Stupidly Asked Questions

amp

Hi and welcome to this SAQ. Say it with me now - SAQ!

As I'm sure other veterans of this forums (and the Admin forum before it, and the Quake Forum before that) know we regularly get the same threads over and over again. Here's a few of them:

1. ZOMG! BOARDS IS TEH DICTATORSHIP!
A. Yes. We know.

2. OMFG! BOARDS IS NOT IN COMPLAINCE WITH THE FIRST AMENDENENT AND MY FREEDOM OF SPPEACHeS!
A. Boards.ie is privately owned and therefore is not obliged to give you any freedoms.

3. ZOMFG! I HAVE TEH RIGHTS! LOTS OF RIGHTS! NO LEFTS!
A. No you don't. You are a guest here and have no rights whatsover.

4. OMFFG! I WUZ BANNED AND THEREFORE IT'S NOT ME ON TRIAL, IT'S THE WHOLE SYSTEM IS ON TRIAL!
A. No, it's you on trial. The system is a finally tuned machine that has evolved over many years.

5. SLIGO! I WAZ BAND AND NOW I AM BACK! TAKE THAT YOU NAUXZI'S!
A. Wow, you got through our intensive security and LOOK AT THAT YOU GOT BANNED AGAIN!

6. GREAT SCOTT! I AM WATCHING TEH AWARD WINNING BBC NEWS 24 BREAKFAST AND THER IS A MAN IN A JACCUZZI! WHAT IS BOARDZ.IE AND IT'S STAFF GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS!
A. Please understand that we don't care.

7. BARRY SCOTT! I WAS ON FOR SALE AND BOAT A SECOND HAND BANANANA AND WHEN I GOT IT IT WAS ALREADY EATEN AND THE MODERATOR LAOFFED AT ME AND TOLD ME..
A. Shut up.

8. SCOTT OF THE ANTARTIC! I AM AN INTERNET WARRIROR AND WILL DESTROY YOU ALL! THE END IS NIE!
A. Get in line. We've plenty already

9. SCOTTY BEAM ME UP! WHEN I ACCESS A PAIG IT TAKES .5 MORE NANASECONDS TO ACCESS WEN I DO IT IN LYNX FOR THE BBC ACORN AND IS CRAP.
A. Shut up.

10. BOARDS SUX! DOARDS SUX! BIARDS SUX!
A. Yet you keep coming back. Guess you're a liar.

11. SCOOTER IN DA HAUS! WHY WAS I BANNED EVEN THOUGH I NO Y I WAS BANNED!
A. ...

12. HEY AMP! Y DID YOU BAN ME FROM PERSONAL ISSYZ? I THINK IT IZ U THAT HAS THE PERSONAL ISSUZE WIT MEH!
A. Despite popular belief I am not an Admin or an Smod. Oh and shut up.

13. I HAV A GREAT IDEA FOR A FORUM WHICH IS GRATE AND AS SUCH I SHOULD MODERATORIT IT.
A. Wrong forum genius.

14. i R BACK AGAIN! HAHA! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD ST...
A. Yawn

15. RAGE! RAGE! RAGE! RAGE! ME! ME! ATENSHUN WHORE!
A. Yawn.

16. WHY IS DER NO FORUM 4 THE LATTER CHURCH OF ST LUKES OBSCURE BRANCH OF BAKERS? BOREDS IS OBVIOUSLY RACIST!
A. wibble

17. I HAVE A GREAT IDEA WHICH ACTUALLY IS A STUPID IDEA BUT I DON'T KNOW THAT COS I CAN'T BE ARSED TAKING 3 SECONDS TO SERACH 4 IT TO SEE ITZ BEEN ASKED BE4ORE AND I AM TOO IMPORTANT TO WASTE TIME ON THIESE THINGS AS I HAVE TO GOTO MY THEARPSIST BEFORE SCHOOL!
A. I'm reading Penny Arcade and humming to myself right now.

18. I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BEWTEEN CHILDISHNESS AND SATIURE? WHAT TO DO! WHAT TO DO!
A. mmmmmmm de mmmmmm be mmmmmmm lol

19. I AM RECIEVING HOSTILE AND NASTY ATTIDUEDES TO MY REQUEST FOR OPINIONS! I MENT TO ONLY ASK FOR TEH POSITIVE OPINIONS AND JUST BECAUZ I'MM ARROGANT AND LIKE TELLING STRANGERZ WHAT TO DO DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU DHOIULDN'T TAKE ME SERIUSLY! WA WA WA!
A. I'm going to bed now as I have to get drunk later.

20. IF THER IS A FORUM FOR MUSTARD THEN WHY ISNT' THER ONE FOR MY OBSCURE FETISH?
A. When you have the ability to create you're own forums then you can indulge in said fetishes at will. Also, you're still in the wrong forum.

21. WHY WHY WHY!?!!
A. BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE!

22. HOW DID THAT ANNOYING WEATHER PRESENTOR GET AN AWARDS? WHY IS SHE GIGGLING AT HORSES WHEN SHE SHOULD EXPECT THEM AT FUPPING CHELTANHAM? OMGF SHE IS STUPID!
A. Um what?

23. HI! I HAF A TROLL WHICH LESS EXPERIENCED PEIPLE CANNOT RESIST REPLYING TO TO SHOW OFFTHEIR IN DEPTH KNOOWLEDGE OF BOARDS! WAT IS BEST?
A. You'll get plenty of customers. Also people love the drama.

24. i HAVE A GRUDGE WITH A MODERATOR AND CANNOT RESOLVE IT VIA PM BNECAUSE THE FATE OF BOARDZ RELIES SOLEY ON ME GETTING THE MODERATOR DEMORDERATORISED OR IT WILL BE DOOOOOMED!
A. More like you're an attention whore.

25. I DEMAND TO CHANGE SOMETHING EVEN THOUGH 99.999999999999% OF PEEPLE USE IT EVERY DAY WITH NO PROBLEMZ! PLEAZ TAKE HOURZ TO CUSTOMIZED IT FOR ME EVEN THOUGH I DON'T PAY USE GUYZ NOTHING!
A. Shut up.

26. IN FIREFOX THE BANNER COVERS
A. The menu on the right. We know. It doesn't cover the search bar though so shut up.

27. I LIKE TO MOVE IT! MOVE IT! I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT!
A. MOVE IT!

28. SMELLYBASTARD WAS BANNED SO Y WASN'T MORONSHEEP BANNED?
A. Shutup Smellybastard.

29. JESUS IS LATE! DER FOR I AM GOING TO BE A MARYTRE AND LEAVE BOARDS FOREVAR OR UNTIL I GET A NU ACCCOUNT! YOU JUST LOST ANOTHER CUSTOMER BUDDY!
A. Oh no, we lost another moron. So sad.

And that's all we have time for today. Shut up.

P.s.

If you accuse Moderators/Smods/Admins of being the following then you are so boring and unoriginal that your brain should dry up and fall out your nose:

NAZIS
GAY NAZI'S
GAY ROBOT NAZI'S
GAY ROBOT CHILD NAZI'S
GAY ROBOT CHILD UNIONIST NAZI'S
GAY ROBOT JAPANESE CHILD UNIONIST COMMUNIST NAZI'S
GAY ROBOT JAPANESE CHILD UNIONIST COMMUNIST WEST BRIT JEWISH REPUBLICAN NAZI'S WITH AFRO'S AND KILTS THAT ONLY LOOK AFTER EACH OTHER IN SOME FORM OF MASONIC BROTHERHOOD AND ALSO SMELL.
ETC.

Beruthiel

stickyfied

johnnyrotten

Shut Up!

Beruthiel

jonny banned for being rude

signed: TEH DICTATORSHIP

Sparky

Brilliant.

GreeBo

Lame?

Nietzschean

Haha excellent.

GoneShootin

I love you, Amp. You make me laugh out loud.

delly

Man that must have took a while. Spell Czechs anyone? :rolleyes:

**Timbuk2**

amp you make me laugh freisin

well done

ARGINITE

AMP = funny

rsynnott

amp wrote:

NAZIS
GAY NAZI'S
GAY ROBOT NAZI'S
GAY ROBOT CHILD NAZI'S
GAY ROBOT CHILD UNIONIST NAZI'S
GAY ROBOT JAPANESE CHILD UNIONIST COMMUNIST NAZI'S
GAY ROBOT JAPANESE CHILD UNIONIST COMMUNIST WEST BRIT JEWISH REPUBLICAN NAZI'S WITH AFRO'S AND KILTS THAT ONLY LOOK AFTER EACH OTHER IN SOME FORM OF MASONIC BROTHERHOOD AND ALSO SMELL.
ETC.

Why do only straight NAZIs get correct grammar? Discrimination!

amp

rsynnott wrote:

Why do only straight NAZIs get correct grammar? Discrimination!

SHUT UP YOU BROTHER OF DAVID SON OF IBRAM!

TEH BIBLE HATES U!

Hobbes

My two favorite you left out.

"I dare you to try and ban me!"

and

"If you don't give into my demands then I am leaving this place for good"

amp

I think 29 covers that quite well.

Orion

make this an announcement boards-wide

Sparky

Macros42 wrote:

make this an announcement boards-wide

I agree.

Also AMP for Smod or Admin. Sure Cloud knows him well.

Boston

Sparky-s wrote:

Also AMP for Smod or Admin. Sure Cloud knows him well.

More chance of me becoming pope.

kittenkiller

amp wrote:

27. I LIKE TO MOVE IT! MOVE IT! I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT!
A. MOVE IT!

FINE then!
I WILL!
/turns semi-jamacian & grooves on down

KrankStricher

Yeah, I didn't find it funny, think Amp comes across quiet arrogant in the post, people or there questions shouldn't be put into boxes, nor is it fair to make fun of the new/week.

(FTL;"Amp give us a break")

KrankStricher

Yeah, I didn't find it funny, think Amp comes across quiet arrogant in the post, people or there questions shouldn't be put into boxes, nor is it fair to make fun of the new/week.

(FTL;"Amp give us a break")

CuLT

It's true, the week has never made fun of me, though it has frequently been tiring.

Down with amp!

Up with skirts!

amp

KrankStricher wrote:

Yeah, I didn't find it funny, think Amp comes across quiet arrogant in the post, people or there questions shouldn't be put into boxes, nor is it fair to make fun of the new/week.

(FTL;"Amp give us a break")

Yes my post might sound arrogant. I wrote it because I'm sick to the teeth of the same boring threads turning up over and over again over the years. I like to think that the post will be informative and yet entertaining... infotainment if you will...

Maybe the new and the weak will manage to avoid being put in boxes if they read it and I hope they do. But the actual truth is that only a very very small percentage of newbies will read it due to the fact that the vast majority of them don't read Feedback. They just post away in whatever corner of boards they caused them to sign up.

Lastly I'd like to apologise for you not finding it funny. I'd like to but I don't care. Shut up.

Tar.Aldarion

Blessed be the archangel.
Thought it was good.
SLIGO!

kyp_durron

SCOOTER IN DA HAUS!

WHERE IS THE BASS DRUM?

HAIL TO DA MAN IN DA ICE-CREAM VAN, WICKED.

IT'S NICE TO BE IMPORTENT BUT IT'S MORE IMPORTENT TO BE NICE!!

.........I'll get my coat.......

GreeBo

amp wrote:

Yes my post might sound arrogant.

Might?
Have you even read it yourself?

amp wrote:

I wrote it because I'm sick to the teeth of the same boring threads turning up over and over again over the years.

Yeah, its almost like there are these, like, new members, or something, and they, like, have the same, like, issues as other people have had in the, like, past....mad Ted.

amp wrote:

Lastly I'd like to apologise for you not finding it funny. I'd like to but I don't care. Shut up.

Ahh yes, the "Shut up" out, quality post indeed.
Now I see your point, it was the "shut up" that reinforced it nicely, whew for you, huh?:cool:

Hmm
Qosser?
Rosser?
Sosser?
Tos...a-ha!

Gordon

/considering Thunderdome shift

The Sweeper

It's funny. I'm not sure it has its place in feedback. Then again what do I care, I'm the cause of whingers citing "In the case of Majd v. Dutch Gold..." to support every one of the poxy arguments.

koneko

KrankStricher wrote:

(FTL;"Amp give us a break")

That's annoying. Pls stop.

amp

Gordon wrote:

/considering Thunderdome shift

Why not just lock it instead?

Boston

Because the tunderdome is where your attention whoring antics belong?