A couple that made me chuckle..

kleefarr

A Scottish ventriloquist visiting Wales walks into a small village and
sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have
some fun, so he says to the Welshman "Can I talk to your dog?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid git"
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' alright"
Villager: (Look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (Pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes
me to the lake once a week to play"
Villager: (Look of disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either. I think"
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Villager: (Absolutely dumfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes
me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements"
Villager: (Total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Villager: (In a panic) "The sheep's a f*ckin liar!! "

---

The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they have requested an
audience, and as they are THE Seven Dwarfs, they are ushered in to see
the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.
" Dopey, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?

Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in
Rome?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment, and
answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around
and gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of
Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers,
"Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe." This time, all of the other
dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences
them with an angry glare.

Dopey turns back and says, "Your extreme holiness! Are there ANY dwarf
nuns anywhere in the world?" After consulting with his advisors, the
Pope responds, "I'm sorry my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in
the world."

The other dwarfs collapse in a heap, rolling, laughing and pounding the
floor - tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting:

"Dopey shagged a penguin!"
"Dopey shagged a penguin!"


Happy Paddys Day!!

gerTheGreat

bestiality twice? someone's has a hankering for animal farm fun;)

petes

Second one always makes me laugh!!

Kojak

First one was funny.

Liffeyman

Very good lol

Tobias Greeshman

First one was very good, heard second one before, but still raises a few chuckles all the same!

GLaDOS

Haha both brilliant!