Need a cover story

LegacyUser

hey, i was wondering if someone could give me some ideas here. recently i found out i was pregnant but me and my boyfriend dont want it, were too young and not ready for it(were only 17).So weve decided to get an abortion. The problem is that its going to take a full day maybe even a stay over night for it and im afraid of what to tell my parents, they like to know were i am and what im doing all the time. So if anyone can think of some excuses i could give them for why im out all day because i cant let them find out it would be the end of me! i know it sounds stupid but any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

AngryBadger

Tell your parents about your pregnancy. Don't go off and make this decision without the proper support.

joejoem

babyblues wrote:

hey, i was wondering if someone could give me some ideas here. recently i found out i was pregnant but me and my boyfriend dont want it, were too young and not ready for it(were only 17).So weve decided to get an abortion. The problem is that its going to take a full day maybe even a stay over night for it and im afraid of what to tell my parents, they like to know were i am and what im doing all the time. So if anyone can think of some excuses i could give them for why im out all day because i cant let them find out it would be the end of me! i know it sounds stupid but any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

I know your not looking for advice on the situation, just a cover story but I urge you to speak to your parents. I would imagine an Abortion is a traumatic thing to go through. You should speak to them on an adult level. They cant stay angry at you, hundreds of girls are in the same position as you every day. Sit down and speak to them, be honest. If you still want to do it then you can travel without the guilt.


There are lots of options for you, termination is not the only route you can go. Why not call a helpline like Aware, it was set up for people in your situation, by people who have gone through the same ordeal. Speaking to someone about it will help. It is a huge decision no matter how much you tell yourself otherwise, you should take advice from someone who has gone through it, even if you dont want to tell your parents

Nuttzz

it will be an overnighter tbh, but they time you get over and back. auditions for x factor, big brother, some other reality tv BS...

ravenhead

Tell your mother at least what is really going on, You're going to feel really crap afterwards & will need a bit of support, when are you booked in for (during the week- at the weekend) a lot depends on this for a believeable excuse...

Little Red Hen

Seriously, tell your parents. There is nothing they can do about it now. They can't tell you to go back in time! Ask them what you should do, an abortion would be a mistake at your age!

Nevyn

warning to all the OP has not asked for advice on wether or not to have a termination
and attempts to talk them out of it or to condem them will get you banned


Depending on how far along you are it can be done in a day flying over and back.
But there is a recovery period of 3 to 5 days that you will need to take it easy and rest as there will be some discomfort and cramps.
Do you a friend that you could say you are staying the weekend with ? and infact do go there afterwards and rest up.

What about a family memeber like an aunt or older sibling that doesn't live at home ?

It will be an emotional rollercoaster for the both of you no matter how resolved you are and how right the descion is for the both of you.
You have my sympathy.
Hard to say you are going away for the weekend with your bf and have that arguement with your parents with out telling them what it is your planning to do.

Your 17 and medically you are to be treated like an adult and it is a very adult situation you are in.

bandraoi

Does one of your friends have a sister in England?
Either get your friend to come with you on a visit to her sister
or find a friend your parents won't run into around the place tdo pretend to go with you.

Get it organised as soon as possible though, the sooner you go, the less traumatic it'll be.

projectmayhem

depending on how your parents feel about the bf here, just tell them you're going over to visit his brother over there or going to a gig or something like that

whatever happens in the end, good luck anyway

Blisterman

You could say you're going to a concert in England. Look up ticketmaster, and go with a friend.

dlofnep

How lenient are your parents? Would they allow you to stay out on your own overnight? I'm not sure, I think you should tell your parents to that they can be there for you but it's up to you.. You're old enough now to think for yourself. If your parents are lenient, say you and your friend are going to england for a weekend, shopping or to a concert or something..

Roen

How old are your mum and dad? Were they much older than you are now when they had kids? They may be more tolerant than you expect. The solution you are outlining is pretty drastic when you consider the options available to you.
Best of luck either way.

LegacyUser

You will need to stay overnight, as I think it is legally required that you remain under medical supervision overnight. I think the exception to this is if you go for a local anaesthetic. You should talk to the Well Woman Centre who will give you more information about all aspects of the situation you are in.

As for telling your parents, that's a decision you can best make yourself, as there is also post-operative support available for you in this country.

Best of luck

Victor

Without wishing to rain on your parade.

You are under 18, going to another country, having a serious medical procedure, but are stuck for a cover story. I do honestly think you should talk to your parents.

Mr. Presentable

Think outside the box. Don't look for an excuse to be away, buy *them* a few days away, and quietly go while they're gone.

wexhun

Sweetheart, when I was your age I found myself in the same situation and in the end told my very old fashioned parents. To my surprize my mother arranged the abortion in the UK. I think the thought of what the neighbours might say mortified her! I went ahead a friend came with me and had the deed done. There were no physical side effects bar a bit of uncomfortable cramping. I have since gone on and married and had two children of my own who I treasure with all my heart. I have never suffered ay physical side effects but the emotional trauma was huge. I was too young at 17 to go thru such an ordeal without counceling which I am receiving now. My parents never mentioned the abortion since the day I left for England its like it never happened but for me it was very real. You need support.
I would hope that if my daughter found herslf in this situation that she would come to me so that I could support her and help her in whatever decision she made. It will probably be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but please tell your parents they only want the best for you, mine were a little misguided but they were of a different time. Thinking of you.

Chucky the tree

If your parents dont you staying with the boyf and he is still with you. Tell them its your anniverary and you want to spend it at his place cos he has something planned or else he has a trip organised for you.

GO out early in the morning, say your having a day shopping with friends then on a girls night out, then ask can you stay over at the friends for the night.

chump

PlayGirl wrote:

i'm not trying to talk you out of it but [post edit as trying to talk then out of it is exactly what you are doing]
well thats my opinion on the subject,
~PlayGirl :cool:

Hate disgusting posts like this...

Anyway OP, I can definitely imagine certain scenarios where people just couldn't tell their parents, and I trust you know your parents better than anyone here - so do what you think is best in that respect.

Cover story wise - a concert is a great idea or else staying over in a friends house, or possibly going to a college-related Open day or some such?

tj-music.com

a mouthful would have saved yous just fine

---

And your banned for 1 month from this forum if not longer.

Do read the charter and post by the rules.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal.

I'd also urge you to tell your parents.
I couldnt play hand act or part in your decision as to what to do as regards having an abortion or not.
Thats your decision.
I will say though that you cannot be alone on this and telling at least your Mum in my opinion would be a good idea.
You may love your BF and he may love you but you need family support too on this one, you wont regret telling your parents.
Take care

wb

You should talk 2 your folks. What are they gonna do? why not ring cura or someone?

Nevyn

They could take her passport and order her to stay at home,
they could insist that she have and keep the child against her wishes.

the_syco

How to get there: http://www.ryanair.ie
Where to go: http://www.bpas.org/centres/locations.php
To book a date: +44 121 4507700
Excuse: http://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/

Mods, delete this if you feel the info is inappropiate.

Khannie

Thaedydal wrote:

warning to all the OP has not asked for advice on wether or not to have a termination
and attempts to talk them out of it or to condem them will get you banned

Eh...abortion is illegal here. The vast majority of the island don't believe in abortion. Would you allow a discussion on how to go to a foreign country and get heroin and ban attempts to disuade the OP?

As a parent, if my child came to me in a similar situation, I would rather rear their child as my own, than have them go for an abortion, so I do believe that speaking to the parents is an option.

edit:

Thaedydal wrote:

They could take her passport and order her to stay at home,
they could insist that she have and keep the child against her wishes.

Yeah, that's right, because she's still a minor and it's their right to make some decisions for her. When she was a baby they made decisions on what she should eat, etc. The law sees her no differently now.

Sleipnir

Khannie, this is not a "discussion" on whether or not the OP should or should not have an abortion, she is looking for a cover story for when she goes to have one.
If you want to discuss abortion than you should open your own thread.

Santa Claus

Thaedydal wrote:

They could take her passport and order her to stay at home,
they could insist that she have and keep the child against her wishes.

Or they could be entirely supportive of her situation !
I know you're only pointing out a worst case scenario but talk like that would probably just frighten the OP more and discourage her from raising the subject with her parents

Thaedydal wrote:

Your 17 and medically you are to be treated like an adult

That's incorrect.
A 17 year old is a Minor legally and as such they still need a parent/guardian to sign a consent form for any medical procedures they are to have.
http://oasis.gov.ie/health/consent_to_medical_and_surgical_procedures.html

Peace

OP you should choose a story as close to the real story as possible. If you're going to the UK then give a cover story that includes you going to the UK. Same places, times, people etc etc.

Also keep it simple.. complicated cover stories bite you in the ass later on and TBH only a child would believe it.

Sleipnir

Santa Claus wrote:

http://oasis.gov.ie/health/consent_to_medical_and_surgical_procedures.html

That's great. It's an Irish law though so not applicable in this situation

Peace

Sleipnir wrote:

That's great. It's an Irish law though so not applicable in this situation

Last i checked people in Ireland were goverened by Irish law... correct me if i'm wrong here.

Sleipnir

Peace wrote:

Last i checked people in Ireland were goverened by Irish law... correct me if i'm wrong here.

Okay, I will.
The girl is going for an abortion in the U.K.!!!?? Now explain why she would need to sign a consent form in Ireland?


Anyway, she could do what every other young girl in her situation does when travelling to the U.K. for an abortion, subtract a year from her DOB.

Canis Lupus

the_syco wrote:

How to get there: http://www.ryanair.ie
Where to go: http://www.bpas.org/centres/locations.php
To book a date: +44 121 4507700
Excuse: http://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/

Mods, delete this if you feel the info is inappropiate.

Agrees and good luck OP.

Santa Claus

Sleipnir wrote:

That's great. It's an Irish law though so not applicable in this situation

It's not a law. The definition of a minor for both the UK & Ieland (and many other countries) is anyone under the age of 18.
The same situation applies in UK hospitals where parental/guardian consent is required for minors having any procedure carried out.

Khannie

Sleipnir wrote:

The girl is going for an abortion in the U.K.!!!?? Now explain why she would need to sign a consent form in Ireland?

Thaed didn't mention the UK when she said she was entitled to be treated as an adult medically. You're (incorrectly IMO) inferring it.

Sleipnir wrote:

If you want to discuss abortion than you should open your own thread.

Neigh! How's that high horse workin' out for ya?

I don't want to have a discussion. I want to be able to offer her advice because it's a very serious situation. As serious (IMO) as committing suicide. As a parent, I'm in the situation to say how I think I would react if my child came to me saying they wanted an abortion. I wouldn't stop them, but I would offer to raise the child as my own. I think that could be helpful advice to someone who's considering abortion and hasn't told their parents. I don't think I should be banned or even berated for saying that (even though it is technically off topic).

Sleipnir

To the OP.

Usually, you can go there and get back within a day, it's just more difficult (and painful) to do so.

Whatever cover story you decide on, you should
a.) Keep it simple
b.) stick to it.
c.) make sure you're on the 1st flight of the day.
d.) bring plenty of money for taxi/transfers etc
e.) Rest as much as possible before and after.

Personally, I don't agree with abortion in principle, but I fully understand your reasons for going ahead with it, so i wish you well.

Sleipnir

Khannie wrote:

Thaed didn't mention the UK when she said she was entitled to be treated as an adult medically. You're (incorrectly IMO) inferring it.



Neigh! How's that high horse workin' out for ya?

I don't want to have a discussion. I want to be able to offer her advice because it's a very serious situation. As serious (IMO) as committing suicide. As a parent, I'm in the situation to say how I think I would react if my child came to me saying they wanted an abortion. I wouldn't stop them, but I would offer to raise the child as my own. I think that could be helpful advice to someone who's considering abortion and hasn't told their parents. I don't think I should be banned or even berated for saying that (even though it is technically off topic).

Well, as you pointed out

Khannie wrote:

Eh...abortion is illegal here

So I refered to the U.K. as there is little point referring to Ireland about abortion is there? You know, seeing as it doesn't happen here?
The person will be travelling to the U.K. for this so I stupidly figured Irish laws etc wouldn't apply!!!

My high horse? A girl comes on to boards asking for a cover story so she can go to the U.K. for an abortion and you say she should tell her parents as they might offer to raise the child instead?
Now that's a hiiiiigh horse.


If you want to offer her advice then how about offering the advice SHE ASKED FOR, i.e. a COVER STORY.

Talliesin

wbailey wrote:

You should talk 2 your folks. What are they gonna do? why not ring cura or someone?

Her parent's might react badly, Cura will react badly.

Don't talk to Cura, they'll just bully you. However talking to an unbiased counsellor before you go would be a good idea.

Khannie wrote:

Eh...abortion is illegal here. The vast majority of the island don't believe in abortion.

At the same time, the majority of the island believe in making information on having one available to those who seek it abroad, and providing such information hasn't been illegal for a decade. She's asking for advice about part of her getting an abortion abroad, and not a political debate.

Santa Claus wrote:

Or they could be entirely supportive of her situation !
I know you're only pointing out a worst case scenario but talk like that would probably just frighten the OP more and discourage her from raising the subject with her parents

Yes the could. Frankly none of us have any idea which way her parents will react (and the possibility Thaedydal mentions isn't even the worse) so we can't advise on that. Now maybe the OP will think a bit about her parents, realise they would be supportive, and feel she can talk to them, and that would be great. I really hope she begins to feel that she can talk to them before she goes and that she's right in that, but without having a clue about them I can hardly recommend she does so.

The Corinthian

Thaedydal wrote:

They could take her passport and order her to stay at home,
they could insist that she have and keep the child against her wishes.

As has been pointed out, she is a minor and they are her parents.

After all, would you want your child to seek advice and guidance from you or a bunch of strangers on the interweb?

Talliesin wrote:

However talking to an unbiased counsellor before you go would be a good idea.

No such thing, TBH. The nature of the debate is such that if they include termination as an option they are already biased by definition.

My experience is that people will tend to go to the councillor who will validate the choice they’re already made.

Talliesin

Talliesin wrote:

Her parent's might react badly, Cura will react badly.

Don't talk to Cura, they'll just bully you. However talking to an unbiased counsellor before you go would be a good idea.

Agreed on the Cura thing.However as regards the parents-many a good bollicking has been given by a parent which while unwanted or appreciated at the time has been welcomed with relief years later.
In my opinion theres too much here and now, lets always do the easy thing first often with piles of regret later.
By doing the easy thing in this case,I mean avoiding the counsel of your parents.

At the same time, the majority of the island believe in making information on having one available to those who seek it abroad, and providing such information hasn't been illegal for a decade. She's asking for advice about part of her getting an abortion abroad, and not a political debate.

Agreed, but I feel genuinely that its within the remit of her question for logical reasons to be put foward for her to talk to at least her Mum about this.That part long term regardless as to whether she has an abortion or not she is unlikely to regret.

Yes the could. Frankly none of us have any idea which way her parents will react (and the possibility Thaedydal mentions isn't even the worse) so we can't advise on that. Now maybe the OP will think a bit about her parents, realise they would be supportive, and feel she can talk to them, and that would be great. I really hope she begins to feel that she can talk to them before she goes and that she's right in that, but without having a clue about them I can hardly recommend she does so.

Equally you cant recommend that she doesnt as I dont think you are.
However from my point of view, she's looking for ways to hide the abortion and given the known after effects of that,I'd have to counsel her into at least considering that she may regret not having talked to them.

Khannie

Sleipnir wrote:

A girl comes on to boards asking for a cover story so she can go to the U.K. for an abortion and you say she should tell her parents as they might offer to raise the child instead?
Now that's a hiiiiigh horse.

How's that? I've given a solid example of a parent that would do that. Me. My own nephew was raised by his grandparents (my in-laws). It is not beyond reason that her parents might do the same (I didn't say they would). I didn't say she should do it, only that talking to her parents was an option she should consider.

What if she was coming on looking for information on how to kill herself? Would you berate me for suggesting she consider talking to her parents then?

This is literally a life and death situation. Telling me to stick to the point is a bit harsh. Besides, one of the mods of this forum has already (in this thread) suggested she talk to her parents.

Jumpy

Khannie wrote:

Thaed didn't mention the UK when she said she was entitled to be treated as an adult medically. You're (incorrectly IMO) inferring it.



Neigh! How's that high horse workin' out for ya?

I don't want to have a discussion. I want to be able to offer her advice because it's a very serious situation. *stupid IMO comment edited out as hopefully orginal post is deleted*

Your opinion on how serious it is 'In Your Opinion' was not asked for.
The decision has already been made by the OP, and while I think she did want some discussion on it, stupid comments like this do not help. While it will have long term effects on someones mental state it is in no way a serious as what you suggest.
Post is reported.

Beruthiel

Khannie and Sleipnir
take your comments to Humanities,
I want this thread kept on topic please
B

This is literally a life and death situation

this comment is not helpful here Khannie and it's your opinion, she did not ask for it

I'll ban the next person who doesn't stick to the topic of this thread.

Canis Lupus

I'd be more concerned than arguing over ethics that we try and give the girl the best advice we can. Lets assume she won't for any reason talk to her parents then she needs real and sound advice on what to do. I'd prefer to know that if she is gonna do it we don't let her travel over there blind and go to a back street butcher shop.

Syco made a good start, ryanair will get her there, assuming she has a passport or photo ID.

I assume she will stay overnight in the hospital/clinic, she needs to call and make sure of this as well as making sure they will accept a 17 year old without a parents consent. The boyfriend will need to arrange a B&B or something similar which shouldn't be an issue to find a place online.

A concert is a good cover story assuming her folks will let her go and she will need recovery time as well.

She will also need to pay for the procedure surely? Does she have the funds to cover this and she will need plenty of money to cover taxi costs etc while they are there.

Finally, I think ultimately she should tell her parents but if for whatever reason she can't then hopefully someone who posted above who has gone through the experience should post up more solid info on where and how.

CL

chump

I'd advise the OP to instead of asking the male population of boards she go and ask a few females over on iVenus...

http://www.ivenus.com/ubb/Forum14/HTML/001537.html

for example...

Bluetonic

You don't want to overly concern your parents if your going to be making up an excuse so perhaps a concert woundn't be the best idea - they might not like the thought of you being out late in a strange city/country.

Much better to tell them your going to England to a football match, does your b/f support anyone? Make sure the team are playing at home that weekend. Flights are cheap to Liverpool, Manchester, Birmingham, Newcastle. My advise would be to stay away from London, your young and it's big - you don't want the extra hassle of having to find your way around a massive city.

Liverpool is cheap and the people are friendly, easy to get around and can be accessed by boat or by plane. It's only a 30 minute flight and by far the handiest of any English city to get to, Ryanair or Aerlingus.

Book yourself into a hotel overnight - they are good value in Liverpool. Stay away from a B&B where most likely you'll have some nosey busy body wondering why two young people are staying over.

All in all best of luck, and don't worry you'll be fine.

Khannie

Beruthiel wrote:

this comment is not helpful here Khannie

Fair point. It wasn't aimed at the OP, but that doesn't really matter. Apologies.

wb

Talliesin wrote:

Her parent's might react badly, Cura will react badly.

Don't talk to Cura, they'll just bully you. However talking to an unbiased counsellor before you go would be a good idea.


.

????

You don't know her parents, so you can't say how they may or may not react. I have a daughter, and if she told me she was pregnant, I would give her a hug, and tell her we will work it out. You are scaring someone in a very serious situation. This is not a simple thing, her parents should know.

As for talking to an 'unbiased' counsellor - you obviously mean someone who beleives that abortion is the only option in these circumstances. its not.

To babyblues, I would talk to your family. While the advice here may be welcome, you don't know anyone, and they dont know you. In a week, most people wont give a S*it. Your family will.

Kiera

Tell your parents you are going to some concert in Liverpool.
You’re 17 so hopefully they’ll be ok with that. Make sure you tell them you are going with another girl and not you bf so they don’t think you and your bf are having a dirty wkend away.

You can get pretty cheap flights over and back and only need to stay max of two nights (one before the op and one after) If you need advise on how to organise it please pm me.

Miss Fluff

Say you've won tickets to something on the day you intend going and that you intend to make a day-trip out of it, or alternatively if you are 17 you may be doing the Leaving Cert soon so you can say you've been invited to an open day at a UK-based university, you can then happen to "miss" your flight back which will give you an extra day's grace. Good Luck, I hope everything works out for you

Zulu

<edit>Point removed for representing a view contrary to mods</edit>

To the OP: This is one of the most serious decisions you'll make in your life. Talk to your parents. They'll love you no matter what, but talk to them. Include them in this decision.

Zombrex

wbailey wrote:

As for talking to an 'unbiased' counsellor - you obviously mean someone who beleives that abortion is the only option in these circumstances. its not.

Actually I think he means "unbiased" :rolleyes: ... Cura are certainly not unbiased, instead of giving complete information on all options available and all information avaliable about these options in an unbiased fashion and letting the person make up their own mind, they bully people away from getting abortions. At least they used do, don't know what they are like these days.

Anyway, to the OP, I wouldn't recomment making up too elaborate a story. You don't want to say you are going to a non-existant concert, or won a non-existant price because your parents are just going to ask you what concert, where can they contact you, who will be there etc etc.

I would recommend saying you and your boyfriend, or you and your friends are planning a short trip to London because of something (mid-Leaving Cert destress break etc). Or even just say you are planning a trip to London for the hell of it.

Cause after all you are planning a short trip to London. The less you make up the less you have to lie about and the easier it will be.

Zulu wrote:

Interesting. I wonder if a 17 year old started a thread seekng advice on how best to commit suicide, would you maintain this "banning for attempts to talk them out of it" stance.

Yeah cause thats the same :rolleyes:

Hagar

I've racked my brains trying to think up some lies for you to tell your parents but I can't think of any.

Sorry I can't be more help.