Am I wrong

LegacyUser

This might be a little long so I'd like to that those who read the whole thing and reply

While I was having a shower on Valentines night my girlfriend read through my MSN records and saw a conversation bewteen myself and an ex of mine who i havnt seen in two years. I have no feelings for this girl and neither does she for me. Anyway my girlfriend went ballistic finding this out and that i hadnt told her already. ( she always went mad when her name was even mentioned and more or less forbade me to contact the ex)

Anyway Val's night was destroyed with alot of insults being thrown back and forth. My main problem is that she regularly sees her ex boyfriend who keeps trying it on (movies under blankets, balloon rides and other stuff she wouldnt tell me) and it takes alot of trust to see her do stuff with him especially as she hides the fact that she has a boyfriend with him . The truth is i forgot I was talking on MSN to the ex as 3 conversations lasting no more then 5 mins over the course of 1.5 months.

Am I wrong for not telling my girlfriend that i was in contact with this person.

Am I wrong for letting her forbid me to talk to people (well i can but then she'd dump me).

I also apologised and asked what I can do to make it up but she said she "officially lost her trust in me" and I havnt heard from her since.

I guess i feel i put alot of blind trust in her and she never really trusted me and now that I keep a little secret from her its all over .

I dont know what to do. Please help me. I love this girl very much

Tell her trust works both ways, and that what she's been doing was a lot more than a few 5-min conversations.

She sounds controlling, from what little you've said, though obviously I've only heard one side of it

Fraggle

Nope, you are not wrong.Why not remain friends with an ex and have a chat every once in a while? Its perfectly normal to want to know how they are getting on in life and wish the best for them.
Your girlfriend wants double standards. Its okay for her to hang out with one of her exes who keeps trying it on but you can't catch up with an ex who you have no feelings for and have not seen for two years. Ridiculous!
You should not have apologised.
This girl has issues with trust and ego.
She abused your right to privacy.
If she has not contacted you since then you might be better off.
She is well out of order.This is a make or break scenario I think and she is showing her true colours.

kittenkiller

I hate to say this, but if she's that cosy with her ex & she won't even tell him about you, she seems to be keeping one of you as a 'back-up-boyfriend'.
If she hasn't realised that she's over-reacted by now, she probably won't.

Trust is a 2 way thing & you seem to be the one making all the effort & allowances.
If she does get back onto you, for your own sake, don't let things go on as they were.
That kind of behaviour will destroy you.

Really sorry, you should change your OP name, you're not wrongdude.

fletch

Sounds a bit obsessive to be honest...I would go mad at anyone who read through my MSN conversations

Supercell

She sounds like a right b****, better off without, double standards is no basis for any relationship.

It probably hurts like hell, but you are better off without a domineering cow like this that clearly has only one point of view and won't listen to any other.

As to "officially lost her trust in me" !!, i would tell her where to "officially" shove it!!

Heyes

To be honest i think the bigger problem is why was she reading through your old conversations on msn ???

Sounds like there is a MASSIVE trust issue here with you both, and it needs to be resolved sooner rather than later.

AngryBadger

Dump your girlfriend.

This is double standards, plain and simple, and, to be perfectly blunt, by not telling her ex that she has a boyfriend she's encouraging him. Plus, if she doesn't tell you about some of the "innocent" stuff they do, then it's odds on that there's plenty of not so innocent stuff to.

constitutionus

AngryBadger wrote:

Dump your girlfriend.

This is double standards, plain and simple, and, to be perfectly blunt, by not telling her ex that she has a boyfriend she's encouraging him. Plus, if she doesn't tell you about some of the "innocent" stuff they do, then it's odds on that there's plenty of not so innocent stuff to.

agreed, were talking transferral here. my bet is your girls sleeping with her ex and is stringing you along in case he dumps her. thats why shes going mental over you contacting your ex because she fears you'll be up to the same thing.

dump her. nothing good can come of this and indeed from the sounds of it your relationship is anything but healthy. hard as they are to find there are girls who would appreciate how you treat them

P.S sorry to come off so harsh but jesus man she's completly in the wrong and the whole things DEEPLY suspect

AngryBadger

constitutionus wrote:

agreed, were talking transferral here.

*high five*

Slutmonkey57b

You're not in the wrong. Dump her. She's a liar and probably a cheat too. And she's trying to control your life.

jayo99

stand up for urself will ya and stop being treated like a doormat !!!

I agree she should never have read ur MSN conversations but.. all the other stuff !!!! pah!!!! She wants her cake ... and another cake as a spare !


dump and move on

Chad ghostal

constitutionus wrote:

agreed, were talking transferral here. my bet is your girls sleeping with her ex and is stringing you along in case he dumps her. thats why shes going mental over you contacting your ex because she fears you'll be up to the same thing.

yeah this is what i thought when i read it,
ask her if she is, gauge her reaction, she'll probably have a very loud fit as soon as you mention it..

LundiMardi

wrongdude wrote:

This might be a little long so I'd like to that those who read the whole thing and reply

While I was having a shower on Valentines night my girlfriend read through my MSN records and saw a conversation bewteen myself and an ex of mine who i havnt seen in two years. I have no feelings for this girl and neither does she for me. Anyway my girlfriend went ballistic finding this out and that i hadnt told her already. ( she always went mad when her name was even mentioned and more or less forbade me to contact the ex)

Anyway Val's night was destroyed with alot of insults being thrown back and forth. My main problem is that she regularly sees her ex boyfriend who keeps trying it on (movies under blankets, balloon rides and other stuff she wouldnt tell me) and it takes alot of trust to see her do stuff with him especially as she hides the fact that she has a boyfriend with him . The truth is i forgot I was talking on MSN to the ex as 3 conversations lasting no more then 5 mins over the course of 1.5 months.

Am I wrong for not telling my girlfriend that i was in contact with this person.

Am I wrong for letting her forbid me to talk to people (well i can but then she'd dump me).

I also apologised and asked what I can do to make it up but she said she "officially lost her trust in me" and I havnt heard from her since.

I guess i feel i put alot of blind trust in her and she never really trusted me and now that I keep a little secret from her its all over .

I dont know what to do. Please help me. I love this girl very much

what the hell are you doing still with this woman?:eek:

Beruthiel

wrongdude wrote:

While I was having a shower on Valentines night my girlfriend read through my MSN records and saw a conversation bewteen myself and an ex of mine who i havnt seen in two years.

a total invasion of your privacy

Anyway my girlfriend went ballistic finding this out and that i hadnt told her already. ( she always went mad when her name was even mentioned and more or less forbade me to contact the ex)

is that why you didn't tell her, or is there an other reason?
also
were you still in contact with your ex before you met your g/f - if you were, then she has no business telling you who you can and cannot see

(movies under blankets, balloon rides and other stuff she wouldnt tell me)

so you are both hiding stuff from each other..
that doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to me

Am I wrong for letting her forbid me to talk to people (well i can but then she'd dump me)

I wouldn't have anyone tell me who I could and couldn't see, I am the boss of me, no one else and if my relationship was based on what I was 'allowed' to do, well, that relationship wouldn't last 5 mins.

I love this girl very much

are you very sure about that? from what you have told us above, your relationship doesn't sound like the type of relaxed, happy, loving relationship that it should.
I am of the opinion a lasting relationship involves complete trust and a respect that allows each person in the couple to be completely free to be themselves - without orders on how to behave...

Blub2k4

jayo99 wrote:

stand up for urself will ya and stop being treated like a doormat !!!

I agree she should never have read ur MSN conversations but.. all the other stuff !!!! pah!!!! She wants her cake ... and another cake as a spare !

I agree with the above, although I would be very slow to ever advise someone I dont know to dump someone else I dont know just on the basis of one snippet of their lives together.
She has you right where she wants you man, if you let that continue there're even darker days ahead, so either stand up for your "pussy-whipped" self or expect it to get a lot worse.

LegacyUser

Hey guys thanks for your advice. It kinda confirms what ive been thinking and now i dont think ive been so "wrong"


for the record i didnt say anything about the MSN conversation because
1) on my birthday when the ex showed up my current GF went nuts
2) on the way to a holiday her name came up and my gf didnt talk to me for an hour
3) i got a "happy new years you bast**d " message of the ex on new years day and we had another fight.

and i just wanted to avoid more confrontation between us . I can honestly say I have nothing for the ex. But she was very important in my life when i lived away from home and i remember her fondly and I want her part of my life even though (as weak as I am) thought about cutting contact with the ex for the sake of my gf but after her behaviour i think i must rearrange some life choices.

Thanks again guys. Always get good impartial advice from boards.

I tried to give the story the way it was cause i wanted true response . Thanks.

mayordenis

she sounds quite evil to me

Chucky the tree

You gotta ask youself why she got so mad and jealous because you talk to you ex?

Maybe shes worried you will get up to the same stuff with your ex that she does with her ex.(which is proably alot more then just ballon rides)

metrovelvet

Dump her. She doesnt love you. She thinks she owns your ass. Where the **** do people get off eh?

I had a bf who did things like this to me with his fantasies of all my infidelities, despite being loyal to the bone with him [now I wish I wasnt ]. He read my emails. And flipped out over nothing. This was the straw that broke my back. I just didnt trust someone who could do things like this. So I reminded him that reading someones mail is a federal offense in the US and I would report him to the US embassy if he did it again. [Of course I was full of **** - the U embassy wouldnt bother with that nor would I report him, but I did scare him:D !]

You gfs behavior on Vals night sounds abusive. Im sorry but it does. While most people get uncomfortable with their other halfs talking to exs it doesnt warrant her reaction.

Maybe you should get back with your ex. She sounds nicer.:p

Kell

wrongdude wrote:

Anyway Val's night was destroyed with alot of insults being thrown back and forth.

wrongdude wrote:

I dont know what to do. Please help me. I love this girl very much

Slightly conflicting ideas. I thought love was on the basis of unconditional acceptance of eachothers flaws.

If an argument degenerates into mud slinging, you both have shít to sort out alone methinks until you can be grown up enough to have real relationship.

K-

secret_squirrel

wrote:

ballon rides

The kind of balloons you get in a pub toilet tbh.

OP you are in a seriously unhealthy relationship and are behaving like a doormat.

Grow a spine or bail out.

If my GF had read my msn without permission on any night she would have been thrown out my house, or I would walk out of hers.

Roy16

I think she over reacting and probably jealous ( its like calling the kettle black) she doing all this stiff with her ex, watching movies and that. The way i see it she prob still has some sort of feelings for him. I dont think you over reacted at all, she has. She can't tell you can talk to and who you can see. I know this happend on tuesday, whats the story with her now? To be honest the best thing to do is if she doesn't trust you then prob best to part ways:( ...

daRobot

Your being f*cked around with by the sounds of it.

Dump her

Fanny Cradock

Kell wrote:

Slightly conflicting ideas. I thought love was on the basis of unconditional acceptance of eachothers flaws.

If an argument degenerates into mud slinging, you both have shít to sort out alone methinks until you can be grown up enough to have real relationship.

K-

people in "real" relationships argue. it's cathartic and not an unhealthy thing. though i do believe, like most here, that you have to talk to you gf about it. seems like this isn't an equal relationship. also ignore those who tell you to dump her. that's really drastic advide for something they couldn't know anything about

constitutionus

metrovelvet wrote:

Dump her. She doesnt love you. She thinks she owns your ass. Where the **** do people get off eh?

I had a bf who did things like this to me with his fantasies of all my infidelities, despite being loyal to the bone with him [now I wish I wasnt ]. He read my emails. And flipped out over nothing. This was the straw that broke my back. I just didnt trust someone who could do things like this. So I reminded him that reading someones mail is a federal offense in the US and I would report him to the US embassy if he did it again. [Of course I was full of **** - the U embassy wouldnt bother with that nor would I report him, but I did scare him:D !]

You gfs behavior on Vals night sounds abusive. Im sorry but it does. While most people get uncomfortable with their other halfs talking to exs it doesnt warrant her reaction.

Maybe you should get back with your ex. She sounds nicer.:p

ya see this is what i dont get. i'd never DREAM of looking at someones mail, let alone my girlfriends. to be engaging in this sort of stuff is a very bad sign not to mention deeply disrespectful. i mean ask yourself would you stand for any one elst doing this? metros right shes treating you like a pet and counting on you not putting up a fight
because she thinks your whipped.
my advice if you dont want to dump her is tell her you want a break and heavily hint your hooking up with your ex (weather you are or not ). if this doesnt sort her out nothing will:)

metrovelvet

Exactly consti.

Its a violation and perhaps more of a reflection of how she feels about HER ex. You know - as in the lady doth protest too much.

If you accept this it sets up dangerous precedents. Say goodbye to any freedom you have.

Kell

Fanny Cradock wrote:

people in "real" relationships argue.

Theres a difference between arguing and mud slinging. Your obviously not grown up enough to appreciate the difference.

K-

AngryBadger

Kell wrote:

Theres a difference between arguing and mud slinging. Your obviously not grown up enough to appreciate the difference.

K-

Irony? anyone? Irony?

LegacyUser

I dont usually reply to threads but this one I just had to .
OP, cop yourself on? what are you a moron or something? Dont be so stupid and get rid of this controlling b***h. Do you really need a girl like this? If its like this now imagine what it would be like a year or 2 down the line. Ur better than that!

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off topic postings will get you banned from this forum.
Do read the charter and abide by the rules while posting.

wrongdude it sounds like there are some serious issues in your relationship,
you need to have a good think about what is acceptible behaviour on both your part and that of you gf.
Then sit down and address these issues and if it mean that it can't be resovled then it could be time to walk away.

Fanny Cradock

Kell wrote:

Theres a difference between arguing and mud slinging. Your obviously not grown up enough to appreciate the difference.

K-

relax man.:eek:

i disagreed with you. not attempting to insult you. no need for "mud slinging" because of that.

your reaction is hypocritical as it implies that i am somehow immature, whereas your needlessly antagonistic comment displays no maturity.

hepcat

"movies under blankets"....does this mean your gf cosies up under a blanket with her ex to watch movies??? And goes on balloon rides with him? And hasn't told him you are her bf? :eek: And you allow her to tell you who you can and cannot keep in touch with? How could you let someone treat you like this? I know love is blind and all that, but you need to wake up and smell the coffee.

Ickle Magoo

OP,

Sounds like your g/f is having her cake & eating it.....she keeps a tight leash on you while giving herself all the freedoms in the world....

IMO, reading your mail is a BIG no-no.....it doesn't seem to bother you but she is being a complete hypocrite if she claims to have trust issues with you after reading your private messages....

No-one has the right to tell you to stop (or start) doing anything or seeing anyone.....they can ask & an adult conversation about the matter ensues - foot stamping & demands have no place in any relationship....

She sounds very immature (watching movies under blankets??!) and I think you need to sit down & discuss the range of issues your relationship has....if your g/f starts throwing a tantrum then I think you need to move on to someone capable of having an adult relationship & dealing with the issues that relationships will inevitably have.....best of luck

Zulu

How old are you? Your girlfriend sounds like she's in her early to mid teens.

Sleepy

I can't advocate hitting a woman so just dump the bitch.

LegacyUser

my girlfriend and I are both 22 . Shes a graduate and Im a 3rd level student