David Hasselhoff facts

BossArky

>1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a
>game of
>tennis.
>
>2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David
>Hasselhoff allows to live.
>
>3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
>
>4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's
>David
>Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third
>girl he had slept with.
>
>5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,
>and
>instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
>
>6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff
>could
>use to kill you, including the room itself.
>
>7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan
>borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.
>
>8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.
>
>9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn
>needs to lie the f**k down.
>
>10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get
>wet.
>The water gets David instead.
>
>11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.
>
>12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World
>Records
>it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff, and those
>listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to
>matching
>him.
>
>13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put
>up
>with lactose's s**t.
>
>14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.
>
>15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.
>
>16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
>night.
>
>17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists
>entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
>
>18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching
>his
>Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his
>"Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
>
>19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and
>won.
>
>20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year
>later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the
>Grammy's.
>When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because Grammy's are
>for
>queers."
>
>Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
>
>21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky child
>to be
>thrown into the sun.
>
>22. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up,
>he's
>pushing the Earth down.
>
>23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow
>motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno
>erupts behind him.
>
>24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire
>spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
>
>25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he
>ate
>every last unicorn in existence.
>
>26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.
>
>27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets
>an
>immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched
>himself
>in the face.

aidan_walsh

>This
>>is getting
>>really, really
> old.

Ruadan

Replace the Hoff with Chuck norris, aquire a time machiene and travel back 4 months, it might get a laugh.

FunkyChicken

The two above posters speak nothing but truth. How can anyone still find this funny?

rossious

Pure Quality

C_Breeze

david haselhoof isnt so though !

ever hear his gay german songs, lol

bounty

Mr T pitys the fools who dare parody his jokes!

RE*AC*TOR

Random RE*AC*TOR facts:

RE*AC*TOR can stop time for up to two hours by thinking about pineapples

RE*AC*TOR invented Viagra, but only so the rest of us could dream of achieving his god-like libido

RE*AC*TOR always throws rock, if you throw paper you get his rock in your face.

RE*AC*TOR doesn't need to masturbate. His penis jerks itself off.


David Hasselhoff is not tough, I thought he was supposed to be "cool" in a kitsch kind of way, in the same way that Chuck Norris is supposed to be tough in a kitsch kind of way. They are not interchangable.

Mr Magnolia

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

David Hasselhoff is not tough, I thought he was supposed to be "cool" in a kitsch kind of way, in the same way that Chuck Norris is supposed to be tough in a kitsch kind of way. They are not interchangable.

Seconded, don't mess with Chuck you'll only end up with a roundhouse kick in the face.

Vokes

Jack Bauer facts own all.

Fact.

Liffeyman

The Hoff rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GLaDOS

the worst thing is that most of them are copied from the chuck norris facts, which are way funnier

Mr_Roger_Bongos

David Hasslehoff.....the poor man's Chuck Norris.

TerrorFirmer

This is pathetic. It doesn't suit the hoff. At all.

JCDenton

Didn't Vin Diesel successfully prove all these facts a whole year before the Hoff, or even Mr. Norris?

muckwarrior

Mr_Roger_Bongos wrote:

David Hasslehoff.....the poor man's Chuck Norris.

Nay. David Hasselhoff... the ghey man's Chuck Norris!

Mr_Roger_Bongos

Copy to word. Edit, find, replace "David" with "Chuck". Replace All. Edit, find, replace "Hasselhoff" with "Norris". Replace All.

1. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

3. When Chuck Norris drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

4. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's
Chuck Norris!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third
girl he had slept with.

5. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,
and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris
could use to kill you, including the room itself.

7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan
borrowed two bucks from Chuck Norris and forgot to pay him back.

8. Chuck Norris can count backwards from infinity.

9. Crop circles are Chuck's way of telling the world that sometimes corn
needs to lie the f**k down.

10. When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get
wet. The water gets Chuck instead.

11. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

13. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put
up with lactose's s**t.

14. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

15. Chuck Norris is the reason why Wally is hiding.

16. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
night.

17. You are what you eat. That is why Chuck Norris diet consists
entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

18. Chuck Norris once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

19. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and
won.

20. If you were to lock Chuck Norris in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Chuck replied "Because Grammy's are for queers."

Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

21. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

22. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up,he's pushing the Earth down.

23. Whenever Chuck Norris puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.

24. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

25. Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

26. Chuck Norris haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Chuck Norris punched himself in the face.

mickymg2003

You dont laugh at hoff facts you laugh at chuck norris facts and all you did was substitute chuck with the hoff and uts just not funny...kinda sad
You laugh at the hoffs gay videos, theres a load on youtube.

Mr_Roger_Bongos

Punctuation and grammar would go a long way in helping me understand your post, mickymg2003.

biko

I suggest we rename this forum "Chuck T Hoff PI"
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=517 and all these Facts are sent there to rot...

Capt'n Midnight

>27. David Hasselhoff does his own stunts. One day he was sliding down a
>balcony
>and the balcony was made of unplaned wood and David got a lot of
>spliters
>in his bum.
>
>28. David Hasselhoff's fans regurgitate emails without formatting them.
>
>29. Only facts 27,28 and 29 are true.
>
>30. David Hasselhoff copied Mr T's facts with out permission.
>
>31. David Hasselhoff's life expectance can be measured in terms of how long Mr T and Chuck Norris would fight over who gets to stomp on him first.