Pete Doherty + KLF = Hoax!!!

From offbeat.org.uk

Copy of an e-mail doing the rounds yesterday attached - obviously this is itself another elaborate KLF hoax, but the idea that it could be done is absolute GENIUS... plus, if anyone can pull it off, these boys can!

Enjoy...

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The Samaritans have today recruited 600 extra staff to deal with an expected surge in calls as troubled fans come to terms with today's revelations about rocker and teen icon Pete Doherty. In a surprise press conference today, the men behind Doherty's career reveled themselves - and admitted that the Libertines, Babyshambles, the tales of drug use, the armed robberies and the affair with supermodel Kate Moss have all been part of one of the largest hoaxes in British history.

The men behind the scandal - Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty, who were themselves infamous popstars under the name The KLF - admitted how they plucked a young Buddy Holly impersonator Doherty from obscurity and made him a media darling. "It was a meant to be a quick stunt to show the frailties of our celbrity-obsessed culture," said Cauty, adding, "there are too many people who are famous despite their lack of talent, usefulness and basic intelligence. We wanted to do something that held a mirror up to that." Mr Drummond called Britain's pop-culture "sick" and said that although he regretted the hurt caused to Doherty's many fans, he hoped "this incident taught us all some important things".

In a prepared statement, the two men - famous for many other pop pranks, including the famous burning of GBP1million on a remote Scottish island - detailed how they manipulated the British Press into making Doherty an icon. Doherty - whose real name has now been revealed to be Trevor McDermott - was making a living as a part-time Buddy Holly impersonator in the Cornwall holiday circuit. He began a short-lived affair with the singer of a well known 80's rock band, and was introduced to Drummond and Cauty at a backstage party in London's West End. The men described how a drunken McDermott amused them with his slurred singing and frenetic dance movements, and how they then realised that this would be the perfect "dupe" for a plan they had been hatching for some time.

"The plan involved proving three theories we have about current British society," reads the statement. "The first is that in the so-called "alternative" scene, everybody is too scared of missing The Next Big Thing to worry about anything else." To prove this, some session musicians were provided to compose the rest of the "band", The Libertines, and rumours of exposive gigs were leaked to the media. "The gigs in question never actually took place, but we didn't have to worry about that. Soon the buzz around The Libertines was so frenetic, journalists were falling over themselves to claim to have been at the front of every single fictional gig." Within weeks, The Libertines were appearing on magazines and receiving record offers. Gigs sold out in minutes, while their first album "Up The Bracket" flew off shelves.

Feeling that their first point had been proved, Drummond and Cauty moved to their second theory: "We feel that our culture has become an enormous soap opera. We don't care what a person thinks, or creates, or contributes. We just care about what they do in their normal lives. Especially when it's something they shouldn't be doing."

To demonstrate this, the men co-ordinated a number of scandals. First was a robbery staged in the house of one of the band members. When this took place, McDermott (aka Doherty) was unknown outside of the alternative music scene. An incident of this calibre was sufficient, however, to catapult McDermott onto the front page of every major national tabloid. "One day we has just another singer, the next day he was 'Disgraced Celebrity Rocker', and he hasn't been out of the papers since". Further revelations about drug abuse and violence kept McDermott and The Libertines on the front pages for months.

One thing that took even Drummond and Cauty by surprise was the affair with model Kate Moss. "That was not something that we planned or had any involvement. Whether she knew about the hoax is something we are not party to. We have never had any contact with Miss Moss." However, this was the boost their project needed - where the drugs and crime had made McDermott a media sensation, the relationship with one of fashion's most famous women catapulted him into the world of true celebrity. "While we had not planned this, it certainly proved our point. There are many superior artists in the country today, but they never appear in Heat or The Sun, because they don't have the words 'boyfriend of Kate Moss' after their name."

Despite this boost, the project began running into a major setback for Drummond and Cauty. Just as they were preparing to enter the final phase of their scheme, Doherty decided that he wanted to part company with them, the fake band, and begin seriously recording music. He stopped all contact with the men, and threatened legal actions if any details were leaked to the press. "We were upset at the apparent failure of our grand project, and also at the monster we had created in Pete Doherty. Our third theorem - that 'If enough people say that a piece of s*** is a bar of gold, we'll believe it's a bar of gold' - seemed to have been beyond salvation. Fortunately, at that point Pete released the first Babyshambles album."

In the time since then, Drummond and Cauty have been locked in a vicious legal battle, which was eventually settled out of court by the discovery of a videotape showing McDermott singing "Peggy Sue" at a Butlin's in Devon. Publicly, McDermott still strongly denies all charges. How this affects the future career of Pete Doherty remains to be seen.

0utshined

If anyone else had been attached to that rumour I would have called hoax straight away. I'm still calling hoax but hearing the KLF attached to it has me doubting myself somewhat. I guess that's the point. If anyone would do something like that it's them.

Thanks for the post!

HarryHoudini

This has been knocking around for ages now, of coarse its bullsh*t. Are people really THAT gulliable???

Doctor J

I think it's more that people want to believe it, as it somehow makes sense of the waster's success.

0utshined

Correct Doctor J,

@Harry,

If you're going to try and flame then firstly spell properly and secondly re-read the previous posts where we have both said it's a hoax.

kthxbye.

ThatBloke

Genius whether it's true or not

HarryHoudini

0utshined wrote:

Correct Doctor J,

@Harry,

If you're going to try and flame then firstly spell properly and secondly re-read the previous posts where we have both said it's a hoax.

kthxbye.

What has proper spelling got to do with calling this story bull? I can't stand it when people bring up others spelling to try and further their arguments. Its ridiculous.

grumpytrousers

It's funny - i'd like it to be true but not so as to "explain" Pete Dohertys fame, rather to prove that

a) the KLF were back
b) they're still, probably, the finest pair of art-terrorists/hucksters/chancers/geniuses around the place...

possibly something to do with this, i'd think...

http://www.thesoundof.mu/

SprostonGreen

Someone must hate really Pete Doherty to cook up that nonsense. They could always trying avoid reading about him, if they're that bothered.

magpie

Someone must hate really Pete Doherty to cook up that nonsense.

Do you mean Trevor McDermott?

John

I wish the KLF back catalogue wasn't deleted.

ThatBloke

SprostonGreen wrote:

Someone must hate really Pete Doherty to cook up that nonsense. They could always trying avoid reading about him, if they're that bothered.

Yeah, I hear the dark side of the moon is nice this time of year

Jonny Arson

The worrying thing for humanity is that I know a couple of morons who believe that sh!te.

ThatBloke

Zane from MTV2 wrote:

The worrying thing for humanity is that I know a couple of morons who believe that sh!te.

It's clearly not true, but you really can't rule anything out with the KLF

Pet

Zane from MTV2 wrote:

The worrying thing for humanity is that I know a couple of morons who believe that sh!te.

No, the worrying thing for humanity is that I know a couple of morons who actually listened to the Libertines.

ctrl-alt-delete

Pet wrote:

No, the worrying thing for humanity is that I know a couple of morons who actually listened to the Libertines.

so your opinion has nothing to do with the music then? because if it has you have just called yourself a moron.

John

ctrl-alt-delete wrote:

so your opinion has nothing to do with the music then? because if it has you have just called yourself a moron.

How? He doesn't listen to the Libertines. I should know, I put his day's listening out on a tray for him every morning.

And as for believing this or not, when it's the KLF are mentioned it goes from being just plain unbelievable to very, very possible. I mean a band capable of burning one million pounds in cash for art's sake would hardly be above doing something along the lines of making a fake rock star. I wish it could be true though.

Does anyone here remember when the KLF did the money burning stunt? I've memories of them on the Late Late Show and they impressed the hell out of me (even if I didn't quite get their motives at the time).

lodgepole

John2 wrote:

Does anyone here remember when the KLF did the money burning stunt? I've memories of them on the Late Late Show and they impressed the hell out of me (even if I didn't quite get their motives at the time).

I recall it only vaguely. It was exciting though... It had balls that you don't see in music any more. I think I can remember the video of them actually burning it, was it at night? Or in a dark room? And the controversy over whether or not it was illegal or not. Smash Hits had a field day with The KLF that year.

I spun The White Room today after reading this thread, and it's as good as it ever was.

John

Lodgepole wrote:

I recall it only vaguely. It was exciting though... It had balls that you don't see in music any more. I think I can remember the video of them actually burning it, was it at night? Or in a dark room? And the controversy over whether or not it was illegal or not. Smash Hits had a field day with The KLF that year.

I spun The White Room today after reading this thread, and it's as good as it ever was.

Yeah, they were showing video of them burning the money in darkness. As far as I remember it was in a stove but my memory's hazy. I remember people going ape, saying that they should have given the money to charity.

grumpytrousers

John2 wrote:

Yeah, they were showing video of them burning the money in darkness. As far as I remember it was in a stove but my memory's hazy. I remember people going ape, saying that they should have given the money to charity.

But wasn't part of the point that the money, while actually burnt, wasn't "lost" as the serial numbers were noted, and as they had evidentiary footage of the notes being destroyed, they were effectively able to get 'replacements'....

I'm nearly sure that while they burnt that money, they actually didn't end up down that much....

other stunts they pulled, btw, included their sponsorship of the K Prize, a prize for the worst piece of art which coincidentally was the same as the winner of the turner prize for best piece of art...their leaving a dead sheep outside the brit awards on the same night that they turned real machine guns (loaded with blanks, obv) on the audience...

Jesus - and to think that all the current crop of 'dance' artists just give us retreads of Roxette tunes...

ctrl-alt-delete

John2 wrote:

How? He doesn't listen to the Libertines. I should know, I put his day's listening out on a tray for him every morning.

if he hasnt ever listened to the libertines or any music pete doherty has been a part of, i find it a tad stupid to come on calling people who listened to the libertines moron's when he hasnt experienced it himself?

where does the opinion come from?

Jonny Arson

Pet wrote:

No, the worrying thing for humanity is that I know a couple of morons who actually listened to the Libertines.

LOLOLOLlololLolol!!!1111one!!!!11oneone!!!!!!!!!

Maybe you should throw in your ''retarded'' and ''disabled'' jokes towards Libertines fans like you did in AH because at the moment your looking like nothing but a crap little troll.

Pet

^That was a counter-troll post in AH, just so you know..

if he hasnt ever listened to the libertines or any music pete doherty has been a part of, i find it a tad stupid to come on calling people who listened to the libertines moron's when he hasnt experienced it himself?

where does the opinion come from?

I have had the misfortune of hearing the Libertines in pubs and clubs and on MTV2, and I stand by my point - they suck. Completely. Pete Doherty is like the new Kurt Cobain, except worse in every way, especially in terms of musicianship..The only reason he's famous is because of silly little teenagers like casanova kid who don't have a clue about music anyway, and should go back to listening to rap and dance and whatever else was in last year.



As for the KLF...I vaguely remember the money-burning stunt, but it went over my head, probably because I was only about 3 feet tall at the time. It's true, it's been a while since I've seen a band who pushed the envelope like they did.

John

Now ladies, less whinging about The Libertines being **** please. It's scientifically proven that they are a passing fad that are riding on the drug addiction of their frontman as opposed to their so-called talent.

@grumpytrousers: :eek: I didn't know the half of that stuff! Now I really wish The KLF were still around!

DubGal

I love the Libertines But this story is hilariously stupid. Pete is a dope aswell.

0utshined

HarryHoudini wrote:

What has proper spelling got to do with calling this story bull? I can't stand it when people bring up others spelling to try and further their arguments. Its ridiculous.

Nothing. Your post came across as a flame at the first two posters in this thread and that was what I was responding to.


@John2,
As I recall it the burning took place on an island off Scotland. I could be wrong on that as one of the points I remember was that it couldn't take place in the UK since it was illegal to burn an effigy of the Queen at that time.

The KLF, or part of them at least, have also written a book on how to have a number one single : http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1899858652/qid=1140396507/sr=8-2/ref=pd_ka_2/026-8534423-7896421 , which if you listen to some of the music in the charts recently would appear to have been taken to heart.

magpie

What's the deal with John2 and Pet? Leaving trays of music out for each other in the morning?

Is there some kind of Smashie and Nicey arrangement going on here? They're certainly coming across like Alan Freeman on Juke Box Jury....

Having said that I would love to believe that the KLF were behind the whole thing.

Yours, Justified and Ancient. And I drive an ice cream van.

grumpytrousers

0utshined wrote:

Nothing. Your post came across as a flame at the first two posters in this thread and that was what I was responding to.


@John2,
As I recall it the burning took place on an island off Scotland. I could be wrong on that as one of the points I remember was that it couldn't take place in the UK since it was illegal to burn an effigy of the Queen at that time.

The KLF, or part of them at least, have also written a book on how to have a number one single : http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1899858652/qid=1140396507/sr=8-2/ref=pd_ka_2/026-8534423-7896421 , which if you listen to some of the music in the charts recently would appear to have been taken to heart.

Yup, AND the book came with a money back guarantee - if you didn't have a number one single after reading what they said you should do in the book, they'd refund the cost of the book. Obviously you'd have lost your marketing spend, etc as well, but as outshined says, plenty have taken it to heart. Not that it's a recent thing, mind, all they really said was Sample+Funky Beat in 4/4+nothing complicated = hit!

joe_chicken

I got this emailed to me last week and wished with every fiber in my body that it was true.

Like some people have said, if it didnt have the KLF name on it then i wouldnt have read more than 2 lines.

The Libertines did seem to appear out of nowhere and were probably one of the most media driven bands i've seen in a while. Can't see the appeal of them myself, but each to their own. But Pete Doherty is a tit... i dont think even the most hardened Libertines fan can argue that

The KLF, or part of them at least, have also written a book on how to have a number one single : http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/...534423-7896421 , which if you listen to some of the music in the charts recently would appear to have been taken to heart.

Didn't someone (as a stunt) follow all the rules in the book and get a hit out of it... i cant remember who.

3 a.m. eternal... what a great song

magpie

Didn't someone (as a stunt) follow all the rules in the book and get a hit out of it... i cant remember who.

Edelweiss

Slash/ED

joe_chicken wrote:

IThe Libertines did seem to appear out of nowhere and were probably one of the most media driven bands i've seen in a while. Can't see the appeal of them myself

You just said what the appeal of them is

Everyone loves an anti hero, The Libertines aren't sh*te though, just average and so very over rated because of all the stuff in the media.