Am I making mountains out of molehills

LegacyUser

Ok, I have a GF, who I have been with for about 2 years, and I lover her very much... in fact, I think she is probabaly the woman I will marry.
I wouldn't change a single thing about her, I am a really lucky guy and I know it.
Anyhow, thing is, I fancy one of our friends, as in, I think the girl is cute and we flirt a lot, never privately (as in never over the phone, or when alone, only when we are all out on the town together - we exchange a bit of flirtty banter and I get a buzz out of it)

Now, I would never ever ever take things any further, and neither would the friend, I think she just gets the same bit of fun out of it as I do.


But.... and here is thing.... I am starting to feel really guilty about it, and the fact that now and then I might have the odd fantasy about her.

You see I read problem pages, and they say the odd fantasy is harmless, and a bit of flirtting is harmless, as long as thats all that happens, and that is all that happens, but I cant help but feel that something must be wrong with my relationship if i am flirtting this way and having these thoughts.

What do you guys think? I would really appreciate your view on this

Chrissie

If the situation was reversed & you're wonderful girlfriend just typed the EXACT same thing as you just did above, about one of your male friends, WOULD YOU BE HURT?
& Do you think your GF would be hurt / threatened if she knew of your feelings for the friend?

If the answer to either is yes, then you should probably try to tone down the flirting a bit if you definitely want to remain in the relationship.

Though ashamed to say it:- I'd prob be a wee bit hurt if I thought my bf felt like that & acted like that with one of my friends.
Maybe that's insecure of me, but maybe your gf's also slightly insecure

LegacyUser

Well I am fairly flirtty,by my own standards, but my BF has never made comment on it, so I guess there must be a line where its acceptable, and where your being insensitive.

py2006

Well alot of people are quite flirty with the opposite sex! Its usually just a bit of craic and nothing meant by it!

I was at a wedding last week and was still having the flirty banter with the bride! She calls me her "bitch"! :eek: and I am a bloke!!!!!

You say you do it when you are all out together! Have you noticed any reaction from your girlfriend? If she was bothered by it you would see the reaction on her face. You would get a cold treatment or something!

I'd say by the sound of it she isn't too bothered!

LegacyUser

Ok, well my GF has never complained about me flirtting, so I guess it must be at a sensitive level.
Is it normal to continue to fond other people attractive when your in a relationship, and to have the odd fantasy, as long as it stays a fantasy?

Is it harmful to a relationship?

LegacyUser

For those of you in relationships, does fantasizing about other people mean the relationship is coming to an end, or that you will be tempted to stray?

Or is it ok, does everyone do it?

WhiteWashMan

MoleHill wrote:

Ok, I have a GF, who I have been with for about 2 years, and I lover her very much... in fact, I think she is probabaly the woman I will marry.
I wouldn't change a single thing about her, I am a really lucky guy and I know it.
Anyhow, thing is, I fancy one of our friends, as in, I think the girl is cute and we flirt a lot, never privately (as in never over the phone, or when alone, only when we are all out on the town together - we exchange a bit of flirtty banter and I get a buzz out of it)

Now, I would never ever ever take things any further, and neither would the friend, I think she just gets the same bit of fun out of it as I do.


But.... and here is thing.... I am starting to feel really guilty about it, and the fact that now and then I might have the odd fantasy about her.

You see I read problem pages, and they say the odd fantasy is harmless, and a bit of flirtting is harmless, as long as thats all that happens, and that is all that happens, but I cant help but feel that something must be wrong with my relationship if i am flirtting this way and having these thoughts.

What do you guys think? I would really appreciate your view on this

if you are feeling guilty, then it has to be about something.

what is it?

py2006

MoleHill wrote:

Ok, well my GF has never complained about me flirtting, so I guess it must be at a sensitive level.
Is it normal to continue to fond other people attractive when your in a relationship, and to have the odd fantasy, as long as it stays a fantasy?

Is it harmful to a relationship?

I think its ok! I mean, just because you are in a relationship it doesn't mean your not allowed find any other human being out of the billions there are on this planet attractive!

Finding somebody else attractive doesn't mean your are cheating or doing anything wrong! I can assure you she has chatted to many guys she finds attractive and there is nothing wrong with that unless of course something would happen.

I think you would know straight away if your gf was upset by the situation! Women have a way of letting you know without directly saying it!

Chrissie

But you haven't answered my question:-

If the situation was reversed & you're wonderful girlfriend just typed the EXACT same thing as you just did above, about one of your male friends, WOULD YOU BE HURT?

If you would be, then ease off a bit.
There's NO harm whatsoever in finding other people attractive but the flirting could be hurtful.

justsomebloke

MoleHill wrote:

For those of you in relationships, does fantasizing about other people mean the relationship is coming to an end, or that you will be tempted to stray?

Or is it ok, does everyone do it?

God no, i have been in a great realtionship for the last 8 and a bit years and have had fantasies about other women and mess flirthing with other women for roughly 8 and bit years minus 2 days of the realtionship. There is nothing wrong with window showing, it is the trying it on though that will lead to problem

Beruthiel

MoleHill wrote:

Ok, I have a GF, who I have been with for about 2 years, and I lover her veryAnyhow, thing is, I fancy one of our friends, as in, I think the girl is cute and we flirt a lot, never privately (as in never over the phone, or when alone, only when we are all out on the town together - we exchange a bit of flirtty banter and I get a buzz out of it)

this girl flirts with you when your g/f is there, why? cos she know's it's safe.
I can be a terrible flirt at times, but only with people who know that I'm just messing and don't mean it to the extent that I'd actually do anything about it. It's fun to flirt but I'd have a heart attack if I was actually taken seriously. I bet this friend of yours is the very same.
the grass is always greener buddy and you just want your cake...
lets be honest, if you left your g/f for this girl, do you really think she would have anything to do with you if she is also your g/f friend?
nope