16 month old eating problems

Scubadevils

Hi,

We are having terrible trouble with our 16 month old daughter and her meals. Breakfast is not too bad, she has a bowl of rice krispies along with a bottle of milk. We have tried several different things for lunch and dinner but over the last month she simply refuses to eat anything thats made for her. She had been taking soup for a couple of weeks but now thats out the door. It turns into a complete battle at meal times and she screams her head off. All she wants to eat is toast, yogurt and fruit - everything else is pushed away or spat out if we do manage to get it into her mouth. Its very stressful as we get worried that she is not getting enough nutrition and we have tried so many different things that she just won't eat, this includes various home-made recipies from toddler books and internet sites. Teething obviously springs to mind and we know there are teeth coming down but this is going on now for at least a month, soup shouldn't bother her but as mentioned above she is now refusing this too. Also, the fact that she will eat toast and cereal should indicate that its not her teeth bothering her.

Anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks.

luckat

The only thing in her life that she can control right now is food.

As you're obviously aware, this can have devastating results if the same thing happens in the teens - so now is the time to associate eating with fun and pleasure, not conflict and power.

May I suggest that you don't try to force her right now. If she rejects something, just give her what she wants, and do it in a way that's fun: Sailing a spoon full of yogurt towards her mouth: "Oooh, the big airplane's flying into the airport - will it be able to land?" (she opens her mouth and giggles) "YES!! And it's another happy landing for Yogurt Airlines!"

Meanwhile, adults should eat their own food with great greed and gusto. "MMMMM! This is *so good*! DEEE LICIOUS!"

After a bit she'll start wanting some, and you can have a doubtful conversation. "Is Mercy big enough to eat this kind of food? Well, maybe a tiny bit!" and give her a mouthful.

After a while of this, she should associate eating with pleasure, not conflict, which allows you to train her up to be a good-cooking gourmet.

Incidentally, I wonder if this might have started with an upset tummy? I can default to "safe" foods myself if I've had a bad experience with a new food - or if I *think* I have, because I felt iffy while eating it.

Scubadevils

Thanks for your suggestions and advice, will try that route this evening!

Funny you should mention the upset stomach - she did have an upset stomach before Christmas and was certainly off a lot of her food. We did feel this was connected initially but after a couple of weeks we thought that would ease off.

We have been trying to have our meals at the same time as hers as we felt she might feel more involved - I think we now need to do as you suggest and make it more fun for her.

Thanks again, hopefully we can get her back on track now!

Kernel32

Our son is 3 years old and has always been a terrible eater. It got to a point where we were seriously worried about malnutrition. We raised our fears with his pediatrician numerous times but he was always very good at calming us down. He was putting on weight and growing even if slowly so he wasn't concerned.

He did advise us to try and get him to try Pediasure which we did successfully. I'm not sure if its available in Ireland but basically it's just a nutritional drink in different flavours.

I also went through battles with him at dinner time which was very stressful. He would cry, I would get mad and in the end it did no good. Finally we tried a different approach. We stopped trying to force him to eat. We simply made sure that food was available when he wanted it. We also set a rule for dinner. If he is at the table with us he eats. Otherwise he goes somewhere else to play but the TV does not go on. The idea there was that he wants to spend time with us. Probably more so me as I would have come home from work and he is excited to see me. If he wanted to interact at dinner then he has to eat. Over the course of last year we saw a definite improvement in his eating. At age 2 he had never eaten meat. Now he will down 6 or 8 chicken nuggets easy enough. His diet isn't as varied as we would like and he still doesn't eat as much as we would like but he is a very happy and lively little guy and he is growing so that's what counts in our books.

So why was/is he like this? I wish I had a definite answer. We have learned a few things though. One is that is dislikes certain textures, both on his hands and in his mouth. He does not like sticky food one bit. He likes to eat with his hands but only hard or crunchy food. If you gave him something like a piece of orange he would just drop it. A teacher he had also commented on this to us. She said he did not like to play with clay or anything that was too soft or sticky. What's also interesting is that I have some similar tendencies. I will not eat oranges, grapes and many other fruits simply because of the texture. I was in my 20's before I would eat a tomato. Other fruits I love and most vegetables. He definitely didn't learn it from looking at me because I would never show any visible dislike in front of him. My only guess is that there is something hereditary.

We also learned at luckat pointed out is to not create a conflict. We went down that road and it was a bad road. We also found that his schedule it not our schedule and instead of fight it we have learned to deal with it. For a long time he had no schedule. He would randomly ask for food during the day and we would give it to him. But last year this changed somewhat. He now has his breakfast with me in the morning, lunch with his mother and we all have dinner and now he always eats something. He still snacks but no where near as much. He also still has this routine of not eating a big dinner but without fail coming up to bedtime he will chow down again with some more food. We also avoided doing junk food snacks. He gets very little suger even though we know he has no problem eating chocolate or a cookie. He does get a little bit every day but because he doesn't get much he is delighted when he gets a few M&M's where as many kids would want the whole packet.

After I say all that it could be related to the stomach upset. Early last summer our little guy got a yeast infection in his you know what. It swelled up and was painful. He was put on anti-biotics which cleared it up. During that time we were told to bath him daily which we did. Before that incident we would not say the word bath in front of him because he loved them so much he would run upstairs and start stripping down. Afterwards he would scream so loud we would close all the windows first so the neighbours wouldn't think we were killing him. It took a good three months to get him to sit in the bath. He went from screaming to more whining within a week or two but he wouldn't sit. Now he is back to his old self.

I hope this helps because I know the stress it causes. You hear from other parents how well their children eat and here you are trying to force food down your childs throat. I have another one due in March, I really really hope she is a better eater!

edengarden

Hi i just quickly scrolled down through your post - my little guy when he was about 18mths old wouldn't eat anything and was drinking bottles of milk - i was at my wits end - i'd wouldn't give him milk hoping he'd get hungry enough but he had no interest in food.

Friends were advising me it was just a stage etc. but thankfully i brought him to the Doc and they discovered he was anaemic apparently milk, which i didn't know, stops the absorption of iron and lack of iron in turn leads to lack of appetite.

I don’t want to frighten you but it is a viscous circle to get caught in, if you are worried don’t let people tell you it’s a faddy phase etc. Make sure you child is getting Iron in her diet.

Scubadevils

Thanks Kernel, it certainly seems you have been through hell too! We did wonder if it was related to food textures etc but it appears to be any food really. We have tried the fun route (which we will continue) but she is just constantly refusing anything that she is either not familiar with or has decided she doesn't want to eat anymore. We tried in the last few days food that we had planned staying away from such as fish fingers, waffles and chicken nuggets - once again, totally refused. As soon as she sees food like this she starts saying no straight away and turning her head, if we try put the spoon anywhere near her face she gives out even more and then cries if we persist. All she will eat now is yogurts and fruit and still loves her bottle of milk or juice. We had given her Liga before but she was looking for it all the time and developing a serious sweet tooth which may be part of the problem. We do give a supplement called Abidec in her evening bottle so at least she is getting some nutrients from that.

Thanks edengarden, we were just saying tonight that we will have to bring her to the doctor again as it may be something other than simply being fussy. Although she does eat food she wants such as fruit, yogurts and more recently scones!

luckat

You want eating to be a big pleasure.

People who get problems with food later *never* really associate eating with pleasure, though they think they do. They think of it as power.

So you have to make eating fun.

At the moment, the kid doesn't like spoons coming at her, and associates that with conflict and anger (on her own part) and unpleasant things.

So maybe you could just move the goalposts a bit. Instead of feeding her from a spoon, give her a bunch of stuff that she can pick up and munch at. Mashed potatoes (my staple when I was at this stage). Pancakes - made with milk and eggs and flour, so she's getting protein. Broccoli stalks, steamed with just a little salt on them. Julienned carrots. Carrot soup.

There are some things you shouldn't give a baby - nuts or peanuts, for instance (very easy for them to inhale little bits which then lodge in the lung and cause problems); honey (which can harbour botulism that wouldn't bother an older child but can devastate a baby). But there are lots of foods that babies will like.

I get a bit of a vibe here that she's feeling a little panicky and out of control. If you can give her back some of that control, in a gently firm kind of way so she's able to control her own eating, yet know that you're still there safely holding the reins, she may come around reasonably easily.

If, by the way, you find that she'll eat for others - for instance, her grandma comes over and she eats for her no problem - you know it's a power problem.

The main thing is that she should associate eating with good times and good things. Then you can move outwards from that to trying out lots of different foods.

DaisyD

My sympathies! Our child has been a fussy eater since he was a baby, now he is a fussy eater aged 7!!! When we go out for dinner to any sort of restaurant we have a lovely dinner... he eats ... toast!!! It's infuriating. He loves pizza and will eat a marguerita anywhere, and probably some garlic bread. He will not eat cheese, ham, jam, choc spread and now he has decided that he doesn't like peanut butter so school lunch is a nightmare.

The up side his fussiness is he won't eat McDonalds, jelly sweets, lollipops or most types of crisps!!! He is very skinny but seems healthy enough.

My advice to you is to keep a very wide variety of food on offer, I think that was my mistake.