Not sure what to do

LegacyUser

Hi, I've been dealing with some....stuff...lately. It's not the worst stuff in the world, but its the worst stuff in my world. Anyway, to deal with how it was making me feel I tried exercise (dead end, felt worse), reading (kinda helps, but not completely), I don't have enought privacy to keep a diary, and I was feeling pretty low when I did something stupid,

I slept with someone I shouldn't have (long story involving everyone being involved with somebody else, a love (lust?) hexagon if you will), adding to my problems, but I seemed to get over it until a chain of events got started and much as I know they are bad for me, they are the only times I've felt really good in the last few months.

I was involved in a swinging session (which I really liked actually) but the aftermath was I lost a friend.

I took mushrooms, liked it, took speed and liked it and took coke- which freaked me out a little but then I liked it too. It was like a gap was filled inside of me and I was ok for a while.

I keep getting caught in the middle of family problems and the only way i can deal with it is by hurting myself. Either by cutting myself, pulling my hair out, scratching myself, biting myself, skipping meals or purging them.

When I'm feeling normal I can see all this is destructive behaviour and I should try to get back on my feet and dust myself off.

(This is pretty out of character stuff, and if anyone knew about it, they'd be shocked. I'm meant to be the fun, bubbly, strong one- not the scared, stupid fool I've become)

I was very strong on my feet, but I think everything came crashing down during the summer and now it's like I've to work throught 22 years of crap. I don't know where to start, I can't even tell the people closest to me how bad I feel, so I could never tell a stranger face to face or over the phone.

My issue is, how can I make myself better- when I can't even admit outloud that I have a problem?

Chucky the tree

Why cant you admit you have a problem? YOu will get some good advice here, but its hard to give good advice without knowing all the facts. The best way is by seeking the advice of trained professional. Could visit a normal GP first and chat to him about what you should do. YOu can also visit a councillor and talk to him for a bit, doesnt have to be anything specific but it might help with your nervousness about it.

We all do stupid things we regret, plenty of people have slept with bes-friends, best friends partners etc etc. It just something you have too put behind you and move on(cant beat a good old cliche).

Why do you keep getting caught up in the family stuff? Is there anyway you can avoid it, move out maybe? Clearly your family is causing you alot of problems, so surely living with people that cause you too cut yourself etc is not a very smart idea. I know it might be difficult to take the plunge and decide to move out, but it might be just what you need to make a fresh start.

On the drugs thing, i wouldnt worry about that. Plenty of people have taken drugs, enjoyed them and intend to take them again( i certainly do anyway!). Alot of people will look down on you because of it. But if its something you enjoy and can do it in moderation then go for it. They key is moderation, know what you like and how much you like without risking your health.

I know you said you cant tell your friends, but it might be easier to tell a stranger. Your friends have expectations of you, as you said they think your the strong one so its quite often harder to tell your friends(even your closet one) because you dont want to shatter there expectations of you, and think of you differently. So sometimes its alot easier to tell a stranger who wont have any opinions or expectations of you.

Best of luck, and you get back to how you felt before the summer!

Slutmonkey57b

Chucky the tree wrote:

On the drugs thing, i wouldnt worry about that. Plenty of people have taken drugs, enjoyed them and intend to take them again( i certainly do anyway!). Alot of people will look down on you because of it. But if its something you enjoy and can do it in moderation then go for it. They key is moderation, know what you like and how much you like without risking your health.

Absolutely great piece of advice there. The OP is out of control to the point of cutting themselves, and you're telling them that "ah sure a bit of the auld coke won't do you any harm". The OP has some major problems to deal with and dabbling in drugs isn't going to help. At ALL.

marie_85

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

Absolutely great piece of advice there. The OP is out of control to the point of cutting themselves, and you're telling them that "ah sure a bit of the auld coke won't do you any harm". The OP has some major problems to deal with and dabbling in drugs isn't going to help. At ALL.

Good point. Drugs are used to suppress your emotions, like alcohol. They do not help in any way, they just postpone the point where you have to deal with your emotions. Using them as a crutch to help you through the bad times doesn't work because when the crutch is eventually taken away the problems still remain.

Chucky the tree

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

Absolutely great piece of advice there. The OP is out of control to the point of cutting themselves, and you're telling them that "ah sure a bit of the auld coke won't do you any harm". The OP has some major problems to deal with and dabbling in drugs isn't going to help. At ALL.

How do you know? I am sure you have heard plenty of reports of how cannibas can help MS sufferers?

You might recommend her locking herself in her room and never leaving to be a good idea then fine, i dont. I am not recommeding she goes out and takes all the drugs she can in one night. But if she enjoys doing something, why shouldnt she do? I am sure if she said she liked go to her local on a saturday and getting drunk people wouldnt suddenly condemn her(or me) for recommending to keep doing.

i have a strange outlook on life myself - if you enjoy doing something, do it, cos it will probaly make you happy.

Slutmonkey57b

Chucky the tree wrote:

How do you know? I am sure you have heard plenty of reports of how cannibas can help MS sufferers?

You might recommend her locking herself in her room and never leaving to be a good idea then fine, i dont. I am not recommeding she goes out and takes all the drugs she can in one night. But if she enjoys doing something, why shouldnt she do? I am sure if she said she liked go to her local on a saturday and getting drunk people wouldnt suddenly condemn her(or me) for recommending to keep doing.

i have a strange outlook on life myself - if you enjoy doing something, do it, cos it will probaly make you happy.

This is such a moronic comment it's difficult to know how to react. I'll break it down for you simply:
1) The OP has very serious emotional issues and is emotionally unstable
2) The OP has serious mental heath issues in the form of self harm and eating disorders, which they are unable to address
3) The OP is unable to face up to any of these issues, feels trapped, and cannot reach out to anyone.

Exposure to drugs (including alcohol) is just going to add another set of problems onto the OP's back, increase their emotional instability, and make it even less likely that they will attempt to get help for their existing problems, as they will also then have to admit taking drugs.

We are not talking about the effectiveness or otherwise of pot for MS sufferers. If, at this point in human history, you are unaware of the effect that drug use (including alcohol) can have on people, then frankly you've been living in a cave with wool stuffed in your ears and your eyes closed. "Ah sure you'll be grand. Have another pint and a spliff." How very Irish.

justsomebloke

i think you took your first step in being able to say what your actaul problems are by posting your first thread and you should see it as a starting point to talking openly about them, be it here where no one has to know who you are or be it with friends and family.

One piece of advise i would have for you is to write it all out be it on paper or computer just so you can get some sort of feeling that you are dealing with the problem. Also what you could do is post it up but not actaully read any of the replies untill your are ready, i.e. just take it one step at a time. But as long as you keep it bottled up it is just going to consume you and you aren't going to get anywhere.

In relation to the drugs, i would be a bit worried as it seems that you seem to be doing alot of experementing in a lot of harder and harder drugs, probably cause the ones you first tried out aren't working to the same extent. The other reason i would be worried is that if you are using them because you enjoy them you are using them purely as a release, and so as the problem get worse and worse you will end up relying on them more and more to release your self from having to deal with your problems

AngryBadger

You haven't mentioned any specifics about your situation, like are you in college, living at home that sort of thing. Sounds to me like you've lost perspective on what's important to you.

What you've described sounds like someone trying everything to satisfy a need they can't identify. I don't mean to imply that you don't know what you're doing or anything, and I'm not being negative, as has been said lots of people try drugs, no big deal, moderation is the key, as for the swinging, how bad, whatever floats your boat.

But all of this seems to be you trying to find something that gives you satisfaction.You're obviously doing because you're unhappy, so I'd say you need to give yourself room to breath. Break the problem into little problems, address them individually, then when your' head is a little clearer look at your life, re-assess what you want to do.

Then go swing!

Shivering Man

tryn keep it together, but I dont envy you al all my friend, it's a very dark place you're in, and i say so with considerable empathy and out of similar experiences

overwhelmed wrote:

and the only way i can deal with it is by hurting myself. Either by cutting myself, pulling my hair out, scratching myself, biting myself, skipping meals or purging them.

I was like that for a long time and thankfully things are better now, but it never really leaves you, I was also able to grab myself up and shake it all off from time to time when it got out of control and i wish i could give you the formula to get yourself outa the **** you're in but there isn't one, it sounds old fashioned and a little cold but you just have to pull yourself together...... look, you're using loadsa drugs for a start, you know it dosen't help, but you knew that already. Im the last person in the world who has the right to lecture you about that for a start. You just gotta do this for yourself, and its less overwhelming when youre clean, yes it's helpful to be able to write stuff on boards etc and realise there are loads of us in the **** too, but the fact is you can't depend on others, youre on your own, you must think it's worth solving, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to start this thread ?
best of luck, and respect, sorry i couldn't have been of more/any help ?

LegacyUser

i'd say your best bet is to talk to the samaritains, take a bus out to some town, a bit away from you, some weekend, walk in, and talk to someone. thats what they're there for, it can be alot easier talking,(or typing) anonamously, to someone who doesnt know you, as has been said, or, (and this may sound crazy) you could talk to a priest, even if you dont necessarily go to mass, thats what they are there for, they are trained councellors aswell (i wouldnt do this in my home-town, either. and i know they get bad press, just a thought....)

now me, ive been on and off anti depressants for the last 2 and a half years, a year ago i put my name down on a waiting list to see a councellor, been on the anti-d's constantly since then, six months ago get an appointment with some doctor in the health service, he asks me if i ever smoked hash, i said yes, he asked would i be smoking it again, i said i might, so he sends me to a drug addiction councellor (now, ive done e's, speed, shrooms, coke..., but this addiction councellor told me i didnt need to be seeing her, she was a laugh, tho', to talk to, trying to get me motivated to apply to college again, but it wasnt really what i needed, so i stopped going there before christmas, after christmas i went into another doctor in the health service, he said hed arrange a proper councellor (psychologist) for me, still waiting... and ive got feck-all motivation to ring up and see whats happening

id say cool down on the drink and drugs, (you dont sound like you're too bad into them, but really, theyre not too good for the head)

Kell

overwhelmed wrote:

My issue is, how can I make myself better- when I can't even admit outloud that I have a problem?

Your opening comment was pish BTW. You're NOT dealing with stuff, you're burying your crap in drugs because they alleviate the situation. Time to be honest with yourself.

People here will tell you to joina club- get out more. Horsecrap.

TELL your friends you have a problem. If they are really friends they will rally round. Try and view your problems like a broken leg i.e. if you have a broken leg, everyone knows and knows what to do. Treat head problems the same. Not everyone will know what to do, but ye'll work it out along the way.

Secondly, go and see a therapist. Theres a mistaken view among a lot of people suffering problems that to see a professional is to admit to being weak. Again, horse****. Seeing a professional is a sign of strength; that you are willing to take your problems on head on.

G'luck.

K-

Chucky the tree

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

This is such a moronic comment it's difficult to know how to react. I'll break it down for you simply:
1) The OP has very serious emotional issues and is emotionally unstable
2) The OP has serious mental heath issues in the form of self harm and eating disorders, which they are unable to address
3) The OP is unable to face up to any of these issues, feels trapped, and cannot reach out to anyone

Exposure to drugs (including alcohol) is just going to add another set of problems onto the OP's back, increase their emotional instability, and make it even less likely that they will attempt to get help for their existing problems, as they will also then have to admit taking drugs.

We are not talking about the effectiveness or otherwise of pot for MS sufferers. If, at this point in human history, you are unaware of the effect that drug use (including alcohol) can have on people, then frankly you've been living in a cave with wool stuffed in your ears and your eyes closed. "Ah sure you'll be grand. Have another pint and a spliff." How very Irish.

And for the problems they should get help. If the OP stops her drug-taking and doesnt seek help she will still be the same. She doesnt need to stay off off drugs and drink forever to have a normal life. How will the use of drink or drugs in moderation increase there emotional instability? They are plenty of people who have suffered from what the OP has and have gotten help and do go out and enjoy a pint and a spliff. I never implied that the OP should just forget about it and go drinking.

Why should people feel embarrised(sp) about taking drugs? She should have not problem admitting to people that she has taken drugs, and should not feel guilty about it.

Slutmonkey57b

Chucky the tree wrote:

Why should people feel embarrised(sp) about taking drugs? She should have not problem admitting to people that she has taken drugs, and should not feel guilty about it.

Who said she should feel guilty?

Nobody.

Stop transferring your own defense of the acceptance or otherwise of drug culture into the OP's problems. Equally, I'll refrain from continuing to point out how moronic the whole "ah sure what's wrong with a pint and a spliff" argument is in this context, eh?

Chucky the tree

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

Who said she should feel guilty?

Nobody.

Stop transferring your own defense of the acceptance or otherwise of drug culture into the OP's problems. Equally, I'll refrain from continuing to point out how moronic the whole "ah sure what's wrong with a pint and a spliff" argument is in this context, eh?

No one said she should feel guilty. But i think she is feeling guilty, and was merely saying that she shouldnt.

Anyone none of this is actually helping her, so we should probaly stop ruining her thread.