Staunton Scandal Shocker...

Roar

clicky

gracehopper

LOL, good article!

BOHS

Very funny

p.pete

superb

BillyBoy

My new favourite quote - "Wasn't it Paul Newman who once said 'Why have steak when you're poking the fireplace?"

Pigman II

That's some quality journalism. Give that guy a raise!

Slightly related (tho not at all) is this. It's oldish now because I've been musing where to post it for a couple of days now so here seems as good as anywhere. I particularily liked #8

gracehopper

Pigman II wrote:

That's some quality journalism. Give that guy a raise!

Slightly related (tho not at all) is this. It's oldish now because I've been musing where to post it for a couple of days now so here seems as good as anywhere. I particularily liked #8

Ha Ha Ha. The Bryan Corcoran one is the funniest. Look at bobby in that leather. He must work out!!. LOL

BillyBoy

Could someone copy and paste that link please. Can't access it cause i'm in work!

godtabh

Staunton Shocker

Apr 14 2004

By David Wardale


Veteran defender Steve Staunton has finally reacted to the sordid details of David Beckham's alleged marital indiscretions by amazingly claiming: 'It could have been me'.

82-year-old Susan

The former Liverpool and Republic of Ireland strawberry blonde's revelation will stun football, coming as it does just a week or so after the lurid details of Beckham's supposed trysts with personal assistant Rebecca Loos and sultry Sarah Marbeck began to be published in the British press.

Staunton (pictured) decided to come clean with his version of events after his life was made 'a living hell' by the paparazzi.

He said: "I was walking past Onandi Lowe's press conference the other week and it suddenly dawned on me how many journalists and photographers were there - journalists and photographers who were bound to start laying siege to my house, pushing notes through the letterbox and sifting through my dustbins unless I came out and gave my side of the story.


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"It got so bad that I didn't dare leave the house for a newspaper - or even a bottle of milk - in case the empty-looking road outside was suddenly teeming with reporters desperate to get their 'scoop'.

"It was a potentially living hell that might have happened if it had done, which it could have if it did, believe you me."

Although Staunton has never met Rebecca Loos or cheated on his wife, the defender admitted that he:

* HAS sent text messages using a mobile phone SIMILAR to David Beckham's
* MET a personal assistant who was 'quite attractive now I come to think about it'
* SPENT time on a Spanish beach just yards from a group of women sunbathing TOPLESS
* THOUGHT about buying a sombrero once
* DRANK two bottles of San Miguel during an amazing ONE HOUR drinking session in a pub near a TAPAS bar
* WOULD have signed for Real Madrid - if they'd ever asked him

Film Footage of The Spice Girls before they became famous in Raw Spice

"If I was alone in, say, the capital of Spain and playing for, oh I don't know, Real Madrid maybe then, yes, I might be tempted to 'play away' if the circumstances were right.

"But I wasn't, I didn't and I wasn't because they weren't so I never did.

"As for the saucy text messages well...let's just say I once texted my wife after we ran out of Coffeemate and she was closer to the Spar seeing as she was on her way to the garden centre nearby about getting a new pump unit for the water feature we'd only just had fitted and anyway the 4x4 was in for a service so I was pretty much stuck at home that day.

"So it really is a case of 'there but for the grace of God go I' as far as I can see."

Staunton was less forthcoming about his day of shame on a Spanish beach, saying merely: "I barely noticed to be honest.

"My wife is more than enough woman for me, sharing as we do interests in Tupperware, a decent bottle of rose and the ever-impressive work of Gerry Rafferty.

"Wasn't it Paul Newman who once said 'Why have steak when you're poking the fireplace?

"No? Oh."

Whether Staunton's decision to go public with his revelations will keep the press at bay remains to be seen.

Victoria Beckham

But he does know one thing for certain - Beckham (pictured) is not out of the woods yet.

"I would never dream of giving David advice because he's a fella with a sensible head on sensible shoulders who knows exactly what to do for the best.

"But my advice to David would be to get his head down and just concentrate on what he does best - looking pretty and commanding huge coverage in the papers.

"And me? Well let's just hope that letting my personal cat out of the bag doesn't mean it hits the fan because mud sticks when the vultures start circling at the end of the day.

"It really is as simple as that."

Good stuff it is