my dad is dying

LegacyUser

I am sitting up here in my room right now talking to whoever out there, while downstairs my dad is loosing his battle against cancer and drifting in and out of conscienceness. The doctors are saying it wont be long before he passes, i just needed someone to talk to. I am feeling very confused, i am upset about it but my mind doesnt seem to think so, i havent shed a tear and i feel numb, its like it hasnt registered. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me ?

19/m

LegacyUser

Stay cool dude, you'll get through it.

Beruthiel

imsosad wrote:

i havent shed a tear and i feel numb, its like it hasnt registered. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me ?

whatever way helps you get through this is normal for you, don't try to over think this.
Most likely you're in shock and I'm not surprised you're numb, who wouldn't be? It's how your body helps you cope in stressful times.

I'm truly sorry you have to go through this, there is nothing worse.
take care of yourself and your family

Khannie

There's nothing wrong with you. It's a tough time, losing a parent, but you'll get through it.

Look after yourself.

seamus

imsosad wrote:

I am feeling very confused, i am upset about it but my mind doesnt seem to think so, i havent shed a tear and i feel numb, its like it hasnt registered. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me ?

As Ber says, everyone deals with grief in a different way. It's quite common, particularly with something this difficult, to just freeze up and shut off your emotions. Dare I say it's more common in men, having gotten so used to shutting emotions out. Don't feel guilty about it. It doesn't mean that you care any less.

I'm sorry. Seek and give comfort in your family.

chuckles30

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Each person deals with it differently, so you just deal with it as it happens to you. My dad died 3 years ago and I didn't cry a lot, but that didn't mean I didn't miss him. Take care of yourself & your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

lil-buttons

Hi,
Unfortunetly my best mates dad died last week from his cancer also. Its a very hard thing to deal with. My friend still hasnt really cried and hasnt registered with her either. But she says that its better he went sooner to end his suffering. I dont know how u feel bout that but sometimes you need to let go in order to grieve.
Take care.
xx

RobEire

imsosad wrote:

I am sitting up here in my room right now talking to whoever out there, while downstairs my dad is loosing his battle against cancer and drifting in and out of conscienceness. The doctors are saying it wont be long before he passes, i just needed someone to talk to. I am feeling very confused, i am upset about it but my mind doesnt seem to think so, i havent shed a tear and i feel numb, its like it hasnt registered. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me ?

19/m

This is quite normal. I went through much the same when my father died of lung cancer three years ago. Feel free to PM if you want to talk this through.

Cutie18Ireland

I am sorry to hear about your dad... this story kinda scares me at the moment as a good few people i know have cancer and im due to get tested soon... but its completly normal behaviour, everyone deals with grief differently. my nanny died almost six months ago now... she had a few haemorages but the night before she died she was sitting up watching tv in the hospital and they said she'd be off the ventilator by 11 the next morning, at 6 she started bleeding again and she died at 11.55. it was such a shock as she seemed to be getting better, it still doesnt feel real just like a bad dream. i still expect her to walk through the door...
when she died i tried to stay strong everyone was completly devastated, she had 15 grandchildren me being the oldest and to my suprise most of the younger ones ranging from 12-6 were trying to look after their parents make sure they were eating etc
with time it just seems less real to me, best advice is to be there for each other, dont leave anyone on their own and try get some sleep.... when emotions are all over the place like that you'll find yourself completley drained.

dundalk cailin

Im so sorry to hear that. i havent lost anyone close to me, my grannies died when i was younger but ive 40+ cousins so we're a big family.
would being beside him help, or is that too difficult?
maybe pm'n someone here who went thru something similiar?
what bout your friends, are they supportive?

Psychic Lady

Sorry to hear bout your dad I know what your going thru I lost my dad to lung cancer a few months ago he was only diagnosed a few weeks before. The only consolation we feel is stories we where told from others who watched their family/friends suffering from this disease and we where happy that his suffering had ended. You'll never be without your dad he'll always be with you as I feel my dad is with me, just be sure to tell him how you feel about him and make the most of the time you have left as I didn't get the chance to do that with my dad and I regret that I didn't let him know how much he meant to me.

Stay strong but don't be afraid to show your emotions believe me their better out than keeping them locked in.

Please if you wanna talk mail me anytime.

Take Care.

DawnMc

imsosad wrote:

I am sitting up here in my room right now talking to whoever out there, while downstairs my dad is loosing his battle against cancer and drifting in and out of conscienceness. The doctors are saying it wont be long before he passes, i just needed someone to talk to. I am feeling very confused, i am upset about it but my mind doesnt seem to think so, i havent shed a tear and i feel numb, its like it hasnt registered. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me ?

19/m

OP -
I have gone through the exact same situation for the past year. I was constantly being told that my father only had hours/days to live. Pplease PM me to chat. It is perfectly normal to be numb, you're on autopilot

therecklessone

imsosad wrote:

I am feeling very confused, i am upset about it but my mind doesnt seem to think so, i havent shed a tear and i feel numb, its like it hasnt registered. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me ?

19/m

There is nothing wrong with you.

Firstly, remember this is a hugely stressful time for everyone involved, and people react in different ways. Maybe your mum is confused by her emotions as well, and she can't understand how you've responded? Don't be too hard on yourself or her.

I went through the same when I was 21, and I didn't cry until right at the end when my dad passed away. Don't worry about how you sorrow manifests itself right now, we all deal with is in different ways.

Do one thing though. tell your dad how much he means to you before its too late. I didn't, and I regret it to this day.

Miss Fluff

Hey, there is honestly no archetypal way of behaving or reacting when it comes to grief. Don't feel bad if you have not cried. It may come in time, it may not. Don't worry about how you should/should not feel. The important thing is that you have some support, so if you want to talk about it, seek out someone you trust and spill the beans. Try not to keep it all bottled up. I'm truly sorry for you for what you are going through right now. The pain never goes away but it does lessen with time. If you ever want to PM me, feel free to do so. In the meantime, a VERY very big cyberhug to you xx

py2006

Hi,

I know perfectly how you are feeling right now! My mother died from breast cancer when I was 20. It was a very surreal experience! I didn't cry when I was told she was dying and I didn't cry when she died!

It was very strange. But apparently alot of people don't break down crying at the time. Its often sometime later when you are on your own and you just let go.

Be strong for the rest of your family and spend time with them.

Stay strong!

Beruthiel

imsosad

many people here have kindly offered to talk privately with you through PM or e mail
if you wish to take either route, then PM me your nickname or e mail and I will pass it on in total confidence to which ever poster you would like to chat to.
I know it's a cliché, but it is good to talk

Khannie

You can also PM me if you'd like someone to chat with. My own dad passed away from cancer three years ago (tomorrow).

Oakbark

Hey, going through exactly the same thing right now, i know exactly how you feel. Fell free to PM me and we can chat sometime - i hate talking about it myself, but i'm a good listener.

18/m

kellxor.1337

I know this is a difficult time for you, But you have to stay strong in times like these, Your father would want you to remain strong and Just be there for him, I've never known my dad because he left my mom before i was born, But i couldnt even think of loosing my mam, I've lost a loved one in a friend a few yrs ago to cancer so i know that it's a tough time to get through, Just try and spend as much time as you can with him, Tell him you love him and Just take every day as it comes, And like every1 else in here, If you need anyone to talk to for any reason, Pm me,

Stay Strong Buddy



Kellxor

lazydaisy

OP-

I feel for you. I watched my father take his last breaths when he died of cancer at home.

There is no normal response. Everyone has their own response and their own way of grieving.

You can PM me too if you like . I would be happy to IM with you too.

netwhizkid

Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things to go through in life. You have to be strong for yourself and others. Try not to dwell on it and remember the good times you had with you Father. Remember he probably would not want you to be upset and would wnat you to cope the best you could. Just try to hold up and think of the happier days ahead in life.

goldilocked

Hi there,

I was in the same situation as you over 10 years ago. I was 19 and my dad was dying of cancer, although he was in Harolds cross hospice. It was a very strange time for me, it was only at the end that I actually realised(accepted?) that my dad was going to die and not get better.

We were all there when my dad took his last breath and I can still remember thinking that if I was ever to go, I'd like it to be with my family around me. I remember thinking how lonely it would be to die alone.

If I had any advice to give, and you're anything like I was, it would be to tell you dad you love him (I don't know when the last time I did was before the night he died). Look after your mam for the next while and spend time with your friends. You will see him again in your dreams...at least I sometimes do. In the dream its like I know he's dead, but there he is. It's nice.

G.

drdre

i am sorry to hear about your dad, take care of your self and especially your family.and our prayers are with you.

galwaydude

Im so sorry to hear about your dad.Its truly awfull and you dont know what to do with yourself when something like this happens.My thoughts are with you and your family. After my own moms battle with cancer i know what your going through.

CathyMoran

Am really sorry to hear what you are going through with your dad - my mum was very seriously ill just over a year ago so I can empathise, I also have a few close relatives that have cancer. Any reaction to grief is normal - for me when mum was ill I did not cry a lot of the time, if anything I felt I should be but I could not as I was afraid that I would never stop (hope that this makes sense), but whichever way helps you cope. My best wishes to you and your family at this time - feel free to PM.

deisemum

I would just like say how sorry I am to hear what you're going through and share what the other posters have already said. My own dad died nearly 3 years ago from cancer and was ill for some time. We were all with him when he went into a coma and finally take his last breath. Everything just felt unreal. For a couple of weeks afterwards my whole body hurt.

Khannie, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Rockstar*

Hi,

I sat with my family holding my mams hand as she struggled with her last breaths in blackrock clinic one month ago today(breast cancer-which she beat once and it came back 7 years later) ...you've already had the best advice you can get and thats to tell your dad you love him face to face.....stay close to your family and friends ,make sure you talk about it to them and try to take comfort in the fact that there are so many people going through the same pain as you -as in myself and some of the people who added on this thread ....its a horrible horrible time but try not to mope around and instead walk tall for your dad and do him proud...remember that everyone is thinking of you this very moment

gandalf

OP my father died late last October, he had been fighting for his life for 8 months after suffering a massive stroke. Eventhough he went thru awful pain and suffering the thing we both cherished was the fact we told each other what we meant to each other. If you do anything make sure you do this.

It will hurt and hurt alot but the pain will dimish in time. You haven't said anything about your mother. She will need support most of all.

My thoughts are with you and if you need to talk please pm me.

py2006

Isn't it scary the amount of people who have lost mothers and fathers to cancer!

Eminem

py2006 wrote:

Isn't it scary the amount of people who have lost mothers and fathers to cancer!

yea it sure is

Kablamo!

i lost my best friend 8 years ago, in the middle of a fight. i never got to apologise, or tell him how much he meant to me. i regret it still today. tell him how much he means to you... i didn't cry properly until two years after he died. do not worry that your emotions are betraying you, or not expressing themselves properly. grieve in your own time, and don't worry about what you may think others expect of you.

Kablamo!

i mean, at the end of the day, its your loss, not anyones elses. go with it, don't sress/ think/ worry about it. i wish you and yours, the best.

AnnaStezia

O.P. I am really sorry for you over what you are going through.

This is a tough situation to deal with. It is an even tougher burden to handle at 19. It is also frustrating because you cannot change the inevitable outcome.

Horrible and cold as it may be death is a natural part of life itself.

You are facing up to something that all of us have dealt with or will have to deal with at some time. In this respect you are anything but alone in your current experience.

Trust me when I tell you that even though you are prepared it may well give you a shock when the inevitable happens. However, be assured that you will get through this just like all of us who have dealt with this situation.

Finally, if you are finding this a bit too heavy to handle do not be afraid to share that face to face with someone close.

Best of luck

0utshined

O.P.

I feel for you. Cancer is a terrible thing and my thoughts are with you. Others have said it already but please do let your father know you love him, it will likely mean a lot to you in the future.

Khannie,
Hope you're doing alright today dude. Take care.

lolo2

my dad is dying too. he is not at the further horrible stages of cancer just yet, and i thank god for every day he is still enjoying, but we have been told that there is no hope of recovery so are facing the fact that he will inevitably succumb to the cancer very soon. i know how you feel, it is indescribable to see my dad not be able to do the things that he used to be able to do. i try mostly not to think about it, and i havent cried very much. i just feel very numb when i think about it. my heart goes out to you, and i think that whatever way people react to such a situation is normal, there is no such thing as abnormal in this case. you just do what you have to do to get by. my only advice is that you have "the talk" with your dad if you can, tell him how you feel about him, even if it doesnt feel like he wont always be there.

Zena

My thoughts and prayers are with you guys that experiencing this terrible sadness at the moment. Having lost my father over 2 years ago to cancer, I can tell you that is natural to go into shock mode. Try to do as others have advised, tell him you love him, if you can't tell him out loud, whisper it in his ear......

If you need to chat PM me, its good to talk.

lyrama

I'm so sorry, nothing in the world can compare to the pain of losing someone especially someone as close as your dad. There's nothing wrong with you
at all hun, it's normal to feel that way, no one could ever be able to get their head around knowing that someone they love is passing away.
When my grandma passed away my mom couldn't feel; she was numb and she didn't cry either. Real pain does that, it leaves us in so much pain that it immobilizes us. I don't think anything anyone could possible say could lessen the pain but everyone's here for you, your family and friends and everyone on this board. One thing'd I say now from watching my parents and friends go through this, you should spend every single moment you can left with your dad and always remember that where ever he may be he'll always be with you, he's apart of you and that'll never ever change, never. I'm so sorry, if there's anything at all I can do for you just gimme a buzz. My thoughts and bestest best wishes are with you and your dad and everyone else who's going through this. I'll be thinking of you. Keep strong and take care! xa

BeardyGit

Be strong but not so strong you won't cry when you feel the need. And go tell your Dad you love him - It's all you have to do. Our thoughts are with you.

Take care big man,

Gil

Gone West

hey man, I'm the same age as you and I help out with a charity that takes calls from people like yourself.
If you feel like talking, pm me for my mobile number.

cockmynut

imsosad wrote:

I am sitting up here in my room right now talking to whoever out there, while downstairs my dad is loosing his battle against cancer and drifting in and out of conscienceness. The doctors are saying it wont be long before he passes, i just needed someone to talk to. I am feeling very confused, i am upset about it but my mind doesnt seem to think so, i havent shed a tear and i feel numb, its like it hasnt registered. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me ?

19/m

My dad died (very unexpectedly) from his cancer a month ago. I can tell you that what you're going through is very normal. Now, I'll admit I cried a fair bit but I tried to hold it in because I tried to keep a positive view about his passing. I still cry every couple of nights - you may find that you're most vulnerable and susceptible to breaking down when you're tired. You're probably going to have a hard time for the next few weeks and maybe months but family and friends can make all the difference. You'll come out of this with a different view on certain things I can guarantee you. But if he has had this cancer for a while like my dad did, he will no longer have to suffer and he'll be at peace, so I hope that is some kind of consolation. Death happens to us all of course, and if you believe in the afterlife like I do, it will be easier to accept.

I'm truly sorry to hear of it. You'll get through it eventually, trust me.

17/m

dl

Be strong and don’t worry about whether or not you should be showing any emotion, your time to grieve will come. For me I cried the day the doctor told me that my father had cancer and the next tear I shed was an hour before he died… 6 months later!

LegacyUser

Thanks to everyone who posted, it really helped me stand back and re-examine the situation, i realised that we all have to go some day, and that my dad is still with me, all he wants to see me do in life is to do the best i can, and get on like everyone else. I realised he was a brilliant, kind and loving father, who made me the person i am today. I am proud to have known him and to have been his son.

He passed on the 12/02/2006

Since he has died, i feel an overwhelming power within me to achieve, to be more outgoing and to suceed in life , it's as if he is with me helping me fight my battle against life, has anyone else experienced this its ?

I am shocked at the amount of people posting whose relatives have died of the same affliction and my sympathies are with you two.

tbh

sorry to hear that - I thought your post was very moving. Good luck.

deisemum

I'm sorry to hear about your very sad loss, After my Dad died I too felt that it was time to be more proactive and not accept certain things that were affecting my life in a negitive way. It meant standing up for myself and closing the door on certain people who were not true friends. I also apprecialte my true friends and family a lot more.

koneko

So sorry to hear that, my sympathies.

It sounds like you are coping with it well, and it sounds like you want to achieve something in life and would have made your dad proud, and that is very admirable. Best of luck with everything.

Hagar

I'm sorry to hear that.

Anyone out there who has any parents left make a point of enjoying their company whenever you can. They will go before you know it.

LadyJ

OP,I'm sorry about your Dad. My Granny died of cancer almost a year ago and it's a heartbreaking thing to watch someone go through.

What you're saying about feeling the need to achieve things is something I can certainly relate to. My mother died when I was 11 and I think my passion to succeed in life began then.

It is incredibly hard to deal with losing a parent or anyone you love and sometimes we go numb to help us get through the terror and helplessness of the whole thing. In fact,some of us stay numb for years without realising it and some of us stay numb forever. However,don't be afraid to let in the pain every now and again. Not all at once,but bit by bit.

It's hard to get on with life when you feel that you shouldn't have to,so do remember that you're allowed to grieve no matter how you do it or what form it takes.

I'm glad that you are feeling optimistic and motivated,but I'm sure that there will be days when you don't. Just remember that,even just by getting up in the morning, you are staying in the game. Well done.

claire_dublin

OP my dad passed away almost 18 months ago. Id a tough time getting through it but friends helped a lot. If you need any advice on how your feelings or any help at all please message cause bad as it is il be able to help you somewhat.

CathyMoran

Am really sorry to hear of your loss - your post today touched me deeply.

Psychic Lady

I'm so sorry to hear your dad has passed, it's going to be tough to carry on without him I know but he will be guiding you through each day, think of the good times and keep as many memories as you can. My dad died recently too from cancer all happened within a few weeks of been diagnosed. I've found looking at photos and have surrounded myself with photos of him is helping me deal with my grief and don't be afraid or embarrassed to cry it's only natural.

I have found since my dad passed that I've a greater outlook on life and thank god every morning I wake and get another day in this world

tabatha

i'm so sorry for your loss. i cant believe the amount of people on here that have lost parents to cancer. it is really scary. what hagar said is very true. if you're lucky enough to have parents that are still alive, make sure you let them know how much you love them evey day.

my dad died a little over a year ago also to cancer. i also lost my baby to cot death many years ago, so unfortunatly i know all too well what grief is all about but i can tell you this, time is a great healer. i heard this so many times when my baby died but i would never believe it. it was true though. when my dad died i knew what was to come. you learn to live with it and get on knowing that they are in a better place then this and at peace. just take your time and live each day and remember the good times.