the appropriate history that you can be comfortable with.
she cant change her past, however, if you cant get over it, then perhaps she is better off with someone else who likes her for who she is, not what she has done.

the problem is all yours, not hers.

by the way, whats the difference between advice and critisism?

Miss Fluff

jesus smith wrote:

im not gonna cheat on her but i am getting freaked out and considering leaving her to be single again. but i know it'l be a long time till i meet anyone like her again QUOTE]

This sounds like a case of oneupmanship to me! Why would you throw something so good away in order to simply gain a few more notches on your own bedpost? Sorry if I've misconstrued what you've written, but that's what it sounds like to me? Why cut your nose off to spite your face? Seriously, get over it, she's with YOU now.

dlofnep

Rent a movie called Chasing Amy. it outlines this in great detail.

Dragan

dlofnep wrote:

Rent a movie called Chasing Amy. it outlines this in great detail.

Nuchi nuchi nuchi

lazydaisy

Yes. I was once in a position where I was jealous of a boyfriends past. It was very destructive and I learned my lesson. It did a lot more damage than I ever anticipated. Basically it was my own f****up head finding it unbelievable that someone could love me this much and looking for evidence that that he didnt.

Please dont shoot yourself in the foot with it like I did.

Loving someone also means loving their past. You may not like it but you can accept it. Im sure you are strong enough to do that.

smashey

Whats good for the goose and all that. Surely you weren't a virgin when you met her. Everybody has a past. Some more interesting than others. Try to use her experience to your advantage. Be open minded.;)

0utshined

OP,

The problem really is your own. Once you're past a certain age you can't expect her not to have experience. What you have to consider is that for whatever reason she's with you now and not with the other guys. If she broke up with them she has deemed them flawed in some way. If they broke up with her she has learned from that and won't make the same mistake with you.


One part of your post really stood out to me :

jesus smith wrote:

(please only reply with advice not criticism thanks)

That just screams insecurity at me dude.

lazydaisy wrote:

My friend has slept with over 100 men. I advised her to keep that fact from the guy she is currently seeing. But now Im thinking, why should she protect him from that?

Exactly. Being honest, my first response would be :eek: . My second would be "Girl has mad skills" :cool: