totally confused

LegacyUser

I've been seeing my boyfriend for nearly 4 months. Both of us are pretty inexperienced and this is for the both of us our first serious relationship.(im 17 he's 19) The thing is we both want things do go further but anytime we start going in that direction i get all nervous and kinda clam up and nothing ends up happening, but the thing is i really do want to go that way but i never can and i always feel really bad because i know he's ready and i think i get his hopes up and ten nothing ends up happening(sometimes i get drunk and i'm a bit more full on but am never like this when sober). He always reassures me and says its fine and that we can wait but i feel as though I'm letting him down.
At the weekend we had a proper chat bout it and i kinda suggested that we Finnish but he said no way that he'll wait as long as he has to but i don't think its fair and i no eventually if i don't move on with him he Will get fed up
so my two ques are;
1. am i better to finish it now (even though i don't want to) instead of further down the road when we both will get hurt further?
and 2. Why can't i go further to even when i really want to i can't?

Pighead

There's certainly no need to finish it! Just because you're not having sex isn't a reason for ending a relationship.

Most likely, the reason you're clamming up is because you're so nervous. The muscles in the vaginal walls contract when you're nervous and penetration becomes difficult, if not impossible, and certainly painful. Next time, take things really slowly. Foreplay is your friend! Don't try and rush penetration. Take your time and make sure there's lots of oral sex, especially on your part. And don't worry too much about it! It's perfectly normal.

ferdi

he said he'll wait...this means he is not just after a shag, he likes you. there is no reason to dump him. relax.

Faith

wait, what? How did this topic get posted twice? And why does it say Pighead posted my reply?! Boards is going insane

BoozyBabe

Ha Ha!!! Faith is Pighead!!!

Canis Lupus

Unreged456 wrote:

Its not just sex its like anything physical. i feel so bad now, cause i want to but can't

Slowly slowly catchy monkey.

When you say you can't and you clam up what exactly do you mean when you apply it to "anything physical".

To be honest, one reply here would be if you are freezing and find you can't enjoy yourself or do anything of a physical nature then you're not ready but again, slowly slowly catchy monkey, take things one step at a time. Don't dump your man by the way, if he says he will wait and doesn't force you to do anything then there is no reason to dump him.

elvis2002

well I dont understand why you want to end it. It shouldn't make a difference really. Your only 17, a few months, or a year is nothing. He'll wait for you. He's clearly thinks a great lot about you. I waited for my girlfriend, it didn't matter to me how long she wanted because I loved her. Eventually things just happen. I wouldn't recommend getting pissed just so that it can happen. You'll want to at least remember it. Giving him a handjob will have to suffice until you are prepared more mentally for it.

Heyes

dont be ending it because you feel this way, i know you may feel that your ready but you strike me thats your not ( i may be wrong ), thing is you will know that your ready when the times comes. Dont be stressing yourself out so much about it.
Your boyfriend said he ll wait, so go by his word.

LegacyUser

elvis2002 wrote:

Giving him a handjob will have to suffice until you are prepared more mentally for it.

I dunno one night we started that but i just felt so stupid with what i was doing so i stopped

Heyes

Unreged456 wrote:

I dunno one night we started that but i just felt so stupid with what i was doing so i stopped

your probable worrying about this way too much and stressing yourself out. you need to just relax and explore and see what happens,dont be worrying. just enjoy yourself, your boyf sounds like a nice decent guy so dont be worrying

daiixi

Unreged456 wrote:

I dunno one night we started that but i just felt so stupid with what i was doing so i stopped

It sounds like he really cares for you and he knows that you're inexperienced so he's not expecting you to know exactly what you're doing so try not to stress too much. It also sounds like you can talk quite openly together so have him tell you/show you what he'd like - everyone needs a bit of guidance every now and then no matter how many partners they've had !!!!

Try to have a laugh when you're together. There's nothing better than realising that sex is one of the funniest & ugliest things you can ever do.

Remember - It's meant to be fun!!!!!!

hullaballoo

Just take it slowly. Really slowly. Kiss for ages. Take it slowly.

Oh yeah, and don't rush it.

Heyes

daiixi wrote:

It sounds like he really cares for you and he knows that you're inexperienced so he's not expecting you to know exactly what you're doing so try not to stress too much. It also sounds like you can talk quite openly together so have him tell you/show you what he'd like - everyone needs a bit of guidance every now and then no matter how many partners they've had !!!!

Try to have a laugh when you're together. There's nothing better than realising that sex is one of the funniest & ugliest things you can ever do.

Remember - It's meant to be fun!!!!!!

Perfect

LegacyUser

so the next time we go in that direction i should just as him what he wants or any tips ?

Sangre

ferdi wrote:

he said he'll wait...this means he is not just after a shag, he likes you. there is no reason to dump him. relax.

Of course he said that. Doesn't mean he meant it.