mixed signals from a girl

LegacyUser

Hi

I've been seeing someone for a couple of weeks now. When I say seeing, we've been out 3 times. When we're out together, we get on well. I'm usually quite good at reading people but in this case I'm confused. I have the impression that this person likes me, but we have very little contact unless I initiate it. Even then, if I text it'll usually be a day before I get a reply.

Now I'm not looking for constant communication, but I'm trying to figure out is this person just being cautious or are they just not interested. The last time we were out she seemed kind of nervous and her body language was quite closed. As the evening wore on she relaxed and we had a good laugh. Obviously it's very early days, but I don't want to keep contacting this person if they're not into it. I'm wondering what girls here think? Are women so badly treated by blokes that they clam up? Most people I've been out with, it kind of flowed naturally (or not at all) and it was obvious that things were heading in a certain direction. I'm just wondering if she sees this as kind of 'friendship' material or just dates for the hell of it.

Either way, I'm cool with it, just not sure what to make of things so far, and don't want to waste my time or be strung along by someone who is either on the fence or seeing a string of people.

Lorri_L

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. But there are a few things here that it could be. She could just really like you and be very nervous. She could be trying the "treat them mean, keep them keen" technique. Men use that so much that most women will try reverse it at some stage. It could also be that she sees you as a friend and is unsure if she wants to take it to a different level.
But the best thing you can do in situations like this is that no matter what happens, if she doesn't want to be with you, its her loss and there will be someone better around the corner!

panda100

hehe she sounds just like me! I'm sure she likes you she wouldnt have gone on three dates with you if she didnt.Some people are really bad and shy when it comes to initiating a kiss or whatever.Whenevr,im on a date with a guy I like i totally clam up and act all nervous and can never intiate any physical stuff such as hand holding or kissing.Dont worry about it she's just a bit nervous.The best thing to do is have a few drinkies maybe one night and tell her that you really like her and does she like you too cos thatl get you talkiing bout feelings.

unklefiction

I would excercise caution, if this is bothering you now think about what might happen further down the line, you don't want to fall in love with someone when you might never get what you want out of the relationship and then when the lack of effort on their part has driven you round the twist because you didn't feel like they loved you enough to make the effort or that they weren't interested in you physically or that you thought they might be seeing other people behind your back and it was all down to their pure laziness and lack of understanding as to what a relationship requires.

And you lose your head and push for some sort of reaction just so that you know that they are still part of your life emotionally, but the reaction you get isn't the reaction you hoped for, It's obviously the right one(there couldn't have been a wrong one) but then she is gone, you are destroyed, you fall depressed you drink too much and don't eat. you get unwell. Then you have to start picking your life up again because "the one" wasn't "the one" afterall but it hurts so hard and everyday you have to get up and put on a fake exterior, smile to your colleagues, laugh with the customers when inside your heart is giving up from the pain.

py2006

am wondering... wrote:

Hi

I've been seeing someone for a couple of weeks now. When I say seeing, we've been out 3 times. When we're out together, we get on well. I'm usually quite good at reading people but in this case I'm confused. I have the impression that this person likes me, but we have very little contact unless I initiate it. Even then, if I text it'll usually be a day before I get a reply.

That is me all over. My head was wrecked with a situation similar to that for a long time. Still is kinda!

Some girls do the whole mind games thing were they pretend they aint interested just to get you more interested etc.

Don't text her for a week or so and see what happens. If she likes you she will text you.

The worst thing you can do, which is what I did, is make yourself available to her all the time and contantly asking her out. You end up being her lapdog or she starts seeing you as a mate and taking you for granted.

Eminem

Yeah it has happend to me. What you need to is just ask her sraight out dose she like you are not because if she dosent its not right what she is doing.All so if she is messing with your head shes not worth it .

LegacyUser

py2006 wrote:

That is me all over. My head was wrecked with a situation similar to that for a long time. Still is kinda!

Some girls do the whole mind games thing were they pretend they aint interested just to get you more interested etc.

Don't text her for a week or so and see what happens. If she likes you she will text you.

The worst thing you can do, which is what I did, is make yourself available to her all the time and contantly asking her out. You end up being her lapdog or she starts seeing you as a mate and taking you for granted.

Im one of those girls ...on behalf of some of them at least, sorry!
Its the chase, thats my some of my friends reasoning behind the mind games tbh. Bit of fun is all, not meant to hurt anyone.

If she has gone on dates with you she likes you, id say its more of a "treat them mean, keep them keen" thing as Lorri said. You sound like a nice guy, if you want to know then id agree with py2006's advise.

mountainyman

Get to come back to your place or go back to hers.

Get drunk with the 2 of you alone together and that will answer the question.

Don't bother talking to her about your feelings JUST SNOG HER.

This is true for men and women of all ages from 14 to 54.

MM

Khannie

mountainyman wrote:

Don't bother talking to her about your feelings JUST SNOG HER.

Action > words. I have found the few times that I have done the whole "nicely, nicely" thing it has ended up being a real turn off to both parties. Get in there, snog her, then you'll know where you stand. If you go for a snog, and she pulls back (highly unlikely after 3 dates) then at least you'll know where you stand.

Seriously, don't let it go to 4 dates without a snog. That's just too long.

py2006

Hmmm, are you sure they were dates? Did you actually use the word "date" when asking her?

She might have just saw it as friends meeting up. Then again she could be waiting for you to make the first move.

Hagar

All signals from women are mixed. All the time. Always.*

However they can understand yours, so make the moves you want to make but be prepared to stop if you get a definite "no".

* That is the sum total of my knowledge of women.

Ickle Magoo

Some people (not just women) are not very good at letting you know how they feel in the early days of a relationship.....maybe down to shyness, afraid of being hurt or embarassed, etc, etc....

I think the only way to get an official answer is to ask her......maybe at the end of a nice date ask if you can call her your g/f and ask for a kiss.....what's the worst that can happen? She can say no....you get embarassed for a wee while & you move on.....but I wouldn't accept 3 invites out alone (which I consider a date) with a guy unless I liked him.....and being an old fashioned gal, I expect him to the running in the early days re asking for dates, kissing etc.....maybe she's a bit like that too? Best of luck!

py2006

Jaysus, a kiss means nothing unless its on the lips I guess!

I was meeting up with this girl who I adored but she only saw me as a mate and she would always kiss me on the cheek when we met and when we departed!

head wreckers the lot of them! lol

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo why would he be asking if he can call her his girlfriend after 3 dates? 3 dates.

That is just weird.

MM

daiixi

am wondering... wrote:

I've been seeing someone for a couple of weeks now. When I say seeing, we've been out 3 times. When we're out together, we get on well. I'm usually quite good at reading people but in this case I'm confused. I have the impression that this person likes me, but we have very little contact unless I initiate it. Even then, if I text it'll usually be a day before I get a reply.
I'm just wondering if she sees this as kind of 'friendship' material or just dates for the hell of it.

Either way, I'm cool with it, just not sure what to make of things so far, and don't want to waste my time or be strung along by someone who is either on the fence or seeing a string of people.

We had this discussion at work today and we decided that text messages suck. Pick up the phone and call her if you want to speak to her. Conversations by text message don't mean a thing, in fact they're annoying, slow and expensive.

Maybe she likes you, maybe she's not sure what she wants, maybe she's not sure what you want?

Try asking her how she's feeling/thinking!

py2006

daiixi wrote:

We had this discussion at work today and we decided that text messages suck. Pick up the phone and call her if you want to speak to her. Conversations by text message don't mean a thing, in fact they're annoying, slow and expensive.

Maybe she likes you, maybe she's not sure what she wants, maybe she's not sure what you want?

Try asking her how she's feeling/thinking!

Thats easier said than done in fairness!

crazymonkey

maybe she has a boyfriend already, Maybe she likes you, maybe she's not sure what she wants, maybe she's not sure what you want, you will have talk with her,

daiixi

py2006 wrote:

Thats easier said than done in fairness!

Yeah, you're right. I never said that asking was going to be easy, but it shows that he's serious and that he's got the balls to stand up for how he feels. What's the worst that could happen?

py2006

daiixi wrote:

Yeah, you're right. I never said that asking was going to be easy, but it shows that he's serious and that he's got the balls to stand up for how he feels. What's the worst that could happen?

You don't realise how hard that is for guys! The worst that can happen is utter humiliation and embarrassment.

DAEDULUS

asking her how she feels about you is probably the worst thing you can do...stinks of insecurity and desperation and will probably scare her away....just coutinue to read her body language, her actions will tell you all you need to know

Kell

am wondering... wrote:

just not sure what to make of things so far, and don't want to waste my time or be strung along by someone who is either on the fence or seeing a string of people.

There you go then. Stop procrastinating and ask her WTF is going on rather than wonder about it.

You know, I would say that if 100% of people on this board actually asked themselves if they knew the answer to their own problem and answered truthfully the answer would be yes. Bah.

K-

Ickle Magoo

Mou tainyMan wrote:

Ickle Magoo why would he be asking if he can call her his girlfriend after 3 dates? 3 dates.

That is just weird.

MM

It's not necessarily the way I'd do things either, but the OP wanted to know if she was serious about him & my advice would be to ask her.....:D

MrJones

man , women are never straight forward. she defo has something
else a cookin'.
just leave it. if she comes back to ya then youre rockin.

LegacyUser

Don't text her for a week or so and see what happens. If she likes you she will text you.

The worst thing you can do, which is what I did, is make yourself available to her all the time and contantly asking her out. You end up being her lapdog or she starts seeing you as a mate and taking you for granted.

I felt the same and thought I was texting her rather than her texting me so I left it, then after like 5 days she texted me, and I havent seen her much in the past month or so because of college responsibilites, but now i'll definitely be out with her this week, should I tell her how I feel or work around it.

Because I'm not exactly lucky in these cases and she knows of a time twice in my life last year that I got rejected and cheated on.
Advice please....

WhiteWashMan

am wondering... wrote:

Either way, I'm cool with it, just not sure what to make of things so far, and don't want to waste my time or be strung along by someone who is either on the fence or seeing a string of people.

if you dont want to waste your time, then why not just say it to her.

after all, those who dont ask, dont get.

crazy_dude6662

i dont know if someone already posted this, but there is some book or other that some women use with "rules"
such as
dont txt him first
dont talk to him on a tuesday
dont txt back straight away


stupid things like that. that make a man think that a woman isnt interested. shes probably playing mind games like these IMO