Messed up!

Exon

I'm an 18 year old with a very messed up life, i'm caught in a situation where i'm a victim of things i've done to maintain myself.

All trough school I was the outcast in the class, everyone made fun of me etc. I had an extremely hard time for the entire time I was in school. I failed my LC by 5 points, I spent most of my time taking drugs, suppose I was self medicating.

I've been surrounded by negativity the best part of my life, I have loads of friends but I have never experienced a real friend. All of the people in my area are scvm but it's better than being at home all the time. One of my longest friends had to leave the country because he was facing 3 - 4 years.

My mother and father haven't got a clue how to raise a child as hard as my father tried, there is constant sh!t going on, from one extreme to the other. I have never experienced love for a person not even my mother. She's an alcholic and causes me alot of emotional stress.

At christmas one of my best friends died which kinda done things to my head. 5 days later I was in a car crash where another very close friend basically died in my arms. My father said to me "I wish you died in that car crash, we even would've made money out of you" and he's the kind of person who doesn't say something unless he means it.

Tonight my mother found tablets that I had and it's going to cause me more sh!t, I know that i'm a decent person but this kinda life is taking the decency out of me.

I'm truely loosing my mind, this isn't even half of the stuff that has happened. The only thing I want is a decent life, has anybody got any advice? Any advice would be greatly be appreciated, I don't know how much more I can handle. Thanks in advance.

py2006

Firstly, depending on how old you are you really need to move out of your home and away from those parents of yours!

Get a job and rent a place! Start studying a course in the evenings. Keep busy and mix with good people. Its good for your mind and spirit!

You might also need to talk to a councellor about a few things!

Hope this helps!

The Free Man

yeah, like py2006 said, i would recommend moving out as far away from this stuff as possible. make a fresh start, and don't fool yourself into thinking that you cant do it.

look to the future and not to the past, always.

Sleepy

Move away from wherever your home town/city is. Get a job (some of the supermarkets pay surprisingly well) and start a new life for yourself. You can repeat the Leaving Cert by night and once you've been independent of your parents for a few years you can qualify for the grant in your own right if you want to go to college. Or, like py2006 says, you also have the options of evening courses or FÁS.

Moving away from home might be hard at first but you'll make new friends through work/house shares etc. Opportunities to change your life rarely just fall into your lap, usually, you have to grab them by the neck and hold on.

You seem like you've a decent head on your shoulders and accept your own role in your problems. That's a pretty good first step.

Best of luck!

AngryBadger

All of the above is good advice man, any kind of a job that allows you to get way from your situation for a while, and have some space to think. it will be hard as hell though, just stick with it and you'll come out on top.

Also a counsellour is a good idea.

Hugh Hefner

I would agree with all of the above.

Also try and ditch any drugs you might be using as soon as possible. They'll only weigh you down if you're gonna try and make a fresh start for yourself.


Best wishes.

Fanny Cradock

You have many options open to you...

To reiterate the good advice above:

Stop using drugs. They won’t help you in your situation.

Get a job with future prospects or consider repeating your leaving.

Move out of home.

Don’t worry too much about failing your leaving. You can always attend college as a mature student when your 23 as I did.

If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts try and catch yourself. Focus on the good things in life. This sounds cheesy but forcing yourself to think in a positive manner can help a lot. Don’t get bogged down by your past or present circumstances. Do something about it!

Would talking to your parents be of any use? Maybe explaining to them how you feel and expressing your hurt at your fathers shameful remark would have an affect.

I know can imagine how difficult, confusing and uncertain your situation is at the moment, but this could be the start of a whole new life for you.

You are young and full of potential. The world is your oyster and all that!

Good Luck!

Exon

There is absolutely no use talking to my parents, i'd get better results from talking to a brick wall. I'm not a bad looking younglad with a decent head on my shoulders but this whole situation has got my heart broken and got me thinking wrong. It's starting to exhaust me!

Is everyones life like this? (genuine question)

PS: All the advice so far is much appreciated.

the_syco

Exon wrote:

Is everyones life like this? (genuine question)

Not as bad, but never really the same, so I can't say. Screw the LC for the moment, tbh. It'll just mean more time in your current situation.

My advice: goto Fas.ie and look up info on doing an apprenticeship. And do it. Not at home, but far away. Seems from your above posts that your family wouldn't miss you, so just leave with some clothes, when you get an apprenticeship, tbh.

Due to new laws, if you haven't done your LC, you have to do it when you're doing your apprenticeship. If your employer asks why you failed your LC, etc, say that there was bad sh|t happening at home. This would also explain why you no longer lived at your home address (as alot of 1st year apprenticeships do). Name your intrest, and I'm sure someone will have more info on apprenticeships.

Best of luck.

CarlyAna

Hello Exon,

I agree the most important thing for you to do is move out and stop using drugs. I also feel strongly about talking to a counselor. You've gone through too much too quickly. I'm sorry about your friends. One of my friends had 2 friends die in a car accident they were all in and he had to go to counseling to overcome the whole thing.
I dont think your father really meant what he said, I just cant believe any parent would ever think/say that. But now is not the time to feel sorry for yourself, you have to be strong and move out. As hard as it may seem, it cant beharder than living at home in your current situation.
One of my friends had a father who was abusive and also a bank robber and went to jail for several years, a mother who abandoned them, a pyromaniac sister, and the list goes on. He moved to a different state, got a job, put himself through college and is now a succesful engineer, has great friends, and has finally experienced the love he never got from his family. So it is possible to turn your life around.
I wish you the best of luck, be strong!

Eminem

The best thing you can do is just get out of thier as soon as you can and start a knew life , it will be hard at first good luck:)

Beruthiel

Exon wrote:

Is everyones life like this? (genuine question).

some have a worse life
some have a better one
but none of us had it easy.
I left home at age 19 and took care of myself from there.
You absolutely can do it if the will to do so is there.
I can only echo what others have said, get a job in a supermarket or whatever, save a few quid, get a bed sit or move into a house with others, get out of the house asap, it's killing you slowly inside.
You are young, you can completely turn your life around if you wish - I'm not saying it will be easy, you won't have much money, but I bet a months wages you'll be a happier, stronger and more confident person.
When you've gotten yourself on your feet get the LC over by doing a night course.
Don't let the thoughts of all the above overwhelm you, take each one step at a time and you'll be grand.
best of luck and take care of yourself.

Miss Fluff

Exon wrote:

At christmas one of my best friends died which kinda done things to my head. 5 days later I was in a car crash where another very close friend basically died in my arms.

Hey, sorry to hear about a tough time you are having of it recently. To suffer two bereavements so recently and within such a short space of time must be really tough. How are you coping after the deaths? Have you spoken to anyone?

Sam Vimes

i think the concensus is:
move out of your house and your area

stop taking drugs

get an apprenticeship/job

either do night courses for the leaving or go to college when you're 23. thats not really a must though. book learning isn't for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that

Wurly

It sounds like you have had a lot to deal with in your life and I think you will need help to get through it. Id suggest seeing a counsellor to help you through. You may also be depressed and not realise it, due to being used to living with emotional pain. Your counsellor should talk to you about this aswell. I would also consider moving out because it will be very difficult to get better around dysfunctional people that use you as a scapegoat.

I have had some experience of what you're going through so if you would like to chat, send me a private msg and we'l go from there.

If not, best of luck with everything.

Citizen Jake

You have your whole life to look forward to. Your parents' attitudes leave a lot to be desired - something tells me you'll be reminding your father of that remark some time in the future when they'll be looking for you to dig them out of a hole.

You're pretty much an adult now - get a job, move out, find your life and set the terms, not the other way around.

The trauma you've been through in terms of your friends dying seems to me to be untreated. See about meeting a therapist to at least talk it through and banish those ghosts.

And the drugs - STAY AWAY FROM THEM - they don't work as the song goes. The drugs (and alcohol) are pretty much guaranteed to keep you in the dark place you find yourself in.

You say you are a decent person. Then do the decent thing - embrace life, find happiness, control your future as best you can. Stop being a victim.

Corksham

Hi Exon

theres a book wirtten called toxic parents which deals with how bad parenting can cause severe emotional issues in later life for children
I would also advise you to move out and move cities if possible, a brand new start
You are young, very very young so you have a good future to look forward to. Make new friends, not all people are bad, stay away from drugs if you can but i think you need a new start and are young enough to look to the future and walk away from the past
Best of luck

Exon

Thanks for all the advice people!

It's nice to know that there are real people out there

Ya wouldn't believe what this thread has done for me, it feels like a hole in my chest has been filled. I'm not a mad depressive person that walks around with a dull face all the time, but all this negativity has really got my mind bogged up. I've decided to cut the drugs, get a full time job and save up a few bob untill I have enough to get a little place on the other side of town and i'll start from there.

Miss Fluff: I have talked to someone about it who offered me advice about my mate, it's hard to come to terms with the situation when I left the car with mild concussion and he left dead more or less although he officially died 3 days later. 5 days after one of my close mates was found dead in his room. I'm not whinging about it, just trying to paint a picture of what's going on. It sounds silly but the way I deal with is I think how the people of Vietnam etc felt.

I can't honestly stress what all your advice has done for me this could be the start of a new life, thanks!

Peace...

garthv

To be honest with you mate it sounds like you need to get away from where you are. Maybe move to another country for a while and see what happens?