How to handle this?

gypsygirl

I'll try to keep this short,
Went out for a drink with our best mates on 23rd Dec & went back to their house afterwards, their two sons got into an arguement, one of the lads (20yr old drug addict) picked up a knife & went to stab his brother, my partner tried to stop the fight got badly stabbed in the chest, my partner was in hospital for a week & the lad legged it, we didn't press charges (best mates son n all that) although the guards know what happened 'cos they arrived at the house with the ambulance, anyway now the lad reckons it was my partners fault for getting involved?????
What was he to do? let the little B*****D stab his brother? I also know his mother (my mate) is still seeing him,(she says she's not) I understand how hard it is for her, he's still her son at the end of it all but I am so angry, he's trying to justify what happened saying he's not responsible 'cos he was on E that night. Whats he going to do next? I know he's still doing drugs, (his little sis met up with him last week n caught him doing coke) I feel weird around my mate now. I can't believe she forgave him, for fcuks sake he tried to kill his brother n almost killed my partner. My mate forgives him no matter what he does, she always makes excuses for him. Its almost like it not so bad because it happened 2mths ago n nobody died. I feel like screaming, this lad has always been trouble although the rest of the family are really sound folk. I know that she'll eventually let him back into the house n I'm not sure I can handle seeing him again, (they only live down the road.) I love my mates n their kids (not that one) but can't talk to her about this as she either gets upset or changes the subject but if I see HIM again I know I'll want to kill him. I constantly have nightmares where I relive the whole thing but in them my partner doesn't make it!
Sorry, I meant to keep this short but I am SO p*ss*d off about it. I keep thinking of what could have happened, I'm sorry now we didn't charge him.
How do we handle this?

Shabadu

Well, she will always choose her child over anyone else, so if you can't handle it you should probably drop her from your life. You should also tell the police what happened, you are causing more harm than good by not doing so in my opinion.

gypsygirl

I know she'll chose her son over a friend (we all would) & If we charged him I would lose her anyway but keep thinking "what if its worse next time?" its not the first time he's picked up a knife when angry. But what if next time its more serious? Thoughts won't stop churning in my head. I feel like I'm going crazy. If I don't do anything n something else happens I'd feel so guilty but if I do charge him I fcuk up his life n hurt my friend.

Chucky the tree

You can still charge him. Get him done, he belongs behind bars.

seamus

Have him charged.

Your friend is going to stick up for him no matter what, but clearly she's incapable of punishing him or controlling him, so it has to become a criminal matter and let the State get involved.

As you say yourself, what'll he do next time? Does someone have to die before any action is taken? Is your "friendship" (I use the term lightly) with this woman worth someone's life?

gypsygirl

If we did charge him, chances are he wouldn't do any time for it. My real problem (I think) is that I can't get over this n feel so angry that he could do this n walk away leaving the rest of us to clean up the **** he caused.

gypsygirl

seamus wrote:

Have him charged.

Your friend is going to stick up for him no matter what, but clearly she's incapable of punishing him or controlling him, so it has to become a criminal matter and let the State get involved.

As you say yourself, what'll he do next time? Does someone have to die before any action is taken? Is your "friendship" (I use the term lightly) with this woman worth someone's life?

I know you're right, I think if we don't do anything n he does something worse next time, I'd be as bad as him. By not doing anything its almost like I'm saying it was ok to do it. How to tell my friend that I want to charge him?

0utshined

You don't tell her you want to charge him, you tell her you've been to the Guards and he will be charged. If you tell her before hand she will try and talk you out of it, tell you he's changed/will change/she'll talk to him. Whatever.

I can understand you not wanting to get a friend's son in trouble. That's fine, even considering what he's done, but who exactly is benefiting by you and your partner not getting him charged? Not him, that's for damn sure. The kid needs to know that his actions have repercussions. I believe that it would be more helpful to him to have to face up to shít like this than letting it slide.

gypsygirl

Reckon we're going to press ahead with the charges. He's gotta face up to what he's done. Thanks for all the opinions, It helped us make our decision. Gonna lose my friends n thats bad (we've been friends for years) but obviously this is not just a silly argument we can walk away from. The lad needs to learn actions have reactions and repercussions, feel like a sh*t but I know what we need to do......

0utshined

gypsygirl wrote:

feel like a sh*t

Don't. You have no reason to.

Maybe you will lose your friend over it but if you do give her some time and ye might get back in touch. She has to know herself that this isn't a small thing that can be brushed aside.

gypsygirl

Thanks Outshined, you're spot on, this is no small thing. Its knocked me sideways. But I'm mad about the rest of this family and dread the idea of not having them in my life, they're like family to us so this is gonna be bad for everyone involved.

LegacyUser

You have come here looking for some advice. But you sound like you want us to tell you what you want to hear. But there is no way around this - get this guy charged and have him put behind bars before he does real damage to someone else. Could you live with the thought of that ? This guy is dangerous.

Beruthiel

gypsygirl wrote:

Thanks Outshined, you're spot on, this is no small thing. Its knocked me sideways. But I'm mad about the rest of this family and dread the idea of not having them in my life, they're like family to us so this is gonna be bad for everyone involved.

you've done the right thing.
honestly, he stabs someone and his mother forgives him!? wtf!
it's no wonder he behaves as he does, there are no consequences for his actions.
his mother clearly never learned how to punish him when he behaved badly, this is what you get for being too soft on your kid.
I swear, if my daughter ever did that to someone, I'd report her myself.
Everyone is right btw, it won't be the last time he does something like this and next time the person might not be so lucky

The Corinthian

He’s a sociopath. He does not believe that he did anything wrong and is genuinely convinced that it was your partner’s fault, for getting involved, after all if he hadn’t he obviously would not have been wounded - that your partner felt compelled to intervene is an alien concept to him, one which he will never be able to understand on anything other than an abstract, intellectual level at best.

In short, he is dangerous and has not developed any controls over his condition, so regardless of whether you report him or not, there is a very high probability that he will harm others in the future. He will not learn from the experience of being charged and/or incarcerated. Do not delude yourself that he will - to him it’ll be your fault, not his, that he’s fallen foul of the law.

With regard to your friend, you probably need to distance yourself from her as a sign that this behaviour was not forgivable. Eventually his behaviour will reach a point when she will no longer be able to forgive him and that point you will again have common ground to stand on.

gypsygirl

Thanks everyone, We're definitly gonna have him charged, couldn't live with myself if it was worse next time (and there will be a next time) If it had been a stranger who did it I wouldn't even be thinking about not charging him so why should this be any different. Don't want to hurt my mate but at the end of the day she could have lost her other son, the knife was intended for him. His Dad thinks we should go ahead with it as he's sick of this lad constantly bringing trouble on the family. Will keep you posted on whats happening.