Am I being paranoid?

R-KEANE

johnsmith wrote:

You know what, I think you're right. I'm just gonna forget about it for the night. Hopefully she'll get on to me by tomorrow and if not then it'll be pretty obvious where I stand.

You wont forget about it. I guarantee that. It'll be all thats on your mind. What wil put an end to it is you being brave enough to end the relationship. If she wants to stay with you she'll do something about it. Thats a guarantee. Maybe not straight away but she will. If you want your mind to be at ease, text her, break it off and then beleive you are truly single. Noone else seems to agree with this but I'm so sure it will work. You have to be brave to be successful. You could be a door mat and let her decide the terms of the relationship. Do you like the sound of that? Let me just say that I'm not trying to wreck your life here. Just telling you how I would approach it.

py2006

johnsmith wrote:

I'm a bit confused at the moment, my girlfriend and me had a bit of a fight before last weekend. I didn't think it was a particularly big fight or anything just a little argument. Anyway she came over on monday evening after college to talk about it. I was a little bit pissed off over the whole thing but I decided that it wasn't a big deal so I was under the mindset of 'lets forget it'. She was thinking the opposite though, she totally went for me, I tried to explain things and she eventually calmed down. She said she wanted some time apart though, I said ok because as far as I'm concerned maybe it was a good idea.

So I got a text the next day asking if I was ok with the 'time apart' thing, I said 'yeah, I understand' and she said 'ok, I'll see you over the weekend or on monday'

So roll on Wednesday, and she tells me that she's gone to Limerick with a few friends (mostly guys). I don't really have trust issues with my girlfriend so that was ok with me. I texted her back saying 'have a good night' and all of that, she replied with something along the lines of 'Yeah, bye'. At this point, I was thinking what's going on, her tone had changed with me.

I sent her a text asking what her intentions were with this 'time apart' thing. I got no reply. I was tempted to call her because I was beginning to feel a little insecure about the situation but I concluded that I was being paranoid and that I'd respect her request for some time apart. So it's thursday afternoon, I gave her a ring about an hour ago and it rang a few times and then she hung up. So I rang her back and her phone is turned off. Which covers everything that's happened up to the present. So she's in Limerick and I have no way of contacting her.

This is all a bit uncharacteristic of her, perhaps I'm being paranoid about the whole thing, I don't know. I know that I'll probably find out what's going on pretty soon but I just want to know how this sounds to everybody else...

Women and their mind games! :rolleyes:

She is either trying to make you jealous or hurt you! If just after taking a break she fecks off to Limerick with a few blokes you know she is either trying to mess your mind up or intends being with one of the guys!

If I were you I wouldn't ring her or text her again for a while! Let her be the first to contact you! And be busy when she does contact you!

py2006

Pigman II wrote:

"When someone asks if you're a God, you say YES"!
Winston Zeddemore 1984

"When your gf asks if you're ok with the 'time apart' thing" you say NO."
- me 2006

I reckon you're sunk buddy

Ahaha, good one! Who ya gonna call?

py2006

R-KEANE wrote:

You dont want my advice because you dont want to beleive the worst. Its still the best approach because you get your pride back. If you lose her after giving her an ultimatum then she doesnt see any reason to stay with you anyway. If I was in yuor situation I'd have already sent a text message saying 'its clear whats going on, I'm not sticking around to be left in the dark like this, lets just call it a day.' You will get a reply. One way or another.

I'd have to agree with this! The last thing you want to be doing is sitting around the house waiting on her to contact you! Or at least give her the impression that thats what your doing!

It sounds like she wants a bit of fun in Limerick and will come back to you when she gets back!

If I was you I would DEFINITELY NOT ring/text her again! You have done that!

I bet she is enjoying the attention even though she isn't responding! She knows she is recking your head and it isn't bothering her!

If I was in your situation I wouldn't even meet up with her the day she gets back. Tell her your busy and you would talk to her in a few days! Give her a taste of her own medicine!

Nobody can say for sure if she is cheating or not but she definitely doesn't mind you thinking that!

If she is with somebody in Limerick and you find out she will give you the old "Its not cheating because we were on a break" story!

Think Ross and Rachael!

py2006

Fanny Cradock wrote:

you will shoot youself in the foot with an ultimatum. if your relationship is on the rocks, i could only see her reaction being an understandable knee jerk "well **** u".

i don't mean to be a dick, but what did you expect from her after you agreed twice to a break? she is not answering your calls because you are oon a break. however, now you assume she is cheating on you! but this may not be the case. if you feel she is worth it, give her time to sort things out.

you asked in the post if you where being paranoid. for what it's worth, i think you are. well you seem to be easily swayed by people who assume that she is sleeping around.

talk to her and try see what is happening. ultimatiums will only back her into a corner.

you need to figure out if you are both really committed to this relationship.

Jaysus, woman! Did you even read through this thread! He actually says he doesn't think she is cheating!

You also say he should talk to her?? Hasn't he been trying to do that??

AngryBadger

How long are you with this girl?

Unless you're going out eyars and you feel really into this relationship, i'd be annoyed at someone pulling this crap on me.

R-KEANE

AngryBadger wrote:

How long are you with this girl?

Unless you're going out eyars and you feel really into this relationship, i'd be annoyed at someone pulling this crap on me.

would you not feel guilty for pulling this crap on your boyfriend? Also, he clearly is into this relationship.

chump

AngryBadger wrote:

How long are you with this girl?

Unless you're going out eyars and you feel really into this relationship, i'd be annoyed at someone pulling this crap on me.

Maybe read the whole thread

OP, she knows that you're annoyed and that you're stewing, you laid that down for her in your text. So she has gotten what she wants (imo).
I suspect she'll contact you tonight/early morning.
If she doesn't, you should make your thoughts that you wish to dump her clear tomorrow.
If she does contact you, I can see a future for ye

bug

eh, what was the fight about that started it all if you dont mind me asking?

AngryBadger

R-KEANE wrote:

would you not feel guilty for pulling this crap on your boyfriend? Also, he clearly is into this relationship.

erm I was talking about the crap his grilfriend is pulling on him, just so we're clear I'm a heterosexual male.

chump wrote:

Maybe read the whole thread

Maybe post something a little more constructive in future, I'm offering an opinion.

Fanny Cradock

ok, here's another off topic response

py2006 wrote:

Jaysus, woman!

i'm not a woman.

py2006 wrote:

Did you even read through this thread! He actually says he doesn't think she is cheating!

the title of the thread is "am i being paranoid?". now what do you think he was talking about??? hummm...? YOU even suggested it yourself. To clear things up, at one point the OP said “I'm not going to be cheated on. If she has cheated on me then it's definitely over”. though possibly he has changed his mind and no longer believes this.

py2006 wrote:

You also say he should talk to her?? Hasn't he been trying to do that??

he may have been trying to talk to her, but last i heard, he hadn't succeeded.

unlike your comment that i'm responding to, i'm trying to offer some constructive advice. i've wasted too much time on this reply already. apologies OP for going off topic

mad m

When things like this happen the mind can make you believe any scenario thats either suggested or thought of.

But sometimes that gut feeling can be so right,*damn that gut feeling*.Be calm now John when talking to her as when you mull over different things in your head it can make you on edge and wound up waiting to be unleased and you may seem like a mad man ranting.

Few deep breaths if you see her number pop up on phone or meeting her.Be calm.

Goodluck.

Ickle Magoo

Ok, so you had an argument & you thought, lets forget about it & she asked for time apart & you consented that would be a good idea.....is that about the sum of it?

I don't think anyone who is serious about a relationship asks for time apart....if you want to make a relationship into a mature partnership then you have to work through these fights and any bad feeling the fights bring out in either of you. Your g/f either couldn't be bothered working it out, deliberately used the situation to give her guilt-free freedom to play around in Limerick or she was testing you with the "let's have a break" comment & is seriously annoyed that you took her at her word because she assumed you couldn't be bothered working it out, etc, etc......

I'd say switch off your phone, grab the lads & go have a good weekend....she is away from home and so time will pass much quicker for her than for you sitting at home, staring at your mobile.....only she can tell you which of the above options applied.....best of luck

R-KEANE

AngryBadger wrote:

erm I was talking about the crap his grilfriend is pulling on him, just so we're clear I'm a heterosexual male.



Maybe post something a little more constructive in future, I'm offering an opinion.

then i take it back. we're obviously on the same page

LundiMardi

Fanny Cradock wrote:

ok, here's another off topic response


i'm not a woman.

the title of the thread is "am i being paranoid?". now what do you think he was talking about??? hummm...? YOU even suggested it yourself. To clear things up, at one point the OP said “I'm not going to be cheated on. If she has cheated on me then it's definitely over”. though possibly he has changed his mind and no longer believes this.

he may have been trying to talk to her, but last i heard, he hadn't succeeded.

unlike your comment that i'm responding to, i'm trying to offer some constructive advice. i've wasted too much time on this reply already. apologies OP for going off topic

not very good advice when you don't bother your arse reading the whole thread.

IrishMinx

She asked for a break, you agreed.

You are on a break, well she is, she is doing what people on a break do, they do their own thing!

Not a break means constant contact, texting, phoning, calling round, on a break means that she has taken a step back from you as a couple.

You have not,you are contacting her constantly.

Personally speaking I think if she is away she could well have forgotten her charger and her phone is dead.

A year and a half means something to most people, they wont just discard their loved one without so much as a word.

Relax, enjoy the time apart yourself, catch up with your mates, go out, have fun but most of all when she does come back dont attack her with your paranoia just explain to her how you felt and why.

Just to reiterate, relax!

dudara

This thread needs to calm down and get back on topic.

I would advise people to read the whole thread rather than just jumping in.

To the OP, don't contact her for a while, you need the space just as much as she does.

justsomebloke

well OP anyword since last night or have you txted her again.

If you haven't i'd say good, at this point you should probably turn off your phone for the day and leave it. This will give you some proper time to think about what is going on as you seem to be getting quite wound up at the moment and jumping to all sorts of conclusion (mainly cause we have put them in your mind, so sorry about that), so this will give you time to calm down and think properly. Cause if you are wound up when you next get in contact her chances and you are going to end up saying something you regret and then there probably will be no chance of getting back with her

Dathai

The thing Ive found with breaks/space , whatever is that when you try the approach of,
"Yeah alright, gimme a text when you want to see me", is that you're letting her take full control, and like you're just letting her make the first move and then make further moves, ie: create stupid little rules to what you can and cant do, and restrict you(its what happened in my case you see).
And the other of "Oh babes, I love you(insert other loving shíte here) please dont, if you really need to please dont cheat on me, I love you more than anything, take as much time etc etc", is the fact that you're making yourself out to be waaaay too needy, and acting like you're fully dependant on her.Some will say it will give her some insight to how you actually feel( love her and stuff) but its just saying "Yo, Im here when you want to walk all over my face, go off with other fellas and it will hurt like a bitch.So I'm gonna be here waiting for you and being all paranoid".
Ive had a load of little situations like this, and its shíte,I know, but dont bother with her, if she comes back all high and mighty, tell her to STFU, you've been worried sick, why wouldnt she answer? Why did she turn off her phone TO HER BOYFRIEND!!.It could have been something really important!
Just listen to what she has to say, and then say what you have to say, if she's being a bítch to you and has cheated, get the hell out of that relationship.She means nothing to you other than a problem.

Good luck with everything anyways, let us know what the craic is anyways boss.

Grimlock

Ok, her attitude towards the OP changes, the smallest thing sets her off and causes an arguement. She asks for a break, then confirms it with him again.
Goes off on a trip with a load of blokes, when asked what her intentions were and got no reply.

Personaly I think the OP has reason to be parnoid. I guess the best thing to do is not to be all clingy, prolly too late for that and have a chat when she gets back. But I wouldn't hold my hopes out.

Good Luck.

johnsmith

Ok, it's all sorted now...

I sent her a message at about 7:30 last night saying that I was going out and I was a bit sick of all of this. She text me back saying that she had only just woken up and that she was asleep all day with her phone on silent. I was a bit sceptical at this stage because surely she would have seen my messages and my missed calls and called me back, but I agreed to meet up with her anyway.

She explained that she had no credit to text me back last night, I said that's fair enough but I'm more concerned about what was going on today. When I rang her and she "hung up on me", it turned out that her battery went dead while I was ringing. Aparently my number was coming up as private number which turned out to be true because I had just gotten a new phone. She then plugged her phone in to charge it, put it on silent and went to sleep... which explains her not answering the phone.

While I was talking to her, she got a phone call from her sister who was wondering why she couldn't contact her, so I guess it turned out that it was all just paranoia.

I explained to her that I wasn't happy with this "time apart" thing. She explained that it's just time to clear her head. To be honest I understand what she means when she says she needs a bit of space, I feel like that sometimes too. We agreed that we'd leave eachother alone for the weekend and then get back to things on Monday.

I feel like a bit of a fool for worrying so much but I don't think it did any harm to our relationship. We laughed a bit, hugged, kissed and made up. She just text me a minute ago saying that she can't wait until Monday, so I think we're both a bit wiser for the experience.

edit: I forgot to say thanks for all the replies, it was much appreciated even though it all turned out to be much ado about nothing.

Gordon

That's great news John!

ravenhead

johnsmith wrote:

Ok, it's all sorted now...

I sent her a message at about 7:30 last night saying that I was going out and I was a bit sick of all of this. She text me back saying that she had only just woken up and that she was asleep all day with her phone on silent. I was a bit sceptical at this stage because surely she would have seen my messages and my missed calls and called me back, but I agreed to meet up with her anyway.

She explained that she had no credit to text me back last night, I said that's fair enough but I'm more concerned about what was going on today. When I rang her and she "hung up on me", it turned out that her battery went dead while I was ringing. Aparently my number was coming up as private number which turned out to be true because I had just gotten a new phone. She then plugged her phone in to charge it, put it on silent and went to sleep... which explains her not answering the phone.

While I was talking to her, she got a phone call from her sister who was wondering why she couldn't contact her, so I guess it turned out that it was all just paranoia.

I explained to her that I wasn't happy with this "time apart" thing. She explained that it's just time to clear her head. To be honest I understand what she means when she says she needs a bit of space, I feel like that sometimes too. We agreed that we'd leave eachother alone for the weekend and then get back to things on Monday.

I feel like a bit of a fool for worrying so much but I don't think it did any harm to our relationship. We laughed a bit, hugged, kissed and made up. She just text me a minute ago saying that she can't wait until Monday, so I think we're both a bit wiser for the experience.

edit: I forgot to say thanks for all the replies, it was much appreciated even though it all turned out to be much ado about nothing.

I'm really glad to hear that ... hope everything works out

LundiMardi

johnsmith wrote:

Ok, it's all sorted now...

I sent her a message at about 7:30 last night saying that I was going out and I was a bit sick of all of this. She text me back saying that she had only just woken up and that she was asleep all day with her phone on silent. I was a bit sceptical at this stage because surely she would have seen my messages and my missed calls and called me back, but I agreed to meet up with her anyway.

She explained that she had no credit to text me back last night, I said that's fair enough but I'm more concerned about what was going on today. When I rang her and she "hung up on me", it turned out that her battery went dead while I was ringing. Aparently my number was coming up as private number which turned out to be true because I had just gotten a new phone. She then plugged her phone in to charge it, put it on silent and went to sleep... which explains her not answering the phone.

While I was talking to her, she got a phone call from her sister who was wondering why she couldn't contact her, so I guess it turned out that it was all just paranoia.

I explained to her that I wasn't happy with this "time apart" thing. She explained that it's just time to clear her head. To be honest I understand what she means when she says she needs a bit of space, I feel like that sometimes too. We agreed that we'd leave eachother alone for the weekend and then get back to things on Monday.

I feel like a bit of a fool for worrying so much but I don't think it did any harm to our relationship. We laughed a bit, hugged, kissed and made up. She just text me a minute ago saying that she can't wait until Monday, so I think we're both a bit wiser for the experience.

edit: I forgot to say thanks for all the replies, it was much appreciated even though it all turned out to be much ado about nothing.

told ya to tell her you were going out! heh;)

Can you imagine if you had of sent that ultimatium now?

Grimlock

Glad to hear things worked out.
Must change my cynical ways.

justsomebloke

LundiMardi wrote:

told ya to tell her you were going out! heh;)

Can you imagine if you had of sent that ultimatium now?

ye probably best not to bring any of this up at all with her;)

R-KEANE

I think the same result would have happened if he gave her the ultimatum. Not just defending my advice, I still beleive it. She clearly responded to his mini freak out. She would have responded to him straight away if he gave her the ultimatum. She would have used a friends phoen to call him.

Fanny Cradock

LundiMardi wrote:

not very good advice when you don't bother your arse reading the whole thread.

explain.

i did read the post, but if i'm confused i'll admit it.

LundiMardi

you read the post, did you read the thread? me thinks not.

Fanny Cradock

you're still not explaining. like i said to py2006, i was offering what i considered to be good advice. you on the other hand give me curt, smart-arsed retorts.

py2006

Hmmm, I dont buy the whole I was in bed ALL day and my phone was on silent! And my battery went dead when your rang!

It could all be true but sure I love a drama!

R-KEANE

py2006 wrote:

Hmmm, I dont buy the whole I was in bed ALL day and my phone was on silent! And my battery went dead when your rang!

It could all be true but sure I love a drama!

I have to admit thats what I wa thinking but I think it depends on how she said it. It may have sounded like she was making it up on the spot or that maybe she had time to think up these excuses. No matter what, he's happy to beleive it. Therefore, best to rule out all the other possibilities. Until the next time of course..... (ok that was cruel)

el tel

Glad you kids are sorted out.

Now you know how much you are able to take.
Just don't do it again
<slap on the wrist>

Chinafoot

Aye, good luck with it johnsmith.

The amount of cynical fellas on this forum is astounding....

johnsmith

R-KEANE wrote:

I have to admit thats what I wa thinking but I think it depends on how she said it. It may have sounded like she was making it up on the spot or that maybe she had time to think up these excuses. No matter what, he's happy to beleive it. Therefore, best to rule out all the other possibilities. Until the next time of course..... (ok that was cruel)

Her sister rang her while I was there asking why she wasn't answering the phone. I'm pretty sure that she's telling the thruth, it would be one elaborate set-up otherwise.

I saw her top-up recipt slip and it was dated about 15 minutes before she text me, so at least that part of the story is definetely true. I'm pretty confident that the rest of her story is true too.

Fanny Cradock

chalk it down to experience, johnsmith. sometimes we convince ourselves that our fantasies are reality!

forget about it!

move on

hope things work out for you two

chump

You should dump her anyway pal. What kind of relationship is it when the other party isn't contactable 24/7! She should be at your beck and call!

40YardScreamer

johnsmith wrote:

Her sister rang her while I was there asking why she wasn't answering the phone. I'm pretty sure that she's telling the thruth, it would be one elaborate set-up otherwise.

I saw her top-up recipt slip and it was dated about 15 minutes before she text me, so at least that part of the story is definetely true. I'm pretty confident that the rest of her story is true too.

Well checking her top up receipt says alot to me. I didnt think you were this obsessive. You have some issues. (sorry posting under new name)