The complicate world of wishing people were gay

energy69

Firstly, cheers for all the advice. Think I'll keep my distance for the moment from the guy. Need to get my head in order.

Ended up having a fantastic philosophical conversaton last night with a mate and a number of things came up that make a lot of sense towards this. Human are continually on a day to day basis are challenged by fear. I believe this is one of the main reasons why we are here. Well definitely one of the main reasons why I'm here. People don't like change and are scared of something they don't understand.

I had my first sexual experience with a guy when I was 21. I had continually questioned my sexuality although never really seriously considered being gay. The feelings I had towards the guy were unbelievable and I was totally obsessed and in love. I didn't give a fcuk what anyone else thought, because it felt more right than anything I'd ever experienced. Was not really the same for him. Being gay with him was something that never scared me, although after it ended i suddenly became bi. I was more homophobic than i could believe. I didn't have another sexual experience for 5 years after. That was with a girl. Then that ended very messy after 3 weeks and I was with a guy a few weeks later.

I considered myself bixsexual over the coming years although never had any sexual encounters. Between my first love and today I've had only 3 one night stands. In June of last year aged 31 I decided to come out and call myself gay. Most people that knew me thought it was kind of weird although it was a big thing for me. Calling myself bisexual I felt safe. When I allowed myself to be gay I let go of such an enormous fear. I realised that I had being scared ****less of being gay. The word had such a negative conitation in my mind. Suddenly I had made myself free. I believe everyone is bisexual or has the capacity to be. It's something we don't understand and we fear it. People are just people. I'm scared of women for other reasons and don't understand. I'm more comfortable being with guys. Perhaps over the coming years i can come around to this fear. Will that make me bisexual.

My fears over the years have being caused by many things. How I was slagged in school and called a girl. The bizarre attitudes of my mum. Listening to my friends slag gay people. To what I watch and hear on TV. As Louise Hay says, "What other people think of me is none of my business". What more profound insight can we have for ourselves. When people are scared of something they may laugh or try hard to push that thing away from them by making it alien to them. Prime example in American Beauty where the macho army father is actually gay.

Be true in the very short time we have on this earth. Say things that help others and not hinder. Even in playful jest. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Because there not my words. Mind your own business ;-)

Stark

energy69 wrote:

I considered myself bixsexual over the coming years although never had any sexual encounters. Between my first love and today I've had only 3 one night stands. In June of last year aged 31 I decided to come out and call myself gay. Most people that knew me thought it was kind of weird although it was a big thing for me. Calling myself bisexual I felt safe. When I allowed myself to be gay I let go of such an enormous fear. I realised that I had being scared ****less of being gay. The word had such a negative conitation in my mind. Suddenly I had made myself free. I believe everyone is bisexual or has the capacity to be. It's something they don't understand and they fear it. People are just people. I'm scared of women and don't understand them therefore i'm more comfortable being with guys. Perhaps over the coming years i can come around and feel comfortable with women.

Not necessarily. You've an interesting take on life and I know I've missed out on rewarding opportunities in various fields myself due to fear. But not liking something doesn't mean you're afraid of it. You could become completely comfortable with women and some could become your closest friends but you may never come to develop sexual attraction for them and that has nothing to do with fear.

energy69

You are totally right. I do believe thou that i have issues with women and I fear them. In my case I think that I have unfinished women in business. I have being attracted to women and not done anything about it due to fear.

Hmm_Messiah

energy69 , you've been very revelatory about yourself, in a way not possible to really comment on because people's experiences are unique down to the smallest subtly.

So things you refer to do though strike a resonance with me and if I comment on them I mean in general terms not judging you in anyway.


The experience you had as being "gay" sounds more like aa time when you experienced the pleasure and invigoratio of loving some one. Pronouncing yourself gay doesnt alter that, or cause it. I wonder, from your words, are you "gay", in the way you use the term.

You don't have to label your attractions, or limit yourself to them.

When I first fell inlove with a man , I recognised it 1. because of how overwhelming my joy was , and how altered all my emotions. 2. It matched so closely how it was when I fell inlove with my first girlfriend. the gender was very much less significant.


I understand too what you say abot fear; everyday I regret things I wished to do or try that I felt held back from. but sometimes fear is given a "pop pyschology" meaning which reduces it to just another label, even a crutch. Identifying what prevents us is no use unless we then remove it from our lives.

Not wanting to be gay is often not a "fear" because of preconceptions, but more simply disliking what it might mean, but its hard for people to admit a dislike/prejudice about themselves! You ideas on bisexuality I'd not really go with, but I would suggest dealing with fears as only a step
minus fear=zero, to value yourself you must pile up on positives like : taking chances, committing, sharing, enduring etc

Dunno if that made sense(being immersed in group theory
, & spatial intelligence project @ the moment)

Feel the fear and do it anyways sometimes should be Feel the Fear so do it (cos of)

UU

energy69, I think you're right about bisexuality. I may have said this before but will say it again that I saw a programme once which explored how many animals are actually bisexual. One such example were rams. They procreate with the sheep and when the sheep are tending their offspring , the rams actually have sex with each other! Other examples were bats, swans , cats and dogs. The programme explored humans also. It suggested that 60% of humans are bisexual - some have had at least one homosexual attraction but have been more leaned towards heterosexuality and most didn't act on the homosexual attraction and most people just don't realise it and haven't encountered it. The programme didn't state it was true but just suggested an interesting fact.

About fear? “Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself” quoted by Franklin D. Roosevelt . . .

Stark

UU wrote:

About fear? “Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself” quoted by Franklin D. Roosevelt . . .

It's a pity he didn't translate it to Latin, it would have sounded even more profound and people would have questioned it even less.

damien

UU wrote:

One such example were rams. They procreate with the sheep and when the sheep are tending their offspring , the rams actually have sex with each other! Other examples were bats, swans , cats and dogs.

So heteros evolved from monkeys and we evolved from sheep? Has this been scientifically proven? Seems quite dubious to me though it would explain the herd mentality and the grins.

UU

damien.m wrote:

So heteros evolved from monkeys and we evolved from sheep? Has this been scientifically proven? Seems quite dubious to me though it would explain the herd mentality and the grins.

Might also explain how so many people follow trends!

Freaky Angelo

UU wrote:

Might also explain how so many people follow trends!

Actually I think THAT was evolved from lemmings given how trends usually lead to jumping off moral/social/personal/actual cliffs!

energy69

Hmm_Messiah wrote:

Dunno if that made sense(being immersed in group theory
, & spatial intelligence project @ the moment)

Bizarre never read what you said properly until now. cheers. you'd made me see it from a view i hadn't seen before. I've only begun to realise that committng and enduring are something i'm scared of. scared of something that happened in the past.

Thank You

Freaky Angelo

I can relate to that same fear I guess but it's not that I don't want to commit it's that I can't bring myself to be that vulnerable ever again. Last time i did it was a bloody fiasco. I can relate energy69 believe me!

Freaky Angelo

Valentines tomorrow...yuck, never had a relationship on valentines and at this rate probably never will

I hate Hallmark

energy69

Happy Valentines gang. First time in my life that I'm seeing a guy through this marked day of love. The last 3 weeks have being a lot of fun. Wishing every1 the very best. May cupid do his worst with wild arrows flying everywhere.

Have a good one.

energy69

Freaky Angelo

energy69 wrote:

Happy Valentines gang. First time in my life that I'm seeing a guy through this marked day of love. The last 3 weeks have being a lot of fun. Wishing every1 the very best. May cupid do his worst with wild arrows flying everywhere.

Have a good one.

energy69

I hate you...;)

UU

. . . I miss Steven . . .

Freaky Angelo

UU wrote:

. . . I miss Steven . . .

We all miss somebody, but:

Loneliness is an obligation
Inescapable
A cloud to wrap us
entrap us
Save fleeting moments others disperse it

Was Steven your boyfriend? Or just someone who you liked and didn't like you back?

UU

Freaky Angelo wrote:

We all miss somebody, but:

Loneliness is an obligation
Inescapable
A cloud to wrap us
entrap us
Save fleeting moments others disperse it

Was Steven your boyfriend? Or just someone who you liked and didn't like you back?

Thanks for them inspiring words. Steven was a fella I I fancied from a show I did last year. He was the nicest fella I ever met in my life. Words just can't describe him. Anyway, he was the first fella I ever had feelings for but I wasn't sure if he was gay or not. I would have been too embarrassed to ask him so I just befriended him for a while. Anyhow, there will be plenty of other boys I'll meet in the future but some people you just can't forget.

Freaky Angelo

Yeah I know the feeling all too well

metrovelvet

How about the world of wishing people were straight? How many hot gay men are there? Tons.

My dance teacher is ripped but id swear he wears a tiara and all those girls in my class are in love with him. And I just think he is so ****ing hot.

Dont forget folks, when you look at Cupid for what he does, you realise he is a terrorist. An arbitrary assassin.

bribri

ok you have soooooooooooo got 2 be kidding me i cant belive i actually fillled in that stupid thing i think i need to get out way more,,,.... i think i need to join the local monastery now and hide away forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dont go near that crush007 site it reminds me of a guy i was meeting when i was in like 5th year who drew me in with"do you want ot hear the new sean paul album " next thing i no it im lying on my back moaning for mercy( too much info i no) LOL

Stark

Are you sure you didn't mean to post that on bebo?

Shellie13

Zillah wrote:

...?

Yes. Thats exactly what hes saying. They should care a lot less about sexuality, its not that big a deal.

hear hear!!!
Male, female, whats the diff?!
Aint it the person?!!!!
I dont get this world...i just dont!!!