On A Break

LegacyUser

Hey, I'm posting unregged because all the people I know on boards already know about this but I still don't want this to come back and bite me. The reason I'm posting is to get some unbiased opinions [or at least relatively unbiased].

I have been going out with a girl for two months. A fortnight ago we had a fight, or rather a tiff. Over the following week, we worked it out and we seemed stronger than ever. Then last weekend, she came over to my sister's house for my niece's first birthday [she gets on very well with my family, as I do with hers]. I could tell she wanted to talk to me about something but when I asked her, she said later. I agreed and waited until we were alone, later on, to talk.

As soon as I asked her to talk to me, she broke into tears. She told me that she was feeling suffocated lately and that she wasn't used to it. I was being too clingy. When I thought about it, I could see her point, but I only acted that way because over our two months together, we seemed to be getting on brilliantly. She asked if we could go on a break for a while until we both had time to think. I agreed and that was the last time I talked to her since.

It seems like a normal problem but there are a few other issues. Firstly, I don't have a lot of experience with relationships so I knew that I would need to be careful. So every so often, I'd ask her if there was anything on her mind, basically to stop any small problems becoming big ones. However, she never said anything. She had told me after we had fixed our tiff that she would be meeting up with her ex-bf who is now her friend. I had no problem with this, however, that last night we talked, she told me that it was actually he who first asked her if we were ok. Now, that's ok because I assumed she seemed upset to him and he was concerned but apparently, she hadn't even thought about it before he asked her. According to her, she only started to think about this problem while she was talking to him.

Thanks to anyone who has actually read all this, I know it's a lot. But one last point about her ex: they went out for a year and were in love, according to her. He ended the relationship because he said he was no longer in love with her. He then went to Australia. They were both friends and he used to tell her stories of girls he had met and his sexual adventures. She was well over him but still good friends with him because 'he knew her better than she knew herself.' Then about a month before he came back, he asked her if she would like to get back together with him. She told him no because she was with me. Since then, he has texted her, asking her, in his own words, "so hows the boyfriend?"

If anyone has any opinions, please feel free... and thanks again.

LundiMardi

Forget about her, her needing a break after 2 months should be basis enough to know she doesn't really have feelings for you, or at least not as much feelings as you have for her.

kaimera

Friend of mine had something similar happen not too long ago either. She said they needed a break and they did aswell.

Didn't last between them.

Funny, ya don't hear of guys wanting to go on a break...

charlesanto

kaimera wrote:

:(Funny, ya don't hear of guys wanting to go on a break...

Women are like monkeys - they don't let go of one branch until they have a firm hold of the next

Zulu

Walk away.

kippy

Yeah, walk away.
Its tough but basing my opinion on what you have said, she still has feelings for the ex and wants to get back with him-without hurting you too much.
As someone mentioned two months is a very short time to be wanting a break after, no matter what the "valid" reason. I dont really agree with the whole concept of "breaks" in a relationship, no matter what the reasoning.
Kippy

ferdi

charlesanto wrote:

Women are like monkeys - they don't let go of one branch until they have a firm hold of the next

ooh thats a good one.

OP, i always thought 'going on a break' was something chicks request when they want to break up but dont have the bottle. sorry mate, move on, she probably has.

Tobias Greeshman

Sounds like the ex has gotten into her head and succeeded. I wouldn't be surprised if you find out in a few weeks that they're back together or find out they've slept together while you were apart.

Personally I'd ring her up now dump her now, she's asking for a break only 2 months into the relationship, can't imagine you getting a serious relationship from her, save yourself the trouble now and find someone who knows what they want.

DamoKen

A break is just another way of saying "I want to finish with you but need to wait until I've sorted my next relationship out. I can't do this while I'm still seeing you, but I like the security of knowing I have a fallback so hence I give you the idea there's still a chance so you wait". Walk away mate and don't look back.

hepcat

charlesanto wrote:

Women are like monkeys - they don't let go of one branch until they have a firm hold of the next

Thats ridiculous and just another "women are gold-diggers" comment.

Anyway, it does seem soon to be looking for a "break". Maybe this ex -even if she is not getting back with him - has a strong influence on her?? Maybe she does need a break to figure out her own feelings, but if she is going to be hanging around with the ex, it does not look good.

Sometimes people do say they need a break rather than hurting someone by saying they don't want to be with them at all....

justsomebloke

silas wrote:

Sounds like the ex has gotten into her head and succeeded. I wouldn't be surprised if you find out in a few weeks that they're back together or find out they've slept together while you were apart.

ye hate to say but i have to agree with silas on this. Your girlfriend probably still does have feeling for her ex even if she thought she was over it. So with him playing mind games to try and get her back i'm afraid it leaves you out in the cold. Best bet is to try and talk to her and she how she is feeling about the whole break thing rather then waiting and waiting and going nowhere

El_mariachi

:-( wrote:

Hey, I'm posting unregged because all the people I know on boards already know about this but I still don't want this to come back and bite me. The reason I'm posting is to get some unbiased opinions [or at least relatively unbiased].

I have been going out with a girl for two months. A fortnight ago we had a fight, or rather a tiff. Over the following week, we worked it out and we seemed stronger than ever. Then last weekend, she came over to my sister's house for my niece's first birthday [she gets on very well with my family, as I do with hers]. I could tell she wanted to talk to me about something but when I asked her, she said later. I agreed and waited until we were alone, later on, to talk.

As soon as I asked her to talk to me, she broke into tears. She told me that she was feeling suffocated lately and that she wasn't used to it. I was being too clingy. When I thought about it, I could see her point, but I only acted that way because over our two months together, we seemed to be getting on brilliantly. She asked if we could go on a break for a while until we both had time to think. I agreed and that was the last time I talked to her since.

It seems like a normal problem but there are a few other issues. Firstly, I don't have a lot of experience with relationships so I knew that I would need to be careful. So every so often, I'd ask her if there was anything on her mind, basically to stop any small problems becoming big ones. However, she never said anything. She had told me after we had fixed our tiff that she would be meeting up with her ex-bf who is now her friend. I had no problem with this, however, that last night we talked, she told me that it was actually he who first asked her if we were ok. Now, that's ok because I assumed she seemed upset to him and he was concerned but apparently, she hadn't even thought about it before he asked her. According to her, she only started to think about this problem while she was talking to him.

Thanks to anyone who has actually read all this, I know it's a lot. But one last point about her ex: they went out for a year and were in love, according to her. He ended the relationship because he said he was no longer in love with her. He then went to Australia. They were both friends and he used to tell her stories of girls he had met and his sexual adventures. She was well over him but still good friends with him because 'he knew her better than she knew herself.' Then about a month before he came back, he asked her if she would like to get back together with him. She told him no because she was with me. Since then, he has texted her, asking her, in his own words, "so hows the boyfriend?"

If anyone has any opinions, please feel free... and thanks again.

Dude same thing happened me, the ex boyfriend is the coz of all ur problems man, its all most the same, i was wit a girl a few months we got on like a house on fire, then her ex started txting her again, her friends rathered him coz they got on better, long story short she wanted a 'break' next thing she was all over her ex, so in summary for it the same for u, i'd move on now before you get too attached. i know this is harsh but i'm telling you she loves him, he want some fresh (to put it nicely) meat, he sounds like a player, wanted to notch up some more on his record then hit a dry spell and where could he turn but the ex who loves him and he could work.. i'm sorry my friend but he has it won,

py2006

hepcat wrote:

Thats ridiculous and just another "women are gold-diggers" comment.

Actually, I thought his statement was really well put apart from the generalisation!

Its surprising how many women that will stay with a guy they don't like until they have found their next partner and then dump the other guy!

I have had women tell me before that they do this because they don't want to be single or seen to be single or whatever.

And before you start hopping on the bandwagon, I am not saying ALL women do this or ALL women or bitches or ALL women or gold diggers!


To the OP, I would definitely end the relationship with this girl. She is clearly going to meet up with the ex-boyfriend while on this so called "break".

Do you want to be hanging around waiting on her to call you while she is off jumping this guy??

LegacyUser

My plan for the next while was to leave her sort out whatever she needs to sort out. However, if she didnt know what she was doing after two or three weeks then she'd never know and I'd end it there.

Tbh, I really like(d) her and would like if we could sort it out. But, in all honesty, I was messed around by a girl before. I promised myself I'd never feel like that again. But I realise now that if you don't risk it, you don't get anything...

Saintly

I took a completely different angle from your post! So you accept that you have been clingy right? You have been seeing this girl for just eight weeks, one of which was spent sorting out an argument - after which you 'were stronger than ever'. You ask her what's on her mind - to stop small problems becoming big ones - despite the fact that she told you nothing bothers her each time, and from all accounts, is a girl who is able to articulate herself.

It sounds as you fell for this girl, quickly - perhaps too quickly for her? She seems to have become a very important part of your life, in a short period of time. You thought about her a lot, you worried about your relationship and planned for potential pitfalls, because you're insecure about your lack of relationship experience. This can all be very suffocating and almost controlling for someone, particularly when she has only been dating you for two months. More to the point, you're still doing this over-thinking lark, trying to consider and understand and plan for every outcome or possible scenario to this relationship. I'm guessing you've talked about this to a lot of different people, in your life and now on the boards. What exactly are you looking for, opinions, advice, or just a new way of keeping this topic alive in your head and life? What does it matter who said what to who, when and how? What do your close friends tell you? I don't mean to sound harsh thinking about this is natural but not very helpful.

How about you take her for her word? She has been completely honest with you and hasn't hidden anything from you. She told you she feels suffocated, she told you that she has been thinking about your relationship after meeting with someone with whom she once shared a very close relationship. She told you she needs time and space. Give it to her. Think about the issues she raised. Whether she leaves you for her ex or someone else or just to be alone, the fact is, she'll be leaving because her relationship with you hasn't worked out. It seems as though she is being as honest with you as she can possibly be right now. Believe her, give her the space she asked for and try to get off that roundabout in your head. Thinking about this too much will drive you crazy. When you feel ready, get in touch and ask for her decision.

Good luck.

Saintly

Exon

The best way to get over a girl is get under another one. Never let a girl walk all over ya man

LegacyUser

Saintly wrote:

I took a completely different angle from your post! So you accept that you have been clingy right? You have been seeing this girl for just eight weeks, one of which was spent sorting out an argument - after which you 'were stronger than ever'. You ask her what's on her mind - to stop small problems becoming big ones - despite the fact that she told you nothing bothers her each time, and from all accounts, is a girl who is able to articulate herself.

It sounds as you fell for this girl, quickly - perhaps too quickly for her? She seems to have become a very important part of your life, in a short period of time. You thought about her a lot, you worried about your relationship and planned for potential pitfalls, because you're insecure about your lack of relationship experience. This can all be very suffocating and almost controlling for someone, particularly when she has only been dating you for two months. More to the point, you're still doing this over-thinking lark, trying to consider and understand and plan for every outcome or possible scenario to this relationship. I'm guessing you've talked about this to a lot of different people, in your life and now on the boards. What exactly are you looking for, opinions, advice, or just a new way of keeping this topic alive in your head and life? What does it matter who said what to who, when and how? What do your close friends tell you? I don't mean to sound harsh thinking about this is natural but not very helpful.

How about you take her for her word? She has been completely honest with you and hasn't hidden anything from you. She told you she feels suffocated, she told you that she has been thinking about your relationship after meeting with someone with whom she once shared a very close relationship. She told you she needs time and space. Give it to her. Think about the issues she raised. Whether she leaves you for her ex or someone else or just to be alone, the fact is, she'll be leaving because her relationship with you hasn't worked out. It seems as though she is being as honest with you as she can possibly be right now. Believe her, give her the space she asked for and try to get off that roundabout in your head. Thinking about this too much will drive you crazy. When you feel ready, get in touch and ask for her decision.

Good luck.

Saintly

Thanks for the reply. This is exactly what I needed to hear. No sarcasm intended.

oulu

If you like her tell her then say when you make up your mind you know where to get me but dont leave it to long as I have a life aswell,

Amazotheamazing

I'm not trying to be offensive but it's worrying how many guys on here seem to take relationships seriously from the very start. 2 months is literally no time in a relationship and already ye know each others families and she's feeling like she needs space, she probably does. 2 months is still well within the "I barely know you but I like you" time scale.

To the OP, relax, she's probably trying to get her head straight.