Problem

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 10:29am #1

Hey! I love my gf so much and we are ready for the next step. We have tried on many occasions but everytime I go to put the condom on I go down if you know what I mean. Please help it's really upsetting me:(

jcoote · 03-02-2006 10:36am

i found i used to get that so i changed brand (started using mates) and they have a bit more room to move around in so they are not as restrictive...also the elastic maybe cutting of someblood so make sureu are 100% erect before putting the condom on

mickymg2003 · 03-02-2006 10:37am

Could be anxiety or fear that you'll be crap. The only advice i can give you is to chill out. Try and relax and not think too much.

Dragan · 03-02-2006 10:37am

Your stressing to much, seeing the act of putting on the condom as the last barrier before the big deed, and when that barrier is gone your becoming overwhelmed by the perceived size of the act itself.

Here's on for you, next time your getting hot and heavy and become a little exceited, nip off to the bathroom real quick and pop on the condom. Get back in there and keep it going, that way all you need to do is strip down and your ready to rumble, that final barrier has already been taken care of and is now a non issue.

And no offence, but if your having this much trouble with it i assume you are relatively inexperienced. As such you should be in a position to put on the condom before you get your kit off, if you know what i mean.

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 10:39am

Ok well thanks for the advice. It's just very irritating because this has happened on several occasions and it has destroyed my confidence. I am a virgin. Please help

jcoote · 03-02-2006 10:43am

its goes away mate trust me...there millions of people suffering with this and much worse its just anxiety u will become more comfortable...try using a condom when your alone and experiment with what works and what doesn't

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 10:44am

jcoote wrote:

its goes away mate trust me...there millions of people suffering with this and much worse its just anxiety u will become more comfortable...try using a condom when your alone and experiment with what works and what doesn't

I have already practised many times but when it comes to the actual time my erection goes away. I never have any problems with oral sex. Just the main thing. Why can't I stay up? I need sex tips please. Do I need to get my gf open more?

jcoote · 03-02-2006 10:52am

do u go down before it goes in or while in there????

its not sex tips u need its to relax and try to enjoy it

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 10:53am

It's when I'm in the process of putting it on. Do I need to do anything else?

Miss Fluff · 03-02-2006 10:59am

Practice putting it on when you are on your own to get the practice in so when the time comes it doesn't seem like such a massive deal. Fair play for being responsible too. You'll be fine, Enjoy

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 11:01am

Miss Fluff wrote:

Practice putting it on when you are on your own to get the practice in so when the time comes it doesn't seem like such a massive deal. Fair play for being responsible too. You'll be fine, Enjoy

I have practiced many times. I love my girlfriend very much. I want to commit to her. We want to prove our love to eachother but I always fail her. I'm grand at first but then it comes to putting it on and I go down...unfortunately

tirl · 03-02-2006 11:06am

get your GF to put it on for you

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 11:06am

tirl wrote:

get your GF to put it on for you

Are you sure that will work though? Do I have to do anything to her in order for my penis to go in?

ferdi · 03-02-2006 11:14am

migz4caz wrote:

I love my girlfriend very much. I want to commit to her. We want to prove our love to eachother but I always fail her.

and you think a shag will 'prove' your love? i think your over emphasising the significance of the event. sure its special and 'magical' but if you require sex to prove that you love eachother, you have deeper seeded problems than a flaccid member.

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 11:15am

Please Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 11:19am

ferdi wrote:

and you think a shag will 'prove' your love? i think your over emphasising the significance of the event. sure its special and 'magical' but if you require sex to prove that you love eachother, you have deeper seeded problems than a flaccid member.

I'm not saying we need to because we both know we love eachother. I just want my first time to be with her and she wants the same. I love her and we both want this but I always fail.

ferdi · 03-02-2006 11:20am

eh, you dont need help. you just need to stop thinking of sex as this major pressurising event that will make or break your relationship - its not. relax. its meant to be fun.

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 11:21am

ferdi wrote:

eh, you dont need help. you just need to stop thinking of sex as this major pressurising event that will make or break your relationship - its not. relax. its meant to be fun.

I want it to be fun but it's not when my erection goes away. I think there's something wrong with me

ferdi · 03-02-2006 11:32am

migz4caz wrote:

I think there's something wrong with me

it seems to me thats what you want to believe.

what are the options?

1) you have a physical difficulty maintaining an erection.
2) you have a pychological difficulty maintaining an erection.

can you take care of yourself, if ye get me? if so, its not physical.

so its mental.
cause? options:

1) you're nervous due to blowing this out of all proportions
2) you dont actually love/fancy your girlfriend
3) you're gay.

only you can rule out options 2 and 3 and if you can do so, only one option remains.

FERDI SAYS RELAX

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 11:34am

ferdi wrote:

it seems to me thats what you want to believe.

what are the options?

1) you have a physical difficulty maintaining an erection.
2) you have a pychological difficulty maintaining an erection.

can you take care of yourself, if ye get me? if so, its not physical.

so its mental.
cause? options:

1) you're nervous due to blowing this out of all proportions
2) you dont actually love/fancy your girlfriend
3) you're gay.

only you can rule out options 2 and 3 and if you can do so, only one option remains.

FERDI SAYS RELAX

Well I definetley rule out options 2 and 3 so maybe it is nerves. I definetley can take care of myself with no difficulty whatsoever. Is this common? How can I get over it?

ferdi · 03-02-2006 11:39am

do whatever it takes to relax, have a bath, a drink, a toke...whatever. stop making an 'event' out of it. just have a laugh, take your tme and let it happen naturally. get your girlfriend to put it on for you for that extra sexy feeling.

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 11:42am

ferdi wrote:

do whatever it takes to relax, have a bath, a drink, a toke...whatever. stop making an 'event' out of it. just have a laugh, take your tme and let it happen naturally. get your girlfriend to put it on for you for that extra sexy feeling.

Ok thanks so much for your help. It's nice to know I'm not a total freak. Is it ok to be drunk though? Isn't it risky?

ferdi · 03-02-2006 11:46am

dont get drunk, 1 or 2 will help you loosen up. and make sure she is drinking too. nothing less sexy than a tipsy youth trying to climb aboard when your sober as a judge....take mey word for it

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 11:47am

ferdi wrote:

dont get drunk, 1 or 2 will help you loosen up. and make sure she is drinking too. nothing less sexy than a tipsy youth trying to climb aboard when your sober as a judge....take mey word for it

Yeah that sounds sensible. So any other tips? I haven't a clue what I'm doing as you have probably already noticed

ferdi · 03-02-2006 11:52am

believe me, i'm not the one you want to be asking....i'll let someone else take over from here

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 11:54am

ferdi wrote:

believe me, i'm not the one you want to be asking....i'll let someone else take over from here

Ok well thanks anyway for all your help. I'm hoping there's someone else out there who is willing to help me. I'm inexperienced in the sex department and I'm looking for tips. Please I'm worried

tirl · 03-02-2006 12:08pm

how old are you?

Talliesin · 03-02-2006 12:08pm

The fact is that putting on a condom isn't very sexy. It's at best a bit fiddly and loss of erection at that point is very common.

Get her to help you, a little lick to get the erection to a peak and then rubbing the shaft while you get the fiddliest bit of putting the condom over the head done.

If you find talking dirty, being talked dirty to, looking at her in a particular state of attire, or anything else you can engage in at the same time as putting on a condom to be arousing, then do that too.

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 12:09pm

Ok thanks very much. By the way I'm 18 years old. I'm ready for the whole experience. I just don't know what I'm doing and when I try....I fail

jcoote · 03-02-2006 12:30pm

what other help are u looking for man????

(better to discuss this here thani n the feedback forum)

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 12:31pm

Just about how to go about it and do I have to do anything to her?

jcoote · 03-02-2006 12:35pm

no once shes wet and willing she's all set...if she is making u uncomfortable or vice versa have a chat about it...maybe foreplay til your dying for it is the answer???

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 12:38pm

How do I make her wet? Doesn't she have to be open a certain amount?

Talliesin · 03-02-2006 12:49pm

migz4caz wrote:

How do I make her wet? Doesn't she have to be open a certain amount?

You said earlier "I never have any problems with oral sex." surely you noticed her getting wet when you were going down on her.

More generally though, whatever it is that she's into.

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 12:52pm

Yeah well I have noticed that but will I definetley fit? Do I have to do something?

jcoote · 03-02-2006 12:53pm

well in general kissin and touchin would suffice to get the moisture flowing butif u went down on her thats gonna increase pleasure...if all else fails get some lube

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 12:54pm

Ok thanks a million........Do you think I'm ready to go?

jcoote · 03-02-2006 12:58pm

yeah courseu are go for it...its the best craic in the world when u get goin...relax and enjoy!!!

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 1:00pm

Ok I will. Thanks for everything. I feel alot better that there isn't something wrong with me.

Thank You

Talliesin · 03-02-2006 1:09pm

migz4caz wrote:

Yeah well I have noticed that but will I definetley fit? Do I have to do something?

Unless she has vaginisimus or you have a 3 foot wang, yes.

migz4caz wrote:

Do you think I'm ready to go?

Being neither you nor your girlfriend I couldn't possibly say.

Don't worry too much about it. Do things that you both enjoy. Stop thinking of penetration as the "main thing" - unless you're planning to have a child it's better to think of it as just part of your repetoir - and take pleasure exploring each others bodies and desires.

There won't be a pop-quiz afterwards.

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 1:10pm

Lol....Yeah I suppose your right. I'm just very worried about this because it has been going on a few months now.

Miss Fluff · 03-02-2006 2:42pm

migz4caz wrote:

Lol....Yeah I suppose your right. I'm just very worried about this because it has been going on a few months now.

Aw. Thing is, it may be a case of

"WHAT DO WE WANT?" "SEX!!!!!!"

"WHEN DO WE WANT IT?" "NOWWWWWWWW!!"

Try not to put so much pressure on yourself. If every heavy petting session manifests itself into a "failed" sex session that's not going to do you any favours, now is it? Why don't you forget about the ultimate goal for now, RELAX, enjoy each other's bodies, do everything but the big deed and it should happen naturally for you guys when the time is right.

tirl · 03-02-2006 3:03pm

how long are you with your gf

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 3:04pm

I'm with her 11 months now

tirl · 03-02-2006 3:05pm

and what does she have to say about all this, you have discussed it?

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 3:08pm

She has been really nice about the whole thing. She proposed we keep trying and this problem may eventually go away

tirl · 03-02-2006 3:37pm

relax and don't refer to it as a problem

December Son · 03-02-2006 3:40pm

jcoote wrote:

maybe foreplay til your dying for it is the answer???

WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.
If he does that hell bust a nut after all of 3 seconds. Happened to a friend of mine on his first time. (my 'friend', isnt me btw im not lying, my first time was far, far worse than just premature innoculation).

Man you just need to relax. Have like 2 beers, youll be mellow, and maybe lose a little bit of your inhibitions, both of you, that is. Dont get drunk however, big mistake. Start fooling around, when she gives you the nod that shes ready to do it, get her to put it on for you and guide you inside her. Simple as.

migz4caz · 03-02-2006 3:47pm

Ok thanks a million. So what happened to your friend?

December Son · 03-02-2006 4:06pm

Basiaclly, for some stupid reason, as his gf was giving him some hand relief, he was about to climax and decided 'now would be a great time for my first ever bit of sex', so he entered her, and came pretty much as soon as he did. And that was him spent. Magical, eh?

Gillo · 03-02-2006 5:15pm

Appoligies if it's already been stated, but I'm in a bit of a rush and had to breeze through the posts.

It's seems like you prob is actually getting the condom on and yes it's hard to do for the first while. You've gone through the whole romantic flirting, kissing, cuddleing, made it to the bed played around; at this stage you are feeling great and "ready for action". You roll over to the side of the bed, fumble around in the dark and eventually find those condoms that seemed to have moved by themselves, you got to tear at the packaging while been careful not to rip it, finally you get it out, then you got to unroll it abit, and get it on your penis (if you are lucky your eyes are adjustign to the light at this stage). Now that sound like alot of hassle not to mention the fact that you are already nervous that you won't impress your girlfriend enough. Now thats enough to make you lose your erection.

What I did, was I practiced putting them on at home by myself until it was no problem. Try it, it should help.

Problem

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