Problems getting a lady.

LegacyUser

In my life I've never been with many girls, I have "met" 3 girls in my life starting when i was 14, I'm now 19. All 3 were strangers when there was drink involvid, and I never heard from any of them again, despite my texts etc.

I have an OK personality and have a few friends. I believe my problem is that I am ugly. I feel there's no need for me to describe my ugliness, i'm not deformed or anything. I'm in OK shape, just my face is the opposite of what females find attractive. I have been trying to find a girlfriend for ages, by just slowly developing a relationship, but no takers. My standards aren't high, but I feel the chances of a normal girl taking an interest in me are slim. I can get to be friends with a girl, but if they begin to get an incling I'm looking for something more they drift away. Does anyone have any advice on how i can get a nice girl to take an interest in me. I'm not bitter about the hand i've been dealt, i just want some advice.

py2006

Well to start out with, I doubt your as ugly as you claim to be! Don't keep feeding yourself them thoughts! You will only get depressed!

I kinda know how you feel though, I aint the greatest looking creature in the world but I aint the worst!

To be honest with you, avoid the Irish girls. Not totally, but you know the ones I mean!

Alot of guys these days seem to be having more success with the huge influx of foreign girls like the Russians, Polish girls etc

They are more approachable and easier to talk to. They adore the Irish guys sense of humour and charm.

They are also very pretty!

whiskeyman

It's all about confidence.
Your problem is you believe you look ugly, going on girls perceived expectations.... expectations that are fed from the media .... girls face the same problem, and probably more so IMO.

You need to feel good about yourself.
Perhaps work out a bit.... maybe get new clothes.
Do things... have stuff to talk about. Enjoy yourself.
All of these things can help you towards being more confident.

fiobs

py2006 wrote:

Well to start out with, I doubt your as ugly as you claim to be! Don't keep feeding yourself them thoughts!

My thoughts exactly!

I know a few very average looking guys who always seem to get with stunners. After chatting about it with my friends we've put it down to their confidence...they really believe they can have anyone (not in a cocky horrible way), with the result that girls are attracted to them

And by the way if one more guy says to give up on Irish women i'm going to scream!!

py2006

fiobs wrote:

And by the way if one more guy says to give up on Irish women i'm going to scream!!

haha, I didn't mean to offend or sound sexist! But I too am amazed at how often it has come up on these threads!

Back to the point, I find my confidence soars when I buy a set of new clothes. You know that feeling you get when your feeling good, you have some nice new threads. It fills you with confidence when you walk into a pub!

Ickle Magoo

Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.....if you think you are moderately handsome and a good guy and deserve a nice girl, then you will find one......telling yourself you are ugly and have an OK personality is hardly a way to entice a mate - not really much of an incentive for the girls to come a flocking, is it?!! LoL!

Are you a good joke teller? Good at sports or music or something? Concentrate on your good points to get to know some women and any girl worth her salt will not be so shallow as to look no farther than your looks.....don't give up because a couple of girls weren't interested! Best of luck

AngryBadger

Have to agree with everything that's being said. it's not looks, it's attitude. Confidence. End of story.

Zombrex

fiobs wrote:

I know a few very average looking guys who always seem to get with stunners. After chatting about it with my friends we've put it down to their confidence...they really believe they can have anyone (not in a cocky horrible way), with the result that girls are attracted to them

Its not confidence, its not giving a sh*t TBH There is a difference (though women seem to not be able to tell for some reason). They don't think they can get any girl, its that they don't really care if they get the girl or not. Its more a sign of detachment than confidence. And personally I don't think we should be encouraging anyone to not care about the women you are chatting up. If you do it just becomes a game, rather than a mature social interaction. If this guy is looking for a relationship rather than just a meaningless snog in a night club telling him to act confident isn't going to help

To the OP, you probably aren't as "ugly" as you think you are. People always see themselves differently than they see others, something to do with the way our brain processes our own image.

THe only real advice I can give you is to keep trying, and don't bother trying to pick girls up in bars and clubs. Join social clubs and attivites. You have more chance of meeting a person who shares interests in the same things as you, which makes it easier to chat and get on with them.

LegacyUser

so basicly, you're ugly, and would like to be more attractive to the opposite sex.

i agree with the other posters, confidence and personality go a long way.

here's my 2c....

you say you're in ok shape, why not get in great shape?

learn a language, learn to play an instrument, dress well....

all these things will increase your stock.

make money, and lots of it, you'll have no problem finding a woman.

you're 19, worlds your oyster dude.

MrJones

man im not ugly and id dont get enough women.
its all about confidence and i never had much of that, well not openly anyway.

AngryBadger

Wicknight wrote:

telling him to act confident isn't going to help

I'm telling him to be confident, not act confident. People who act confident generally smell like wet rats.

daiixi

OP: Why do you want to be in a relationship so much?
Try getting to know yourself, build up your confidence and then head out and make some new friends. The more friends you have the larger the base you have for meeting new people. Someone will come along in good time!!

LegacyUser

LOL @ all the amature phycologists here. I'm not interested in listening to corny cliched claims that may lack of success must be due to "lacking in confidence". All i want is straight up advice on how an ugly guy like me can get a girl interested in him. No more BS please.

Beruthiel

Ugly8ball wrote:

LOL @ all the amature phycologists here. I'm not interested in listening to corny cliched claims that may lack of success must be due to "lacking in confidence".

you are obviously not getting it
confidence is how you get a women interested

mickymg2003

A lot of people i know are so unbelievably ugly and it might sound like bu11sh1t but they get women.
Because they have a confident way about them. Basically if you get rejected forget about it and move on to the next.
Dont try and get with every girl you talk to and dont get into a relationship for the sake of being in one, you dont wanna go down that road.
Make more friends. And Become friends with lots of women...they'll have friends!!!
Socialise more.
Go out on weekends and dont get too drunk.

Ickle Magoo

Ugly8ball wrote:

LOL @ all the amature phycologists here. I'm not interested in listening to corny cliched claims that may lack of success must be due to "lacking in confidence". All i want is straight up advice on how an ugly guy like me can get a girl interested in him. No more BS please.

You seem to be looking for a magic formula which does not exist.....once a woman knows a man well enough to see past his looks (which is obviously the first thing women see of you), attraction is all down to confidence.....if you are actually confident within yourself - not just pretending to be - you will be much more attractive to the opposite sex - simple.....that is what all the amateur phsychologists on here are trying to tell you.....maybe your instant dismissal of the advice given is the crux of your issue?! Clichés, by deffinition, tend to have a ring of truth to them;):p

py2006

Ickle Magoo wrote:

You seem to be looking for a magic formula which does not exist.....once a woman knows a man well enough to see past his looks (which is obviously the first thing women see of you), attraction is all down to confidence.....if you are actually confident within yourself - not just pretending to be - you will be much more attractive to the opposite sex - simple.....that is what all the amateur phsychologists on here are trying to tell you.....maybe your instant dismissal of the advice given is the crux of your issue?! Clichés, by deffinition, tend to have a ring of truth to them;):p

Well said, he is an ungrateful little git isn't he! All we are trying to do is help the guy out!

Talliesin

Beruthiel wrote:

you are obviously not getting it
confidence is how you get a women interested

Yep. I'm ugly and it works for me!

LegacyUser

I don't think you guys get it. In fact i'd go as far as to say you've all got it WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. I have all the confidence in the world. I am a member of the Universities student union and am respected and liked by many females. I am a fine singer, and have confidence to go on stage. Whenever I finish karaoke I get a massive applause, mostly from females. I was captain of a team in the universities 7-a-side unisex football which reached the quater-finals, it was a limited team, but we managed due to my people skills and athletic prowess. This all shows I am a capable, confident and liked person.

My problem is, women wouldn't touch me with a BARGE POLL. I am UGLY. I know I'm ugly and it is clear for everybody to see. I often overhear people discussing how ugly I am, and anyone I know who has a tendency to slag always says it to me (I always give these people a piece of my mind, they only say it once). If i'm ever drinking with my BEST FRIEND and Im down about not getting a girl he always sincerely says to me "Dont beat yourself up over it pal, but she doesn't like you because you're ugly".

I have the confidence part down. I just need other advice on how an ugly person can score. Already have step 1 down (confidence). Now lets move on to step 2, PLEASE.

mountainyman

[1] Spend money on shoes. Chicks dig shoes. Also wear good clothes and get a good haircut. Make the best of what you've got.

[2] Get involved in some activity where you meet lots of women and where you are central to the proceedings (this is the best advice in the world).
This could also be said as:
Be the center of attention, easier said than than done I know. But look at musicians they don't get girls because they are talented or good looking. They get girls because they are the center of attention.

[3] Be physically fit

[4] Don't get hung up on girls when you first see them, chat them up or buy them dinner. Just take it handy.

[5] Be nice

[6] If necessary wear contacts


MM

Red Alert

i've never had a problem with specs - although if you're wearing televisions it's another matter.

daiixi

i think the OP should post a picture so we can see how ugly they are.. only fair i think!

py2006

daiixi wrote:

i think the OP should post a picture so we can see how ugly they are.. only fair i think!

Yea, thats really gonna do his confidence a world of good! :rolleyes:

daiixi

Ugly8ball wrote:

LOL @ all the amature phycologists here. I'm not interested in listening to corny cliched claims that may lack of success must be due to "lacking in confidence". All i want is straight up advice on how an ugly guy like me can get a girl interested in him. No more BS please.

Eh, he's the one who has said he doesn't want good advise! He wants no more BS? He should post a picture so we know what he's working with. I already think the problem is his bad attitude, but he could just be plain fugly!

py2006

I don't think its nice to refer to anybody as ugly. Its demeaning, offensive and extremely hurtful and damaging.

Different people find differen't people attractive!

I hate the way people refer to others as ugly and then dismiss them totally as human beings!

daiixi

The OP called himself ugly! He's used the word in his nick and used it to describe himself. I'm only working with the information I've been given!
He's said he doesn't want the good advice that he was being given, just to know how an ugly bloke such as himself can get a bit of lovin (creative license taken in last sentence). I didn't dismiss him as a human being for being ugly, I just wanted him to prove that he actually is as ugly as he's claiming to be.

py2006

daiixi wrote:

The OP called himself ugly! He's used the word in his nick and used it to describe himself. I'm only working with the information I've been given!
He's said he doesn't want the good advice that he was being given, just to know how an ugly bloke such as himself can get a bit of lovin (creative license taken in last sentence). I didn't dismiss him as a human being for being ugly, I just wanted him to prove that he actually is as ugly as he's claiming to be.

Sorry, I wasn't referring to you personally! I was talking in general terms. I just think that if he was to post his pic here he would get the compliments but he will also get the people telling him his is ugly etc.

I have got those comments before to my face (when I was younger) and its very hurtful. I have had women not even want to engage in conversation with me as they dont find me attractive!

Fanny Cradock

ok, you want dismiss perfectly sound advice. your choice, but it's a poor one, imo. the suggestion that you lack confidence doesn't fall into the relm of "corny cliched claims" or "BS".
women are attracted to confidence. describing yourself as ugly and saying you have only an OK personality hardly gives the impression that you are overflowing with it.

put you picture on hot or not. if you get around the 4 - 5 mark, you're grand. welcome to the world of the average looking bloke. armed with that knowledge go forth into the the world.

Pigman II

Got any musical talent? Become a DJ or a singer in a rock band. You'll be pure fanny magnet even if you look like Quasimodo's less handsome brother..