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what should i do

  • 03-03-2006 12:06am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    hey people... looking for a bit of advice.

    I work in a busy office in dublin and about a year ago a new girl started in the office. Mary is the most beautiful girl i have ever laid my eyes on, but their is only one problem. She is still with the father of her child, even though he still cheats on her and treats her badly. I know this for a fact cause im actually very good friends with one of mary's friends. when ever we have an office night out, or even just at work, i cant talk my eyes off her and i have been told that she is aware of my feelings for her. we get on very well and were always flirting but there is 2 things holding me back from making a move.

    1. The fear of rejection
    2. Even though he doesn't deserve her, they are still a family and i'd hate to wreck a home.

    all opinions welcome


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Nothing - see point number 2 in your query.


  • #3
    BeardyGit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,946 ✭✭✭BeardyGit


    1. If her partner (and he IS her partner if they're still together) cheats on her, that's none of your business. Again, it's NONE of your business. You're a workmate. Nothing more from the sounds of things. So stay out of it.

    2. If she's 'aware' of your feelings for her, and you know her from the workplace, you've been indiscrete at some point as I'm guessing you've not just spat it out at some point, for fear of rejection. Also, if you can't take your eyes off her whenever you're in work together, it's hardly surprising she's 'aware' of your feelings for her. Be careful you don't end up coming across as the office creep. Most offices have one. And if it's relevant I'd suggest you learn to keep your mouth shut if you're blabbing to your mutual friend or people in the office about these 'feelings'. If you don't, you could easily make both her and your life a little messier than either of you want.

    3. Just because you think a bit of flirting in the office signifies a two-way attraction, doesn't mean that's in any way something that translates to life outside work. Most people will flirt with co-workers. It's natural enough and normally harmless. Sometimes that'll develop into an unhealthy infatuation which I think may the case for you. I've no doubt that your feelings are real - It's just the origin and evolution of said feelings that's perhaps not quite right.

    Gil


  • #4
    AngryBadger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    I leave it lie. Sounds like a horrible situation she finds herself in, but why doesn't she leave it?

    I don't know this girl, and you've given very little detail about her. but what i can say is that even if she responded to your advances, coming from a bad situation, your relationship would be considerably more difficult than is usual, and tbh i wouldn't expect it to last.

    If something changed between her and her husband, then you might consider making a move, but even then I imagine, initialy at least, she would need space to sort herself out.


  • #5
    Laguna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭Laguna


    In my opinion, if a woman knows you have feelings for her and hasn't said anything to you in the same manner or dropped any sort of hints to you, she's not interested.


  • #6
    Dave
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,922 ✭✭✭Dave


    Yeah man, forget about her, you just want her because she's hot anyway.


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  • #7
    memphis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,964 ✭✭✭memphis


    Sounds to me like you just want her cos you know you can't have her.

    As said above, the fact that he is cheating on her is in fact none of your business.... and you would certainly be outta order in telling her this. Your a work mate and nothing more.

    i'm sure she does know you fancy her, big deal. I'm guessing she's flattered. But how do you know she feels the same for you? My guess is she doesn't.

    She has a family.... ok, from your view it may seem rocky.... but she is trying to hold it together (wether she is aware or not of her fella's adultery).

    what you really need to ask yourself here is..... Do you really wanna be responsible for breaking up her home? I personally wouldn't wanna get mixed up in all of that. Do you??


  • #8
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    please help wrote:
    2. Even though he doesn't deserve her, they are still a family and i'd hate to wreck a home.

    you already know the answer


  • #9
    Red Alert
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 7,486 ✭✭✭Red Alert


    the fact really is you don't *know* whether he's cheating or not, you've heard he is. it's also none of your business at all.

    also, some people are quite flirty in general. i can be very flirty even when i'm with a girl, and a good few of my female friends who've got boyfriends would be likewise.


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