Meeting Biological Parents?

LegacyUser

Hi - Unregin for this,

I am adopted - have been brought up knowing this and wouldn't change my parents for the world.

Lately though my mates were giggling to each other about your da is bald etc it runs in the family. I know it sounds weird but being adopted I never know anything like that about bio parents. This made me think about looking for my biological parents (not for those questions lol but even to just see what they look like and talk about life etc)..

Does anyone have advice about how to find them?

I'm still in 2 minds about contacting them - just dunno what to expect. I won't flip or anything but just never know how I would react but even some sort of guidance on this would be great - thanx!

brown*eyed*girl

Whilst I wasn't adopted I only met my biological Dad around 2 years ago for the first time. Himself and my Mam split when I was 6 months old and he never bothered seeing me (paid maintenance but never wanted access). He married someone else and had two sons and a daughter. Anyways I was 28 when I met him and to be really honest I felt nothing. As far as I'm concerned it was the closure I needed but I was very curious before I met him. I had a very stupid picture in my head that we would have some sort of relationship and he'd make up for those missed years. He is the total opposite and even though he took my number he never called back. So you could say I was rejected for the second time by him. Luckily I have an amazing Mam and stepdad so I'm well able to handle it. Just be ready for the worse case scenario if you do go ahead with it and that way you won't be disappointed and hopefully you'll be pleasantly surprised. Best of luck no matter what you decide.

elliebn

My friend is adopted, about 8 years ago she was curious about where she came from, she contacted the irish adoption contact register. as far as i remember they log her details and if her biological mum or dad had also registered with them they would let her know. as luck would have it her biological mum had registered and following some contact back and forth like letters and phone calls and also some consultation with a social worker (i think) they finally met up. they seem to get on well enough and my friend has 3 half sisters and a brother.

Moonbeam

Hi,

There are alot of people out there in the same situation as you.
www.adoptionireland.com is a really good resource for information and finding out how others went about it.
Did you add yourself to the official contact register?

Pm me for any info you want

kittenz

Hi,
I know how you feel as i myself am adopted, but agree whole heartedly that i wouldnt change my mam and dad for the world, i couldnt have asked for better parents.it is strange, i have never known i am not adopted but dont remember being told. a few years ago i thought about trying to contact my biological parents, but then decided against it(just didnt feel right for me at the time, perhaps in the future i may wish to again). All this came to,as my sibling who is adopted too, his biological mother came looking for him. When all this happened i felt alone, as if i had been rejected again,it was weird talking to my brother as he didnt want to upset me( seeing as how he was contacted).but i am so happy that my brother is in contact with his biological mam, and i think he is too. He was able to ask all the questions that he needed answered (which sometimes i want to do with mine). I did look into the stages about contacting biological parents and i think the best way to do it is contact the irish adoption register, they will be able to guide you on the right path to find yours. I wish you the best of luck in your search and i hope you find all the answers you are looking for.

Ickle Magoo

I am adopted & when my biological sis (we were adopted together) got pregnant about 5 or 6 yrs ago we decided we wanted to know a bit more about our parents & what led to us being adopted.....this was in the UK but I imagine the steps you have to follow would be similar.....we contacted the adoption register & located our adoption files....a read through these meant we decided not to go ahead & find any more out - but at least it gave us more information on which to base that decision......maybe see if you can do that?

All the very best & feel free to pm me of you want more info - I don't really want to go into any more detail on the thread....:)

The_Conductor

Hi-

I'm adopted too- and felt not dissimiliarly about trying to find my birthmum. I successfully managed to trace her a little over 2 years ago- meeting her for the first time in almost 30 years is something that I cannot describe.

You are right- you have no idea of what your biological family are like- their personalities, their traits, the way they look, mannerisms- the list goes on and on.

If you do decide to search, and that is a decision that is totally up to you, the biggest piece of advice I can offer you is regarding expectations. Do not expect anything. Have an open mind. Anything at all is possible. We hear all sorts of stories in the media of reunions going brilliantly or bizzarely- ignore any preconceptions and have an open mind.

Moonbeam has pointed you to the main adoptionireland website, there is a lot of information of use there.

There is also a Yahoogroup that you can subscribe to and ask questions and chat with other adopted people/birth parents/ others - the link is: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/adoption-ireland/
It is a private Yahoo group- you will have to fill out a request and have your membership cleared by one of the moderators- normally a formality.

Re: Finding your birthmum- there is a tracing guide on the Adoptionireland website which gives you a step by step guide to tracing (http://www.adoptionireland.com/services/traceguide_adopted.html) .
It details in a step-by-step manner how to proceed with finding your own birthcertificate and how to go from there.

There is also the official Adoption Contact Preference Register operated by the Adoption Authority- if you ring them on freephone 1800 309 300 they can send you out a form which will be put up on their system and if it matches info from your birthmum or other family members- they will be back in touch with you promptly.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to discuss anything.

Take care,

Shane

Adopted wrote:

Hi - Unregin for this,

I am adopted - have been brought up knowing this and wouldn't change my parents for the world.

Lately though my mates were giggling to each other about your da is bald etc it runs in the family. I know it sounds weird but being adopted I never know anything like that about bio parents. This made me think about looking for my biological parents (not for those questions lol but even to just see what they look like and talk about life etc)..

Does anyone have advice about how to find them?

I'm still in 2 minds about contacting them - just dunno what to expect. I won't flip or anything but just never know how I would react but even some sort of guidance on this would be great - thanx!

LegacyUser

I found out that my grandmother is a birth mother (excuse the terminology) after she died and a relative let it slip, my parent still does not believe that it happened but it does fill in a few gaps. I did try to find my aunt/uncle via the websites listed above but to no avail but I do not regret looking.

My partner and I were planning to have kids and they decided that they needed to know more about their biological parents (we both did). It had been on the backburner for several years but eventually they put the big effort in and found their mother. Speaking as someone supporting the person they love during this time I will say that it was not easy for them, I saw them go through a nervous break down as well as have an affair with someone who was helping them find their mum. It is a time when you are very delicate and very suseptible so I would advise that you get full help at this time as there are moments of joy and pain. They did find their mother but they have limited contact now but at least they have contact and some of the questions that they wanted to be answered have been.

My partner and I are stronger after they found their mum - it was always something in the back of their mind, it is as if part of the jigsaw is completed but even if you look and do not find them at least you can have some sort of closure.