Adoption

LegacyUser

Hi all. I've just turned 40. I'm an adopted person, who up until now, luxuriated, took for granted the unknown. And enjoyed it. Never before have i considered seeking my origins. However i do realise now that if i am to meet my mother, i must do it now. I'm female, whatever that throws into the mix. I've signed up to the national adoption register. What am i asking you guys? Well, what does it mean to you to know your own mum. What do i risk trying to find mine?

Dragan

The only thing that you risk is any pre assumed image you may have of your natural mum. If you do not have that then you risk very little. But you need to ask yourself how will you feel if you Mum is not a good person, or not in a good situation? What if she does not want to meet you at all?

You need to remember that this is a complete stranger , and it is much like walking up to a random person in the street and expecting them to accept you. Like i said, if you do not expect anything then you have nothing to lose, but if you are expecting something then you risk losing that.

Canis Lupus

If I was you I'd treat the lady who adopted you as your mom. I have an adopted brother and sister and as far as they are concerned they only have one mom.

What do you risk trying to find your real one? A person.

b3t4

My thoughts are that you may need to find out about any inherited diseases.

My aunt had two children adopted one boy and one girl. They found our family about 5yrs ago. Unfortunately their mum had died a number of years previously due to breast cancer. The girl is now more aware of the risks she faces and has regular mammograms.

In this case the children were adopted as they were born out of wedlock. My aunt ended up marrying their father and went on to have four more children. So my cousins may not have found their Mum but they found their father and four brothers and sisters.

Best of luck,
A.

The_Conductor

Hi Clare,

I too am adopted, and some time ago took matters into my own hands and decided to seek my natural mother.

Its impossible to apply a one size fits all approach to adoption- everyone's experiences are different and unique to them. Seeking out one's parents is a similar personal journey for everyone involved. There may be common trends- but not what you might imagine.

Adoption and reunions are very rarely the wishy-washy happy stories portrayed in the media, where only the happy endings are put on public display.

The advice Dragan gives is reasonable- you have no idea what to expect, or how things might go.

Well done for putting your name and details on the National Contact Preference Register- I understand that they already have in excess of 40 matches and are only half way through inputting their data to-date.

Aside from the Register- it is possible to approach the agency who originally handled your adoption and request what is known as "Non-Identifying Information" from them. This would give you a little background information on your mother and the situation she was in. It may contain details (vague) of family members- along with some details pertaining to your birth (your original name before it was amended prior to your adoption, your place of birth, weight at birth etc). There is a lot of information in it- a lot that most normal people take as granted.......

Your original adoption agency would be in a position to assist with a trace, should you decide to try to trace your natural mother- however most agencies have extremely long waiting lists (the waiting list for Cunamh, who handled my adoption is currently 4 years to see a social worker for example).

It is possible to seek your original birth certificate yourself, independently of the Adoption Board- and to commence a trace of your own accord (as many adopted people in Ireland have been forced to do- given the official dalays, which are blamed on lack of funding (and/or secrecy on the part of the agencies)).

The following link will give you an idea of how to proceed with a search yourself:

http://www.adoptionireland.com/services/traceguide_adopted.doc

There are a number of groups out there (the first one is most active):

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Adoption-Ireland/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/adoptionireland/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/IrelandandUKAdoptionRegister/

These groups number among their members large numbers of adopted people- some of whom have traced and been reunited with their natural parents- some successfully, some not. Others interested in their stories, more still who are simply seeking information- others who are adopted but not interested in tracing- in short every aspect of the spectrum. There are also a number of natural mothers who are members of the group. It might be an idea to request membership. There are messages on the yahoo list(s) going back over a number of years detailing people's experiences.

Its not possible to draw any conclusion from anyone else's experiences- nor is it possible to expect anything or presume anything. Tracing your natural mother is a journey, a journey into the unknown. There are very many people who have made the journey- all have different stories to tell.

If you would any advice or further information please feel free to e-mail me at SMcCarrick@GMail.com or PM me here (presuming you are a boards member).

The very best of good luck to you.

Shane