Worried about Amsterdam Stag

scoot on

My problem is really small compared to other peoples but I just can't help worrying about it. My boyfriend of 5 years is going to Amsterdam on a stag and i'm really worried about it. He's a fantastic boyfriend, and in fairness he's kinda quiet so it's rare enough that he heads away with the lads. My problem is that even though I totally trust him the fellas he's going with are completely mad, don't get me wrong I get on great with them all but they can be a bit hyper when out and even though the majority of them have girlfriends I've no doubt that some of them will only be after one thing over there! I can't help worrying that my boyfriend will end up doing the same thing. Anyone have any advice... I just can't get the bloody thought out of my head.

TomBeckett

Em I can imagine how you feel. Its prob all in your head dough. I know for a fact that if i was going to Amsterdam with the lads it would not matter if 20 stunners tried it on with me there is no way i would go near them.( love my other half to bits:)
Prob the best thing to do is say to him what you just said here if he knows how you feel then well you are the most important person to him so he may just not go. its only a stag. if i had to choose between some stupid stag or my girls happyness i know what id be doing:)

meditraitor

Dont worry about it, your boyfriend sounds like a nice guy, I have been on a fair few stags(amsterdam included) were some of the lads had only one thing on their mind(whores and the likes) but I never went down that road(whether I was in a relationship or not), so what you have to understand is it is a personal choice, and if you trust you fella you should have no worries.

bohsboy

Amsterdam is not the same as it used to be, Ireland now has plenty of sex shops and porn is obtained easily as compared to the old days. As for prostitutes, personally, it's a sad man that has to pay for sex. It amazes me these days to see people bragging openly about being with prostitutes. I don't think you have much to worry about as most normal blokes would enjoy looking but the seedy side of it turns most people I know off.

Dragan

I'm gonna post the tough post here and say that if you doubt your fella in this way them maybe you should not marry him.

It's all about trust after all!!! I suggest you decide if your nerves are actually real, or if it is just that weird little feeling that everyone gets.

If your concern that he would do anything is real then yeah, you need to worry. But not that he will, that you don't trust him!!!!

Sifo

TomBeckett wrote:

Em I can imagine how you feel. Its prob all in your head dough. I know for a fact that if i was going to Amsterdam with the lads it would not matter if 20 stunners tried it on with me there is no way i would go near them.( love my other half to bits:)
Prob the best thing to do is say to him what you just said here if he knows how you feel then well you are the most important person to him so he may just not go. its only a stag. if i had to choose between some stupid stag or my girls happyness i know what id be doing:)

In fairness thats just plain whipped..


OP, you just have to trust him, he can cheat anywhere, with your next door neighbour or with some girl in amsterdam, but only if thats what he wants to do. I cant imagine his friends can influence him that much.

humanji

It's not a trust thing on your behalf at all. Stag parties have a bad reputation because of tv and movies. But they're not like that at all. Very little besides drinking happens. And Amsterdam is very tame. You may not even have to worry about the drugs there, cause one look at international scumbags who think of Amsterdam as there Mecca, and it'd put you off all vices for the rest of your life.

Don't worry about it. His friends will be taking care of him and won't let anything happen to him (mainly because they'd be scared of what you'd do to them! ). Sure anyway, he's probably worried sick about you hens party! A lot worse happens at them!

Ag marbh

Dragan wrote:

I'm gonna post the tough post here and say that if you doubt your fella in this way them maybe you should not marry him.

It's all about trust after all!!! I suggest you decide if your nerves are actually real, or if it is just that weird little feeling that everyone gets.

If your concern that he would do anything is real then yeah, you need to worry. But not that he will, that you don't trust him!!!!

Spot on especially coming up to marriage.

Ickle Magoo

scoot on wrote:

even though I totally trust him.......I can't help worrying that my boyfriend will end up doing the same thing

You can't "totally" trust him or you wouldn't think this way......maybe tell your b/f you know you are being silly but you are feeling insecure & see what he says? Maybe you just need a chat & to hear him say he isn't going to do anything to hurt you....regardless of what he says, what he actually does over there is up to him and you just have to trust him - keep telling yourself all things you love about your man whenever you feel yourself worrying.....you say it's rare that he heads away with the lads and so perhaps when he returns and you are satisfied he has done nothing this time, it will be easier to trust him the next time....

As a previous post states, he doesn't need to go to Amsterdam to cheat on you & you cannot watch him 24/7 anywhere - but you trust him at home......you have to assume that he will be the same nice, trustworthy guy, regardless of where he is or who he is with.....Best of luck

scoot on

Thanks everyone.

I knew I was being stupid, it's just the whole Amsterdam thing was niggling at me slightly. I think it's just the reputation the place has that was worrying me. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression in the OP but it's not his stag, it's his friends, we're not engaged. I have talked to him about it, we tell each other everything anyway so I told him straight away that Amsterdam wasn't my ideal destination for a weekend away on a stag but he has told me numerous times that he'd never do anything and he's not going over there for that. I don't really know why I was being a bit stupid over it, I think I just needed reassurances that Amsterdam isn't just about one thing.

scoot on

Magoo, that is really good advice, thanks for that.

I think you're right about him not going away much. I think that has a quite a lot to do with it. I'm not used to him going away with the lads, he is a really quiet fella and normally prefers to have a few drinks in the pub rather than go on mental and I think that's why he normally doesnt go away with them. This is different though as it is a very good friend of his that's getting married so of course he's going to go.

el tel

jomanji wrote:

It's not a trust thing on your behalf at all. Stag parties have a bad reputation because of tv and movies. But they're not like that at all. Very little besides drinking happens. And Amsterdam is very tame. You may not even have to worry about the drugs there, cause one look at international scumbags who think of Amsterdam as there Mecca, and it'd put you off all vices for the rest of your life.

On the whole stag weekends are fairly mundane when it comes to boys playing away but I know of one legendary a$$hole who had his stag in Edinburgh. They guys did the usual - footbal match, stip clubs etc. but on the first night he hooked with up with an girl in a bar who he slept with. Next morning she put him in a taxi back to his friends. Then on the second night he slept with her again. His mates barely saw him the whole weekend. Two weeks later the shameless cad was married.

Shabadu

I suggest you read the following thread to see the other side of the coin.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054882497

Ickle Magoo

scoot on wrote:

Magoo, that is really good advice, thanks for that.

I think you're right about him not going away much. I think that has a quite a lot to do with it. I'm not used to him going away with the lads, he is a really quiet fella and normally prefers to have a few drinks in the pub rather than go on mental and I think that's why he normally doesnt go away with them. This is different though as it is a very good friend of his that's getting married so of course he's going to go.

Hey Scoot on,

When my hubby went on his stag, I just had to bite the bullet & keep telling myself that I wouldn't cheat on him on my hen, so why assume he would do the dirty on me.....I told him before we went away on our respective weekends that I would never do anything, so he wasn't to worry but I felt insecure that the lads would try to drag him into something and he would feel obliged as a stag to comply......the poor guy was fairly insulted that I would think so little of him and that I assumed he had so little respect for our relationship that he was willing to risk it all for a fumble in a strip club.....when he put that way, I felt a bit silly!! lol!! :rolleyes: Try to keep things in perspective - it makes things a bit easier to deal with!

galwaydude

Originally posed by shabadu

I suggest you read the following thread to see the other side of the coin.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showt...p?t=2054882497

Firstly let me make it clear that clear i wouldnt do anything to jeperdise my relationship with my gf if i did decide to go to amsterdam. Those two jokers in my thread were just stirring things, i dont want to be tarred with the same brush

To the the op i wouldnt worry.Your boyfriend sounds like a decent man. I have a stag to orginise when im in the states and i wouldnt dream of doing anything to jeperdise my relationship with my gf.Thrust your bf but tell him your concerns too.

ShayHT

Exactly!

Dragan wrote:

I'm gonna post the tough post here and say that if you doubt your fella in this way them maybe you should not marry him.

It's all about trust after all!!! I suggest you decide if your nerves are actually real, or if it is just that weird little feeling that everyone gets.

If your concern that he would do anything is real then yeah, you need to worry. But not that he will, that you don't trust him!!!!

PeterGriffen

scoot on wrote:

I've no doubt that some of them will only be after one thing over there! I can't help worrying that my boyfriend will end up doing the same thing. Anyone have any advice... I just can't get the bloody thought out of my head.

Are you only worried that he will go to a prostitute? I mean, would you be pissed off if he went to a sex show or to the Banana Bar or something? What are the acceptable limits for a stag night as far as you are concerned?

Crucifix

galwaydude wrote:

Thrust your bf...

Good idea, maybe right before he goes

PeterGriffen wrote:

Are you only worried that he will go to a prostitute? I mean, would you be pissed off if he went to a sex show or to the Banana Bar or something? What are the acceptable limits for a stag night as far as you are concerned?

This raises a good point. No doubt he'll be dragged to all manner of seedy places, even if he has no intention of infidelity.
EDIT: And what's a banana bar?

Shabadu

galwaydude wrote:

Firstly let me make it clear that clear i wouldnt do anything to jeperdise my relationship with my gf if i did decide to go to amsterdam. Those two jokers in my thread were just stirring things, i dont want to be tarred with the same brush

To the the op i wouldnt worry.Your boyfriend sounds like a decent man. I have a stag to orginise when im in the states and i wouldnt dream of doing anything to jeperdise my relationship with my gf.Thrust your bf but tell him your concerns too.

Ah no, you're grand, was just talking about the bollox from the other two.

scoot on

I don't mind him going to the Banana Bar or sex shows or things like that. That doesn't bother me at all. I'd be into seeing some of those things myself if I went over there! I've thought about the whole thing a lot this morning and the advice on here has been really good. I know was being stupid worrying about it. The truth is he's never done anything to warrant me not trusting him so i'm not going to start now. I think I just needed to think everything through and see what other ppl have done/thought in the same situation.

The Corinthian

Discuss it with him. Tell him how you feel. That alone would proably extinguish any temptation he may have there.

Oryx

My fella went there on his stag. Id trust him to the ends of the earth so it wasnt a problem. I had no problem with him and his mates going to the shows or coffee shops *ahem* because if they were going to be a/holes theyd be doin it here already. If you keep a guy on a leash, all hes going to want to do is escape...:D

PeterGriffen

Crucifix wrote:

EDIT: And what's a banana bar?

The banana bar is a place where topless women serve you drinks and for some extra money will consume a banana and sign a postcard in a somewhat unconventional manner. It was excellent.

OP, I really doubt you have anything to worry about. I went to Amsterdam on a stag night and both myself and everyone I was with were not tempted in the slightest to go to a prostitute, we just wanted to see the shows and go to the coffee bars.

scoot on

Thanks for the advice everyone!
Don't know why I was letting it bother me but after thinking about it a good bit I know I've nothing to worry about.
I think I just wanted/needed to get views of people who have actually been to Amsterdam.

simu

It's not such a sleazy place and if the guys want to do something new, they're more likely to go for drugs, I'd say.

Stag and hen parties can be divisive alright, though but usually only in small ways.

vibrant

Simu, I was just going to say the same thing....he might be more interested in dabbling with the bad schtuff than anything else on offer!

Tuesday_Girl

I live in the Dam and it's not as seedy as it's reputation suggests. As others have said, many stag parties and visiting groups are much more into the coffee shops and the late bars than in visiting prostitutes. Sure, a lot of Irish guys who come over do sample the goods, but the majority really just want to get wasted and maybe take in a sex show or take a walk through the Red Light District.

If you trust your bf at home, that shouldn't change just cos he's going to Amsterdam for a weekend.