i got this problem

Gordon

Tri wrote:

Well sorry, others said far worse than I did. My level of 'civility' is as much as he deserves.

Then I'll direct that comment also at everyone else if it makes you happy.

Keep it civil please everybody.

I hope you come to the right conclusion Nemehotatse.

Nemehotatse

Tri wrote:

I hope you do leave your wife. You dont deserve her. And al least then she will be free to find someone who will truly love her. Oh and also consider her feelings, not just shut them out and choose not to think about them.

Even your attitude stinks. You matter of factly tell people off for voicing their opinions cos its not what you want to hear. Most are in fact right actually - what you are doing to your wife is disgusting. But you'd rather not think about that, you coward.

you'll actually find that i tell people off when they make intelligent posts like your own. i except everyones views and opinions. but statements like fix your shift key? which was one of the first posts, though constructive from a punctuational and gramatical point of view really isn't on topic now is it? neither is calling someone a coward for not discussing things with people. did it ever occure to you that maybe just maybe it's not cowardice but guilt? or maybe just maybe there's something in the back of my head that is telling me to hold on and maybe I can get through this without destroying someone elses life but my own?

Tri wrote:

And as for not seeking professional help because of your warped view of them capitalising on your misfortune. Ha ha, give me a break. You are just ensuring that you remain the emotional f*ck up that you are.

I hope you are left with no-one. You truly, truly deserve it!

emotional ****up up? why? because i choose not to trust people? well you must live in a world where noone gets screwed over or abused or taken for a ride. i have an ingrained distrust of people. it takes a lit to gain it and very little to loose it. I don't have to explain my feeelings to you but i will. I have been to these so called professionals and they donet help. not for this issue but for others. I have seen friends do teh same and come back worse than before with no answers and only more questions. one so bad that though life was bad before decided that it wasn't worth it any more and decided to kill herself. so pardon me for not having faith in these so called professionals that couldn't save one soul that needed it more than anyone.

so as i have said before to the other posters that have the same intelect as yourself and can do nothing but condem, do the world a favour and crawl back under which ever stone you came out from. you've expressed your opinion and worthless as it is i except your comments and take them onboard as a reminder of how small minded people can really be.

you have no idea of my life or my emotions yet you call me an emotional **** up. though my emotions are not under control they are not ****ed up. I have simply found myself in a hole that i am finding difficulyt getting out of. a lot of posters have condemned my actions. well guess what so have i. I've been called a coward and god knows what else, guess what it's nothing worse that i've called myself. all you know about me is that I have done somethiong that disgusts you. well did it ever occur to you that maybe your opinions disgusts others? but we hold back, why? because of the effects they may have on people. so like i said find your rock and crawl back under it.

@ Wolf and asiaprod and the others. Thanks for your views and opinions. i though you have said a lot of what was going on in my head its always good to hear it from someone else. for the rest of teh guys and geirls who have offered help and well wishes may what ever god that watches over you bless you and keep you safe. and for the resot of you like Tri well i wont loose too much sleep over you

@ fanny craddock, no it wont be a dirty weekend. far from it. my waife is away with her sister as i said and i plan on hitting the bbooks and the gym. my cell phone will be switched off as will my pc and teh house phoen unplugged. i won't be calling her no matter how hard it will be not to and i wont be going by her place just for a chat. I guess i'm at a fork in the road, do i take teh easy path or the difficuly one. time will tell i guess.

again thanks guys and girls, even you tri people like you always managed to reinforce my faith in man kind

tbh

Nemehotatse wrote:

you'll actually find that i tell people off when they make intelligent posts like your own. i except everyones views and opinions. but statements like fix your shift key? which was one of the first posts, though constructive from a punctuational and gramatical point of view really isn't on topic now is it? neither is calling someone a coward for not discussing things with people. did it ever occure to you that maybe just maybe it's not cowardice but guilt? or maybe just maybe there's something in the back of my head that is telling me to hold on and maybe I can get through this without destroying someone elses life but my own?

You're not the victim here. YOUR WIFE IS. Have you ever thought that you are destroying your wife's life by staying with her and treating her with as little respect as you have so far?

Wurly

Poor you, life is so hard isnt it.

Ill happily crawl back under my rock no problem. Seems its a much nicer place under my rock than it is under yours.

Fanny Cradock

most would find what nemehotatse got up to pretty shameful, but, in fairness to the guy, it seems like he is begining to realise the seriousness of the situation and the potential damage he has caused.

takola

I'm amazed at the amount of self righteous, judgemental people who have replied to this thread! :eek:
How can so many find it so easy to condemn someone without knowing them at all!!!!! :mad:
Tri in particular.. cowardice is a point of view!! And from here i see somebody hiding behind a big wall of rhetorical "holier than thou" bovine (male) fecal matter!!!!!
I find it hard to believe that in this day and age (roughly 2000 years after one man was nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to each other) that there are still people out there such as yourself who still adopt the draconian, "im stuck in the dark ages" attitude of our fore fathers! I'm really dont mean to bang on about it but you NEED to get out more!!!
Heaven forbid you should ever have to post your views of contraception! :rolleyes:

Nemehotatse, i wish you the best of luck, i really hope you find what it is that will make you happy! You're right not to make any hasty decisions! Take your time!
Again best of luck!

Nevyn

takola

I suggest you take the time to read the charter for this forum which as the rules for posting here.

tbh

Tri in particular.. cowardice is a point of view

yes it is. It's a point of view that is shared by lots of posters, me included. So whats your point?

I find it hard to believe that in this day and age (roughly 2000 years after one man was nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to each other) that there are still people out there such as yourself who still adopt the draconian, "im stuck in the dark ages" attitude of our fore fathers! I'm really dont mean to bang on about it but you NEED to get out more!!!
Heaven forbid you should ever have to post your views of contraception!

what are you talking about? What has Jesus got to do with anything?

The guy comes on complaining that the woman he wants to leave his wife for only wants to be friends. So he's not leaving his wife.

I reckon that makes him a coward. He's subjecting his wife to a life with a man who doesn't want to be with her, because he hasn't got the balls to tell her how he feels and risk getting thrown out on his arse. You think I'm stuck in the dark ages?

Wurly

thanks for your opinions on me Takola. Not that I care. Your giving out to me for having an opinion about the OP but yet you've just made clear your opinions of me? Hypocrite? I think you're the one who needs a hobby mate. ha ha

Nemehotatse

tbh wrote:

You're not the victim here. YOUR WIFE IS. Have you ever thought that you are destroying your wife's life by staying with her and treating her with as little respect as you have so far?

i never said i was the victim. yes i am well aware of the damage my actions will cause. that's why i'm trying to fix them. I've already said that I plan on taking some time out to be alone to sort out in my head and heart where i want to be. if by staying with my wife for a few weeks more til i sort things out is damaging then fine so be it. but what if i walked now and then figured it all out that i should have stayed with her? two lives ruined. where as if i stay put i can save our marraige without any hurt, resentment or distrust.

tbh wrote:

The guy comes on complaining that the woman he wants to leave his wife for only wants to be friends. So he's not leaving his wife.

i never complained that she just wanted to be friends. you'll find that i said she had a lot on in her life and wasn't ready for a relationship but if the timing was better then she would. and of course the fact that i wasn't married.

and i'm not being a coward for staying with my wife. i think the opposite actually. i may not face up to what i've done in some peoples eyes. but I do have to look in the mirror every day, i do have to live with myself every day and i do have to try sleep at night with the guilt inside me. so which is more cowardly? owning up and being thrown out whereby i can get on with my life alone or trying to fix what I've broken and trying to limit the hurt and damage i've caused. so that at lease one person can continue her life happy? in my view by keeping my mouth shut the only one that gets really hurt is me, because i have to live with what i've done. and when the time comes and my life is laid out before me i'll take what ever punishment i'm due and i wont whinge about it.

i've taken the advice of the people here who where kind enough to look past the thing i've done and to try help me. that advice was to forget about the other woman and try make my marraige work. and i am doing my best at that and it will take time.

should i tell my wife? some people will say yes others no. in my view no. but then of course i'd say that i'm the one that runs the risk of loosing everything and in doing so would destroy everything instead of salvaging it. but that is just my take on it.

as was said some people are quick to comdemn me, hell some of the loudest shouters have also offered me advice so i can't really say anything against them. but the the people like Tri and the guywho posted fix you shift key. i appreciate you condemnation but to be perfectly frank it's water off a ducks back. simply because that's all you can do, condemn so why bother wasting your time and others time posting? where as the others have also offered a little advice or insight as well as their feelings on the matter. for those of you that do think i'm the worst scum in the universe with the holier than thou attitude,well all i can say is it must be nice in that bubble you live in. you may not have done what i have but i'm sure that at some point in your life you have or will do something you are ashamed of. so maybe nexttime take a second before you condemn someone for their actions and try see their point of view.

I never came on here bragging about what i did, i came here looking for help. i've been called a coward and an emotional **** up. my views on therapy have been slated but even after that i can thank you all. especially those of you in that little whitewashed universe you live in because all you have managed to do is reinforce my view of people in general. for those of you that can see past what i have done and have offered help and advice you have managed to give me a little faith in humanity and its ability to forgive. i offer my thanks and prayers that none of you have to face what i have to, and may your god keep you and yours safe.

tbh

ok, this is my last reply. You say:


but what if i walked now and then figured it all out that i should have stayed with her? two lives ruined


My point is: one life ruined. Yours. (and not really ruined, in fairness). You wifes life won't be ruined, it'll be improved. At the moment, she is committed to her marraige because she thinks you are. But you are not. You wanted to leave her for some woman you don't really know, and who doesn't want to be with you. If I was your wife, and I found out what had been going on, it would shake my trust in people to the core. You've had your fun. It's like saying you stole a car, and were asked about it by the police. You decided to deny it because "why should you ruin your life?"

You've done the crime, but you can't face the crime. You're giving us all this bleating about how hard things are for you. You poor thing. As I see it, you have to face up to your actions which would mean

a: telling your wife what happened, and - if she wants to - working on your marriage, in an environment of honesty and openness to ensure neither of ye are in this position again. I don't think you are going to do this, not because it would 'ruin' your wife's life (it wouldn't - and if it did, only for a year or so, much better in the long run) but because you don't want to get thrown out and be on your own. So in my view, you are taking the easy way out there, but that's between you and whoever it is you are praying to.

b: Leave your job, so that you don't see the other woman again and can concentrate on your wife. I don't believe you'll do that either, based on your posts, I think you'll think it's too much hassle, and you don't really want to stop seeing this other woman, do you?

Actually, good point if I do say so myself. Whats your ideal outcome for this situation? Back with your wife, or off with the girlfriend? Be honest. If the former, leave your job and get a new one. If you can think of a single reason not to do that, you don't deserve your wife - she certainly doesn't deserve you.

I think you need to grow up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You've done a really ****ty thing, and you need to start putting things right instead of looking for excuses.

Wurly

OP, I would have actually given you some advice as everyone has done the wrong thing at some point.

The reason I didnt is because you came on here looking for advice, people gave their opinions. You listened to what you agreed with and decided to ignore what you didnt agree with.

You berated those who didnt take pity on you, those who said what you didnt want to hear.

Instead of being a man, you turned into a whinge when things didnt go your way. That's not the type of person I want to give advice to, im sorry. Especially when he seems more concerned about his life getting messed up as opposed to him being single handedly responsible for messing up someone else's.

I do not live in a bubble as you put it, I try to be the best person that I can. And if I mess up, I do everything I can to put it right. I dont sit around feeling sorry for myself. I take responsibility for my actions and try to look at how my actions affect others. And if that makes me self righteous, then so be it. At least I can sleep with a clear conscience at night.

The reason why I gave my opinion on how horrible you are being is because earlier you seemed completely oblivious to the damage you're causing. Only now are you showing some form of remorse. Before, you spent your time attacking people for their point of view.

This is a public forum and if you are going to ask advice from people on here, at least be open to all the opinions your actions generate.