Tantrums at 9 months (twins)

lisa1607

New to these boards so hello to all.

I have 9 mth old boy / girl twins. In the last week my little angel :rolleyes: has decided that she no longer wants to sit in her car seat or buggy, she straightens up and screams. She started doing it at home when I would put her down on the floor or in her playpen, she wants to be in my arms all the time, I try and give her enough time but obviously I can't give into her demands as I have her brother to look after. I always thought with twins it would be easier, they wouldn't get jealous or demanding !!!...I do give them as much time as I can but they are very independant so far, I know these tantrums are normal and it's easy to deal with them at home but when you're out and about and she's screaming it's so hard ..... any suggestions...there probably aren't any but it might be good to talk to others in similar situations or at least to any twin parents as well.

Thanks in advance
Lisa

Nevyn

Congratulations you have now entered the wonderful stage in your childrens life when they start to be come self determining and willful.
Seem that your little girl wants some control over herself and her life; tis is the start of it and I hear the really fun and games await me when mine hit adolsence.

9mnths is hard because how to you comunicate with them effiecently and establish control and set boundaries.

Every child ever born on this planet has thrown a temper tantrum and pitched a complete fit at the worset time in public and upset thier parent.
Only people who have never had to mind a cranky child or had freak kids think
that children never cry and never act out.

I always found that the best thing to do was the hardest thing to do ( isn't it always ), to not get upset myself and try stay calm and don't let her see she is getting to you.
Having a parent get distressed can often make a child worse.
Be firm with her but still console her.
Try explaining to her what you are doing and why you can't pick her up or why she has to go in her chair.
Distractions work well but you ave to be carefull about what is a distraction and what is a bribe.

When either of my two wold throw tantrums I would let them as long as they were not harming themsleves or getting too distressed, soon enough they will be restricted in how and where they can express how they feel.

It sounds like you love them both very much and are doing well by them,
don't let snotty or disaproving looks from strangers get you down when your little one decides to start a power struggle.

luckat

Incidentally, have you thought of baby signing with your twins?

http://www.signingbaby.com/
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/refcap/547348.html
http://www.kindersigns.com/

niallb

Hi Lisa,
we've got twin girls who are nearly three at this stage,
but I can barely remember what they were like at 9 months
as I've had so little sleep in the last three years :-)
There's at least one other parent of twins about the same age here too.

Seriously though, this age is one of those where it is
harder with twins than with a singleton.
You're not wrong to have thought that "it would be easier"
with twins - some things are. It balances out well, but
that's not much help to you right now.

It sounds like this happened very suddenly.
How's her brother dealing with it?

Have you introduced solids recently?
Any changes in feeding?
Is she colicky?
Does she seem sore in the stomach or bottom?
Might be worth getting her checked out with your doctor.
Does she sleep much during the day? Any changes there?

Our older boy went through a phase like this
at about the same age which we never really
understood at the time.
It turned out later that he had reflux, and when
we'd lie him down, he got very uncomfortable
quite quickly and grizzled.

I think you'll have to sort it out at home first, where
you're more in control of the environment.
A door swing might be worth trying, as it would
keep her vertical and is loads of fun.
It also makes it easier for her to see you when she's
not in your arms. Try to calm her by holding her eye
contact and talking to her instead of lifting her.
It'll take ages at first, but you need to build up
some new way of calming her that you can use
when you're out and can't easily lift her.
Talk to her while holding her brother, and let her see
that you're still thinking of her even when you're busy.

Are the twins your only kids? I'm guessing they are,
and I can't fully imagine myself what it would be
like to have had twins from the word go.

The worst thing about twins is when they're both
upset and you can only pick up one at a time.
At this age, you can probably pick up both,
but not for long and not if you need to do anything else.
You can feel so helpless when you're outnumbered by
small crying people, but when you see them come
round, it's even more special.

Try some music. Pick something you'll be able to
put up with yourself for extended periods, and put
it on when she's happy. Turn it off when she throws a wobbler.
Keep a copy in the car, and it might help with getting her
into her seat.

You need time to yourself to recharge. If that means putting them
down for 10 minutes and having a cup of tea no matter what,
it's worth it to you all when go back to them refreshed.

I've got a great video called "Baby Mozart" that was made for infants.
It's 22 minutes of peace on a tape. They find it really captivating.

For out and about, try going out for the afternoon with a good friend,
who knows the kids well. If she screams, say goodbye and walk out
of her sight. She's got to know that you won't accept it.

How are they sleeping? Are you getting a realistic amount of sleep yourself?
Things look so much worse when you're tired. :-(

It may be something specific that has started this, and it may
disappear just as quickly.

As a last meander, there's something else worth considering.
Even at nine months, many kids understand quite a lot of what is
being said around them. They have a much better idea of what
they want to communicate to you, and it must be very frustrating
for them not to be able to get it out.

Take a look for "baby sign language" on your favourite search engine,
and see what even younger kids are at.
The idea is that if a baby can get across easily what its crisis is, it can
get fixed before frustration sets in.
One of the books even had a card to leave for babysitters, so that they
can tell if baby wants a drink, a cuddle, or a nappy change!
I'm not saying jump into sign language - though I think it's a great idea -
just to realise it may be something simple she wants.
Of course chances are, she simply wants up in arms.

We had a huge advantage in having an older child,
as he was able to understand them much better than
we were when they first started to talk.

If you know any three year olds who enjoy the twins' company,
try asking them what she wants next time she erupts.
Maybe another long shot, but we saw the same thing with
a friend's son when our eldest was just starting to practise talking.

I hope things turn around for you really soon.
Try not to let it keep you from getting out!

Best wishes,
NiallB

lisa1607

oh my god thanks so much for all the advice. Yeah I really think she is just getting frustrated, but she is so cute now and has even started flirting with her dad !!...she seems to know exactly how to get what she wants. Her brother seems to take things in his stride and is too busy looking around him to bother.

I haven't done anything different that I can think of, they have been on solids for the last 5 Months and feeding well, they get 12 hrs sleep every night.....I have been so lucky with them so far that I think it's about time I had a few challenges !!!

I think my main problem (and this is going to come across all wrong) is that I don't want to have a child that comes across as being spoiled and bold, there is nothing worse....I dearly hope she continues to have a strong personality it's just knowing how to channel that energy in the right direction if you know what I mean.

They have recently started holding their own bottles and don't get as much cuddles anymore so I am making sure to give her the bedtime bottle in my arms as she also may be just having a bad few days...the signing might help its something I'd heard of before but forgot all about it, would be interested in checking it out so thanks for suggestions


Niallb I know what you mean when you say you can't remember your girls at nine months, friends of ours had twins recently and when I saw them I honestly couldn't remember my two being so small and it wasn't that long ago, you just get so used to them at the stage their currently in.

CarlyAna

My 1-year-old has been acting the same way, but it's mostly because he started walking at 10 months old. Ever since then, he doesnt want to be restrained in any way and just wants to wander off. He straightens up too and screams as if I were killing him! I sometimes think people watch us and wonder if he's really mine or I just stole him from his real mother and that's why he's screaming so bad hehe. Anyway, I just ignore him, strap him to his buggy/car seat and let him scream all he wants to. He stops in less than 2 minutes everytime, so I guess that's why I dont stress about it too much, i know he'll stop in a minute or two. As for people around you, I agree with Thaedydal, dont let their looks get you down.