In a relationship, but too high a libido

Zita

Need to know if I am an odd ball or at least a statistic.
I am in a good relationship, which I enjoy very much, but in the last year or so, I have found that my libido is excessive.
I know I know, many out there may think that this is not a problem, but it is kind of.
I find myself attracted to people, when I used to just consider them "sound" or maybe cute.
The attraction is strong enough to bring about fantasies etc
Is this just a phase? Or am I going to have to battle with this forever?

LegacyUser

I have a very high libido myself and this has caused problems with people in the past.namely because Im a girl and the traditional stigma that surrounds girls is that they're supposed to be ladylike and take what they are given,not demand it! Just relax and if you are not getting what you need from a relationship,either take it into your own hands and sort yourself out as regularly as u need to or find someone who gives u what you need and enjoy ur fantasies but dont cheat! Hope this helps in some way!

Slutmonkey57b

How long has the relationship been going on? How is your sex life in the relationship? You say this has only cropped up in the past year or so - has this been the situation from pretty much the beginning, or is it that you're a long-term relationship that's just gone a bit stale? Are you fantasising about cheating, or swinging, or what?

Eehh I come off like a total perv there but uh.. I have legitimate reasons for asking... I suppose what I'm trying to say is: Is it that your bf isn't filling your needs, or that you're looking for something new? Have you talked to your partner about it?

LegacyUser

This is not unusual.
It is normal for women's libidos to increase throughout their 20s.

Further after a highly fulfilling sexual relationship many people (but especially women) become more sexual in general. This is not necessarily a reflection on your current partner sexual activity diminishes in most relationships (other than arranged marriages) after the first year.

In fact there is an old saying that if a newlywed couple put a penny in a jar every time they had sex for the first year and took one out every time they had sex ater that they would never get the pennies out.

Nothing to worry about not necesarily inidicative of any relationship problems.

Incidentally:

I would be curious to know
1 How old you are
2 How sexually active you were prior to this relationship
3 If this relationship was sexually highly fulfilling initially


MM

Zita

Its very good to know that this is not unusual.
My bf and I are very active sexually and have been throughout our 6 yr relationship so I dont think this "phase" is to do with any lack of attention etc.
Its more like I can't get enough, as I think about sex so much.
Its also good to hear that womens sex drive etc increases.

I guess I will try the advice from Unregg and sort myself out and share my fantasies. And I'll see how I get on.

AngryBadger

Just a thought, but if you're in your early/mid twenties, and you've been with the same guy for the last 6 years, it's possible you're having a, I dunno, sexual awakening? And suddenly you're wondering how the grass is on the other side. If you were with the same guy for 6 years, and you're in your mid-twenties, you were what 18/19/younger when you got together? That's a pretty crucial time to be getting so heavily involved with one person, at least consider the possibility that you're craving something new as your sex drives starts to amp itself up.

AngryBadger

Unregg wrote:

the stigma that surrounds girls is that they're supposed to be ladylike and take what they are given,not demand it!

erm....when did this happen? I've never had a problem with women demanding sex! Can't you lot do both?

LegacyUser

AngryBadger wrote:

erm....when did this happen? I've never had a problem with women demanding sex! Can't you lot do both?

well in my experience of guys,much as they pretend not to be,they are slightly intimidated by demanding women,i guess afraid that they wont be able to live up to our expectations of their stamina!! maybe im just going for the wrong blokes!!

Zita

I'm in my early 30's, so was a bit older when I started going with my bf than 18 or 19 yrs old.
And as far as I can gather, this is about the volume of sex that I crave. I think this because, I don't want to leave my bf, I want to stay with him.
If its an over active libido then I guess I am just going to have to "demand" more sex from my fella...

On the question of women perceived as ladylike and not supposed to demand sex.... My bf also likes my forth rightness, he says its a turn on....
But, I think I would probably hold back a bit, if I were starting a fresh with someone new. Not that I wouldn't be myself, its just that the wrong interpretation of sexual forth rightness may be picked up... And I wouldn't want to seem like a tramp.

Beruthiel

Zita wrote:

And as far as I can gather, this is about the volume of sex that I crave.

are you not aware of the fact that this is perfectly normal for women in their 30's?
probably has something to do with mother nature and the clock ticking, either way, you should be enjoying yourself!

Not that I wouldn't be myself, its just that the wrong interpretation of sexual forth rightness may be picked up...

dark ages thinking woman!
if you want it, ask for it

MrJones

its great to hear girl in this position.(not literally!)
i found most girls that ive gone out with kindof control when we do it. i have generally found that their mood controls when they want to have sex..

turbot

For me, I think high libido is good...

What I will say is that if a guy orgasms more than 4 - 6 times a day all the time, regularly, don't expect him to have enough energy to do much else, unless he's superfit and/or studies tantric sex.

Zita sounds exotic... I wonder if you are?

Also, it's important that you learn how to turn on your partner a lot (even train them to be super-sexual) so your moods align and you both enjoy getting more than some.

Have a good one... and if you can't have a good one, have a quick one

LegacyUser

Just wanted to say that I agree with Unregg, I'm a woman with a high sex drive and I find men are almost always completely taken aback by it and they go away from the experience intimidated by me. (for the record I'm quite a shy, quiet person - I'm not some screaming, demaning, high maintenance wild woman - I just have a high sex drive) They always appear to be ok with it but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, it's a very different story. So just try to pick your moments. My experience has taught me that you can almost always pick out a guy with a similarly high sex drive within a few minutes of meeting him.

For the record, if you have a high sex drive in your mid 20s you aint seen nothing yet - wait till you get to 30.

AngryBadger

wow,where do all these high libido forward-thinking women hang out? I keep drawing the timid variety, altho some of them are she-devils in the bedroom....maybe it's all an act my tiny male mind just can't comprehend

MrJones

id like ta know where they hang out as well.:)

Miss Fluff

Zita wrote:

Need to know if I am an odd ball or at least a statistic.
I am in a good relationship, which I enjoy very much, but in the last year or so, I have found that my libido is excessive.
I know I know, many out there may think that this is not a problem, but it is kind of.
I find myself attracted to people, when I used to just consider them "sound" or maybe cute.
The attraction is strong enough to bring about fantasies etc
Is this just a phase? Or am I going to have to battle with this forever?

I seriously wouldn't worry about it, you sound like any normal woman to me. And count yourself lucky that by being in a relationship you have it on tap!!;)

Nuno

I agree with Miss Fluff. You sound like a completely normal 30-something with perfectly normal wants and desires. You should try and take as much of it out on your bf as possible. I can't imagine he would ever say no :rolleyes: .

Zita

Thanks Miss Fluff and Nuno.
That is my plan, but unfortunetely the other side to this for me is the very strong attraction that I have to other men.... I don't mean all men, in fact just a few in particular.
As a "good" person, one would think to stay away from them or not to get into a situation where something may happen.
But as I am sometimes led astray.... it leaves a whole other issue.
I'm not being flipant or dramatic... these attactions are real and very strong.
I feel sometimes, that if I could be two people, I would.

lil-buttons

Trust me theres nothing wrong with you.
My libido is up the wall... I think I need to go to therapy to control it!
And I'm just out of a relationship and I keep goin back to the ex to fulfill it ..Its no good at times is it?

mountainyman

Having a high libido is not an excuse for cheating.

MM

Miss Fluff

Zita wrote:

Thanks Miss Fluff and Nuno.
That is my plan, but unfortunetely the other side to this for me is the very strong attraction that I have to other men.... I don't mean all men, in fact just a few in particular.
As a "good" person, one would think to stay away from them or not to get into a situation where something may happen.
But as I am sometimes led astray.... it leaves a whole other issue.
I'm not being flipant or dramatic... these attactions are real and very strong.
I feel sometimes, that if I could be two people, I would.

Well are you being honest with yourself when you say you are genuinely being fulfilled by your current partner, or do you just want permission to cheat?

MrJones

this has turned into the desperate housewives thread!

Nevyn

Zita it could be that while you love your partner he just can't be all that you need it happens.
But you really need to be sure, why not have a chat with him and do a 'sex quiz'
even pretend it was something your read in a glossy womens mag.
Have a chat about how often you feel you want sex and how often you feel you need it and compare your and his answers with what the current rate of play is.

Have a talk about other things what you could both to help with you needs.
It doesn't have to be a full on mattress pounding, but things that will please you and take the edge off.

This can be really hard as well most blokes can't deal with the fact the woman they are involved it is more up for it or has a need or capactiy that out strips thier intrest or abilty.

How to tell him how much more you need with out making him feel crap about it is very very tricky.

Slutmonkey57b

The problem men have I think is that while they want women to be less reluctant to have sex (ie so they won't have to get her in the mood), the truth is that once a woman gets going, a man generally can't keep up. And there's nothing worse than spending half an hour diligently badgering a woman into sex, only to find she's giving you the devil eyes because you can't finish what you started. Ahhh the glories of relationships.

DawnMc

I have a very excessive libido and have always wanted sex more than my boyfs did.

MrJones

you're talkin to him.