URGENT dilemma should i bed him?

BaZmO*

Well if the OP doesn't think her friend would have a problem with it well then there's no problem. But if she feels that she would have a problem with it, it definitely is a case of lack of respect.

Kiera

If she doesn’t think her friend will have a problem then why not ask her friend instead of a public forum?

The Corinthian

BaZmO* wrote:

But the thing is here, is that it's a matter of respect, respect for her friend and respect for herself.

Vis-a-vi a matter of respect for her friend - it really depends on how reasonable this is. I have a friend who used to have a crush on a girl for years, but never actually did anything about it. When one of our mutual friends began to date her he took it personally and practically froze the chap in question out. The point of this is that it was a completely unreasonable position to take, especially in light of the fact that he hadn’t even approached her, let alone gone out with her.

The OP’s position is not dissimilar. Her friend does not care about this guy; she’s not holding a torch for him and, if anything, treated him in a rather poor fashion. Yet there is again an unreasonable ‘dog in the manger’ attitude in play, that if transgressed would not hurt her feelings as much as her vanity or pride.

It’s when such territorialism becomes unreasonable that it ceases to be a matter of respect and becomes one of immaturity.

However, I would realistically weigh that against the breaking of any unspoken ‘code’, but also asking how much and why the OP wants this guy and is it worth the hassle if even she doesn’t really care for him.

BaZmO*

Kiera wrote:

If she doesn’t think her friend will have a problem then why not ask her friend instead of a public forum?

Ah you see Kiera, if every poster her on the PI Forum was to think rationally like that there would be no need for over half the threads that are posted each day.

cance

Kiera wrote:

I’m totally shocked that you would think it’s ok for a mate of yours to be with someone you went out with. Do you not think you’d feel kinda shíttty about this knowing that you and her had shared a few months together?

tbh Kiera, considering the amount of times this girl used the word "C**T" i dont really question her lady like qualities.

Personally tho, if you think its a problem sleeping with him, then dont. end of story. But if you think there wont be trouble, you go for it!

we certainly cant justify it for you, and nobody here can tell you who to eh... sit on...

metrovelvet

I agree with the guys here. This male code female code of you dont sleep with your friends exs is just not practised for all the talk we have about it.

If this was a very serious ex we were talking about I would have my hestitations but it sounds like something she didnt take very seriously.

It's not immoral to sleep with your friends ex its just perhaps a bit inconsiderate. But she'll get over it if you're worth anything to her.

In my book I dont let issues over men interfere with my female friendships. I wouldnt have a problem with it except in the way that it might link me socially with an ex, in that he would have a way to hear about my life as it stands presently. But other than that why would you let them ruin your friendships? They are not worth it.

And really this kind of hassle is only worth it in proportion to the feelings you have for this guy.

Ickle Magoo

honeybabe wrote:

but i'd be breaking the girly code

I don't know that code.....I just know what rules I have for myself - and they can be bent or broken because I made them!

Some girls think it's a tad icky to sleep with someone they know have had sex with a friend, some don't - you obviously don't, so where is the problem? Would your friend mind? If she would then you have to weigh up what is more important...sleeping with this lad or not annoying your friend....

Nevyn

Kiera everyone has morals but the may not be the same as yours.

I would not have a problem with one of my friends getting involved with or bedding one of my exs.
I could understand that it could be akward if I still had feelings for any of them,
but if the friend and the ex are intrested then it is between them.
Unless the ex was a prick or the friend a bit of a nutter well then I would give them a friendly warning but that would be all.

You can't all Dibs on people you are not seeing or exculde people you have dated/bedded.

And what is this a bout a girlie code ? is that in the superskerit girlie book I never got ?

LegacyUser

nahhh its just what other ppl here said girly code/rules made out of respect
i suppose bedding him would mean i didnt have respect for my mate but like i said before i would not intend on her finding out
but anyway im kinda bottling it in other words im not gonna initiate it because if i do i'll feel so guilty
but if he does and it comes out i can say he took advantage when i was drunk he he he only messing (but that wud be the avenue to go down if we were caught out)

were going for a drink with a few mutuals if he shows an interest and pursues me well then i'll go for it
if not i can bring his best mate home to his party later and he can listen while i rock his mates world and wish it were himself he he he even funnier

ah i don't know TBH being out with the friends will make me miss my mate so im betting on me feeling guilty and staying away
\
ill let you's know

paulmartin

The Corinthian wrote:

What’s that got to do with what you said? Let me remind you, you said:

“No guy would consider a woman having sex with him as taking advantage no matter what the circumstances.”

To which you certainly did not exclude any that you might not find attractive, ‘hot’ or otherwise. If they were, all well and good, but pretty unnecessary in your book. Hence my response, which, in case you missed it, is that your point was idiotic.

Ok well i did also say "especially if he fancies her " which is true in this case. I suppose i should have said that as part of the original sentence. So change that to; "No guy would consider a woman he fancies having sex with him as taking advantage no matter what the circumstances"

AngryBadger

honeybabe wrote:

but if he does and it comes out i can say he took advantage when i was drunk he he he only messing (but that wud be the avenue to go down if we were caught out)

Ok. Now I think you're just a muppet. Shag him or don't shag him, forget this playground nonsense.

LegacyUser

I chickened out of it
he was up for it before the night out and was flirting with me but his mate said to me you'd better ask your mate you don’t want WW3 to start if she comes back
and it made me realise whether she wanted him or not when she gets back she would probably start WW3 between us all just for the hell of it

So I said to him I would ask her (which I’m not going to) so he can say it to her next time she's on the phone and get her reaction

As for going behind her back she's my mate I just can’t
feel better about it now as was out last night and met this really nice guy and we're going on a date on Thursday

metrovelvet

Priceless. So what you're saying is you wont shag him not because you respect your friendship with your mate but because you're afraid of her reaction.

You people are too young to be having sex. I dont care if your as old as 21, in your heads you are in first year.

cance

metrovelvet wrote:

You people are too young to be having sex. I dont care if your as old as 21, in your heads you are in first year.

finally the sense has come back to this board.