more break up crap

LegacyUser

i realise this is a tired topic but here we go anyway.

was with a guy for three years, he broke up with me a good few months ago at this stage. i was really really upset and angry for ages, despite how naive it sounds i really thought he was 'the one'. the more i look back on it the more i realise how good i had it with him and how hard it will be to ever click with someone like that again. i still can't accept that he is able to move on and that it's over. i'm really sick of feeling like this at this stage, i want to be over it but i don't know what to do.

AngryBadger

It's a tough one, you're looking back at it now, and you're seeing all the best parts of the relationship, you'll always do this after a relationship, but in this case it was your boyfriend who ended things, so you didn't have a chance to get used to the idea of him not being around.

I don't know what you've been doing over the last few months, it sounds like you spenta lot of that time being angry, which is to be expected, and now it seems the anger has kind of burned itself out, and you're dealing with what's left, the loneliness, and the feeling of rejection. Which is why you're focusing on all the good parts of the relationship, and that's just making you feel worse.

If you haven't been doing this already, and I know it's a clichéd suggestion, but go out with you friends, or find some people to go out with, put your toe in the water, get burned a bit, and in a few weeks you'll relaise you're feeling much better, and eventually you'll be able to think about seeing other people.

oh, and be really nice to yourself, ice cream, and chocolate, maybe some new shoes, I dunno, whatever women enjoy these days

cupsoftea

I know that feeling when you are just so bored and fed up with feeling bad all the time but nothing helps. There are no short cuts really. As the other post says, just keep busy, be nice to yourself (perhaps not TOO much of the chocolate and icecream;) you'll feel better about yourself if you look good too) Take up an exercise class to keep busy and healthy, meet friends, do what ever you can to try and keep your mind off it even for just minutes at a time. It will get better but it will take time. Take care of yourself.

AngryBadger

cupsoftea wrote:

perhaps not TOO much of the chocolate and icecream;)

hey now! Let's not go crazy

Zombrex

angsty wrote:

i want to be over it but i don't know what to do.

Might not be what you want to hear, but in my experience (including personal experience) having a very hard time after a break up (especially months after) is more down to issues with yourself than with your relationship with your ex-partner. It might have been great with the person, but if you can't manage without them then that speaks more to your own self-esteem, personal issues than anything you actually got from the relationship.

I suggest you go see a councilor and talk through some stuff with them. You might be surprised with where your angst is actually coming from.

LegacyUser

Hey,

What you're saying really struck a chord with me. I broke up with a girl around that time and I know she thought I was the one. It was very hard - just because you've decided you don't eventually want to marry someone doesn't mean you don't care deeply for them. She won't talk to me at all now, and I'm very worried about her. Know that just because you think your ex is getting on fine without you doesn't mean they are (I don't mean he may want to get back with you, just that maybe you weren't disgarded as flippantly as you may feel). It does take time, there's no easy answers, but the one thing to cling to is that so many others have gone through it and come out fine. It is about getting occupied, which should be easier with the long summer evenings coming up. Get out and enjoy the fact that you can do what you like when you like.

py2006

A good friend of mine was in a 3 year relationship too! She broke it off with him and moved back to Ireland!

Even though she broke it off with him she felt awful for ages! She knew he wasn't "the one" but was still very upset for a long time afterwards! Probably still is!

Just because somebody has broken it off with you doesn't mean they dont care for you or think about you! Its impossible not to after spending so much time together!

jimmycrackcorm

There is always the one until the next one.

As you get older and wiser you begin to realise that there really isn't such a thing as "the one" but "the variations of the one". The only pity is that you have to go thorough that miserable period between variations.

Nalz

Yeah this kindof thing is tough. Was in a similar situation myself a good few months back. Thought She was the one, together a long time. A few years went by, we were spending all our time together. Smothered one another.

Anyhow to cut a long story short she moved a few miles away for a new job, met new friends and she began to realize it was comin to and end. It ended badly, cruel in a way. I took it fairly badly, really bad in fact. We both said and did things we shouldn’t have especially me; then we apologized and tried to be friends but it didn’t work. We don’t talk now. Its her birthday today , was thinking about us and all the good times we had today, and if I’m to be honest I do still care about her…but that’s it.

I know she has def moved on, and I have in a way too. It is hard to move on and get over it. I took it really badly so it I know how shiitty a feeling it is, but just give it time. Time is a great healer…as stupid as it sounds it is. Just try and live life as best as ya can, dont cut people out of your life. You deserve better, no matter how great he was.