Need help figuring it out.

LegacyUser

Okay, I'm a 19 year old guy and I THINK I'm bisexual. I've had a long history of stuff going on with me. Like, I've had 2 or 3 online relationships with other boys--one of which got really serious, but ended badly. I thought I was in love with those guys, especially my last one. But now I'm starting to wonder if the reason I was so depressed when we "broke up", was more of an ego thing, more than anything else. I don't know anymore.

I have physically been with another man before. He was like 32 and I met him online. He gave me oral and we both....you know. (I don't want to get graphic.) I've never had a relationship with a girl or been with one. I guess I always thought women were "too hard" to get with. But I do find them attractive and I have this thing for lesbians, sorta. As for as attraction goes, I could live without women, I think. I'm always looking at men. But I COULD look at girls and be aroused. I certainly do have that capacity. But it's like there's no draw, and it bothers me.

But I guess the question I think I wanted to ask is a question to other bisexual people. Are you attracted to different sexes in a different way? I mean, does FEEL different? The sensation, I mean.

I know that sounds crazy. It seems like a stupid question. But for me, it feels different for some reason. Like, when I get aroused by a man, it's like......almost intense, sorta. (I'm trying to describe a sensation here, with words. Blah.) With girls, it's more like......smoother, or something. I don't know.

I'm confused right now. I guess I just want to know if other bisexual people have this happen to them. Because if most say 'no', then maybe I'm not reallly bisexual, and probably gay or straight.

BuffyBot

I think you're answering many of your own questions.

Apart from anything else, individual sexuality is very much that - an individual thing, different for each person.

The big question seems to be not so much does it "feel" different, but why does that worry you so much. It's quite possible to feel different things for different genders/sexual orientations etc.

speedy21

I read an article on this before...
it raised the question of masterbation...
Which do you think about in your fantasies most? Guys or Girls or both?
If its both then maybe you're bi?

LegacyUser

Who wrote:

But I guess the question I think I wanted to ask is a question to other bisexual people. Are you attracted to different sexes in a different way? I mean, does FEEL different? The sensation, I mean.

I think I'm in the same boat as you mate. I'm a 22 year old guy. I think I'm bisexual. But I'm not attracted to women the same way I'm attracted to men. Apparently average male sexuality and female sexuality are different. Average male sexuality being more visual, and average female sexuality being more physically stimulated. I think that's how I feel. I can look at a pretty woman and there a certain stirring . But I wouldn't really do the same for a guy. However the tought about having it off with a guy is really arousing. I've felt like this for a while. But I feel really confused about this, and to answer BuffyBot's question, I don't know why this confuses me.

As for ****... I dunno, maybe 50/50? Though again in different ways...

LegacyUser

Well, I guess I shouldn't worry too much about it. I don't know. It just seems like everyone else my age has figured out what they are, and I'm still in the dark. Like, I have a condition which is probably seperate from my sexuality, where I get headaches when I'm aroused. I'm trying to see a neurologist about that. But it does cloud up what I'm feeling. It happens when I think about girls and guys, so that may have nothing to do with it. But since I think about guys more anyway, it's always hurting; so I wonder if it's really my body trying to tell me something. So there was a time when I thought I was really STAIGHT; but it happens with girls too, soo...

I'm insecure, you could say.

As far as masturbation goes, I mean, I look at men and think about men. But I certainly COULD think about girls and get off to it. I'm just saying it feels different; the arousal sensation. A lot of my bisexual friends say that doesn't happen with them, so it makes me wonder.

But with girls it's like I'm nervous. When I fantasize about girls, I sometimes think that I'll hurt her by.....you know. There is apparently a girl interested in me and I guess I started it by smiling at her too much. I'm interested in her, but too damn nervous, because girls are "hard." Maybe I'm afraid of hard work?

LegacyUser

Who wrote:

Okay, I'm a 19 year old guy and I THINK I'm bisexual. I've had a long history of stuff going on with me. Like, I've had 2 or 3 online relationships with other boys--one of which got really serious, but ended badly. I thought I was in love with those guys, especially my last one. But now I'm starting to wonder if the reason I was so depressed when we "broke up", was more of an ego thing, more than anything else. I don't know anymore.

I have physically been with another man before. He was like 32 and I met him online. He gave me oral and we both....you know. (I don't want to get graphic.) I've never had a relationship with a girl or been with one. I guess I always thought women were "too hard" to get with. But I do find them attractive and I have this thing for lesbians, sorta. As for as attraction goes, I could live without women, I think. I'm always looking at men. But I COULD look at girls and be aroused. I certainly do have that capacity. But it's like there's no draw, and it bothers me.

But I guess the question I think I wanted to ask is a question to other bisexual people. Are you attracted to different sexes in a different way? I mean, does FEEL different? The sensation, I mean.

I know that sounds crazy. It seems like a stupid question. But for me, it feels different for some reason. Like, when I get aroused by a man, it's like......almost intense, sorta. (I'm trying to describe a sensation here, with words. Blah.) With girls, it's more like......smoother, or something. I don't know.

I'm confused right now. I guess I just want to know if other bisexual people have this happen to them. Because if most say 'no', then maybe I'm not reallly bisexual, and probably gay or straight.

am 19/bi and i think am pretty much in the same boat as urself

LegacyUser

Well that really helps me to know that there ARE other people who feel this way. That's all I really wanted to know, I guess. It puts me at ease.
Thank you all.

LegacyUser

While it is good to know that there are others, it doesn't really help that we are all posting anonymously.

Who, at least you've been with someone. I haven't (of either sex ). Since I think of girls in what I consider to be a more masculine way, (as in I could picture a sexy girl in some sexy pose, and **** to it), and men not like that, for ages I just assumed I was straight. I don't know if I actually like guys, or if I'm just curious. Then again, it's not like there's a test is there? ("Sorry, you're too straight, you can't join our club.") I don't really know if I should come out. Would I just be labeling myself something whtat i might actually not be? My thoughts on this matter are never constant or stable. Sometimes I consider myself bi, then sometimes like I'm just curious about blokes...

LegacyUser

ConfusedGuy#&#8734 wrote: »

While it is good to know that there are others, it doesn't really help that we are all posting anonymously.

Who, at least you've been with someone. I haven't (of either sex ). Since I think of girls in what I consider to be a more masculine way, (as in I could picture a sexy girl in some sexy pose, and **** to it), and men not like that, for ages I just assumed I was straight. I don't know if I actually like guys, or if I'm just curious. Then again, it's not like there's a test is there? ("Sorry, you're too straight, you can't join our club.") I don't really know if I should come out. Would I just be labeling myself something whtat i might actually not be? My thoughts on this matter are never constant or stable. Sometimes I consider myself bi, then sometimes like I'm just curious about blokes...

See I feel the same way. It's like, I'm not "as gay" as some of my gay friends. I mean, I think I weird people out in general; but it just throws people off even more when I say I'm gay or bi. I was constantly swaying back and forth last year, between "lables." But I mean, I guess the best thing to call people like us is bi; because we have at least some attaction to both sexes.

I would suggest that you go on dates and stuff and experiment with your boyfriend or girlfriend. But be sure that like you're both cool with it. Because the way I went about being that one guy.....was not the right way to do it. I really wish I had waited for someone better to come along. But I do know it's hard when you're wondering what you are.

Untense

But I guess the question I think I wanted to ask is a question to other bisexual people. Are you attracted to different sexes in a different way? I mean, does FEEL different? The sensation, I mean.

A friend of mine has been in a similar situation, constantly re-assessing his sexuality and trying to measure it. 'Oh this week I think i'm straight' , 'No, i'm bisexual but I prefer girls as companions, 'oh, with guys it's more physical'.

He gets really frustrated about it some times and doesn't seem happy with just 'bisexual' or 'straight'.
Have you tried not thinking? Why is it so important to figure out which general catagory you lie in?

I'm confused right now. I guess I just want to know if other bisexual people have this happen to them. Because if most say 'no', then maybe I'm not reallly bisexual, and probably gay or straight

Your sexuality is unique. Gay, straight and bisexual are just labels and for many people it just isn't enough because it doesn't measure the level of attraction.

The labels are just labels, but if you say you like boys and you like girls you are under the label of bisexual. Well, if you want to be.

Ultimately you are probably just stressing yourself out thinking about it, but for what it's worth it's not you who needs to be figured out, it's our stupid obsession with labelling our orientation that needs the check.

LegacyUser

I'm a 21 year girl and struggled for years to find a label to fit under. I fancy blokes, and have been with my fair share, but have always found women attractive as well. But in a different sense. With women its a deeper, less physical connection. I labelled myself as bi for a while, but didn't feel comfortable with that, cos I felt differently about either gender.

Now I don't label myself. I'm currently having a casual relationship with a girl and feel a lot happier than I have done in a long time. I figured out that I fancy people, not genders, but am predominantly drawn to men. That said, I would not rule out a relationship with anyone based on gender.

tonym

guys u need to forget about lables thats what confuses every one

snappieT

Okay, I'm a 19 year old guy and I THINK I'm bisexual. I've had a long history of stuff going on with me. Like, I've had 2 or 3 online relationships with other boys--one of which got really serious, but ended badly. I thought I was in love with those guys, especially my last one. But now I'm starting to wonder if the reason I was so depressed when we "broke up", was more of an ego thing, more than anything else. I don't know anymore.

... I've never had a relationship with a girl or been with one. I guess I always thought women were "too hard" to get with. But I do find them attractive and I have this thing for lesbians, sorta. As for as attraction goes, I could live without women, I think. I'm always looking at men. But I COULD look at girls and be aroused. I certainly do have that capacity. But it's like there's no draw, and it bothers me.

I am EXACTLY the same. For any boardsie who wondered precisely what my status was, this is it. I could never verbalise it. Thank you.

However, I could never see myself being with a girl. I would like to be, once, just for the sake of the experience, but overall, I see myself ending up with a guy. On the other hand, when it does come to "self-service", the majority of the thoughts surround girls. I think this may be on account of me being satisfied on the guy front in reality, that it is only girls my thoughts that need to account for the misbalance.

If I'm walking down Grafton Street, I won't look at girls. I can appreciate their attractiveness (or orangeness as it may be, it is Grafton St.), but overall, it is guys that have the "wow" factor. I agree girls are hard - I was out last Thursday, with a girl being very forward on the dancefloor towards me for the entire night. I knew what I had to do if I wanted it, but I just couldn't do it. I don't think I wanted it. She was hot.

For these reasons, I refer to my sexuality as "gay". If further conversation develops, the fact that there are a very small percentage of people I find attraction towards to be female, though I stand by my decision to be referred to as "gay". That's how I feel, that's who I am.

Boston

I think the questions you're asking yourself, every person who thinks they might be Bi asks themselves. I just realised that I'm 21 now, and despite being 19 when I first start really asking those questions, I haven't found too many answers. I don't think it's a case that eventually you figure it out, I think it's a case that after a while you stop caring about the questions. less_confused mentioned that she didn't feel she was a bi-sexual because she felt differently about men and women, but I've never met a bi-sexual that felt the same about both genders, and that's grand.

Lots of Bi-sexuals have what Snappie describes as "seeing himself with a guy". It pretty natural to imagine your future, in itself it doesn't have to mean much. It's just one layer of your sexuality, one tendency.

As for self pleasure/attraction. Personally I go through phases of attraction. Sometimes I find women amazingly attractive and I have all these mad fantasies and so forth, and at other times I'm very meh towards them. I'd have to agree with snappie that it probably relates to have satisfied I'm in reality.