On his high horse

LegacyUser

My boyfriend is bothering me.

I've never in my life met anyone so full of himself. His extreme self-confidence is nauseating. Sometimes it shocks me how well he thinks of himself, how good he looks, how sexy he is and how clever he is. "I was too clever for my own good," he said about leaving school at an early age. He was too good for everything, he knew all the important things about life.

I don't really know how to explain it better, but his self-esteem is.. horrible.

Is this normal? Am I overreacting?

I'm not the kind of girl who wants to change her boyfriend. That's dispicable. And if he is like that then he will have to stay that way too. I won't make him into some engineering project. But can anything be done at all?

Beruthiel

if you don't like your b/f
why are you with him?

jcoote

if u can pick that many bad points in anyone whats the point of having them in your life...if he that full of himself then he's not gonna change cos he obviously doesn't see a problem!!!

Fajitas!

Was he like that when you started going out with each other?

I know a few people who are naturally like that. Not a quality I like.

Some get the ego after some random happening. That usually dies down though.

Grem

He sounds like a di***ead. If you dislike how he acts so much then why are you with him?
Your not the kind of girl that wants to change her boyfriend, but if i had a boyfriend that was that far up his own ass id either demand he change, or dump him.
Although you could just tell him how much he's irritating you. If he cares about you then he'll learn to keep his mouth shut about how brilliant he thinks he is.

Zulu

You either like him or you don't. For gods sake woman, make up your mind.

dbnavan

annoyedgirl wrote:

"I was too clever for my own good," he said about leaving school at an early age.

Too good for the leaving cert was he :rolleyes: what kind of job did he get?

hshortt

Is his name Ross O'Carroll-Kelly?

Ickle Magoo

Tell him you don't find his boasting an attractive quality and ask that he doesn't say things like that to you.......:D

LundiMardi

annoyedgirl wrote:

My boyfriend is bothering me.

I've never in my life met anyone so full of himself. His extreme self-confidence is nauseating. Sometimes it shocks me how well he thinks of himself, how good he looks, how sexy he is and how clever he is. "I was too clever for my own good," he said about leaving school at an early age. He was too good for everything, he knew all the important things about life.

I don't really know how to explain it better, but his self-esteem is.. horrible.

Is this normal? Am I overreacting?

I'm not the kind of girl who wants to change her boyfriend. That's dispicable. And if he is like that then he will have to stay that way too. I won't make him into some engineering project. But can anything be done at all?

hook, line and sinker.

BaZmO*

It hurts everytime I bang me head off the wall, what should I do?

Zombrex

BaZmO* wrote:

It hurts everytime I bang me head off the wall, what should I do?

LOL

To OP, as everyone else has said, why are you going out with him?? :rolleyes:

el tel

annoyedgirl wrote:

"I was too clever for my own good," he said about leaving school at an early age.

That statement is normally said by someone admitting they were in fact not clever at all. Perhaps you have misinterpreted it.

annoyedgirl wrote:

I'm not the kind of girl who wants to change her boyfriend. That's dispicable. And if he is like that then he will have to stay that way too.

These principles are far too rigid and if you stick to them they'll be your ruination.

mad m

Zulu wrote:

You either like him or you don't. For gods sake woman, make up your mind.

You serious Zulu,women making up their mind.:rolleyes:

ferdi

dont see why your with him if his attitude annoys you...tell him some home truths to take him down a peg or two....tell him he's not all that or he's a dud in the sack. could work, maybe

franksm

Print this out, drop a couple of copies around the house as a hint

AngryBadger

if it's that much of an issue then just break up with him.

Being perfectly frank about it, either he has confidence issues, hence he has to keep talking himself up, or you have confidence issues and you're afraid you can't live up to this guys esteem.

yup dump his ass and don't sugar coat it and tell him why

I've been there and done that and in my case when I disagreed with him and told him the world not revolve around him and no matter how intelligent he was people would not bang his door down begging to hire him
he started getting really sarky and pass remarkable towards moi
so I dumped him (in a nice way)
and he started saying things like why don't like you like me any more boo hoo so I agreed to be friends and the sarky remarks putting me down crept in again
sometimes men are jealous of women IMO if a guy acts like he's full of himself he's incredibly insecure and is looking for his ego to be caressed and cuddled and FFs girl I'm sure you signed up for a man not any of his ego problems

dbnavan

coolsmileygirl wrote:

yup dump his ass and don't sugar coat it and tell him why

CoolSmileyGirl tells it the way it is as usual, u go girl.:D

Seraphina

jaysus that'd drive me mad, how'd you end up going out with him in the first place?? maybe he's taking the 'girls like guys with a bit of confidence' thing a bit too far?
if its bothering you, dump him. personally i cant stand people like that, but ya know, there's gotta be a girls around that are upholding the 'girls like arrogant assholes' stereotype

biko

Dump him, he sounds like a total waste tbh

rsynnott

annoyedgirl wrote:

My boyfriend is bothering me.

I've never in my life met anyone so full of himself. His extreme self-confidence is nauseating. Sometimes it shocks me how well he thinks of himself, how good he looks, how sexy he is and how clever he is. "I was too clever for my own good," he said about leaving school at an early age. He was too good for everything, he knew all the important things about life.

I don't really know how to explain it better, but his self-esteem is.. horrible.

Is this normal? Am I overreacting?

I'm not the kind of girl who wants to change her boyfriend. That's dispicable. And if he is like that then he will have to stay that way too. I won't make him into some engineering project. But can anything be done at all?

*shudders*

Dump him immediately!

funk-you

If he was like this when you met him, he's happy being this way and you made a decision based on things you knew already about him to be his girlfriend......maybe the problem is you? He's done nothing wrong. If i was going to dinner with friends to a chinese and i met someone on the way and knew they didnt like chinese i wouldn't invite them or try to make them like it. So if you knew he was like this why are you going out with him?

You'll meet loads of people in your life, you'll like some and you wont like others. You spend time with the ones you like and thats how you get friends and partners but just because you dont like some other people why is the problem with them. maybe he doesnt like you?

-Funk

manti452

I can't begin to know the whole story from one text text but a few things stand out.

* the same question everyone else is asking: why stay with him?

* being the person I am I have found in my experience (me that is ) that a fair portion of girls dig attractive confident self made men. This is not the "girls like bad boys" syndrome but you have to recognise what attracted you to him in the first place. If this a type you are going for and not just him. In that case you need to examine what you really want, cos when you do find a nice bloke, you'll either get bored with him or realise that being treated with respect and consideration is not as much fun as the dramas people go thru

Please don't think this a bitter reply I still have plenty of positive replies too!

* Figure out what you want and then accept it.. or make the changes to your own patterns to improve your happiness.

I guess that'll do for 9am :S

Jay

rsynnott

funk-you wrote:

If he was like this when you met him, he's happy being this way and you made a decision based on things you knew already about him to be his girlfriend......maybe the problem is you? He's done nothing wrong. If i was going to dinner with friends to a chinese and i met someone on the way and knew they didnt like chinese i wouldn't invite them or try to make them like it. So if you knew he was like this why are you going out with him?

To be honest, from her description at least, he doesn't sound like someone that ANYBODY would ever like.

py2006

Seraphina wrote:

the 'girls like arrogant assholes' stereotype

I was just about to say that! Alot of girls seem to go for this type of guy for some reason and then complain about him when they start going out! Never makes sense to me!

I think a lesson is to be learned here for both sexes!

LegacyUser

I like everything about him except that gross self-esteem.

His humour, way of talking, charm, kindness, he's easy to talk to, open-hearted, honest, very cute and sweet, we share many interests(although at the same time we're VERY different). He is really a great guy. He is clever too, but not book-clever so to speak. He's practical. And somebody asked what kind of job he got? Well, he's been doing different things. He's a handyman. "Every woman's dream", eh? But I don't think that's the reason why he is so inflated.

Still, he doesn't boast all the time. It's just some times. But the times when he does, it makes my soul shiver with disgust and I feel awkward and don't really know how to react. I try to be pleasant, not complain. But... I don't know.

I cannot just dump him. I'm not a machine that can be switched on and off. I feel like I need to assess our relationship, but he's so wonderful. I can't find anybody who can love me the way he loves me. And I'm thinking that we all have our bad qualities. He can change, if I'm patient, if I tell him in a friendly way that his self-esteem is annoying? Can't I? :-(

He wasn't like this when I first met him.

This is really hard... :-(

Amazotheamazing

How insecure are you?

If I ever had to choose between going out someone who had no confidence in themselves or their abilities and someone who was confident (even to the point of overconfident) in themselves I'd go for the confident person. Do you feel threatened by his self-esteem? Several girls I know don't like too-confident guys because (as they say), a confident person will be able to back themselves and walk away from a relationship if they feel it isn't right for them, whereas a slightly insecure person will stick with the relationship because it's better than being single.
Is he wrong when he boasts, or is it just his lack of modesty that upsets you? Does he have plenty of reasons to be full of self-esteem?

AngryBadger

Amazotheamazing wrote:

Several girls I know don't like too-confident guys because (as they say), a confident person will be able to back themselves and walk away from a relationship if they feel it isn't right for them, whereas a slightly insecure person will stick with the relationship because it's better than being single.

yep

LegacyUser

Amazotheamazing wrote:

How insecure are you?

If I ever had to choose between going out someone who had no confidence in themselves or their abilities and someone who was confident (even to the point of overconfident) in themselves I'd go for the confident person. Do you feel threatened by his self-esteem? Several girls I know don't like too-confident guys because (as they say), a confident person will be able to back themselves and walk away from a relationship if they feel it isn't right for them, whereas a slightly insecure person will stick with the relationship because it's better than being single.
Is he wrong when he boasts, or is it just his lack of modesty that upsets you? Does he have plenty of reasons to be full of self-esteem?

His lack of modesty. I feel that I can never give him compliments because he allready praises himself so much. Whenever I say something nice to him, he responds with boasting, just to emphasize whatever I said. As if I'm just helping him to smear it in.

I have a good self-esteem myself and I'm not afraid to make decisions.
I don't feel threatened by his self-esteem.

Does he have plenty of reasons to think so highly of himself and "blow on the trumpet" from time to time? No. Nobody I know who is sane does that.

The Sweeper

annoyedgirl wrote:

He can change, if I'm patient...

...or not?

Cake Fiend

Have you told him that this bothers you?

If not, you might have to - as amazing as he evidently is, most men aren't mind-readers.


Shocker, I know...

Ickle Magoo

annoyedgirl wrote:

He can change, if I'm patient

Nope, nope & nope.....dump him & find someone you like better.....in my experience if you find fault with someone but you can live with those faults then your relationship stands a chance.....if you find fault with someone & wait for the person to change (or even worse....try & make them change) then you are courting disaster....IMO if you find this trait really so abhorant, you don't really like the guy - love is blind, after all....best of luck

ntlbell

If he's under 25 he'll change in his own time most likley.

But for now, find a weakness something he's very uncomfortable with (he has to have one)

Like if he has a small penis, keep calling him "pecker" etc when he starts to brag/blow his trumpet.

keep knocking him down off that horse lol

Amazotheamazing

ntlbell wrote:

If he's under 25 he'll change in his own time most likley.

But for now, find a weakness something he's very uncomfortable with (he has to have one)

Like if he has a small penis, keep calling him "pecker" etc when he starts to brag/blow his trumpet.

keep knocking him down off that horse lol

Worst advice ever (in my opinion). Destroying someone's faith in themselves
never constitutes an answer. Talk honestly and openly, if that does't work then walk away, but by no means treat this occasion as a reason to destroy his confidence just because you can. Jesus ntlbell, that solves nothing, it just makes them both feel bad. Would you want to be with someone who you continually had to undermine just to feel good in the relationship? Bad plan.

Mr Magnolia

Sound's likes it's just a front, could be for a number of reasons, possibly because he left school early in life and is insecure about it, maybe something else.

Regardless if you want to stay with him you need to talk to him about it.

LegacyUser

I can't patronise him. How lowly! I love him and would never do that to him.
If you do that, you destroy the person. That's evil.

I realise that I have to talk to him about. I haven't done that yet, but I'm trying to think of a good way to bring it to him. I don't want to condemn.

Actually, there's another issue too. He has problems trusting me and has had that for a loooong time. Maybe he's insecure and tries to build himself up...

BaZmO*

annoyedgirl wrote:

I can't patronise him. How lowly! I love him and would never do that to him.
If you do that, you destroy the person. That's evil.

I realise that I have to talk to him about. I haven't done that yet, but I'm trying to think of a good way to bring it to him. I don't want to condemn.

Actually, there's another issue too. He has problems trusting me and has had that for a loooong time. Maybe he's insecure and tries to build himself up...

Listen it's really simple, he's doing something that's really annoying you and that you've got a problem with. The solution is to tell him how your feeling the next time he does it. If he really loves you he'll understand.

People in realtionships complain too much about "this or that" but when it comes to the crunch they just won't confront the problem head on. If you don't deal with it it'll just escalate into some bigger and more trivial issue.

Amazotheamazing

Sparks400 wrote:

Sound's likes it's just a front, could be for a number of reasons, possibly because he left school early in life and is insecure about it, maybe something else.

Regardless if you want to stay with him you need to talk to him about it.

Why do people assume people with high self esteem are actually masking some deep hidden insecurity? Sounds like he thinks he's a great guy, and the OP admits he pretty much is.

Sam Vimes

i know someone exactly like this who left school and i'm thinking it might be the same person. is his name david (or dave as he likes to be known) and does his surname start with m

LegacyUser

No his name is not David and doesn't start with m.
I'm not giving names out.

The problem now is that I have to wait for him to call me. He's busy at the moment, but he'll call me before the weekend. He said.

Oh, I'm just frustrated. Need to say something, somewhere. I can't sit alone and let my thoughts mess up my head. I feel like I'm playing mind-games with myself.

He is wonderful, but you don't walk around boasting like he does. Men usually have a higher self-esteem than women, perhaps in relationships too. I don't know. But I can't stand the way he... He needs to humble himself more. Get his feet down on the ground.

I never complain about things. We discuss things and I do it as maturely as possible. He hasn't really got anything to complain about except his self-esteem.

The waiting for him to call is just painful.

ntlbell

Amazotheamazing wrote:

Worst advice ever (in my opinion). Destroying someone's faith in themselves
never constitutes an answer. Talk honestly and openly, if that does't work then walk away, but by no means treat this occasion as a reason to destroy his confidence just because you can. Jesus ntlbell, that solves nothing, it just makes them both feel bad. Would you want to be with someone who you continually had to undermine just to feel good in the relationship? Bad plan.

Sorry I should put in more smiley faces so people don't take things too seriously.

This is not rocket science, it's one of two things, he's just an arragont moron, or he has very low self asteem/lacking in confidence and by trying to hide it just ends up looking like an arragont/cockey moron.

So you have two choices, TALK TO HIM.

Dump him.

Kell

annoyedgirl wrote:

I don't really know how to explain it better, but his self-esteem is.. horrible.

Is this normal? Am I overreacting?

Has he got cause to like himself? Is he right when he says "I can do this and arent I great at that". If he is, its you that has the problem dear.

Typical of Irish society to begrudge and attempt to take down those who actually have some self respect and self esteem for themselves.

If he has cause to be happy with himself and occasionally preens like a peacock, good on him I say.

K-

AngryBadger

Kell wrote:

Has he got cause to like himself? Is he right when he says "I can do this and arent I great at that". If he is, its you that has the problem dear.

Typical of Irish society to begrudge and attempt to take down those who actually have some self respect and self esteem for themselves.

If he has cause to be happy with himself and occasionally preens like a peacock, good on him I say.

K-

wow, well said Squire *offers biscuits*

rsta

annoyedgirl wrote:

The problem now is that I have to wait for him to call me. He's busy at the moment, but he'll call me before the weekend. He said.

Oh, I'm just frustrated. Need to say something, somewhere. I can't sit alone and let my thoughts mess up my head. I feel like I'm playing mind-games with myself.

He is wonderful, but you don't walk around boasting like he does. Men usually have a higher self-esteem than women, perhaps in relationships too. I don't know. But I can't stand the way he... He needs to humble himself more. Get his feet down on the ground.

I never complain about things. We discuss things and I do it as maturely as possible. He hasn't really got anything to complain about except his self-esteem.

The waiting for him to call is just painful.

it sounds like his 'up himself' attitude is the only thing you dont like about him... (that and having to wait for him to call) if he wasnt like this when you started going out when did he adopt this behaviour?
how long have you been seeing him? how serious is it?

Idbatterim

Women give sex for love, men give love for sex! women dont like going out with better looking guys cause if they havent got looks over their partner what have they got? their power over them in that department is gone! you know correct me if im wrong but do you ever see equally attractive people together? and by that i mean good looking atleast, cause i rarely do, either the guy is average and girl is hot or girl is average and guy is hot! Id say two very confident people would be a recipe for disaster, jealousy, distrust etc...

AngryBadger

Idbatterim wrote:

Id say two very confident people would be a recipe for disaster, jealousy, distrust etc...

Thta's an incredibly bleak statement, and I'd say you're welcome to it.

LegacyUser

Our relationship is very, very serious.
We're engaged to be married.

Idbatterim, that's a gross generalisation and I have no idea whether you try to insult me by implying that I'm weak or what exactly it is that you do.
I'd certainly "batteryou". :P

I'm not trying to "take him down".
If you knew him yourself you'd be shocked, Kell.

Idbatterim

oh sorry annoyed girl! wasnt really commenting on your case in particular... fair play to people who are pleased and proud of how they look in my opinion! although the "I was too clever for my own good,"too bit did make me laugh! although if i heard it alot in addition to the looks etc i might get a bit agitated too! Oh and im not saying your weak or anything like that...