Am i right to be mad?

pepper

Ok basically Its a friends birthday on 22nd April- He has big plans for it- we will all go for a meal and drinking in the most expensive restaurant in town.

He didnt drop this plan on us till today- It would cost about 120 each not including the gift and the fact wed be buying him drinks all night.Now my hours have been cut in work latley and im lucky if i come out with 180 a week so i told him theres no way i could afford it- and he said "no prob" and was lovely about it.

Then this evening I got a text from my ex(whos his best mate) asking why i wasnt going- so i explained it all and he went CRAZY.. This was his exact message

"You selfish cow- you pay 500 a month in ur place which is NOTHING, the only bills you have is the esb and internet and telly- i pay 850 a month in my place and i have more bills than you and i can still afford to go out for his birthday- your just being selfish"

Now bear in mind this guy brings home 450 a week

Am i right to be mad at him for that rant because i think it was also a dig that" he makes more money than me"

I txt him back and ate him and told him to piss off and shove his money up his ass- and he text me back sayn" why u mad- ur the one being stingy"

Am i right to me mad?

kaimera

yes, ignorant friend really.

Fajitas!

Yup, he dosn't sound the most understanding at all.

Hugh Hefner

What an ass of a guy! Be angry all you like.

Smurfpiss

complete twat. called you a selfish cow. wow...way to go and entice you to come.

BeardyGit

I'm not usually one to suggest this sort of thing but if I were you I'd consider forwarding that text message to the birthday boy. That'll sort it. Who needs friends like that? Why would you bother having anything to do with someone who tries making you feel bad about yourself?

He's being a right brat from the look of things and deserves a little bitch slap.

Gil

Silverfish

I had a similar situation before.

I replied stating what I earned. Then I pointed out all my expenses, and the cost of each, and the remaining balance. Then I asked them where the hell they would like me to find the money from, and what I was to eat for the rest of the month.

That shut them up. Don't feel bad, and don't accept that behaviour from anyone. That's ridiculous.

Asok

Yep the guy is an ignorant twat.

simu

He's a muppet tbh. How you spend your money is up to you.

Esel

Ex is a twat. Birthday 'friend' is a prat.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Dunno about your friend the birthday boy, but the mate is being seriously selfish here. He's thinking about what HE wants and not what YOU want.

Advice? Take the birthday boy aside and tell him exactly hwo you feel and apologise for not being able to make it, and buy a decent gift. A card with a 'beer token' stuck to a fiver always helps (so you're with him in spirit!).

And cut all communication with selfish gobssite.

Added:
Just doing the maths here: 750 a month.... less 500 rent... less a good 175 for the party another 50 or so for the bills...? That's unfeasble!

pepper

Ikky Poo2 wrote:

Dunno about your friend the birthday boy, but the mate is being seriously selfish here. He's thinking about what HE wants and not what YOU want.

Advice? Take the birthday boy aside and tell him exactly hwo you feel and apologise for not being able to make it, and buy a decent gift. A card with a 'beer token' stuck to a fiver always helps (so you're with him in spirit!).

And cut all communication with selfish gobssite.

Added:
Just doing the maths here: 750 a month.... less 500 rent... less a good 175 for the party another 50 or so for the bills...? That's unfeasble!

Well i do have 700 in the bank-for emergencies ONLY- but i REFUSE to take some of it out for a party- besides with my hours being cut ill prob need that 700 soon

homah_7ft

You are so right to be mad with him Pepper. My blood would be boiling.

Nickibaby*

Your dead right to be mad at him ignorant or what. It's none of his bloody business how much you make or what you decide to spend it on, how rude.

Just count your blessings that he is an 'ex' you made a wise choice getting away from him

dudara

Yes you are. He's being short-sighted and petty. Simply explain to him that you earn roughly one third what he does.

Beruthiel

pepper wrote:

"You selfish cow- you pay 500 a month in ur place which is NOTHING, the only bills you have is the esb and internet and telly- i pay 850 a month in my place and i have more bills than you and i can still afford to go out for his birthday- your just being selfish"

:eek:
I cannot print what I'd say to anyone who said that to me

chump

He sounds like an awful JERK to me.
I'd say tell that JERK where to stick it.

& I wouldn't even attempt to explain myself or my reasonings to a reply like that - just tell him to shove it

Talliesin

Be more selective in your friends.

CathyMoran

I think that he is being totally unreasonable, he has no right to query your financial affairs in such a mocking way. I also feel that the birthday boy should have paid for your meal, but that is just me, when my best friend was a student doctor I insisted on paying for him when he went out for birthday dinners with us, he now will not let me pay for a thing now that he is qualified but that is another matter. The point is, swings and round-abouts.

I'd also suggest forwarding the message to the birthday boy, and maybe texting the idiot friend your income and expenses.

Get a nice pressie and card if you can and leave it at that.

Oh and yes, you're fine to be mad, the guy was being unreasonable. Sort it out though - don't dwell on it!

LundiMardi

Yeah he sounds like an asshole..

But regarding your friends birthday, ''i can't afford it'' is not really and excuse to go out with your friends.

Just because you go to a resturant doesn't mean you have to order the lobster, just because you go out on your friends birthday doesn't mean you have to buy him/her drinks all night, i'm sure he/she would rather you be there then have freebees thrown at him by you!

So the that excuse is kind of lame in all fairness.

justsomebloke

ye you friend is just being a w@nker, nobody has the right to say what you should be spending your money on. I am gathering the fact that they are an ex already means you aren't that pushed about them anymore.
That and the birthday boy sounds like a bit of a prat aswell if he decides to go somewhere quite expensive for his birthday without thinking of others and if they could afford it or not. So i wouldn't be to bother as both of them a bit like selfish pr1cks

ferdi

the guy is a bellend, ignore him.

justsomebloke

LundiMardi wrote:

But regarding your friends birthday, ''i can't afford it'' is not really and excuse to go out with your friends.

i disagree on this as most people now at things like this just split the bill so you don't just pay for what you have eaten and so you end up paying part for the person who did eat lobster and had 2 bottles of wine by themselves and you end up paying around 150% of the price of what you eat as you where trying to save money

BeardyGit

Okay then - Here's a suggestion for you.....

Tell them you'll skip the dinner and meet them for a drink afterwards.

Means you're there for your friends birthday without having to deal with other peoples extravagance over dinner.

Gil

Lindaloo

The birthday boy didn't have a problem, it's your ex who has the problem and when it boils down to it, it's more than likely just a chance to dig at you and is nothing to do with the night out. He sounds like a tit that's best avoided, once the person in question understands who gives a crap what this idiot thinks.

Agree with Gil, meet up with them for a drink afterwards and you still were there to celebrate or else call to him with a few drinks and sit in and have a night with him

As for your ex, don't stress about him anymore, it's obvious that he has a major chip (and a big nose, the cheek of him sticking it in!)

Lindaloo

LundiMardi wrote:

Yeah he sounds like an asshole..

But regarding your friends birthday, ''i can't afford it'' is not really and excuse to go out with your friends.

Just because you go to a resturant doesn't mean you have to order the lobster, just because you go out on your friends birthday doesn't mean you have to buy him/her drinks all night, i'm sure he/she would rather you be there then have freebees thrown at him by you!

So the that excuse is kind of lame in all fairness.

I don't think that's very fair, I've had occasions where I have not literally been able to afford it, I may have had the cash but it was an extravagance I could do without.

For my birthday if someone told me they didn't have the cash to come out or buy me a present, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest because I know how things can be.

In situations like this the bill is split as someone has said, you can ask to pay on your own but sometimes you are made feel really mean or else it's forgotten and split anyway. Plus when you go for a meal, you've to chip in for the b'day person's meal too (and lately, there's been occasions where the flipping partner gets paid for in my circle!)

I don't understand they buying him drinks all night part though

LundiMardi

jsb wrote:

i disagree on this as most people now at things like this just split the bill so you don't just pay for what you have eaten and so you end up paying part for the person who did eat lobster and had 2 bottles of wine by themselves and you end up paying around 150% of the price of what you eat as you where trying to save money

Well unless you enjoy being a doormat for people to walk all over you, you don't do the above, you pay for yourself instead, it's quite simple really.

LegacyUser

LundiMardi wrote:

Well unless you enjoy being a doormat for people to walk all over you, you don't do the above, you pay for yourself instead, it's quite simple really.

You dont still live at home by any chance do you?

pepper

Beruthiel wrote:

:eek:
I cannot print what I'd say to anyone who said that to me

print away i dont mind

Victor McDade

dont go near your savings for a party...thats crazy

pepper

savemejebas wrote:

dont go near your savings for a party...thats crazy

Are You trying to be smart?????

Why should i- that money is for emergencies ok

If your not trying to be smart- sorry- i wasnt sure

Just sick of people telling me how I should Spend my money

pyramuid man

I will just agree with the general consensus and say this fella is an awful twat. Not really a friend but a really ignorant individual who you have had the unfortunate luck to come across and someone who I would imagine considers you as some sort of friend. I feel sorry for you really.

Cake Fiend

Tell your friend that now you don't want to go because of his friend's nasty comments. Land him in the sh1t.

Enii

Meet them after the meal for drinks. I have a friend who is always arranging birthday celebrations that we all have to pay for, really bugs me, very selfish. If people are inviting you for their birthday meal they should pay for it themselves.

Rogueish

I wouldn't go out for the party at all. I wouldn't give you ex the satisfaction to be honest.

Depending on what the birthday boy is like I would have him over to dinner with a few 'select' friends for a birthday dinner in his honour at some stage. You'll cook and people usually bring a bottle or two with them when they are going out to dinner in someones house so that covers a large proportion of the drinks question.

This can be done with or without the purchase of a birthday gift depending on what you can afford.

I hope for your sake that your work situation improves - good luck.

Sangre

Well he is in school so....yes.

LundiMardi..when its a choice between going to a party and FOOD for the week then you'll have a different opinion.

The Sweeper

In terms of splitting the bill - unless you stay so sober you're happy to take the restaurant receipt and do the sums, you may find that it's very difficult to establish who's got to pay for what - especially if there's a large bunch of you.

The idea cited earlier - that you offer to be out for a drink later on but skip the meal - is a good one.

Oh - and as for your ex-boyfriend taking a pop at you about money - there are two important letters in that description. ex.

Victor McDade

pepper wrote:

Are You trying to be smart?????

Why should i- that money is for emergencies ok

If your not trying to be smart- sorry- i wasnt sure

Just sick of people telling me how I should Spend my money

wasnt trying to be smart at all. It just seemed like they were trying to pressure you into digging into your savings....no offence intended

daiixi

If the birthday boy understands that you can't make it to dinner then everyone else should understand as well.

As for going to dinner, buying a present and buying drinks, are you nuts?!?!?!?! My mates and I haven't done birthday presents (except for maybe chucking a fiver in each and buying something small) since we were in our mid teens.

Take your mate out for a birthday pint at some other time and to hell with anyone else.

oulu

I understand why he is your ex the asshole

Azureus

Enii wrote:

Meet them after the meal for drinks. I have a friend who is always arranging birthday celebrations that we all have to pay for, really bugs me, very selfish. If people are inviting you for their birthday meal they should pay for it themselves.

So what youre saying is that people shouldnt have a birthday meal with their friends unless they can afford to pay for everyone they invite?? Or did i pick that up wrong?...
I hope that i did.

The ex was definately wrong to put pressure on you like that, if you dont have the money to spend, thats understandable and he should accept that, regardless of whether hes in a different situation or not!
Birthday boy seemed to understand, the other guy is an idiot!

leeroybrown

Enii wrote:

Meet them after the meal for drinks. I have a friend who is always arranging birthday celebrations that we all have to pay for, really bugs me, very selfish. If people are inviting you for their birthday meal they should pay for it themselves.

Theres a definite middle ground. I've got some friends who always go out as a group for birthday meals with no major pressure on someone who is broke to turn up. It's also extremely selfish for someone to claim that a friend cannot go out for a birthday meal without forking out a few hundred quid just to save face for someone who doesn't feel comfortable not turning up. The same people would be indignant if a meal took place without them being invited.

le-dub

I can understand from your point of view, but why not ship the meal and meet up with them in the pub after for drinks. The end of the day its your mates birthday and he just wants to celebrate with friends.

I bet when your birthday comes around this will come back and byte you lol.

the Guru

Now bear in mind this guy brings home 450 a week

get back with him he's minted,;)

I would suggest heading out for beers after the meal, that way you save face, with your moany ex.

Sony

Just read through the thread

OP that sad little ex of yours really is exactly that...who does he think he is talking to you in that way?? he sounds so spineless and pathetic picking on you ...surely hes bitter cause you dumped him at some point?? thatd put my mind at ease a little to know that at least

Im sure your birthday friend wont mind at all once you explain it to him-i doesnt sound like something that a bloke would take to heart


by the way Im not being smart and this is off the point a bit but is 450 a week take home enough to be considered minted? I thought that'd be pretty much average

takola

Gil_Dub wrote:

I'm not usually one to suggest this sort of thing but if I were you I'd consider forwarding that text message to the birthday boy. That'll sort it. Who needs friends like that? Why would you bother having anything to do with someone who tries making you feel bad about yourself?

He's being a right brat from the look of things and deserves a little bitch slap.

Gil

My mind is screaming NO at this!!! Your ex is being a dickhead and it may have been inconsiderate for the birthday boy to not give more notice but i really think that if you go forwarding these messages to him it will just get turned into a bigger drama than it is already, with him showing someone else and everyone talking about it and then there'll be war!!!! And it sounds to me like you really dont need that sort of hassle!

tell your ex to stuff it! get your mate a pressie and arrange to meet him for a drink some other night!

Shellie13

Hes an ass!
Don't let moiney stop you having fun!
Pop out for a drink after the meal to save cash n handmake card or pick up cheap one!
Birthday boy would much rather your company for one drink than a pressie!