Homework

tosh_thedude

The professor told his class one day:

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem
story. The process is simple.

Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or
her immediate right.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first
paragraph of a short story.

You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another
copy to me.

The partner will read the first paragraph and then add
another paragraph to the story and send it back, also
sending another copy to me.

The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on
back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order
to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO
talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say
must be written in the
e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has
been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English
students, Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(First paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she
wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favourite for
lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl,
who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile.
But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought
about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So
chamomile was out of the question.

(Second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the
attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more
important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year
ago. " A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his
transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a
bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct
hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not
before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically
brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him.
Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities
towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news
simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the
window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder
at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose
one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to
live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian
mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion
missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks that pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress
had left Earth a defenceless target for the hostile alien
empires that were determined to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the
Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough
firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to
stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The
President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor,
stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic
semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centred tedious
neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary
equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or
shall I have some other sort of F*KING TEA??? Oh
no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads
too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

Asshole

(Gary)

Bitch

(Rebecca)

F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.

Brother To God

A+ is right! I always like to see an arguement via email!!

c - 13

Not too bad at all

gerTheGreat

I like it, original and funny

GLaDOS

lol brilliant

**Timbuk2**

:d:d:d

biko

Probably true, or... probably not

thehomeofDob

I had a great laugh reading this! Very good all together!

Tar.Aldarion

Ah excellent, good to see something different.

Naos

Haha, very funny.

Why did the blonde have sex with a mexican?
Her teacher told her to do an essay.

Zillah

Absolutely brilliant! What I really liked was that they're both actually quite intelligent.

tosh_thedude

Dont know if you can Bump Jokes, But I thought this one was so good, It might deserve a second coming!

Chopperdog

No shame in 'bumping' someone elses' jokes if you think they deserve it, but dont you think it a little bit ''uppity your own arse'' to bump your own submissions ? :cool:

kjt

haha that was really good.
Thanks

tosh_thedude

Chopperdog wrote:

No shame in 'bumping' someone elses' jokes if you think they deserve it, but dont you think it a little bit ''uppity your own arse'' to bump your own submissions ? :cool:

If it gets some good feedback, then why not! As regards uppity my own arse, thats your imature opinion, but lets face it, If YOU can only post dim remarks and not a joke yourself..... ah why waste my time, be gone.... <Yawn>