Overreacting?

LegacyUser

Chatting to the long-distance girlfriend last night and she tells me she cant see me this evening because she is going somewhere - but wont tell me where she's going... We are very close but this has been eating away at me all day now... bascially I am not concerned what she is up to - I trust her completely, but seems strange she wont tell me. I am sure its petty and I am blowing it out of proportion but I cant help feeling disappointed. I have asked her a couple of time but she wont tell me and say 'i dont have to tell you everything...' ... I should just let it lie... Am I being totally irrational?

seamus

I wouldn't say you're being completely irrational by finding it weird that she won't tell you, but there's nothing to say that she's doing anything sneaky or wrong. It's quite likely she's going to get some sort of beauty treatment (electrolysis, waxing, etc) that she's a little private about and doesn't want you to know she gets done, for example. She could also have an appointment with a doctor about a female issue, etc.

Grem

Id be suspicious too. Id tell my boyfriend if i was going to get some sort of beauty treatment, maybe not straight out but if he asked me a couple of times. Maybe she was just in a pi$$ed off mood though and wanted to pi$$ u off by being all secretive and knowing you couldnt do anything about it.
I wouldnt worry too much, if u trust her completely then shes hardly doing anything untoward. She'd lie anyway in that case.

Blub2k4

Maybe she just means it like it is and doesn't want to tell you to have something to herself. I know I have made a point before of not answering this question just to make a point of the fact that the other half doesn't need to know everything I do, and I wouldn't dream of doing anything that I couldn't tell her, but still like to think that I can do things that I dont have to tell her......if you get my drift.

koolthefunk

If you trust her ...you trust her...end of story.

If it bothers you that you don't know what shes doing then, like it or not, you don't completely trust her.


I'm in a long term relationship(short not long distance)....and if i was told the
same thing id assume id hear what it is about in a couple of weeks and i would trust that there was a valid reason for it....if I didnt id seriously have to consider ending it.

You are in a long-distance realtionship so trust is even more of factor...the truth of itis you don't trust her completely and it will cause you no end of heartache until 1) you break up 2) it becomes more of a short distance realtionship and you can 'keep an eye on her'.


If she cheating, shes cheating you not trusting her is going to make her cheat less.

Zulu

Ahh the games we play! You are not overreacting. Essentially, she's pulled the whole "I know something you don't know!" stunt on you. Quite childish really.

I'd just explain to her that by doing this shes making an issue out of it, and drop it. That way, she gets to keep her privacy, and hopefully will avoid this type of situation again.

Cnoc16

koolthefunk wrote:

If you trust her ...you trust her...end of story.

If it bothers you that you don't know what shes doing then, like it or not, you don't completely trust her.


I'm in a long term relationship(short not long distance)....and if i was told the
same thing id assume id hear what it is about in a couple of weeks and i would trust that there was a valid reason for it....if I didnt id seriously have to consider ending it.

You are in a long-distance realtionship so trust is even more of factor...the truth of itis you don't trust her completely and it will cause you no end of heartache until 1) you break up 2) it becomes more of a short distance realtionship and you can 'keep an eye on her'.


If she cheating, shes cheating you not trusting her is going to make her cheat less.

I disagree.

I had a girlfriend cheat on me and it came as a complete shock when it happened. I trusted her completely, and ignored warning signs.

That complete trust thing is a myth in most cases. Everyone should be on the eye out for warning signs to make sure you don't end up being a mug. Im not saying be too paranoid, but it is ok to ask questions.

Im not saying this girl is cheating, but she should tell where she is going. If she is going somewhere private, she should have made something up.

Surely she knows that it would upset and annoy someone.

If I were you, I would not demand to know where she is going, but make a fuss and tell her that the way she is acting is annoying and upsetting you - and be bloody firm when saying it.

koolthefunk

Cnoc16 wrote:

I disagree.

I had a girlfriend cheat on me and it came as a complete shock when it happened. I trusted her completely, and ignored warning signs.

That complete trust thing is a myth in most cases. Everyone should be on the eye out for warning signs to make sure you don't end up being a mug. Im not saying be too paranoid, but it is ok to ask questions.

Im not saying this girl is cheating, but she should tell where she is going. If she is going somewhere private, she should have made something up.

Surely she knows that it would upset and annoy someone.

If I were you, I would not demand to know where she is going, but make a fuss and tell her that the way she is acting is annoying and upsetting you - and be bloody firm when saying it.

I'm not saying it's right or wrong to trust someone...im just saying that in this case he doesn't trust her completely. He wouldn't a
have started this thread if he did. There's nothing to disagree with here eveything i said is factual.


Now if you want to argue whether hes right or wrong to not trust her that's something different....

To me if you don't trust someone ...then don't go out with them...doesn't really matter if theyre cheating or not...that fact is, if you dont trust her she might as well cheat as the same result will occur...you wont trust her.

It's not really the rights and wrongs of whether it is logical or not to be suspisious...i just dont think that any realtionship will last for more than a couple of years unless you completely trust your partner.

HelterSkelter

Look, if she was up to anything dodgy she would have just lied and told you she's going shopping, to the cinema or something like that. You wouldn't have batted an eyelid. I reckon Grem is right, she wants to piss you off or she is looking for some kind of reaction. Aaah, the games women play, we will never understand them!!

0utshined

killbilly wrote:

I have asked her a couple of time but she wont tell me and say 'i dont have to tell you everything...' ... I should just let it lie... Am I being totally irrational?

I don't think you're being irrational. I don't see the big problem with telling you why she can't meet you if you have already made plans to meet tonight. I would let it lie though, it's childish her not telling you but so what.

If it were me though you can be damn sure I wouldn't be staying in pining over her and waiting for her call. Get out there tonight and have some fun.