Stupid comments by Americans!!!!

OutlawBlues

theres this town 'Oola' (after Úlla i imagine)

these americans pull up to a cousin of mine and ask for directions to zero zero LA...


wtf?!

1huge1

OutlawBlues wrote:

theres this town 'Oola' (after Úlla i imagine)

these americans pull up to a cousin of mine and ask for directions to zero zero LA...


wtf?!

yes i live near Oola, i live in a town called Hospital and you can only imagine the things we have been asked
this yank went up to one of my friends and he just said sorry i dont speak american
kinda lousy but still funny but he did help them after that

MarkR

Guy I know has a B&B, and his da took the utter piss when he had some american friends staying over. They're out in the country, and one morning the two americans come down to the kitchen, and the da is coming in from the back garden with his shotgun, cursing away.

"Those damn leprechauns have been at the cabbages again"

Wife (in on it) next day comes in with a yard brush saying she was out for ages sweeping away all the leprechauns, as they're always out on the lawn after a heavy rain.

Me myself (when I was living in the states - born there, guilty as charged), was asked "Do you have VCR's over there?" Sadly enough, the next question was "Ok, do you have TV's?":D

The OP

mayotom wrote:

I was in the US in September 2001 during the World trade Centre attack.

One girl commented " this will be the end of trade in the world bacause after all the World trade centre has been destroyed So lets blow up half the world.

So how much of that did she say? I can't see where your quote ends.

mayotom

The OP wrote:

So how much of that did she say? I can't see where your quote ends.

you might be better off in a grammer thread, not humor

mayotom

I was in a bar in Vermont, the owner was behind the bar and noticed our Irish accents. She was delighted to meet this was the conversation.

Her : I'am 100% Irish
Me : Where in Ireland were you born?
Her : Oh no I was born right here in Vermont
Me : Oh OK then where were your parents born?
Her : Grandparents?
Me : Vermont
Her : Great Grandparents
Me : Vermont

It turned out that all of her Great Great grandparents had moved to the US during the Famine.

but she was very proud of been 100% Irish

Simycol

Dumb things said to me by Irish people:

"New England is a state."

"So, New Jersey is in New York?"

"How do you go to school five hours away from New Jersey if you NY is right beside it?"

"America is 7 hours behind, not 5. It takes 7 hours to get there."

Not to mention the countless times I have been asked if I know xxx from Virginia/New York/Massachusetts.

But all were very proud of their ability to slag others to cover up their own stupidity.

Stabshauptmann

Those are geography issues. Big woop. Believing in fictional beings and thinking we're some backward 3rd world country when we've one of the highes GDP per capa in the world is a much worse type of stupidity

AngryBadger

"Where do you guys learn to speak such good english?"

To which I sarcastically responded, "....a leprechaun mate, he taught me after i saved his life....(realising he was totally buying this explanation)...it's how ALL irish people learn english"

Also,

"Ireland? That doesn't exist, that's like neverneverland"

:eek:

mayotom

Simycol wrote:

"America is 7 hours behind, not 5. It takes 7 hours to get there."

What do you mean?

When people talk about the east coast of the US been 5 hours behind they are talking about the time difference. not how long it takes to get there.
also it can take anything from 1.5 hours to several years to get there depending on your mode of transport.

JaysusMacfeck

I do love americans.

Me: Why do you celebrate Paddy's Day in the States?
Her: It's an American parade
Me: Uh OK, why do you fly my country's flag at it?
her: Umm, is it? I think it's just a coincidence.
Me: *sigh*

I like winding up the yanks:

Me: I can use my Euros in US so that's handy.
Her: No, we use dollar here!
Me: Euro Dollars? America is part of Europe you dumbass
Her: Is it? Maybe euro is the same then..

Pissed my pants at this one:

Yank: How's the war in Ireland right now?
Me: What war?
Yank: There's a war between England and you guys isn't there?
Me: PMSL

stev2604

All SO funny. The funniest thing dat happened to me i suppose was when i was talkin to a friend of a friend on msn :
Her:hey is being called a poser a good thing?
Me: no not at all
Her:its good?
Me:no its actually bad
Her:people keep calling me it and i dont know why!!!


I know its not that funny but its the best ive got

rugbug86

when i was in america a few years ago at a competition dealie, we were asked how we travelled from ireland. I said we walked across on the new bridge, 2 americans said "gee, that must have taken forever" and couldn't understand why i laughed.

same competition, i was really tired one day and generally in a bad mood. one guy asked me what was wrong so i decided to remove the urine to cheer myself up:
Me: in ireland when you're born you get given a leprechaun which stays with you your whole life

Boy: Wow, cool. why isn't he here with you

Me: Couldn't get a passport in time

Boy: Oh, so you're upset cos you miss him?

Me: No, cos he just died in a car accident

Boy: Oh gosh, i'm so sorry.

i walked off, thought nothing off it, until the next day when he arrived with a present to cheer me up.

When it came to going home we were getting a taxi to the airport. got into the taxi and the taximan asked where we were going. I said "ireland, through the tunnel please" and his respone "sorry, cant take the tunnel, i've a job at four" i then peed myself laughing.

Duffman

mysterious wrote:

I sense you are a complusive liar, judging by your way of typing an "obvious" joke of yours:rolleyes:

Its just made up, unless you have something convincing to tell us, afterall there is nearly 300 milllion Americans some will be incompatitated to retain a normal conversation. Surely you could have spoken to genuine girls

I'm sorry, eh what?

BlueSpiral

Last summer my aunt brought us to an Irish pub in Wisconson. Nice pub, irsh stuff all over the wall, even a picture of Micheal Collins. We open the menu, some of it was...
"Lepracaun salad"
"Blarney steak"
"Paddy's fries"
We laughed about that, the lovely wiatress finds out we are irish, so eventually, half way through our meal, the couple who owns this lovely irish pub comes over, congratting us on being the first irish people to ever be in this new pub( woo-pee!*cough*). Then the wife comes over and asked us a question.
"So is it winter over in Ireland at the moment?"

O.o She was being completely serious, the owner of an irish pub, and she thinks Ireland is beside Australia!

kaimera

Remembered this during the week;

Uncle was home for grandparents funerals back then and brought an artist with him to do the headstone art.

Walking along the road one day and he asks "What are those?" referring to the 'cats eyes' in the road.

Follow up question was "Are they diamonds?" Dead serious he was.

Brings a smile to my face the odd time I remember it.

cotwold

When asked for directions in Ireland ive heard the wierdest pronunciations.

Dun Log-hair instead of Dun laoghaire.
Ta-lag-tt instead of Tallaght.
I was ask where Croaghpatrick was and if it was near Crog-ch-patrick "cause that where all the signs directed".

Also when in the gaeltacht an american car stop by me while i was walking on the road. The window was rolled down and a middle aged couple were sitting in the front seat. The following conversation took place.

Lady; Hey you, can you tell me where the mall is.
Me; Cad?
Lady; The MALL(as if saying it loader ever helped)
Me; I dont think youll find a mall around here, sorry, where did you hear there was one?
Lady; There are signs every where for it (as she pointed at an orange sign on which was written "go mall")
Me; Whah(in complete surprise)

They just drove on following the signs:cool:

When i was in the US i was constantly ask where i was from, on account of my "funny accent"
When i replied i was from Ireland about 25% of the people didnt know where i was talking about. I got all kinds of responses like "orleans?" or "where the hell is that?" to which i responded "its in Europe". Oh and offcourse that led to the enevitable statement "your english is great"

I had met this girl in a hotel once and we got talking. She told me she'd love to go to Ireland one day, so i asked her what was stopping her and shed answered as follows.

"well my aunt was there a couple of years ago and she said she could understand almost everything we said but our american had a long way to come"

OMG WTF what is wrong the world that the vast majority of our "most powerful" nation are so uneducated.
ps i love all those leprechaun jokes, im so going to pull them on the next american i talk to.:cool:

mayotom

mayotom wrote:

What do you mean?

When people talk about the east coast of the US been 5 hours behind

Being.
BeING.
The goddamn word is BEING.
Why the hell don't people know the difference?! Speak properly!

Also, funny thread. I haven't come across too many who act stupid.
Or any at all, I suppose. Apart from hearing, often enough, that there's no such language as Irish or that it must be the same as English because they understand what I'm saying :rolleyes:

nachos

this one didn't happen to myself but to a friend. He works in a shop that sells irish music mostly and sells souvenirs and some other stuff.

One day this middle-aged American lady walks into the shop and chooses this tin whistle starter pack. On the front of it are different flags to designate what languages the booklet is in. She goes up to my mate at the counter and asks him "Do you have this in English?". He says yeah, pointing to the British flag indicating the booklet is also in English. She says "no, I don't want it in british-english, i want it in american-english". All he could do was slowly nod and say that she'd have no problem with deciphering it.

For feck's sake, what did she think they were speaking?!

Gurgle

nachos wrote:

She says "no, I don't want it in british-english, i want it in american-english".

I blame microsoft.

rugbug86

rugbug86 wrote:

when i was in america a few years ago at a competition dealie, we were asked how we travelled from ireland. I said we walked across on the new bridge, 2 americans said "gee, that must have taken forever" and couldn't understand why i laughed.

same competition, i was really tired one day and generally in a bad mood. one guy asked me what was wrong so i decided to remove the urine to cheer myself up:
Me: in ireland when you're born you get given a leprechaun which stays with you your whole life

Boy: Wow, cool. why isn't he here with you

Me: Couldn't get a passport in time

Boy: Oh, so you're upset cos you miss him?

Me: No, cos he just died in a car accident

Boy: Oh gosh, i'm so sorry.

i walked off, thought nothing off it, until the next day when he arrived with a present to cheer me up.

When it came to going home we were getting a taxi to the airport. got into the taxi and the taximan asked where we were going. I said "ireland, through the tunnel please" and his respone "sorry, cant take the tunnel, i've a job at four" i then peed myself laughing.

Awhh... i thought it was awful funny, until you said he brought you the present. That's awful sweet. I actually Awwhhed out loud.

A friend of mine managed to convince a group of yanks that he was selling holy water that was blessed by the great blah blah blah and that it had magical properties. They were buying them for a tenner a bottle. It was just tap water

demanufactured

lol americans are so gullible

Marshy

In the words of George Bush,
"the great thing about America is that everyone should vote,"
and
"The future will be better tommorow"

Bear in mind that these are statements made by the leader of supposedly the most powerful country in the world!

daiixi

I used to work in a store and one day this middle aged American man came in and selected about AUD$300 worth of merchandise. He gave me his credit card to pay for the goods and when I went to check his signature I found the back of his card wasn't signed so I asked if he had any other ID (drivers licence/passport) so that I could check his signature but he didn't have any on him. I told him that I wouldn't be able to process the sale because I had no way of checking his signature. As you can guess he got annoyed and said that he'd had no problems anywhere else and I mentioned that it's a good idea to sign the back of a card as soon as you receive it. He replied that he wasn't going to do that because if his card got stolen, then the theif would have his signature and would be able to forge it.

Uhh so if I steal it and sign the back, I won't be able to forge it?

Khannie

Pal wrote:

In New York, I was complimented by a Yank
because I was very good at speaking English.

I was lost for words after that.

I got the same in San Diego.

"Wow, your English is excellent".

"Thanks".

edit: I know it's not in the spirit of the thread, but in my experience, the vast majority of Americans are well educated. A minority make a bad name for the rest.

Plug

I was walking down the street with a few friends when a big campervan pulled in, the window rolled down and this american chap popped his head out and said "yeah guys...could you give me directions to the local campsite we need somewere to crash tonight" were like yeah okey, to make a long storey short we sent them out to the halting site:D LOL
Wish I saw their faces, must of been priceless:eek:

kevmy

My cousin was in bar in new york and got loads of stupid stuff. The best was when a girl asked where she was from and my cousin answered ireland. The girl then asked if she lived on a farm and my cousin said she did to which the american replied " OMG it must have been horrible having to share your house with all those cows and stuff"

My cousin needless to say pissed herself laughing but the girl then thought she was crying because of her bad memories on "the farm".:D

Plug

demanufactured wrote:

lol americans are so gullible

True...true!

xXxnaoisexXx

Haha americans are gas!!

BrokenArrows

mayotom wrote:

I was in a bar in Vermont, the owner was behind the bar and noticed our Irish accents. She was delighted to meet this was the conversation.

Her : I'am 100% Irish
Me : Where in Ireland were you born?
Her : Oh no I was born right here in Vermont
Me : Oh OK then where were your parents born?
Her : Grandparents?
Me : Vermont
Her : Great Grandparents
Me : Vermont

It turned out that all of her Great Great grandparents had moved to the US during the Famine.

but she was very proud of been 100% Irish

The simple fact that anyone that starts a sentence with "I am [insert percentage]% irish" is not irish.

And anyone that says they are 100% irish without you asking is definatly not irish.

Your irish if you were born here otherwise you have irish relatives and thats it.