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  • 20-01-2006 9:38am
    #1
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭


    This guy visits the doctors and says,
    "Doc, I think I've got a sex problem.

    I can't get it up for my wife anymore."

    The doctor says, "Come back tomorrow and bring her with you."

    The next day, the guy shows up with his wife.

    The doctor says to the wife,
    "Take off your clothes and lie on the table."

    She does it, and the doctor walks around the table
    a few times looking her up and down.

    He pulls the guy to the side and says,
    "You're fine. She doesn't give me a hard-on, either."

    ***************************************

    With all the new technology regarding fertility,
    a 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby.
    When she was discharged from the hospital and went home,
    her relatives came to visit.

    "May we see the new baby?" one asked.

    "Not yet," said the 65 year-old mother.

    Soon, 10 minutes had passed and another relative asked,
    "May we see the new baby now?"

    "Not yet," said the mother.
    After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again,

    "May we see the baby now?"
    "No," replied the mother.
    Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?"

    "When it cries," she told them.

    "WHEN IT CRIES?" they demanded.
    "Why do we have to wait until it CRIES?"

    "Because -- I forgot where I put it."

    ****************************************

    An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a
    90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter's
    house later that night, she seemed upset.

    "What happened, Mom?" the daughter asked.

    "I had to slap his face three times!"

    "You mean he got fresh?" the concerned daughter asked.

    "No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"

    ***************************************

    A woman is frustrated with her love life
    because her husband has a massive crush on Brigitte
    Bardot an ignores her completely.
    To win back his attentions, she goes to a tattooist
    to have the letters 'BB' tattooed on her breasts.
    The tattooist warns her that age and gravity
    would probably make this unattractive later in life,
    Ned suggests she have the tattoo on her arse instead.
    She agrees, and bends over to receive a 'B' on each buttock.
    When her husband gets home from work that night,
    she greets him by turning around, bending over,
    and lifting her dress to expose the artwork.
    "What do you think?" the wife says.
    "Uh, who the **** is Bob?" the husband replies.


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